One Moment

Songs of the chapter:

1. Little Things by One Direction (how Niall feels)

2. Sound of Silence by Simon and Garfunkel

3. Stay by Rihanna ft. Mikky Ekko (also how Niall feels)

4. Moments by One Direction (this fits the chapter so well, I can't even explain it. Just read)

Warning: The first part in italics is slightly graphic with blood. If you dislike it, I suggest you skip the italicized part. It's summarized a bit later without the details, so you'll understand what happened.

SECOND WARNING: You might need tissues for this. It made me cry while writing.

I remember tossing and turning all night, my body feeling restless. I would wake up every once in a while, turn over again, and try to fall back asleep. That was until the nightmare returned.

"Tata?" I wandered through the underbrush. Surrounding me were trees hundreds of meters tall, thick bushes and huge leaves sticking off of every tree. Vines reached out, trying get more sunlight in an open area. I pushed the leaves away, trying to find the path were my patter and I were birdwatching. "Tata, where are you?" I called out, hoping he would answer. I thought, he's probably fell asleep.

Michael was right behind me. "Rosie, are you sure this is whee you and Dad were?" he asked me, skeptical. I looked at him with pleading eyes, "He hurt his leg! I left marks on the trees here, see?" I pointed to the huge evergreen on my left, where there was my initials carved into it. He nodded, looking down at his feet, then said, "Let's get moving then. It's almost sundown, so if we don't find him in an hour we're going back to camp. Who knows, maybe he made it back." But it sounded like a blank statement. With no hope. We've been looking for three hours already, and it felt like my legs were jelly. 

We entered a clearing and that's when I saw the path of red leading into a cave at edge of the other side. I kneeled down to see what it was, so I touched it with my fingertip. "What are you doing?" Michael asked me. I looked down at my shaking hand to see it covered in blood. I held up my hand to Michael and he didn't see it. Why did he not see it? My hand was red, the liquid dripping back onto the grass. He thought I was going crazy. Maybe I am.

That's when I saw an arm laying on the ground a few meters away. And the rest of my father's body on a rock, his face barely recognizable. Michael still wasn't seeing what I saw.

That's when I let out a blood curling scream.

"Rose, wake up!" Someone was shaking me and I sat up, screaming, covered in sweat. I looked around, searching for my father. "Where is he?" I panted, barely being able to breath. My eyes were wide with fear and I met Niall's gaze.

"Calm down, Rose, you're going to be okay," he tried to comfort me, his hands rubbing my arms, but my mind was racing. I rambled, "How did Michael not see him? He was there, he was bleeding to death, why didn't Michael see him?" My breathing was still hitched. I tried to speak but I couldn't. It only now occurred to me that I never told Niall about the PTSD, and what side effects came with it - a type of anaphylactic shock caused by extreme panic.

The door burst open, and Liam and Louis were both in the doorway. "What's going on? Niall what did you do?" Liam asked him frantically.

I started wheezing not being able to breath. I reached for my chest, trying to free my neck from whatever invisible was grasping it. Niall was freaking out by now. "Call an ambulance!" he shakily told the boys, and by now the girls were in the doorway as well.

I felt my eyes starting the close in, the darkness settling in, and I could faintly hear Niall's voice, "Stay with me, Rose, you're going to be okay. Rose? Rose!" It sounded like he was getting farther and farther away from me. Then it all went black, and all noise drowned out - but this silence was too loud. But the last thing I felt was Niall's lips on mine.

*******

"When will she wake up?" the familiar Irish voice asked somebody. God, he sounded broken - his voice was scratchy as if he was crying. Another voice I recognized as Harry said, "The doctor says he doesn't know. But what he does know is that this wasn't the first time it's happened."

I heard Niall let out a sob. He doesn't even know me well, yet he is probably sitting in this room, next to where I lay, crying because I won't wake up.

