I don't recall getting upstairs, the sound of Billy kicking the door shut, or the rush as he let me fall from his arms to the bed. I snapped back to life when he gazed down at me. We weren't friends. It was both terrorizing and tantalizing at the same moment. As he gazed down at me hungrily, there was no way of pretending.

"Sarah," I managed, as Billy leaned into me.

He stopped dead, hovering awkwardly a few inches over me. "What the fuck, Lil?"

"And Sam," I added.

His hands fell on either side of me, catching his weight as his head dropped so his forehead rested on my collarbone. "Fuck, fuck, fuck," he groaned as he warred with himself.

"We're supposed to be friends, break-up buddies." I let my hand rise to his hair as I spoke.

"You're killing me here. Weren't you the one that said break-up buddies meant casual sex?" He didn't look up at me, but I could hear the frustration in his voice.

"Weren't you the one who said you don't have casual sex?"

He flopped onto his back next to me. "I just can't catch a break with you."

"If Sarah were here, you wouldn't want me. We're just comfortable," I reminded.

"But Sarah isn't here because she dumped my ass. And not to pour salt in the wound, but Sam hasn't been ringing your doorbell."

My mind whirled on Billy's words. Sam hadn't reached out to me, but he asked my mother about me. I had thought that meant he was still an option, but he was only reaching out to my mom, never to me.

"Sam's been texting my mother," I murmured.

Billy rolled over and propped his head on his hand. "Has he now?" There was still energy rolling through him like thunder threatening on the horizon, but he was attempting to collect himself.

"Yeah, he's been asking her about my job search prep; he was helping me a lot, so he probably just wants to make sure his efforts weren't in vain."

"Oh, we both know that's not true." Billy's hand absently lifted to smooth my shirt.

"Do we? You stayed in touch with my dad," I reminded.

"Yeah, but I consider your dad a friend, and we never talk about you," he reminded me.

"Never?" There was a hint of hurt in my voice.

"Sorry, but no. There are many things to discuss with a man like your dad, and, like you don't care to speak about me to others, I don't care to speak about you to others."

I let out a sigh. "What do you talk about?"

"Music, history, books we've read." Billy's eyes slipped from the room as his mind whirled through his conversations with my dad. "He asks about some of the places I've been. He's interested in many things. I never know where the conversations will go."

"Mmhmm, that sounds like my dad."

"So, Sam is texting your mom about you?" He was distracted now, but it differed from when his thoughts were on conversations with my father.

"Yep, I thought it might mean there's a chance we'll get back together, but..."

Billy cut me off. "That's exactly what it means."

"I don't know," I shrugged.

"No, seriously, that's what it means. When you get home, reach out."

"Well, things are different between Sam and my mom." I met his eyes. "For one, she likes him," I teased. "Do you think I still have a chance?"

"Yeah." He rolled away and gazed at the ceiling again. "I should call Sarah."

"What happened there?"

"Oh, I don't know." A hand sunk into his hair. "She's just so comfortable with people approaching her, and I'm so..."

"Awkward, off-putting, unwelcoming?"

"Thank you, very mature," he shot at me.

"I try," satisfaction permeated my voice.

"I don't know. I'm not sure how I feel about someone comfortable with celebrity. And clearly, she's not sure how to feel about me," he admitted.

"I think she's great for you. You can't hide. It'll make people dig." The word dig made my tongue sour, and I had to shake it off.

"Really? This from shadow girl," he teased.

"Hey, like you always say, you made a choice. It seems like Sarah may help you with it."

He let out a sigh.

"Billy," I reluctantly began down a path I had been avoiding me. "Explain us to me."

His hand hung on his neck as he mulled over my question. "I love you, Lil. It's not like anything I've ever felt, and I don't expect to feel it for anyone else."

"Is it romantic?" I pressed.

As he prepared to catch his falling head, his elbows smashed into his thighs. His hands twisted deep into his nest of wiry hair.

"There are moments..." he began, but abruptly stopped. "I don't understand a lot. I understand music, but even the lyrics part."

"Mixed-up confusion," I offered.

"Man, it's a-killin' me," he finished, without lifting his down-turned face as his dimples appeared. "There are moments with you when..." He shook his head as he fought for the words. "I don't know. It feels like the universe was made for me. Everything is perfectly aligned."

"What moments?" I asked.

"Your laugh; the real one that hits really high and then fades out. Or when you lean into my side. It's like you're supposed to be there." I could see more rolling in his mind behind his eyes, but the words wouldn't form full thoughts. "It's our love; you know?"

"Yeah, I know."

Our love made sense. It was the only thing that made sense.

"Explain Sarah to me," I softly requested.

His hands dropped from his forehead and slacked between his legs. "She's something, that's for sure." He let out a laugh.

"Yeah," I smiled at the change in his demeanor.

"She's unreal. I mean, everyone knows she's beautiful, but that's not even it. She has this confidence that I crave. She could tell me I don't need to breathe, and I'd hold my breath until I was in the grave."

"Um, scary,"

"Very scary. It's like a spell. From deep inside me, I want her; it's a desire I've never felt. There's never enough. The way her lips move around words and her fingers flutter when she talks. Everything about her is..."

"Tailor-made for you?" I suggested.

"Is that possible?"

"I think it's likely. It would be incredibly unfair for you to be created with this talent and not have something or someone to make the life fit."

"Yeah, but she's otherworldly. I can string a couple of lines together and sell a few records, but she can glance over her shoulder and cause a three-car pile-up." His skepticism filled him as his gaze finally fell on me, hopeful for the answers.

"Why are you looking at me? You're the one doing the talking," I objected.

"I'm in love with her," He murmured to himself in disbelief.

"Yeah, you are," I agreed.

"It doesn't change us." He grasped my hand in urgency. "I'll always protect our love."

"I have never doubted that for a moment. We'll take care of us together and find our way, but we can't let this stop our lives. You have fallen in love and..."

"So have you," Billy finished.

"Yeah, I have," I admitted.

"Okay, get out." Billy shooed me.

"What?" Panic rose in me, but he didn't sound mad.

"I got to call a girl, and I don't need you mocking me in the background."

I smiled to myself. "Bet this isn't where you thought you were headed fifteen minutes ago," I laughed.

"I learned long ago never to commit to a plan when you're around, Lil."

I pulled myself up and headed towards the door.

"Maybe you should call the boy," he called after me.

"I'm scared," I admitted.

"Don't be scared. He's still into you," Billy groaned.

"No, it just..."

Billy's head cocked to the side. "Lil, I know I've sucked at the friends thing."

"I don't want to lose you."

"You won't," he assured. "We'll protect our love."