Me: Hey! How were the books I gave you guys?

Lily: They were really good. It was fascinating, reading about Harry's life.

James: I've gotta say, my son has quite an opinion on Snape and Malfoy.

Sirius: Did you siriusly think I was a murderer?

Harry: Yeah, we did. Remember that time when Ron told you that you'd have to go through all of us to kill me?

Sirius: I do. It was very selfless of him.

Ron: *going red in the ears* It was said in the heat of the moment. It was very stupid of me really.

Hermione: Oh shut up Ronald. It was very brave of you.

Ron: Thanks...I guess.

Harry: To be honest, I didn't even read them. I know how it all happened.

Me; Yup. Only lucky individuals get to experience that.

Harry: I wouldn't say lucky-

Me: Believe me, Harry. Any other Muggle would kill to be in your place.

Harry: Blimey, Muggle fans must be mad.

Me: They are, to be honest. I think it's because you've helped change so many lives to the positive, me included.

Harry: I have?

Me: Yeah, why else would you be so famous that you'd have bloody movies made about you?

Sirius: Get used to it, Roxy. He's inherited the Potter thick headedness. Or, specifically, the James thick headedness.

James: I'm not thick, Sirius.

Lily: *scoffs* Like hell you aren't. I even had to have a talk with you about it, James.

Sirius: Exactly. He's thicker than porridge, isn't he Evans?

Lily: *nods passionately*

Sirius: I bet all he thinks about is "Evans, bacon, Evans, bacon." Throw in a little bit of Doctor Who in there and you've got the full package.

Me: Anyways....

Hermione: It was weird, reading about what goes on in your head, Harry.

Harry: Why?

Draco: Simple. She thinks you're incredibly dull-witted. One thing I actually agree on with the M-

Ron+James+Sirius: You dare say the word and you're a goner.

Me: *takes away their wands* Hey, hey! No duelling or threatening here! Not in my book!

Draco: Alright, I won't!

Ron+James+Sirius: *grunt in resignation*

Me: Phew. That was close. Please, continue with your remarks about the Harry Potter books.

Remus: I've got a question. Who wrote the books? All the copies you gave us had the author's name torn off.

Neville: I noticed. And her face was brutally scratched off by a sharp quill, too.

Me: We shall not speak of this woman. You see, I still haven't gotten over how she decided to kill off certain characters. So, bear with me as I continue to emotionally recover.

Sirius:...alrighty....

Lily: It was terrible when I read about how poor Bathilda'd been abused.

James: She was a very nice lady, though her book was rather boring.

Sirius: I second that.

Draco: I didn't like the way I was portrayed. Couldn't I have been cooler?

Me: Draco, this is based on reality, not fantasy.

Draco: *le pout*

Me: You know, many people want you to have a redemption arc. Like Snape.

James: Snivellus got a redemption whatwicky?

Me: *sigh*  Redemption arc, James. It's when a character is given the chance to redeem themselves in the eyes of the reader.

James: Why'd he get that?

Me: Because, James, he was working undercover for Dumbledore. Didn't you read the books?

James: *scarlet creeping up on his face* I-I might've made Lily read them out for me...*looks at others who have their eyebrows raised*...and I might've dozed off at certain parts...*cringes*

Lily: I noticed. He was wide awake when Harry was insulting Snape.

James: Now now, that's what any good son will do!

Harry: *blushes*

Me: Guys, no personal issues here...this is a reaction book....

Fred+George: Nope! Issues, issues, issues! Keep the issues coming!

George: Hey Fred, remember that time we set fire to the rain?

Fred: Yeah! Totally brought a whole new meaning of that song!

Me: How do you guys even know the bloody song? It was made sometime around 2012.

Fred: You'll never know what we're capable of.

Me: Hey, speaking of issues...you guys had the Marauder's Map, right?

Fred and George: *nods*

James+Sirius: You did?

George: Yeah, why do you ask?

Sirius: *looks at James*

James: *nod*

Sirius: *grin* We're the creators of this legend.