Harry is right. It happened before, it was the night of my father's funeral, and we thought it was from that. I never thought that it would come back to haunt me. My whole dream, what happened the day Tata disappeared, doctors all blamed what I saw to be hallucinations. That my mind was trying to find a reason for what happened, and at the time this seemed most logical. And I believe it. But no amount of therapy ever got those images out of my head, and when I stopped thinking about it, I thought it would never return. But here I am, laying in a hospital bed again, and I can't wake myself up.

I wish for my hands to move, for my eyes to open, but it just doesn't work. Last time it did. I was fine. I woke up and went home and all was well. I can even feel the tubes going up my nose, delivering air to my lungs. 

I can feel everything, I can hear everything, but I can't do anything.

But why is this happening now? Now, when I finally have my life in order, this brings me down. Of all things, my past. I finally have a boyfriend whom I love more than my own life, I have a job that I could have only wished for years ago. 

I want to cry. I want to be weak. I want to show that I can hear what's happening. I want to be strong. But I can't be when I'm laying here helplessly. I want to scream for help, to let me out of my brain, because I am trapped. I feel like Mia in If I Stay. Ironic how that's one of my favourite books.

That's when my heart rate started going up. That's it. I need to get my heart rate monitor to start freaking out so that they know something is going on. Sure, it's a horrible way to get attention, but they need to know what is happening. If I can't speak, then my heart will. I start to think about how I won't get out, and I feel the blood pumping through my veins faster and faster until the beeping noise is blaring. 

I can hear Niall stop sobbing, and his feet hit the ground running for help. Internally, I'm thanking him. Harry soon follows, and I can hear more footsteps approaching.

A new voice says, "Her heart rate is increasing, and her brain activity is going off the charts."

'What's happening to her?" a frantic Niall asks.

"Sir, stay calm, please, she's going to be okay," probably a different nurse says. I can hear him grab onto my hand, but it is soon ripped away from me. I trying to scream for him, anything for him. 

"No, let me hold her hand, please," he's begging the doctor through sobs. Someone must be holding him back, probably Harry. It's breaking me on this inside to hear him like this.

Why did I have to dream of that? Why did it have to happen? How long am I going to be like this?

"Her heart rate is going down," someone said, and I felt an injection on my right arm. "That should keep it down." What? No! I have to tell them that I can hear this! But my mouth won't move.

I start to feel my head pounding, as if someone is trying to get in. I want whoever it is to get in, to let me out, but I can't open the door, I'm locked in from the outside, yet nobody from the outside can get in.

I get tired of this, my brain feels like it wants to shut down. How can I be tired if I'm not even awake?

*******

I felt someone touch my hand, waking me up. Well, if you can call it that. My brain was awake. I wanted to jerk up, and move, or even just squeeze the hand that touched mine.

"Rose," I heard Niall whisper. Then louder, he said, "Liam, can you leave me alone with her for a minute?" I heard Liam say, "Of course," and shuffle out. Niall spoke again, softly, "Oh, I am fortune's fool." A tear landed on my hand. Of course he would quote Shakespeare.

Niall sniffles, and begins, "I don't know if you can hear me, Rose. I know you loved that book about a girl who was in a coma and could hear everything going on around her. I just hope that you can hear me now." I want to tell him yes, I do hear you. "Please, stay with me. I don't know what happened, what did I do?" He starts crying again. "Rose... I love you. I finally found my princess, yet this happens. But know that no matter what happens, I love you more than earth. I'm going to play you one of your favourite songs by us." I heard his trembling fingers slip on the guitar's strings, and he sang.

