"Are you sure that you're ready to take this step?"

Layla and I were at the back of my brother's car talking, she seemed unsure of me decision to go back to school after only one day of stepping out of my bedroom. For some reason she thought it was going to be something like a step-by-step 'program' to get me out of my room and into the real world.

Yes, Layla was surprised to see me open the door to my room, and more surprised to see me all dressed up and ready to go to school...on time.

She screamed and hugged me tightly, apparently scaring my brother out of his shower and into the hallway to see what was going on.

After that horrific accident we went to the dining room to eat breakfast in which my mother wouldn't stop hugging and kissing me every time she passed by me. We then and there decided to get to school in Dylan's car since he was the one to take me out of my room and make sure I was okay while doing so.

Okay, we didn't decide. He insisted and said, "that's the only way I'm going to let me go to school from now on."

He also said something about keeping me in a short leash and him making sure that I don't see nor hear about Cris for the rest of the year in which I'm thankful for.

I know for sure that not going to last very long. Cris and I have this magnetism that just pulls us together. If it isn't one thing that pulls us together then it's another but with Dylan near, I'm hoping that I'll have a bit more time to regain my composure enough to send him to hell and walk away without another mental and emotional breakdown.

I took Layla's hand in mine, "Yes, I'm sure I'm ready to come back. On another note, I need to know what everyone is saying and what they think they know, and I also need an update on Cris," it's time for me to put my big girl pants on and head into the chaos, but I'm not going in blindly.

"Truth, I don't think talking about Cris is the best idea," Layla lowered her voice. If Dylan hears that we are talking about you-know-who I think he might lose his shit.

I could see that we were getting closer to the school entrance, "Please, it's not to know if he's okay or how he is doing. I need to know what he has done about the mess."

"Fine, nothing is cleared up. The students still think you two are a couple, a couple that fought but still a couple. Half of the student think he killed you because nobody has seen you and the other half thinks that you went away on a vacation that Cris bought for you as an apology because he is such an amazing boyfriend." Layla said, rolling her eyes at the final comment.

"We're here girls, make sure to lock the doors when you get out. I need to go; I have a meeting with couch. John's going to get you two to class." He grabbed his bag and ran out of his car and into the school building.

So much for keeping me in a short leash.

"Keep going," I said to Layla as we grabbed out stuff from the car and then stood beside it.

"We are going to be late Truth." Layla said moving around me to kiss John, who was waiting for us, on the lips.

I followed her and grabbed her hand to stop her form walking, "I don't think I can step foot in there if I don't know everything Layla, please." I felt the anxiety rise in my stomach as looked at the building in front of me.

"I'm sorry honey..." She said, pulling me towards her by our joined hand and hugged me, "Cris was absent after the fight for a few days, and when he came back all bruised up, he didn't say anything nor cleared anything up, he hasn't talked to anybody. He just comes to the school takes a couple of classes then he leaves. He misses practice, mostly because Dylan told him to never step foot in the field. He hasn't talked to Dylan, nor the boys and he does NOT talk to Candal, which he is also out of the group. He got into a couple of fights with Candal last week, and that's about it." She finished explaining everything and stepped back, grabbing both of my wrist, and throwing me a small smile.

"Thank you," I sighed our and turned towards the school entrance, "Now I must go in there with my head held high. Easy enough."

My nerves seemed to calm down enough with the knowledge that gained form Layla but not enough to feel scared out of my mind.

I tried to still my breath enough to show that I was unaffected by the burning stares of my peers as I walked inside the building with my head held high, meaning I could see everyone's gaze on me, it didn't work.

I could hear: "she isn't dead" and "she came back" and "do you think they are still together"

I could hear all the whispers and mutters of the students as I walked to my locker.

"Truth everything is going to be okay. Breath, stan up straight and go to your classes, that's all you must do. You don't have to talk nor clear anything up. The girls know not to question you. Believe me everything is going to be okay," Layla soothing voice ran through my ears as I unlocked my locker and hid my head inside.

Everything is going to be okay, Truth.

Are you sure? because me gut says something is going to happen.

If you don't calm down something is going to happen. You vomiting you guts out.

