"It sure was," I agree, pulling the car out and heading back home.

We travel along in silence for a little while. Although I can feel Alex's eyes on me, this time I refuse to be provoked into asking what he's thinking. I have my own thoughts to deal with at the moment.

Eventually, he comes out with, "So, is it true?"

"Is what true?" I ask, knowing exactly what he means, but trying desperately to stall because I'm not ready for this conversation to happen.

"You know, that you're more sexually, wound up?" he continues, adding some weird hand gestures that make him look like he's about to perform a magic trick.

"Alex, I..."

"Cause I have noticed things have gotten a little more... intense between us lately, but I just assumed it was the natural progression of things, you know because of how long we've been together."

I'm mortified. Intense is an understatement. I fantasize about Alex most of my waking hours and dream about him during the rest. My body's senses are so heightened that a simple caress makes me want to tumble into bed with him and forget the rest of the world exists for a little while.

When we actually kiss and fool around, I'm having a harder and harder time stopping because I really don't want to stop. In fact, my entire body is screaming at me to please let him continue. My body is actually begging my brain to give in!

"There is that," I reply nonchalantly, wanting desperately to keep things vague.

He turns away at my response and is frowning out the window.

Why does everything have to be so difficult?

"I just want you to know, as hard as it is, I don't want to do anything until you're absolutely certain you want to. Yet, I need you to know it is hard not to... you know... not want to."

"Ookay," I say, as I practice my breathing again.

"I just want to be clear in case you think for some bizarre reason I don't want you or us to... because I do... I just want you to... want to... too."

I stare straight ahead, trying to will the light to change with my mind so we can get home and hopefully end this terribly awkward conversation.

I praise God when we pull up outside of our apartment and quickly get out of the car. I sneak a peek at Alex, and he's still frowning. Damn it.

I throw my jacket and purse on the chair by the door as we enter the apartment, asking casually, "Dinner?"

"Sure," he says. I try to escape into the kitchen, but he follows me. Thankfully, though, he sits at the counter while I cook.

"Is it me?" Alex mutters.

"What?" I respond, dumbfounded. Now on autopilot, I put a pot filled with water on the stove and crank up the heat to boil it for pasta.

"Are you holding back because of me?" Alex asks, making me want to kill Dr. Devereaux for having his little "sex" talk with us today.

"No, it not you," I reassure him, adding some butter to another pan while I slice up some chicken.

"Oh. Because if it is, I just want to let you know, I can do better," Alex pledges, his statement catching me so off guard that instead of placing the chicken in the pan, it just falls limply from my hand, causing some butter to splash up and burn me.

"Ow!" I yelp, flinging my hand up in air, and Alex is instantly at my side.

"You okay?"

"Some melted butter got on my hand is all," I gripe, but it really hurts.

Alex looks over my hand. "You burnt yourself. Here..."

He pulls me with him over to the sink. As he turns on the cold water sticking my hand underneath, he gingerly massages my hand with a little soap to get the grease off. After a few seconds, he shuts off the water and gently towel dries my hand.

While Alex re-examines my hand, I can't help but ask, "Why would you say that?"

"Say what?" he replies distractedly. "This is going to blister," he announces, walking away from me to grab an ice cube from the freezer.

I shake my head. "That you can do better? Why would you say that?"

He shrugs, wraps the cube up with a paper towel and comes back to take my hand. I suck in my breath as he holds the ice against the burn. "You okay?" he asks, his eyes full of concern.

"Yes, fine. Why?"

"Because you made a sound like it hurt when I put the ice against it." I just roll my eyes at his response.

"Not why are you asking me if I'm okay! Why did you say what you did?" I push. I'm guessing he felt his shrug was the answer to my question.

"I don't know," he dodges, as he absentmindedly rubs his thumb over my palm. That one silly movement is doing crazy things to my insides.

He's frowning again.

"Well, you had to have had some reasoning behind saying it" I counter, but then my sensitive nose picks up the smell of charring meat and it turns my stomach a little.

"Aww, damn it!" I swear, pulling away from him. "I burnt the chicken!"

I switch off the gas off, dump the chicken in the trash and throw the pan in the sink.

"It's no big deal, Cat. We can order in." Alex calmly suggests, putting what's left of the ice in the sink, and then reaching over to turn the gas off under the pot of boiling water.

"I know. I'm just..."

He pulls me into his arms. "Frustrated?" he offers.

"Yes," I admit, in more ways than one.

He pulls me in close, and I snuggle in as he strokes my back. The tension just melts away from me, but it's soon replaced by a tension of a very different sort. I look up at him and he must see it in my face as he immediately leans down to capture my lips.

I sigh against his mouth, and he takes full possession of my mine. My hands travel up his back as I pull him even closer. He presses into me in response, but as I suddenly feel the heat against my back, I realize we are too close to the stove and reluctantly pull away. Alex's disappointment is instantaneous and palpable.

"It's not you," I murmur in disbelief that I have to reassure him after all the moments we've shared. "We are just a little too close to the stove and I've already burnt myself once today."

"Oh," Alex mumbles self-consciously, moving so I can step away. "Sorry."

I go over to the counter to get my phone. Now that I've ruined dinner, I guess Alex is right. We should order in. "Sichuan?" I propose as I pick up my phone to order in.

"Sounds great," he agrees brightly, his tone in stark contradiction to the frown on his face. Once I place an order for our usual, I hang up and demand, "Will you stop?!"

"Stop what?" Alex asks in confusion. I realize he's completely oblivious to how he looks right now.

