Yasmeen

One year later

They say that a lot can change in a year. That a lot can happen in a year and that statement has never been more truer.

My marriage to Salman is getting to a year now and I won't say that I am happy or that I am in love with my husband. I am just simply existing, taking each day as it comes with my heart yearning for only one person, the one person who disappeared from my life without a goodbye, without any trace.

I wonder if he is okay. I wonder if he still thinks of me. I blame myself for him leaving, if I had just fought Baba harder and not agreed to the wedding, maybe he'd still be here and maybe we'd be together.

But sometimes I am angry at him, so angry and mad at him for just leaving but the ache of missing him douses the flame of my anger. I just hope that he is okay.

"Hey bestyyy!" Ummi shouts barging into my office. My fashion house El~Yass which was now completed and flourishing. Yazid's design made my every dream come alive. It's just so sad that he isn't here to see the masterpiece.

"UmmiLo, what's up? Am I safe?" A small smile playing on my lips as I sank further down into my comfy chair.

She plopped herself on the chair opposite mine and looked closely at my face.

"What happened to your eye?" She asked.

I groaned. She was way too observant for my liking.

I laughed it off. "Oh that? I even thought my makeup concealed it. I bumped into that cursed kitchen cabinet. You know, that one that your brother never closes."

She narrowed her eyes as if she doesn't believe me but then she just gave a wide smile. "You're so clumsy. How is that brother of mine? I hardly ever see him anymore."

I sigh in relief when she changes the subject. "I know right! Clumsy me. Your brother is fine just a bit grumpy. He lost that deal he was working hard on."

She rolled her eyes. "Ah poor him. I know how he gets when things don't go his way. Anyways how are you and don't give me that I am fine bullshit, I know you better than that."

I sit up from my chair and held her hands. "I am truly fine UmmiLo," I say trying to stop my voice from cracking. "It's just that.."

I sigh and try to pull my hands from hers but she held on tighter. "Talk to me, you know you can always talk to me. Tell me what's going on in that head of yours."

"I just miss him sometimes you know? I know I shouldn't. I am married. To your brother and I know how weird it is that I am telling you that I still think about another man but I can't help it. I can't help worrying. It keeps me up at night most days."

She kept quiet for a moment,her face turning serious. "I understand how you feel Yas, and it's okay. You have no control over what your mind wanders to. You have no control over whom your heart chooses to love but what you have control over is making the effort to work on your relationship with my brother. It's probably not what you want to hear but it has to be said. Yazeed left you, that was his choice and you have a choice as well, to move on. You are already married, what's done cannot be undone, so please try to make it work. Forever is a long time to be unhappy."

She will never understand. She is not in my situation which is why it is so easy for her to say all that but I don't tell her that.

"I've heard you O wise UmmiLo. Thank you for gracing me with such wise words. What will I ever do without you."

Her face relaxes. "Ah well, if I don't give you wise words, who will?"

I smile in return. "Anyways I better get going. I want to stop by at home and see Afrah before heading to my house."

She stands up. "Cool, I was about to go as well."

I grab my bag, sauntering out of the door and locking it behind me.

We passed through the sewing room where ten tailors were at work. I wave at them and they smiled waving back. I made sure to build a relationship of respect and mutual understanding with my employees. So far everything is going perfectly well. My first fashion show will hold next month and I am super excited. It's always nice to have something to look forward to. Something to distract me from my thoughts even if it's just for a while.

We go outside and I give her a long hug. "Please my regards to everyone at home, especially Afrah." She says.

"In sha Allah , Also greet Sa'adah and co." I tell her.

"Sure will do. Bye, love you!"

I blow her an invisible kiss as we both go to our respective cars.

I open my car and drive home to see my siblings. I miss them so much.

I walk into the house without even knocking. Although I don't live here anymore, I'm so used to just barging in that I don't bother to knock. The house is eerily quiet, Amir and Amirah are probably in school.

I make my way to Afrah's room. It just doesn't sit right with me that they leave her alone most of the time. What if there was an emergency? Though Anty Salma comes often, she cannot always be here all the time, considering she works too.

I  knock a little before entering her dim lit room. I found her reading a book. My God she loves reading. I smile. "What you got there princess?"

