You know what I've realized? I've got a terrible personality. I put myself before others... I'm narcissistic and just a plain out dick. While that might be true, I've got friends. It's not like I'm alone in the world. I love my friends with all my heart... but most of us know what it feels like to have this gap between you and your closest friends. That's what happening with me right now. Normally, I wouldn't express such personal things... but... I feel as though writing is my way of expressing my feelings to those who actually care and those who won't outright reject it. I know it's selfish of me to think that what happens to me is the most important thing in the world, and I know some people hate people who DO think like that. However, the truth is... I can't really help it. I've always been this way... and I HATE IT. We've all got something we hate about ourselves unless you're super narcissistic and think you're the most perfect person in the world. Nobody in this messed up, blood driven world is perfect. Not a single god damn person. I know that. I hope you all know that too. I'm not doing this for attention. I'm doing this because I need to vent, and I tend to let my feelings go when I write.

This has happened to people before. It's not like I'm the first one. No way in hell, am I the first one. Before you start thinking about how I seem to be doing this because I want the attention or because I want people to feel bad... let me ask you this. Do you not do the same? We, humans, CRAVE attention. No matter what kind of person you are. If you're that kid who always sits in the back of the class, who never raises their hands, who never talks... at some point... even YOU will crave that attention so many people get. Humans can't go on without attention. Yes, some people die without anyone really knowing who they are... but that's the thing. They die... because they tried to get people to notice, tried to get someones attention... and failed.

I know this isn't true for everyone. I'm not the all-knowing god that I like to say I am. No way. No matter what your personality is... no matter who your friends are... someone will eventually... lose... interest. Again, I'm NOT saying this is true for everyone, however... it is true for me. this person used to be one of my BEST friends. Or at least, that's what I thought. In the end, this person... stopped caring and was no longer who I thought them to be. they turned their back and said... that I annoyed them. I get that a lot from my older sister... and the ever so often insult that my friends joke about. But that's just it. They joke, she's my OLDER sister... this person was one of my best friends. What they said got to more than anything anyone else COULD HAVE SAID. That's what happens. You THINK that someone is always going to be there for you. You think that they will always be by your side, cheering you on as you go.

The sad truth of it all is... nobody is perfect... hence we lose people. I'm not saying that those who do that are the worst kind of people... I'm merely stating that because nobody is perfect... we have to expect SOMEONE to not be who you always thought they were. You can enjoy the moment you have with them now... and I encourage you to do so... however, no one knows if that person will forever be your friend. I implore you. Live and do what you can NOW. Don't wait three years while doing nothing... and then lose that person. Spend your with that friendship however you see fit. Then again, I DO NOT implore you to be a dick and make that time go faster. I don't expect anyone to actually... really care about this... I am merely expressing my emotions in the way that I SEE FIT. Some people may not like this. They might think that I'm doing this for attention or pity. I may be narcissistic, but I'm not that bad... as to make fun of the emotions SOME PEOPLE do feel, the emotions that some have experienced and will experience. If you are that kind of person... then in my OWN OPINION... YOU are the worst type of person. Then again... what I just said was my own opinion... don't take that seriously.

THAT is the sad truth of this messed up world we live in.