Horses and Anger Issues

I got up groggily at six and dressed - today I'd be wearing my old jeans and a floral shirt with a sleeveless jean jacket, and I put some sunglasses in my front pocket (picture). I was lazy, so I decided to do a messy braid for my hair, and then pulled on my riding boots. Going into the other room, I saw Niall still sleeping. I crept over to his bed and sat on the edge, softly shaking his shoulder. "Niall, get up now if you want to go horse riding." He grunted in response and burrowed further into his blanket and asked, "What time is it?" in a very low voice.

"It's 6:15 and I'm meeting with Papi at 6:30 in the stables," I told him, now grabbing his arm and trying to literally drag him out of bed. "Fine," he groaned, getting up. I smirked, "You said you wanted to last night, so you brought it upon yourself." I then realized how bad that sentence sounded. "Oh, shit that came out wro-"

"You have such a dirty mind," Niall said. "I kinda like it."

*******

I grabbed one of the brushes and combed through Apache's mane. Niall was struggling with getting Desdemona to cooperate. I wasn't surprised - he happened to chose the laziest horse in the barn. I laughed when Niall backed away, scared, when she stomped one of her legs. "Niall, she can smell your fear," I said eerily, trying to scare him even more. He got out of her stall and came over to me. "How about we work together? It'll go faster as a team," he offered. I nodded and rolled my eyes, "Fine, I know you're just scared Desdemona will bite you though." He scoffed, "Me, scared?" He laughed loudly, "I laugh in the face of danger!"

"Okay then, Mister Hero, then clean out Apache's horseshoes," I motioned to Apache's feet. Niall paled. I broke out laughing. "Niall, let me show you one then you do the rest."

I went over to Apache's front left leg and tapped his shin and clicked my tongue. He lifted his leg slowly and I caught his ankle in my palm. "So put your hand where mine is now," I told Niall, and he stood behind me, his hand on top of mine. "Now grab the scraper," I said, and he did that too. I guided him through it and at the end asked, "See? It wasn't that hard, was it?" Niall gave me a small smile. "Yeah," he replied, and did the rest.

*******

I'd just given Niall the 'how to ride a horse 5 minute training session'. I was just hoping he wouldn't mess up, because Desdemona (the horse he was riding) can buck really high. "Don't kick her too hard," I added as we began going around the vineyard, and I put on my sunglasses. Papi went off on his own, so that left Niall and me. He got the hang of riding pretty quickly, which was good. Surprisingly though, Desdemona took to him pretty well.

"Is this horse named after someone from Othello?" Niall asked me, and I nodded.

"Yeah, as you can see, I really love Shakespeare," I said.

Now Niall nodded and replied, "It's good. It means you're a well-read person. I like Shakespeare too, and you probably figured out," he smirked. I rolled my eyes, but he probably didn't see it because of the sunglasses. Apache was starting to get restless, and I could tell he wanted to gallop. I twisted to look at Niall behind me and said, "I'm going to gallop with Apache for a bit. Just keep on going and I'll come back in a minute." Niall responded, "Okay," with his award winning smile.

I clicked my tongue and gave the physical command for gallop and Apache reared, then ran like the wind. I stood up in the saddle and let the wind blow in my face and hair. The rush of riding a galloping horse cannot be described - you have to feel it to know it. Apache slowed down after a bit and I directed him back to Niall and Desdemona.

We were riding side by side again when I said, "You're going to have a hell muscle aches by tonight, just so you know." He groaned, "But I play football, I'm used to it."

"No, horseback riding is much worse, trust me, I do both."

"I challenge you to a game of football with the boys one day."

"Game on, Horan."

We took the horses back to their stalls and I showed Niall how to wash off a horse, and when to back away and stuff. Unfortunately, I let him wash Desdemona, which I really shouldn't have. He was insisting though:

"Niall, no. She's very temperamental," I said.

"I can do it," he pressed. I sighed in defeat and put my hands up, "Fine, but if you get hurt, it's not my fault." He then turned the hose on and directed it at my face. I squealed because of the cold water.

"Oh no, you don't," I tried to run out of the stabled but he caught me from behind and picked me up, and I'll admit, I yelped a little."Put me down, Niall," I asked in a high voice. He had me by the waist a little off the ground. "What? You were just on a horse, you shouldn't be afraid of this," he mocked me. He put me down after me begging for another few minutes.

I was still soaking wet from head to toe, so I decided to get back at him. "Niall," I called to him from behind. "Yeah?" he asked. "Can I have a hug?" I asked innocently. I reached out for him and it was too late by the time he realized what I was doing. I was already in his arms and he sighed, "Great, thanks."

"You're welcome," I grinned and skipped away back towards the house.