"Shut the door, turn the light off

I wanna be with you, I wanna feel your love

I wanna lay beside you

I cannot hide this, even though I try

Heart beats harder

Time escapes me

Trembling hands, touch skin

It makes this harder

And the tears stream down my face

If we could only have this life

For one more day

If we could only turn back time

You know I'll be

Your life, your voice, your reason to be

My love, my heart

Is breathing for this

Moment

In time

I'll find the words to say

Before you leave me today

Close the door, throw the key

Don't wanna be reminded

Don't wanna be seen, don't wanna be without you

My judgment's clouded, like tonight's sky

Hands are silent

Voice is numb, try to scream out my lungs

It makes this harder

And the tears stream down my face

If we could only have this life

For one more day

If we could only turn back time

You know I'll be

Your life, your voice, your reason to be

My love, my heart

Is breathing for this

Moment

In time

I'll find the words to say

Before you leave me today

Flashing lights in my mind

Going back to the time

Playing games in the street, kicking balls with my feet

There's a numb in my toes, standing close to the edge

There's a pile of my clothes at the end of your bed

As I feel myself fall, make a joke of it all

You know I'll be

Your life, your voice, your reason to be

My love, my heart

Is breathing for this

Moment

In time

I'll find the words to say

Before you leave me today

You know I'll be

Your life, your voice, your reason to be

My love, my heart

Is breathing for this

Moment

In time

I'll find the words to say

Before you leave me today."

I want to cry, I just need to give him a sign. I push all of my will power to let a single tear slip out of the corner of my eye.

And yet it didn't work. No, Niall, we are both fortune's fools.

He starts sobbing again, and says in between breaths, "Why? Why you? You have never hurt a soul, all you do is give everything you have to others. Stay, please." 

I want to stay, Niall. For you, most of all, for my mum, my brother, my grandparents, the boys. I want to tell you, I want to run into your arms and I want you to hold me tight and never let me go. But I can't tell you that I want to stay. I can't even let a tear out. The only thing i could do was get the heart rate monitor up, but the stupid lady gave me an injection so I can't. 

Niall interrupted my internal rant by saying, "Nobody knows yet except us and your family. Your brother's girlfriend is actually giving birth right now. He's completely broken. Their son was born eight weeks premature. Lucy didn't even know she was pregnant," his voice breaks. "He doesn't know if the baby will survive. The worst time and the best time.

"Your Mum is there because Michael needs her. Lucy is in rough shape but she's going to be fine. They're all hoping and praying that you will wake up." He pauses. "But you will, won't you? Rose, please give me a sign that you can hear me, that you are alive in that clever brain of yours."

Niall, I want to tell him, I love you, and I wish I could give you a sign but I can't. I physically am not able to. That was, until, a tear slid down my cheek and I could taste the saltiness seeping into my mouth from my lips. "Rose?" Niall asks, a glimmer of hope in his voice. He touches my ice-cold face where the tear line was.

The patter of his shoes signaled that he went to get someone. I heard him outside, "No, she cried. Please believe me, look for yourself." He led someone into the room, and I hoped it was the doctor.

I felt movement around me and breathing on my face. He lifted my eyelid and I looked into his face. I glanced over at Niall, who looked disheveled.

But then he let go after blinding me with a light. No, let me see him, let me see the world! "She's probably conscious in her mind," the doctor told Niall calmly. I tried to peel my eyes open, but yet again, I couldn't.

"What do you mean by that?" Niall asked, anger evident by the tone of his voice. The doctor, still calm, said, "She can probably hear you. I saw her eye twitch, meaning that her body is going from comatose into shock, where she would be able to wake up, essentially. We've had cases like this before. Since we can presume she can even hear this conversation, she will probably come out of comatose in an hour or two, but we don't know anything for sure."

I can wake up? I can finally be let out of this prison inside of my own head?

He continued, "She might or might not remember what she heard or possibly felt while in comatose. But based on her physically condition before, she should be waking up soon enough."

"Really?" Niall asked,  sounding skeptical. The doctor must have nodded or something because there was no answer.

"Now, I must go see the other patients. If anything, I mean anything out of ordinary occurs, let a nurse or me know, and we will be here right away," and he parted.

I heard Niall come back and felt the bed deepen where he had sat down. My defibrillator kept on buzzing, pushing air downwards into my lungs.

I'M SORRY DON'T MURDER ME

Just so you know, this story is going to play with your emotions like crazy. In the words of Weiss Schnee, "I hate this game of emotions we play!"

Yes, Weiss, I hate it too. Yes, I know I created this, but don't worry too much. You never know what's in store in the future.

And what was your reaction to Niall telling Rose that he loves her?

I'll update again tomorrow as promised. 

All the love (and some extra because I might have damaged your feels),

Juliet XXXXX