Sunday passes in a bit of blur. I leave a message for my OB. I try to get the work done that Alex has brought home for me, but although I get some things taken care of, my brain and I come to the comprise that the rest can wait until tomorrow.

Once again, I'm slacking on my duties as a chef since I'm not really getting up for meals and have been sleeping the day away. Alex doesn't even complain. I still can't get over how wonderful he was at the fundraiser and the hospital. There's a knock on the door.

"Cat, can I come in?"

"Sure."

Alex opens the door, and he has a plateful of food in his hand. "I am heading off for work. I kinda figured you were having a kickback, PJ, sleep all day, thing going on, but you have eaten nothing all day, so I made you that spaghetti you like for dinner."

I scoot up in bed. "Thank you!" I say, taking the plate from him and making room for him to sit down. He puts a glass of water on the bedside table.

"I feel bad," I say, after eating a forkful.

"What? About the cooking thing? No biggie," he tells me, sitting on the edge of the bed next to me.

"Well, that and other things."

"What other things?" he asks.

"Oh, I don't know. How about the fact that I've completely disrupted your life? That I've commandeered your bed.... which is REALLY comfortable by the way." He grins at me. "That you're making ME meals. That I made you work on your only day off and then go fainting on you. Take your pick."

I eat another forkful and decide never to eat spaghetti without sugar in the sauce again.

"Have I complained at all?"

"No, you haven't, but that just makes it worse."

"You want me to complain?"

"Well, if you are really unhappy with the situation, yes, or how will I know I need to fix things?"

He chuckles. "Who says there's anything to fix?"

"There's always something to fix," I say, followed by, "This is really good spaghetti."

"Cat, where is this all coming from? Are you..." He appears worried and looks away for a second. "Are you unhappy here?"

"NO!" I say, reaching out to him, and he immediately looks relieved. "I mean, yes, of course, I am happy here. But that's just it. I'm settling in. I'm too comfortable. This can't be what you signed up for. It was supposed to be a room for one night and well, it's been a lot more than that."

"Again, not complaining here, Cat. But if you really feel the need to move on..." He makes a face like the thought is unpleasant. "I'll help you find somewhere else to go, but just so you know, I'm happy with you staying here as long you would like."

"No, I don't want to go. I enjoy being here. I feel... safe, but I feel bad that I've made things so messy for you. Can we at least share the bed?"

Alex blinks, and his eyebrows fly up. "Come again?"

He's grinning and I flush at my mistake.

"I uh... I wasn't implying together. Um... I mean, maybe we can do every other day or every couple of days. I don't know. Maybe every other week we'll swap beds. I'll sleep on the sofa bed and you can sleep in your actual bed."

"Ah," Alex says, "and here I thought you were hoping to cuddle again."

I drop the fork that was halfway to my mouth, and it clatters on the plate. He said again, as in we have done it before. Oh, God...

He's watching me intently, and I can't bring myself to meet his eyes. "Yeah, about that..."

"Are we REALLY going to talk about that?" he asks, tilting his head so he can peer into my face. I know I'm scarlet.

"I should not have..."

He puts a finger to my lips and shakes his head no. "Let's not and say we didn't," he tells me with this very serious expression on his face. Although I really can't quite pinpoint what he's feeling, I believe he's right. It's best just to forget the whole thing.

"Okay," I agree.

"Good," he tells me as he gets up and walks to the door. Suddenly, he stops and looks over his shoulder at me. "Just so you know, Cat. That thing we aren't talking about... well, I'm not complaining about that either. Sweet Dreams, Cat."

He walks out the door, leaving me dumbfounded. It's the first time I don't wish him good night or tell him to be safe. I just sit here alone... wondering.

_______________

I am surprised to see that Alex isn't here when I get up in the morning. I double-check the time to be certain I am not mistaken. It isn't Daylight Savings or anything like that. My concern grows when I see there are no dishes in the sink and the bed is still a sofa. Did he even come back last night?

An uneasy feeling creeps in, and I grab my phone to text him.

- Hey if you get this. Please, just text me back that you're okay.

I make myself a quick breakfast and keep checking my phone. Nothing. Damn it!

I call him but it goes right to voicemail and now I'm really worried.

