Henna....

After a particularly harrowing shift, I just want to get back to dad's. I need daddykins and Danny hugs. I just need really big cuddles. The very last call I took, was a man threatening to kill himself. For twenty minutes, I talked to him. For twenty minutes, I kept trying to convince him to not jump off the bridge that he was on. Calmly, I just kept talking. The distressed man was in mental hell. He didn't tell me why, he just kept telling me that he wanted to die. Over and over, he kept telling me that life was too hard for him. I thought that telling him that help was on its way, would soothe his distress. Sadly, it didn't. Whilst on the phone to me, the man jumped. His last words to me were. "It's time."

The ambulance crew confirmed fifteen minutes later, that the man was found dead at the scene.

The scales of life can be just so utterly cruel, can't they?

Happiness on my scale, suicide on that man's scale.

As I sombrely leave work through the big glass doors, I breathe in the damp December evening, just feeling glad to be alive. Not really paying any attention to who is around, I am surprised to hear my name being cautiously called out to the right of me.

"Henna?"

Waiting in the cold, is Keith. I stop, allowing him to approach me. "Keith, what are you doing here?" I ask, shivering a little as my body adjusts from being warmly inside to the chilly outside.

"I just needed to talk to you, in private." He solemnly answers, his coated shoulders all hunched over with the coldness.  

Deciding to remain where I am, I make no attempt to start walking towards my car. "I've just had a really awful call, Keith...can we catch up another time?" I'm tired, borderline disinterested.

Yet Keith wants to talk. "You hurt me, Hen. I know you never promised me anything, but you still really hurt me."

Taking full responsibility for his hurt, I think it will get me home that little bit quicker. "I know, and I'm sorry."

Keith comes closer. "I know I was the one who kept pushing for us to be together, I know that. And I realise now that the reason you have hurt me wasn't because of anything you did...it's because of what you couldn't do."

Tilting my head a little, I look at him with uncertainty. "What do you mean, Keith?"

His smile is faint. "You couldn't love me."

My eyes guiltily avert his, as I repetitively lift each booted foot from off the ice-cold ground. "I'm so sorry, Keith."

His face tightens, taut with defeat. "I think we could have had a chance if Danny hadn't come into your life?"

Not knowing what to say, I weakly shrug my shoulders that are covered by my soft wool wrap. "But he is in my life." Slips quietly and honestly from out of my mouth. Danny is in my life. I can't say for sure what would have happened between Keith and I if Danny hadn't ran into my world, but he did, and he now completely fills up that world.

Keith presses his lips together, considering what I've just said. "Yes, he unfortunately is." Then with a parting smile, he oddly strolls away.

Relieved that he's gone and relieved to know I can now go, I take hurried strides towards my car. I think Keith just needed to hear it from my own mouth what he already knew—I want Danny.

Maybe I should have said more?

Been more sorry?

I think with growing angst.

Was I heartless to him?

Selfish?

I inwardly keep rebuking myself, needing daddykins and Danny cuddles more than ever now. With a head full of too many things, I start the distracted drive back to Clifton. I usually have the stereo on, but not tonight. Tonight, I just need to process some stuff. Process it, then erase it. When I finally do walk through the front door, I don't want to carry in that mans suicide and Keith in with me. I need it out of my head; left somewhere in the depressing December air. By the time I do get to dad's, I think I am okay. But as soon as I see dad and Danny, sat talking whilst watching some TV, I realise I am not okay at all. Without saying a word, I plop my bag down and rush over to Danny, squeezing him emotionally tight until it's my dad's turn.

"What is this all about, Noodle?" Dad holds me, half laughing and half panicked.

Danny stands, now rubbing my back as I still cuddle my dad. "I just  had someone jump off a bridge whilst on the phone to me, then Keith was waiting for me after work."

In concerned unison, both Danny and dad ask at the very same time. "Keith?"

I stand, wrapping my one arm around Danny, who protectively holds me against him. "I think Keith came to put a full stop to the end of our friendship." My head rests on Danny's arm, so very glad to be there. "And that poor man I spoke to, I cant get his anguish out of my head." Closing my eyes, I inhale deeply.

When I open them, Dad is standing in front of me with one of his loving daddykins smiles. "Danny, you look after our girl, while I'll go and run her a nice bath." He then kisses my forehead before setting about doing just that, looking pleased to see that Danny is actually able to soothe me.

"Love you, Dad." I call out, so happy to be where I am now.

"You too, Noodle." Dad distantly can be heard saying back.

As dad is heard going up the stairs, Danny wraps both of his arms around me. "You sure you're okay?" His chin is resting on my head, exhaling deeply into my hair.

Feeling safe and feeling content, I smile. "I am now."

More, Danny holds me. "I admire what you do, Henna. Your job is emotionally hard on you, yet you keep on doing it." Then kissing the top of my curls, he goes on. "I am beginning to know all about you, and I know that somewhere inside of you now, you are wrongly blaming yourself. If that man chose to leave this world, that choice isn't yours to shoulder. You know that, right?" His arms gently engulf me, wanting them to make me feel better.

With the heat of happiness radiating from my heart and to every other place in my body, I gladly answer. "Yes, I know." I do know I couldn't save that man from jumping. I really do know that. In my line of work, we quickly learn that we sadly can't save them all. "I just needed to get back here. I just needed this." My body tries bringing itself closer to his; instinctively and contentedly closer.

Danny is now rubbing my back, the support emanating from every one of his thoughtful fingertips. "And Keith?"

My head lifts, wanting to look him right into the warm depths of his dark brown eyes. "I've hurt him, I know that. But I think he realises that there was nowhere to fit him in my heart, because it's already so full of you."

Unconsciously, Danny parts his overwhelmed lips. Consciously, he caresses my left cheek and jawline. "Oh Henna, is there anything left of you that I cannot love?" He smiles, behind his soft beard and his soft moustache, he devotedly smiles. Then, he brings his adoring lips to mine, sealing all that he feels for me with a desperately deep kiss.

And that desperately deep kiss is only stopped when we hear my dad coming back down the stairs. "Right, it's still running. Lavender oil and candles. Now go and relax." He sweetly orders.

Reluctant to let go of Danny, I only do to thank my dear dad. "You're fabulous, you know that?" I quickly peck him on the cheek, just like I used to as his red-cheeked little girl.

Danny is about to sit back down on the sofa, but my dad interrupts him. "Best go up with her, Danny...she might need some help finding the soap." Then he winks at him, chortling as he does.

With that, Danny laughs and is fully back up on his feet. As he and I hurry up the stairs like a giggling pair of kids, I suddenly stop on one of the steps, a step that's just a couple ahead of the one that Danny is now on. With a girlish little twist, I face him with a happy and broad grin. "I love you. I just want you to know that."

Taking another step, Danny is soon heart-stoppingly close to my mouth. "I think you should know that I happen to love you, too." His nose brushes against mine with a smile twitching around his sensually soft lips.

Sweeping my mouth sentimentally all over his, I can't suppress my smile. "How's that rib of yours?"

Danny grins. "It could handle just a little of some soap-finding fun." He suggestively admits.

"And a back scrub?" I ask, still flirtatiously brushing my mouth against the soft seam of his.

Danny takes my hand, passing me on the stairs and then pulling me along behind him. "Definitely a back scrub."

We may not yet be able to rip up the rule book of making love, but we can certainly rip up the rule book to bath time.