*******

It was dark by six in the afternoon, and we were all inside. I was helping Mami with cooking dinner while Niall and Papi were in the living room watching an FC Barcelona versus the Decbrecen, Hungary team. I finished setting the dining room table and called them in right after the game ended.

"But did you see that killer goalie from Hungary? He was great!" Niall was telling Papi. Papi agreed and they kept on talking about it. I kind of stared at my food dauntingly. I played with it, as childish as it seems, and didn't eat any.

I helped Mami clean up, said goodnight to my grandparents, and then headed up to my room, not feeling well. My head felt sort of fuzzy and it was as if I was floating. Then I realized, aw fudgesicles. I'm on my period. Thanks, Mother Nature, exactly what I needed. I just took some pain killer, and sucked it up. Deciding to call it a lazy night, I grabbed a blanket and curled up in a ball on my bed. On my period I would always get really emotional so I went into 'hibernation and don't talk to people I could hurt' mode.

I heard a knock on my door and when it opened I was too lazy to turn around to see who it was. I felt a dip in the bed behind me since whoever came in sat down. "You didn't talk tonight at dinner," the voice which I identified as the Irish Lad said.

"No," was my one-word answer. Niall scooted around to see my face and sit in front of me. He had a bit of a worried look on his face, and he brushed my hair out of eyes, "What's wrong?" Okay, no way am I telling him what's wrong. I'd rather spare him the details.

"I'm fine, just a bit tired," I said softly, hissing a bit at the end when I felt a pang in my lower stomach. I curled into more of a fetus style. Niall put his hand on my lower back and said, "No, something really is wrong," and the sentence was laced with concern. I sighed and sat up, pulling my hair out of a braid and letting it cascade down my shoulders, then laid back down flat on my back. Niall went to the other side of the bed and laid down next to me, connecting our hands, our arms brushing because of the little space between us. "I'm fine," I tried to convince him, turning my head to look at him.

He looked back at me and said, "You didn't eat at dinner either." I had hoped he wouldn't notice. "Nope," was my simple reply. I didn't really feel like talking too much. Too much effort was involved with that. "So are you just going to reply with as little as possible?" I shrugged a bit. A bit of a scared look crossed his face, "What did I do?" His eyes piercing mine.

"Niall, you did nothing. I just don't feel too well."

"We're best friends, I should know what's wrong," he said quietly.

I felt my heart pang when he said "best friends". I felt like we had such a bigger connection than that, especially since yesterday. That's when I broke. I took my hand out of his and stood up at the end of the bed. I angrily started, "No, Niall, you don't get what's wrong with me. I'm a messed up person to begin with. Not to mention I have a horrible past that affects me in horrible ways. I'm scared to do anything that might make me lose friends. And you know what hurts more? Is that I don't even know what we are," I motioned to the space between him and me. I started pacing nervously, tears pricking my eyes. "We basically just confessed to each other that we really like one another, and what happens? Nothing. We continue do be who knows what. We kiss, we hold hands, but we are just friends. That's what hurts. And even worse, I don't know if it can go on. I put my heart on my sleeve, I pull the strings, only I know in the end someone will cut them, someone will rip it apart. And I don't want that to be you because what I feel for you can't be described," I was rambling by now, tears streaming down my face. I have anger issues.

I ran out onto the balcony, not even looking back to see how Niall had responded. I climbed up to the little ledge on the roof. Now I regretted everything I had said. I want to suck it all back in. But alas, I cannot. Life doesn't go back unless you have a Delorean or a TARDIS or a time-vortex manipulator or a time turner. I wrapped my arms around myself when I heard the door slide open. Niall appeared below me and I just covered my face in my hands. He said, "Please come down so we can talk about it." I think about and slowly slide off the ledge and I shuffle back inside and sat on my bed again. Niall sat down cross-legged across from me, and I drew my legs up to my chest and rested my head on my knees. "I'm sorry," I muttered. I repeated it again, "I'm so sorry, Niall."

"Hey, hey, it's okay," he said, trying to calm me. "We can work it out." He paused for a second. "We really need to go on a date sometime. Like an official date, not just one of our usual hangouts." I nodded. His face lit up. "We're going out tomorrow," he burst out with a grin on his face. I raised an eyebrow, my eyes still feeling a bit puffy. "I'm going to organize it and I will surprise you," he said proudly. That made me laugh and crack a smile. "See, that's the happy Rose I want to see," he said, coming closer to me, and wrapping his arms around me. Just at that, my door opened, and my grandmother peeked in. Oh no.

Sorry for posting a bit later than usual. So starting from now on , I'll probably only be posting once a week on Fridays, Saturdays, or Sundays. I'll do my best to try to do more but juggling school with sports and writing gets difficult.

Have a great week (unless you are starting school again from winter break like me *bursts into tears*)

All the love,

Juliet