Dedicated to fallingflair

Christian Anthony's POV:

"The honorable court has found the accused Mr. Christian Anthony Gonzales guilty beyond reasonable doubt in the crime of homicide. The court hereby sentenced the accused to life imprisonment. So ordered."

Even before the judge's gravel has been banged...and before my sentence has been handled down, my fate has already sealed and I accepted it. The prison will be the perfect place where I could forever regret the horrible thing that I've done: because of my drunkenness, I have stupidly killed an innocent little girl!

Deep inside my heart, I feel the mixed feelings that her family may have holding right now: the sorrow of the mother who lost her daughter...the anger of the father who seeks revenge by taking my life for his child...and the depression of the siblings of losing their friend and playmate.

After the trial, the jail wardens guided me back into my prison cell...where it will be my new home for the rest of my life. Because of my crime, I lost my job as a policeman...and all the things that I have earned for the past seven years...my house was confiscated back by the Director-General, my car and all the furnitures and things that I've brought was mortgaged...and the money that I was saving for building a buisness...it was long gone for it was used to make a bail during the trial.

When I was a policeman, I have my friends with me, they promised me to accompany me through thick and thin. But...ever since I started to be imprisoned, I was left alone...even my fellow jailmates didn't bother to call and talk to me. I spent the entire day lying on the bed...staring blankly up above. Sometimes I stand up and walk around in circles. And every night, I cried and cried very hard. In a matter of months, my dreams have turned into dust. I didn't meant to do such a thing to an innocent little girl! And now, I have lost everything...everything that I've earned, everything that I've dreamed off...everything that I always wanted...gone! It's all gone!

Five years later...

Early in the morning, as I was still adjusting to my new prison life, a jail warden approached the bar gates of my prison cell and called me.

"Mr. Gonzales! Mr. Gonzales!"

"...hnnng...yaaaawn..." I was woke up by the call, then stretch my body before I stood up and respond to the call. "Yes, sir. What can I do for you?"

"Our penitentiary chief wanted to see you. Come."

The warden then opened the gates and brought me out. With a baton being put at my back, threatening to hit me if I do something stupid, the jail warden silently take me into a simple office...where a middle-aged man in uniform stands in front of his desk...

"Is this Mr. Gonzales?"

"Yes, sir."

Then the man, presumably the penitentiary chief that the jail warden is talking about, then get a piece of paper from his desk and gives it to me.

"Mr. Gonzales, because of your good behavior record during the past few years, I have put you last week into the candidates for Presidential Pardon. And earlier this morning, I have received the confirmation. Out of the 10 candidates that I placed to the President, you're the only one that was granted with such. Congratulations. You can pack your things and leave the cell after dawn."

I received the document, that contains the Presidential Pardon, from the penitentiary chief. I should be happy with this news...I will be finally be released from jail and be free again...but...all I can do is a faint smile...my release is futile...I would leave the prison with no house to go home to...no things to carry with me...and no job to work and earn for...I have nothing else to hold on...I lost my hope a long time ago...I don't care if people around me will call it as depression. I will forever regret the crime that I did to that innocent little girl. People around me will reject me...calling me as a criminal, killer...a demon. Fate would never forgive me for what I've done.

It was in the middle of the morning when I left the prison with no things at hand. With no home to go to, I might spend the rest of my life wondering around the streets...knock every door of every vehicle...begging for money and food to eat. Weird, isn't? From one of the respected police officer I was before...I was turned into suffering street beggar...who has lost hope...and ready to die at anytime.

But for now...I would pass by a church and start to rethink and reevaluate myself...

I sat in the front pew and looked up into the altar...I didn't noticed that the altar itself is quite old...for some random reason...I smiled. I like to see old things that haven't changed at all...despite the test of time. I really wish that I didn't change...I wish that I wasn't drunk on that fateful night...I wish that I didn't pulled that trigger which killed that innocent little girl.

"Umm...excuse me, sir?"

Suddenly, a call and a tap on my shoulder stopped me from thinking any further stuff...I turned around and saw a parish priest, smiling at me...

"You seems to be troubled, do you want to seek some help?"

"Yes, certainly." I smiled back at me while the priest sat down beside me...he then opened a small book of missal and gives it to me.

"Alright, let's start by the Sacrament of Reconciliation..."

The priest gave me the sign of the cross...in which I explicitly followed. It's been awhile since I pray to God...or even attend a mass. I didn't even know how mass works anymore.

"Forgive me, Father. For I have sinned." I read a passage from the missal to follow the sacrament.

"Tell me then, what troubles you." The priest confidently asked me. "Perhaps you have done something wrong that makes your heart heavy and hardened, isn't?"

"Yes, Father. I did." Then I take a deep breath and opens up. "Five years ago, I accidentally shot and killed a girl while I was drunk. Actually, I was just released from prison after five years. I was supposed to serve life imprisonment. And now, I have nothing left in hand with me...my home, my things, my job..."

Suddenly, tears fell from my eyes...all the feelings that I hide inside my heart opens up...the priest then taps my shoulder again and hugs me.

"It's alright...it's alright. I will never judge you...God will never judge you." The priest calmly told me. "You are blessed that you have been released from prison, perhaps God wants you to do something good in the future."

After being hugged by the priest, I quickly wiped my tears and smiled back at him.

"Oh...did you say you don't have nothing left?" I nodded at the priest's question. "Don't worry. After this sacrament, you can follow me. I'll help you start a new life."

"Yes, certainly. Thank you, Father."

The priest then absolves me...

"God, the Father of mercies, through the death and resurrection of his Son has reconciled the world to himself and sent the Holy Spirit among us for the forgiveness of sins; through the ministry of the Church may God give you pardon and peace, and I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father, and of the Son, + and of the Holy Spirit."

"Amen." I recite the sign of the cross and responded. We then stood up from the pews...

"Come, follow me."

The priest then leads the way further into the church...entering its convent...passing through several rooms before stopping in front of a closed door...where a picture of a nun hangs...with a inscription "St. Therese of Lisieux" written at the bottom of the picture.

"Brother, I would like to introduce you to somebody that can help you in starting a new life."

The priest then opened the door...and there I saw...a young lady lying in the bed, sleeping...and a tube attached to her neck and it is connected to a machine next to her.

"Brother, this is Imee Therese Villaflor."