'Whenever I look at my reflection nowadays,
I see you growning in me'
______________

Manzar’s POV

Something was changed.

Apart from my feelings and disappearance of my curtains, something more was changed—I was struggling to figure out though.

When I got some free time, isolated from others, sitting on the bed and staring at my reflection in the mirror never felt so different

I was looking at myself with a different poem written in my eyes, the words and rhyme matching someone else’s voice, the melody was too intensified.

I don’t know what was it, I was adamant to stare a little longer, maybe just maybe after I would find my still unasked answers.

The shine of my eyes was radiating my happiness, the clumsiness of my body was reflecting my giddiness and the smile on my lips was showing my reasons.

I was enjoying this game now.

The game of me thinking and feeling all giddy all together.

I don’t know what we were and I was too unsteady to find out.

I wanted to ask him still the other part of me was shy to make a move, the other side was sure – whatever this was in between us, is what I need to cherish instead of asking.

Thinking I wasn’t getting anything in return just by staring I rested my gaze to my bag, sighing, I picked it up and pulled my change out.
The dinner was about to start.
.
.
.

The moment I walked out, I was never so conscious of myself.

He was sitting there wearing his turtle neck dark blue coloured sweater with black jeans, rocking the outfit like he always does.

I was suddenly aware of the pair of clothes I was in. I was wearing my washed denims and a cream blouse, to keep me warm I had a dark blue sweater on, which clumsily reach the tips of my fingers.

I found it cute earlier.

They were talking,
“I thought you must be eaten by a tiger by now, but look here you are.”
Vansh commented looking at Rudra, his tone all whining.

Ofcourse he was joking, he should be.

Everybody laughed, even Rudra, the way his eyes glistened hearing his friends’ lame remark, he knew it was intended for a laugh.

“You cannot get rid of me, Vansh, not anytime soon. I was sent to be your guardian angel.”

Rudra replied laughing and chugging on his beer.

Vansh, pouted resting his head on Urvi’s shoulder and replied pointing his beer at his friend,
“I think my guardian angel is drunk.”

Earning another round of laughter, smiling I shook my head— some things never change.

“And here comes mine.”
Urvi pointed at me

And I never dreaded too much attention before.

Ignoring every eye smiling at my best friend I made my way to the group. I was aware of the pair of brown looking at me, like I am the most beautiful thing on this planet, yet I was unsure of the beauty existence.

When I stood a fair distance apart from the crew, Ruhani called out.

“the food is ready.”

I turned to look at her, who was still serving dishes to every plate and calling each one of us to eat.

The woman I needed to apologize whole heartedly,
“I will help you,”
I called and the rest went silent.

May be they understood the demand of the situation or the request in my voice, no one followed me to the area where Ruhani and a few team mates were cooking.

The rest got settled across the dining and a few around the bonfire.

“Here, keep it on the table.”
Ruhani gave me a smile and a bowl full of I suppose mix-veg.

Keeping it on the table and passing my smile to a few people I made my way back to her, biting my lip still debating how to start.

When I came back she was peeling a cucumber
“Let me help you with that.”
She smiled and I picked up the un-cut cucumber to slice it down

She has a plate set, filled with lettuce, cucumber and slightly fried cottage cheese for salad,

“Ruhani, I have something to say”

“You don’t have to”

“No I need to.” I insisted

“No you don’t trust me, I was out of line that day.”

“And I was out of myself the same day. I am sorry.” I held her hands

She smiled even wide looking at our joined hands, I continued,
“You were just being an elder sister and a true friend like you always have been, I was wrong.”

“I am sorry too, Manzar, it was never my place to say all those hurtful words to you…”

“Oh shut it, if it wasn’t for you, do you really think your brother was ever going to get a chance, just look at him”
I said pointing at the boy sitting across the bonfire waiting for his plate,

“He is too slow and steady for his own good.”

She laughed looking at him,
“Just look at his food anticipating face, and he call himself a saint. I bet he must have sensed the smell of his favourite dish by now.”

She continued smiling and turned to look at me, the look I earned I knew I was long forgiven.