No, I'm not talking about that idiot. Although that's true

Don't worry, keep your head held high, he can't have the power. Everything is going to be okay

I took a deep breath and slammed my locker shut. I turned to look at Layla and said, "thank you."

"It's okay, honey..." Layla started to say something when her eyes drifted away from my eyes to something behind me, or someone.

I knew who, I still had the feelings he gave me every time he entered a room, no matter how many people there are in it. I just knew he was there, just like I know now.

"Truth..." Layla stared say but I cut her off, "It's okay, Layla, I know." I took another deep breath and turned around to look at where he was standing.

More towards who he was walking to.

"Let's leave before he gets here." Layla said grabbing me hand in hers.

And for a moment I wanted to run with her. I looked at him, at his cold eyes and I wanted to run out of the school, out of the country. For a moment he held that power over me and I couldn't let that happen.

It didn't matter how weak I was in that moment, it didn't matter if I still wanted, with so much passion, to be with him and it didn't matter if he saw me cry or run away again to my bedroom.

I wasn't going to let him have that power over me. I might cry, I might run, who knows? But this ends now. I will try to stand my ground to regain that power that I lost so many years ago.

"No, you go. I'm not going to spend the rest of the year running away and hiding from him." I said as I took my hand back form her grip and smiled at her, I the added, "go, I'll be fine and if I'm not I'll call you."

Layla seemed unsure of my decision to stay but still nodded her head and said, "Promise?"

"Promise."

---

"You made me skip my first class just to see you pace around the room?"

Once Cris stopped in front of me in the hallway, Layla had already left, dragging John with him as he protested, saying that Dylan would cut his balls off if he left me alone with Cristian.

Cris never said anything while he grabbed me arm and pulled me to an empty classroom on the third floor.

The third floor is the only floor with the emptiest classrooms than the rest of the floors. Almost all the room are empty except for maybe four of them in which they are used to teach advanced classes.

We've been in this classroom for more than thirty minutes watching him pace back and forth around room. The first five I was tensed and nervous as hell, I didn't know what he was going to say, the rest of those twenty-five minutes I'm completely sure that if he says something it might be a miracle. I was bored and I wanted to get out of there as fast as I could.

Something about being alone in a room with him made me have goosebumps all over my body.

"We have to fix this," he finally spoke up once he stopped his pacing.

"You said it yourself, there's no we and I don't have to fix anything," I said as I pushed myself of the teacher's desk which was the only thing that was occupying the room apart from us.

I started walking to the door when Cris voice stopped. His words filled me with rage as I still couldn't believe that he could be such a coward, "You ruined everything, my friendship with Dylan is non-existent because you had to open your mouth and spilled our secret."

"No, I did what I had to do. I got into a mess that wasn't mine in the first place and now I'm paying the price, you should do the same. Own up to you mistakes. They're why you lost Dylan's friendship and everybody else. You did something wrong, and this was your consequence. It should've been your consequence in the first place if I hadn't gotten in the middle of it." I started to walk slowly towards him.

"Yes, I did, and I need to fix it. You have to help me fix it." He said as I stopped in front of him.

"That's were your wrong, Cristian. I don't have to help you and I won't. I done choosing you, this time I chose me." I whispered as I started to walk back to the door.

"What does that even mean?" he was getting agitated as he threw his hand up in the air.

As he let his hands drop at his side, "It means you are on your own. If Dylan doesn't want to restore the friendship, it's not because of me, it's because of you."

"Truth, stay and I'll explain everything, you will understand why I said no to us. I promise."

"I don't need your explanations; I don't want them."

And I walked out of the classroom. Head held high with my heart beating in my chest two thousand miles per hour and my power regained.

I won't lie and say that I stopped loving him, or that I don't feel anything for him. He might have caused me a lot of pain but in those moments of happiness he showed me someone worth loving.

And maybe in another time, where there's isn't this past between us, where there isn't a lie to stop us, where there's no anger or resentment to separate us. Maybe then we could be something.

For now, we are a mess of lies, deception, immaturity, and dishonesty.

For some reason I know he feels the same way as I do, even if he screams and curses at me that he doesn't. It's a feeling that you get when you've bee through enough situation with that person. It's a feeling that I know it won't go away.

But just because it won't go away, it doesn't mean that I will forfeit myself to it again.

Not when I'm statingto find who I want to be.