So, on my way to class, I reach out to William on the phone. He picks up and I blurt out, "Have you heard from Alex?! I don't think he came home last night."

"He's fine, Cat." William sounds groggy like I just woke him up.

"How do you know? Are you still in bed?" I ask, surprised.

"Yeah, I uh... I won't be in class today. You doing alright?"

"I'm good. Don't worry about me. Are you sick?" I ask, wondering if perhaps he picked up a bug at the hospital.

"No, no I'm fine. I'm just um..."

"Hey! Are you going to stay in that bed all day?" I hear and gasp as I swear it is Alex's voice in the background.

"I'll catch up with you later. Okay, Cat?"

"Yeah. Sure," I say, and hang up the phone. I just stand there staring at it for a second. Alex is with William. He didn't come home last night, which can only mean...

I push the thought out of my mind. This is what you wanted, Cat... right? You've been pushing them together and now I guess they're together.

Still... I had a hard time getting out of my mind what Alex said to me before he left. Why would he say such a thing? It is confusing enough just that he said it, not to mention how he said it. It gets me wondering if he was hinting at something, and I hoped he was, even though I know the thought is absurd. Yet, if his plan was to sleep with William... why bother saying anything to me. I just don't understand. Not that it is surprising but...

I see Liam in the courtyard and a bunch of girls flock around him like seagulls around a French fry. I silently swear as I have to walk past him to get to where I need to go for class. Obviously, our public display on Saturday has put the last nail in our relationship coffin for all the lookie-loos, wannabes, and hopefuls, wanting to take my place of which there seem to be many.

"CAT!"

I sigh heavily as I hear Liam's voice right behind me. I just keep walking, but he catches up with me. "Can you PLEASE stop for a sec?" he says, panting just a little.

I stop.

"Thank you!" he says and walks to stand in front of me.

"I'm REALLY not in the mood for more drama today, Liam."

I'm still exhausted by the ordeal from the weekend, and the fatigue of growing this baby is immense. I have to remember to pick up those vitamins at the pharmacy because the over-the-counter kind is just not cutting it.

"I uh... I just want to ask if you're okay?" Liam inquires lamely while running his fingers through his hair.

"Why wouldn't I be?" I ask.

"I heard from some people that you were put in an ambulance Saturday night. I didn't know what to think. You've blocked my number, haven't you? I called and sent texts, but I got nothing back. You had me scared, Cat."

I just stare at him. Of course, I had blocked his number. I want no more drunk texts or calls. I really have nothing more I want to say to him, and now that I know for certain I'm pregnant, I know he won't want anything more to do with me either, so...

"I'm fine," I tell him and move around him to continue on to class.

"Really? That's it?"

I can hear the exasperation in his voice, but I'm just as aggravated right now. "What, Liam? What do you want from me? What do you want me to say?" I ask, turning around to face him once again. He comes up to me and puts his hands on my shoulders. I really want to shrug him off but choose not to make another scene outside of school.

"I'm worried about you. Is that so hard for you to believe?" he asks.

"Frankly, yes," I tell him. "Look, Liam, for months, perhaps even longer, we've been drifting apart. I'd talk to you and you would laugh, but I'd realize you were not responding to me. You were on your phone or the computer or watching something on T.V. I swear when I speak to you it's like I am talking to myself."

"That's not true. I listen to you."

"Okay. I'm not doing this argument. I've had enough of the arguments. We're over, Liam. You may think you want me, but you REALLY don't. I'm just familiar, that's all. You were already cheating on me. So, just let me go. Let us go. It's over, okay?"

I take a step back and his hands fall to his sides but ball into fists. "I did not cheat on you!" he says, adamantly.

"Define cheat," I say, knowing we aren't on the same page here.

"I did not sleep with any of those girls."

"Sleep... you mean had sex with?" He nods.

"So, you go to these parties. You get sloppy drunk and you make out with them, but because you stop yourself before your pants end up at your ankles, you figure that's okay?"

"Look, Cat. I'm tired of being the bad guy here. You're obsessed with your schoolwork. I wasn't the only one doing the ignoring. Do you realize how many times I'd come home and want to fool around, only to have you turn me down or push me away? I'm a guy. I have needs, you know, so I made out with a few girls. You're the one I came home to. You're the one I made love to. Just you, Cat, no one else."