I take his hand in mine and pull him over to me. "This," I say, reaching up to smooth the creases that are lining his forehead with my fingertips.

He half laughs, "Sorry."

My hands drift down to his cheeks as I look into his eyes. "What is this all about?"

He responds with another shrug. "I just wonder if... I don't know..."

I'm not used to Alex being at a loss for words or acting so awkwardly. He is usually so confident in whatever he does. I rest my hand on his chest.

"I want to understand, but you have to give me a little more to go on than 'I don't know'."

He laughs again halfheartedly and covers my hand with his. "I want to be everything for you. I know you've only had one relationship, but it was long term, so you were obviously intimate."

"What gave you that idea?" I joke. "It's the baby, isn't it?"

He chuckles for a second before sobering. "Seriously though, Cat. I can't help but wonder..."

"Wonder what?" I prompt, thoroughly confused.

He lets me go, and I watch as he paces. "I don't know..." he muses, throwing his hands up in the air. "Maybe my inexperience is holding us back. Maybe I'm not... enough, but Cat..." he urges, coming back to stand directly in front of me, "if that is the problem, I guess... I just want you to know I can do better."

I'm at such a loss that he's forced to break my stare by actually demanding, "You're freaking me out, Cat. Say something!"

My mind and body are functioning a split second, out of sync. I tilt my head, my brow furrows, but as I open my mouth, I can only shake my head. My brain just doesn't know how to process this information.

"Are you under some bizarre impression that I don't want you... you know... in that way?" I utter in total disbelief, because the absurdity of the very thought is overwhelming.

"I know it's stupid and makes little sense considering all the hot encounters we've shared these last few months, but we always stop and I'll be honest, even if you wanted to continue, I'm not exactly experienced...in that way to... you know, encourage you. I've never..."

My eyes nearly bug out of my head as the realization of what he's struggling to reveal sinks in. "Are you saying you've never had..."

"Sex, yes, Cat. That's exactly what I'm trying to say," Alex confides, with a look mixed equally with relief and embarrassment. 

I'm sure he's messing with me or being sarcastic. It's simply inconceivable that he really hasn't had sex with anyone else. However, as my awareness kicks in, I realize Alex is awaiting my response and a whole new set of feelings rise to the surface.

"That would mean I would be your first." I breathe in awe.

Alex looks chagrined, but quips, "That's usually how it works, yes."

"But how is that even possible?" I blurt out, "Well, I know how it's physically possible, but look at you!" I assert, waving my hand to encompass his form. "After all this time, how has this never been an issue?"

His obvious discomfort makes me feel so horrible as I realize I'm handling this all wrong. "No, no!" I say, holding up my hands. "Skip that. It's not important."

Putting his self-consciousness aside, he reveals, "Growing up there were girls I dated, but I never was serious enough about any of them. My home life was so fraught with drama, I just wasn't very relationship-minded back then. Once I started college, Aiden gets kicked out, so my first year on campus revolves around Aiden, William and a bunch of gay guys. Not that the gay guys weren't interested, but I wasn't and then..."

"You lost Aiden," I interject, and he nods his head in agreement.

"Next thing I know, three years have gone by and my need to find justice for Aiden reduced me to a veritable recluse. Then out of nowhere, William comes along one day announcing he's got this friend who needs a place to stay."

I laugh. "Oh man, I hope you didn't fall for her. She sounds like she's trouble from the start."

He finally bursts with an actual laugh, and I'm so relieved. "I fell for her. Pretty hard too, but a funny thing happened. I guess I had spent so much time around gay men, that I somehow give her the impression I am gay."

"She's an idiot." I tell him, "Anyone looking at you would know instantly you aren't gay."

He shrugs. "She had good reasons, but it did screw things up for me in the beginning because there were so many times I wanted to hold her or kiss her."

"But she held back, giving you mixed signals."

"It wasn't entirely her fault. She thought I was in love with her best friend and so kept me at bay."

"But you straightened things out eventually, right?"

"We did, and she finally admitted she loves me and it was the best day of my life until she showed up where I worked and discovered I was a dancer at a Ladies' Club."

I pretend to cringe. "Oooo, that must have been bad, but I'm sure she thought you looked damn sexy on that pole when you danced."

Alex grins. "You think so?"

"Oh, yeah. I'm pretty sure she thinks about it a lot, not that she should need the extra visual because well, let's face it... look at you, but I'm pretty sure seeing you up there has earned you a permanent place in her most erotic dreams," I add and he laughs nervously.

"Really? Well, then I guess you can understand the pressure I'm under. She has all these impressions of me, leading to high expectations, and I'm worried after all this time, if we make love, she may be... disappointed."

He says make love, not have sex, making my heart melt into a pile of goo. "Oh Alex, any woman that would find fault with you doesn't deserve you. To be held in your arms, to receive your kisses, to be the one and only recipient of your love, well I can't imagine her feeling anything but blessed, knowing for sure she's the luckiest woman in the world because Alex Bragin loves her."

Unshed tears glisten in his eyes, but he looks away for a second, quick to swipe away one that escapes, before he looks back at me declaring, "Okay, I totally feel better now."

"Good," I reply, cozying up as he wraps his arms around me. He's smiling that smile that curls my toes when I continue, "But now I want you to ditch that troublemaker and run away with me."

"I don't know," Alex teases, pulling me in closer. "You're asking a lot. After all, how does one betray the perfect woman?"

"No one's perfect," I assure him, "but this is," and I pull him down towards me for another kiss.