Fred and George: Are you f***ing serious?!?

Sirius: No, Moons was doing that.

Remus: *blushing like crazy* SIRIUS, SHUT UP! DON'T TALK ABOUT THAT!

Sirius: *backs away from the blood moon* Oi, it's true.

Remus: *blushes on* Still...

Fred and George: *looking from one Marauder to another* Wait- what- I- no- what?

Me: Take deep breaths and let your brains catch up.

Fred and George: *deep breaths*

Fred: You made the Map?

George: The Map, the greatest and most legendary magical item in the entire universe?

Sirius: *chortles* yes, that very Map.

James: It's our proudest creation.

Lily: Ahem.

James: Yes Evans?

Lily: *jerks her head towards Harry*

James: *sheepishly* Ohh....yeah, of course! Harry is, above all, the best thing that could happen to me! He's the apple of my eye, no, really, Evans!

Lily: *stops giving James The Look*

Me: As I was saying...-

George: Who drew all the corridors and stuff?

Remus: Sketched and erased to perfection by yours truly.

Sirius: Mine, you mean.

Remus: Huh?

Sirius: You're mine, aren't you Moony?

Remus: Sirius, 2 reasons; a) children who don't need to know about our relationship are present and b) I'm STRAIGHT, for God's sake.

Sirius:L Alright, alright, I'll stop. *secretly crosses fingers behind his back*

Remus: *sigh of relief*

Me: Can I ask my question now?

George: Sure.

Me: So, when Ron was a first year, did you ever bother to check up on him in the Map?

Fred: We did, many times.

Ron: You did?

Fred: Of course-

George: -we did-

Fred: -why wouldn't we?

Me: Didn't you ever think about the fact that he was always with another man?

Fred and George: What man?
Harry?

Me: No! Peter Pettigrew!

*Sirius, Remus, Harry and Ron go stiff at the name* *James and Lily look on interestedly*

Fred: Oh, that guy.

George: Yeah we did but we never spoke about it.

Fred: We're very accepting of it.

Me: *cringes* No, he's not gay, you two.

Fred and George: Then what?

Me: Ron?

Ron: Can I not?

Me: No.

Ron: Harry, mate. Can you?

Harry: You know I'm not comfortable with this.

Hermione: Oh come on, Ron. Tell them yourself.

Ron: *sigh* If you say so...

Fred and George: *look in earnest*

Ron: So, er, Pettigrew was this friend of theirs-*points towards Sirius, James and Remus*- and he betrayed Harry's parents *his face hardens*. He was their Secret Keeper. And then, after making it look like Sirius blasted off 13 Muggles and putting him in Azkaban, he changed into his animagus, a rat, and lived with us for some 12 years. He strangled himself a few months before the Battle.

Fred and George: 😧

Me: I know. There is no other bizarre surprise than learning your family pet is a murderer.

Sirius: Bloody thing deserved it.

James: *still struggling to believe it* Hey, he was still our friend.

Sirius: How can you say that? He betrayed you, Prongs, when you had his back for years!

Lily: I still don't believe he would do that. Do you think it's because of that Unbreakable Vow he made?

James: Yeah, that could be it!

Sirius: *still refuses to pardon Peter*

James: Oi Moony, does being under the Vow mean you can break the Fidelius Charm?

Remus: *thinking hard* It's really tough to say, but I think the Vow wins over this one. Since breaking it is basically dying. Plus, I don't think Peter would ever break an Unbreakable Vow for the life of him.

Me: Ha, that's ironic.

James: So, technically, he didn't really betray us?

Me: I guess Remus's sentence alone is proof. So, yeah. But still, he did do many other crimes. Snape must've been itching to squash that little rat.

Harry+Sirius: Wait he was living with Snape?

Me: *nod*

Sirius+Harry: *seething and thinking of many colourful words to describe Snape with*

Me: Well, that's that.

Everyone else: *nod* *nod*

Me: I guess that's enough for
today. Bye, readers!

Draco: This has been wild.