She notices me and a genuine smile spreads over her face. It warms my heart. "Ya Yasmeeeeen!" She jumps down from her bed and gives me a long comforting hug. I hold her closely, my eyes tearing up. I don't know why I'm even being emotional.

"Wow, someone has definitely missed me. You look better today." And she really did look better. Her eyes had a light in them I haven't seen in a while. Her toothy grin showing empty spaces where her two front teeth is supposed to be.

"I feel better," She says. "Come let me show you my new book." She holds my hand and literally drags me to her bed. I'm too stunned to even say anything.

We sit on her bed as she chats away about the book. I am half listening to her, too lost in my own thoughts. She doesn't ask about Yazeed. She hardly asks about him anymore. I wonder if she just forgot about him or noticed the sadness in my eyes any time she asked about him.

We sit like that for a while until the twins got back from school. I reprimand them for leaving her alone and they said they'll do better. I hope they do.

They all follow me to my car, Afrah already looking sad. "Why can't I come live with you Ya Yasmeen?" She asks. She always asks me that anytime I visit and my answer is always the same.

"I wish you could princess, but you know Baba won't agree." She looks down sadly and I really wish I could take her with me. Apart from Baba rejecting the whole idea, I do not want her to see me unhappy in my own home everyday. I do not think I have the strength to pretend to be happy at home when I've drained all the pretending while I'm out. My home is both a hell and a sanctuary.

"But don't worry, I'll come and take you for a sleepover soon." Her eyes lit up at that.

"Yayy! I can't wait!"

I grin at her. Her happiness is really infectious. "I can't wait too!"

I get in my car and they all wave at me. I wave back as I drive off, a cold dread seeping through my being as I make my way home.

I arrive home. I see his car. I put my head on the steering wheel taking deep breaths. I wonder what mood I'll find him in.

With a deep sigh, I go out of the car and make my way inside. The living room is empty and quiet except for the television which was left playing. I switch it off and go to my room hoping I don't bump into him.

This is my life, avoiding my husband like the plague because I can't stand to see the resentment he holds for me in his eyes.

The light in my room is switched on. I feel his presence even before I see him. He is sitting on my bed, his eyes glued to his phone.

"Where have you been?" He asks without looking up. I stand still, a bit stunned and disoriented by his presence.

"Where else? Work. And then I went to see Afrah." I say as I go further into the room trying to act as if his presence does not unnerve me.

He doesn't say anything and I breathe a silent sigh of relief that he's dropped the matter. I am removing my headscarf when I feel him standing behind me. I turn to speak but kept quiet when I saw the look in his eyes.

He pulled my headscarf and dragged me by my hair. I wince but I can't even fight back. I have since learnt that he derives pleasure from me struggling so I stand still though my eyes have begin to tear up.

"What time did I tell you to be back?" He asks calmly. His voice not betraying the aggressive way he is holding my hair.

"Five." I whisper.

"And what time is it now?" He asks in that strange calm voice.

"Six," I say. "Salman, please stop, you are hurting me."

He lets go of me violently and I fall and hit my head on the dressing mirror. He is breathing hard and I am holding back my tears. I will not cry infront of him. I will not give him that power, that satisfaction of seeing me cry.

He doesn't say anything else, he just looks at me with so much hatred that I flinch and avert my gaze. If looks could kill, I would be six feet under. He leaves the room without a word banging the door with so much force that I flinch again.

I take deep breaths before hauling myself up and going to the bathroom attached to my room. I see the bruise forming on my forehead. Another one to hide under layers of make up.

I strip and take a bath thinking about how my life has suddenly turned upside down. I go back to my room, put on my favorite pyjamas and hop on my bed. It is too early to sleep. He might decide to barge in any moment, or call for me to cook but for those few moments of silence and reprieve I get, I let the tears fall.

***
A/N: Hi guys! As promised here's another chapter. With this pandemic going on and school closed, I have ample time to update frequently, so stay tuned.
I hope everyone is self isolating at home and taking necessary precautions against this virus. Stay safe!❤️
And don't forget to vote and comment your thoughts on the chapter, goes a long way.❤️

Love,
Siyyamah✨