She cupped my cheek with her left hand and said,
“He was right, you worth it.”

And then she left me alone and dumb-founded.

Never been good with compliments!

Nada.

Blinking like a dozen of times, I made my way to the others but a slight movement from the open area caught my attention, my head whipped in the direction and I saw a face looking at me in anticipation.

I wanted to smile.

He scooted and made space for me beside him, I bit back a smile and wanted to wash my hot face.

He pretended like he didn’t asked anything from me, he wasn’t asking for anything big and I knew by the blank look he was holding he was sure I would oblige.

I turned and picked up my plate, started filling it with food.
When I turned to the corner and saw him glancing at me, his bridge of patience was known there.
I filled my plate with the last dish and was about to step out to sit beside him,

“You are going out? In open?”
Urvi’s voice called from behind

I turned to look at her,
“Yes”

“Don’t you think it’s cold outside?”
she asked, knowing me, the old me would say yes to her and  run back inside but the new  me would never let down the man waiting outside.

I shrugged,
“there’s fire.”

She eyed me then the fire, then me then the fire and then her eyes rested on Rudra.

She offered me a knowing smile,
“I will join you.”

Bitch!

She held my hand and dragged me out with her, we sat across him and he hid his eyes from us.

The vacant space beside him was calling, screaming my name and my wobbly feet wanted to obey to the voice but the body betrayed and joined my friend.

I could still feel my toes twitching.

Rudra looked at me and the anxiety in my eyes said it all.
.

.

I was used to sleeping on my stomach, hiding myself like no one is sleeping on the bed—flat empty, but that night sleep couldn’t reach me, my mind was lost.

I tossed and turned like a hundred times but no help.

Sighing I got up and tried to look out of the window, no one was there not a single soul.

Wearing the sweater from before and wrapping myself with a shawl I walked out.

I stood near the fire for a beat, smiling to myself for no reason.

The lit fire was raging like my feelings, it was the silence before the storm and I knew I will cause a hurricane.

I inhaled a deep breath while exhaling I saw the mist marking it.

I was a goner I knew when my feet like having mind of their own made their way to sit on the seat he was seated earlier.
Within a blink I was settled on the seat he made for me, when he scooted.

I imagined him beside me. And the set-up as if the wedding mandap

Involuntarily I bit my lips, to hide the creepy smile. Long forgotten the cold weather.

“You must be cold”
he said when he settled across me, to the other side of the flames.

I was shocked but maybe I was too occupied, I didn’t react.

I shook my head without meeting his eyes.

“All good?”

I nodded.

“Couldn’t sleep?”

I nodded.

“Me too” he said his voice rough and husky
I blushed glancing at him.

I wanted him close, closer beside me.
Just like he promised, just like I’ve always asked.

He rubbed his hands together, rubbing them warm but I couldn’t ignore the longing glances I was getting.

I tucked myself in.

I heard shuffling form his side, when I saw him walking away, something started to shatter.

Was it my heart?

But the moment I heard a long sigh beside me followed by a warm body, the shattering turned to melting and gave rise to a brand new hope.

Was it again my heart?

He scooted closer, and I inhaled- I wasn’t even controlling myself anymore.

Regardless the cold my palms were sweaty, his shoulder brushed mine and I lost it.

I shivered.

He noticed.

He held his hand in front looking at me sideways.

I did wanted to hold it but the traitor lips formed a smile, I kept my hand in his.
Within instant the hands were intertwined and sharing warmth.

He pulled them closer, near his chest, I turned to hide my blush.

“You look better this way, close to me.”
I was fiery by then.

Deciding there is no use to hide, I kept my head on his shoulder and face snuggled to his side. He acted within and wrapped me in his arm.

“Let me know if you are sleepy.”

I nodded.

I don’t think I would ever want to sleep.

Whatever we are now this moment, I was sure this would turn something forever.

My forever.

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I don't know while writing this chapter I had this weird smile on my face. I was giddy like Manzar.

Or maybe I was hormonal.
I hope you liked it.
With love,
Ankita