"I gave you a chance to leave the deal and go chase after the girl, Cris. You decide to stay on it. You told me that you didn't want to pursue her. You assured me that the deal was still in place." I looked up at the ceiling. I feel so exhausted. I feel the little energy that I have left was trying to rip itself out of me.

It has been a long day and yet that's not the reason why I feel so weak and weary.

"I know what I said and I still stand on my word." His words were firm and his eyes held sincerity, but my heart didn't was to see that. I didn't want to see that because I didn't want to give in just yet.

"Less than twelve hours. That's what it took you to talk to Marisa." I started whispering, reminding myself to be angry with him.

"She came to me, Truth. Let me explain what happened first and then you could jump to your own conclusions and be mad at me for whatever reason you like" He sat beside me on the bed and lay down with me.

"You have to understand, Cris. I don't want to be known as one of your conquests or bitches. That's not me at all and we both know that."

"I know and you aren't another conquest to me and whoever calls you my bitch will never see the light of day again. All I'm saying is that you will never fall into that category" he was saying all the right words. Doing all the right actions.

He was being gentle, not raising his voice at me, or telling me that I had no right.

"Good to know that you don't even see me as someone that you could be with. That's very assuring"

I don't know how to feel. I feel betrayed because of the whole situation, but I have no right to be! I wish I could say that I was relieved that I was nowhere near the list of 'being his bitch' but my heart dropped knowing that I wasn't anywhere near any kind of list of being anything for him. If that even makes sense. I feel angry overall.

"That's not what I meant, T," he turned to me, his arm supporting his upper body.

"Sure," was my only response. Short, firm, and deadly. I didn't say anything more and for a couple of minutes, he was observing me.

I would've been very self-conscious with Cristian watching my every expression, but for some unknown explanation, I wasn't. I wasn't insecure with his eyes on me.

The opposite really, I felt a light of proudness and bravery inside me. I felt beautiful with his eyes on me. I felt worthy.

"You will get angry at whatever I say, won't you?" He broke the silence and let out a heavy sigh, dropping back fully into the bed.

"Yep, that's about right" 

"T, let me just explain. Everything will be cleared up. I know you will understand."

"Talk"

I kept my responses short. Not knowing what to say while you are in a discussion is a bitch.

In this case, I don't know what to say much less what to do.

"I didn't know she was going to approach me today, I promise. I was with the guys leaning on Dylan's locker, blocking him from it. We were fooling around with him, trying to get him angry when she approached us, interrupting everything..." He paused for a short minute took look at my reaction. I gave him no satisfaction. " she wanted to talk to me. I was confused because I told Dylan that I wasn't going to persuade her and I thought that Dylan had already talked to her but Dylan said that he didn't get time to tell her. Bull because he had math with her that morning..."

"When did all this happened?" I interrupted him.

"At the beginning of the last period. I finished talking to her when I saw you"

"And you didn't care to tell me right on the spot... why?"    I was feeling guilty for giving him the semi-cold shoulder while I had a pretty good reason why I just didn't know it at that moment. I have to rely on my instincts more.

"I didn't see any importance," Sure you didn't...babe.

"Go on"

"She told me she was excited about the date..." He gave out a heavy sigh "and gave me her number because she thought that Dylan gave her the wrong number."

"And why did she thought Dylan gave her the wrong digits?"

"Because she texted me last night and I never answered"

"She texted you last night? When?" Was it on our date? Is that why you turned the phone off?" 

"What? No, T! I...she texted me when I was preparing myself to sleep."

I don't know which one is worse. I don't like her texting him in the middle of the night. Like... What the fuck did she want at that time? A butty call?

I don't like neither option. I don't like her texting him period.

I'm so fucking toxic! SINCE WHEN?!

I should stop thinking like that. I don't want to be that kind of person.

"So, Dylan did gave her your number in the end and you kind of/clearly accepted. No wonder he is still fucking mad about us and not buying your BS about wanting to be with me," I sat up on the bed and glared at him. Where's the understanding part he was talking about? I don't fucking see it anywhere in the near future.

"No! I mean yes, he gave her the number but only because she texted my phone all through the night and this morning doesn't mean that I accept." A panic passed through his face but was quickly gone. Is he dense? All through the morning?

What's wrong with the girl? The lack of self-respect is clear as day.

I'm not going to comment on that. I will not become that overjealous hot-headed, crazy girl.

"Then why did you accept her number when she gave it to you," That came out wrong. It wasn't supposed to sound like that.

" I didn't want to seem rude," he shrugged his shoulder like it was just something normal.

"Yea, sure. The Royal Bad Boy didn't want to seem rude. Please, note the heavy sarcasm I just used"

What a pathetic attempt of a lie.
"Truth..."