"Well, that's comforting. I guess I can tell my OB now that the STD testing isn't necessary," I say, sarcastically.

"Why are you making this so difficult?!" he says, raising his voice. I catch the looks of several people around us, whose ears have suddenly perked up, and I grab his arm to lead him away.

After moving a short distance, I stop and put my hand on his shoulder. "I'll make this easy for you then, Liam. The other night, because of the stress I was under, I passed out, landing myself in the hospital. In that emergency room, they confirmed that not only am I pregnant but also that the pregnancy is viable, so there's no chance of me coming back to you. Not now, not ever."

He looks like I just stabbed him in the heart. "What makes you think you can do this?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, the stress of school already had you taking sleeping pills. You were barely holding it together and now you're going to add a baby on top of all that? Who are you kidding, Cat? You can't do this. You're not ready. At least I'm honest enough to admit that I'm not ready. If you would just be honest with yourself, we can put all of this behind us. Start over. Then when the time is right, I'll give you 5, hell, 6 kids if you really want them so bad, but what kind of life can I offer you, us, or this kid now? Life for us hasn't even started yet."

What he's saying shakes me. Shakes my very foundation. I have been trying to squash these insecurities, pushing my fears down as deep as possible. Yet here he is, laying it all out in front of me, making me face it, and I didn't want to face it.

I look up at him and his face changes as he pulls me towards him in an embrace. "I'm sorry, Cat, but it's better that you face the truth."

Shamelessly, I let him hold me for a second. I hate that I'm so weak. I want to stay angry with him, but I can't. However, even though everything he has said is true, there is a far greater truth I can't deny. I push myself away.

Liam looks at me in confusion for a moment. Undoubtedly, he believes we just came to some resolution. I reach up and touch his face. I raise myself up to kiss his lips and his arms wrap around me, but when I pull away I know he also sees the truth.

"Why did that feel like goodbye?" he asks.

"Because it is. In the hospital, I heard the baby's heartbeat, Liam. This baby is alive and wants to live. I can't do what you're asking me to do. I just can't."

"Even if it hurts you and ends us?"

"Even if," I tell him. "This would be a lot easier if I didn't have to go through it alone," but one look at his face and I know, "but that's too much to ask. You were right. It was a mistake. The sleeping pills I was taking caused the birth control to fail, but it was my mistake. It's a mistake I will not make this baby pay for with its life. It's a price I'm not willing to pay. I'm sorry."

"I am too," Liam says, and I know he means it.

"However you want to handle things from here on out is up to you." I pull out my phone and find him in my contacts. He watches as I switch him from a blocked caller to unblocked. "I will tell you whatever you want to know. How involved you want to be, I'll leave up to you, but after the baby is born I want full legal rights. I won't ever stop you from seeing him or her, just so you know, but the baby is now and always will be mine."

He's just staring at me. I know I've just slapped him in the face with a large dose of reality that he isn't ready for, but I had to put it out there because I have been thinking of little else.

"I know this is a lot to process. I'm still trying to do it myself, but I'm determined to make this work and you know me when I set my mind to something..." I say with a smirk, trying to get him to react.

He smiles back, but it's halfhearted. "There isn't anyone or anything that can change your mind, nor is there anything you can't do. It's one of the many things I love about you, Cat."

I smile back and hold out my hand. "Friends?"

He just shakes his head sadly at me. "I don't know if I'm ready for that just yet."

"Please don't make this harder than it needs to be," I beg.

"I know I still love you, Cat. Do you still love me?" he asks.

So much for not being harder...

"What good will it do if I answer that question? All it will do is torment us both. Please, Liam. I promise you will always have a place in my life. Just maybe not the one you were planning on. I have to get to class. Are we going to be okay?"

"Yeah, Cat. We're good."

"Thank you!" I say, hugging him in relief, but I feel his hesitancy to let me go and it hurts all over again. Without William or Alex to talk to, getting through this day is going to be agony.

He lets me go. As I walk away, I can feel his eyes on me and I just want to hide away from the world, but knowing that I can't, I pull myself together. I have to suck it up. This is only the beginning. Things are only going to get a lot more complicated from here.