"You think that I'm that dumb to believe all that shit that spewed out of your mouth"  This is too much.

"No! I didn't say that..." He sat up in a hurry. "I don't know why I took her number. I just did, told her that the date will not be possible, and then I saw you and left."

"Did you tell her why it wouldn't be possible? Did you tell her about us?" I raised my eyebrows at him waiting for the answer. When his eyes connect with mine in the same way the heavy and terrible words ran around us for what felt like an eternity. Crushing my heart over and over again.

I knew he was thinking the same thing, but I didn't know if he was feeling what I was feeling.

I gulped the high lump that formed at the bottom of my throat and closed my eyes for a few seconds.

A few seconds was all it took to remind me why I was doing this. Why I was putting my heart out on the line and saving it at the same time.

Those memories and the words that were left unspoken battled around my head until I took the initiative to shush them down.

There is no us.

I opened my eyes again to look directly at his eyes, making sure to hide my feeling from him.

"This will be the last time I will offer you a way out of this. I won't pretend that you didn't tell her because you forgot..." I got up from my bed and walked to my closet. " if you are...securing a side meat for when this is over, you might as well end it now. We can still turn back."

"Truth, what the fuck are you suggesting..."

"I can tell the girls that it wasn't as magical as I imagine and you could tell Dylan that you will be respecting his wishes. As for Candal and the money, do you really need that money?" I kept talking even when he tried to get my attention. I grabbed my underwear and an oversized t-shirt.

"T, I think we..."

"Could you do me a favor and turn on the air conditioner on your way out" I stepped out of the closet and throw him a quick nod.

"Would you..."

"I guess that will be the plan, great wo..."

"Whoa, whoa! Hold up. Slow down, T. Don't make a decision like that," he quickly got up from my bed and walked towards me, but before he could reach me I turned on my back and walked to the bathroom door.

"I can and I did," I said louder. To tell the truth, I want to get out of this. All this was a stupid plan that was meant to go wrong all along. It was a mistake.

"Truth" His voice laced with confusion. I opened my bathroom door and turned around to face him.

"I can make a decision like that and I already did." I closed the door on his face, sending him the message that the conversation is over. He didn't seem to get it though.

"At least let me have a say in this too," He yelled for the other side of the door while I was preparing myself for my of so needed bath. I took the bathtub stopper and pushed it inside the hole, then opened the water tap to make the water flow out of it.

"Truth? Let's talk about this" the knocking on the door grew louder, echoing around the bathroom.

While the knocking went on I took a small candle from the sink cabinet and placed it on the surface of the sink, lighting it up. Then took out the strawberry body wash that was at the corner of the tub and poured it around the warm and steady water.

I need calm right now. Unfortunately, he wasn't the source for me to run to this time.

"Cristian, get out of my room!" I yelled back getting irritated by the noise he was creating on what it was supposed to be my peaceful time.

I stripped down my clothes and tied up my hair in a bun. The whole bathroom smelled like flowers and strawberries.

The noise stopped and I sighed. I don't feel relief. Disappointed, yes.

The warm liquid enfolding me while I submerged my whole body in the bathtub, relaxing the muscles to the core.

Yet...

My mind was going 100mph with all the thoughts about Marisa, Cris, and the deal.

I was questioning myself and my decisions.

Not now. This is your time. Think about something else.

Right! Follow Stranger's magic.

I will give myself a special midday treatment. I truly believe I deserve it after my out-of-comfort-zone adventures.

Maybe I should start with a scrub to relax and hydrate my skin. Then I will work my way up to manicure and pedicure once I get out of the bathroom and into my oversized t-shirt.

I obviously consider an oversized t-shirt to be the perfect PJs ever made for mankind.

Once I laid there on my bathtub full of neutral water with the scrub on, I felt a wave of relaxation take over my mind and body.

I didn't think that thinking about useless things and avoid g the real situation would surely work.

Soon enough I wasn't thinking about anything. My mind was sailing smoothly all around without a care or any type of dangerous tides.

Poor boat in my head has been suffering through sea storms after sea storm for a week now. It almost sank completely if it weren't for the Stranger.

I'm really not that good with metaphor, but I really do think that was a good description of the dilemma going inside my head.

The water turned cold and without me noticing an hour has passed. The room has been silent for over an hour and the only thing I could hear were my useless and needless thoughts form time to time.

Best bath I could've ever received this week.

______•_______

Author's Note

What will happen in chapter 40? Nobody knows.

I'm not lying about that, I really don't know how I'm going to play out all of this.

Wish me luck on my thinking though. I will need it.

This chapter is not edited

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AMTA0206