Brea

The short drive to the hospital is awkward and uncomfortable. We made a quick pitstop on the way and I loaded up on comfort snacks. Nathan eyes the bag in my lap for a moment before he turns his attention back to the road.

We once built blanket forts in the house and hid inside them, bellies full of these very same snacks. I'm surprised at the memory. It hurts my heart thinking back to all the nights Nathan and I spent playing games, daring the other to do outrageous things that would get us in trouble. He was a loving but extremely overprotective brother. It hurts to think how much has changed. What would our relationship be like now if things were different?

"So..." I say, just to fill the silence. "How's life?"

He lets out a breathy scoff. "Yeah. Fantastic."

"Me too," I mutter, wiping my palms across my jeans. "You seeing anyone?"

A muscle in his cheek jumps. "No. You?"

"No, not really."

His thumb taps against the faded steering wheel. He has cuts littered across his knuckles and large callouses. I compare them to my petite, baby-pink manicured nailed-hands that have dainty silver rings across my fingers.

"Been a while." Nathan says in his gruff tone that has no place in my memory. "Since you've been here."

Been a while. That's an understatement.

"Yeah."

Staring out the window, I pick furiously at my nails. This entire situation feels so strained and awkward. The person next to me is my blood. My best friend growing up. Now, a stranger I can't hold a conversation with.

Ten years ago, after it happened, the entire night was a blur. Mum shoving my belongings into a faded, duffle bag, whispering in my ear to stay quiet. Loading the car and disappearing into the night. Nathan blinking back at me through the misty windows as he was left behind.

We say nothing the rest of the drive. I swallow down the thick lump that has formed in my throat. My back feels knotted with tension and I subtly try to relax into the seat.

A moment of relief came when Nathan pulled into the carpark of the small, rundown hospital in the next town over, but it was quickly replaced with a swirling sense of trepidation. Seeing my brother was difficult, but it won't be anything like seeing my father.

I flinch when the seatbelt flings back against the window. Nathan is out of the car before I even get a chance to unbuckle myself. I feel a little light-headed as we walk inside. There's a distinct smell of chemicals. The off-white walls and matching ceiling give me an instant headache. Soft music is playing but it's so low the lyrics are inaudible.

The woman on reception smiles when she sees Nathan. Her eyes focus on me and her lips twist into a curious frown as she tries to place who I might be. Considering my brother is quite good-looking, I imagine seeing him suddenly hanging out with an unknown woman would make people curious.

"Hey Nathan," she beams at him and her eyes dip over him for a moment. When she meets me eyes, a blush creeps up her neck and she looks quickly back to him. "You here to see your dad?"

"Yeah," he replies, rubbing a hand roughly down his face.

"Go on through," she says, eyes moving back to me, as if waiting for one of us to introduce me, but neither of us do.

I trail after him, growing more nervous with each passing step. A man steps out in front of us, and I almost run into Nathan, he stops so suddenly.

"Nathan," the man says in greeting, nodding at him.

Nathan nods back stiffly. The man halts, blinking at me. His face looks vaguely familiar. I draw a blank for a moment before it comes back to me. My father's best friend.

"Breanna." His voice is deep and rough.

"Hi, Kent."

He offers me a kind smile. "Nice to see you again."

"Thanks, you too."

He steps forward, squeezing my arm. "I hope you are well."

He looks over my head to Nathan and both of their expressions are unreadable. A shiver runs down my spine as he walks away. I don't get a chance to ask what that was about before Nathan pushes the door open and glances back at me. I follow him inside, not having drawn breath for about thirty seconds.

A jolt ripples through my body when I see him. He's aged a lot. The alcohol and the tobacco, I assume. But maybe something else, too. His skin is off-colour. His beard is filled with grey patches. Dark circles underline his eyes, making them seem a little droopy.

He's looking out the window. He turns his head, a small smile twitching the corner of his lips when he sees Nathan. Then, he notices me, and the smile drops from his face. My stomach twists uneasily and I feel a bead of sweat drip down my back.

"Breanna..." he whispers, sitting up.

"Hi," I whisper back, tears stinging my eyes.

"You're here."

My tongue feels thick in my mouth when I try to swallow.

He didn't know I was coming.

Unease riddles my veins. God, it had been a long time since I stood in the same room as my father and brother. My mind is struggling to comprehend that this is really happening.

"You look like her." His voice breaks and it breaks a small piece of my heart as it does. "So much like her."

I don't know what to say. Speaking of her makes the tension grow tenfold in the room. My heart beats to an uneven beat as we both stare, waiting for the other to make the next move.

Nathan collapses into the seat beside the bed. It groans under his weight. He kicks his feet out, bits of dirt falling from his boots onto the ground. He leans back, removing his hat, looking tired and older than he is.

"How's the pain today?" he asks.

It takes a few moments for dad to remove his eyes from mine.

"A little better."

"What happened?" I ask, my voice hoarse.

"Fell off a ladder," he replies. "Just lost my balance."

Nathan's eyes narrow slightly, giving him a pointed look. I feel like I've walked into a cinema where the movie is already halfway playing, and I need to try to catch up.

A gentle knock is heard before a nurse pokes her head in.

"Hi all, time for your pain meds, Mick." She smiles warmly at us. "I didn't realise you had visitors. Hi, Nathan."

"Hey," my brother says without looking from the window. He was a grump growing up, too.

"I don't think we have met before," she continues obliviously. "I'm Alice."

"This is my daughter," Mick says, and everyone turns to look at him, and then me.

"Oh my!" Alice exclaims, eyes widening. "I never realised you had a daughter."

The pain in the room is a palpable thing. I have never felt more uncomfortable in my life than I do in this moment.

"Hi," I force out. "Brea."

"Lovely to meet you!" she smiles obliviously. She turns to my father and hands over the medication. I hiss when I feel my skin tear. Looking down, a drop of blood falls from my thumb onto my jeans.

My father looks like an older, slightly damaged version of Nathan. Hard lines around his eyes and mouth, shadowed eyes, and leathery skin from spending too much time out in the sun.

"Have a great day!" Alice says cheerily as she exits the room. The temperature seems to drop a few degrees after she leaves. The tightness in my shoulders is painful and I blow out a breath, trying to get them to relax.

"I've missed you, Kiddo," he murmurs.

My eyes blur with sudden tears and I'm unable to speak. I nod, looking down to my lap.

When I don't say anything, Nathan talks to dad about the farm and asks him a few questions. I don't understand half of what they are talking about. I watch them interact with hungry curiosity. There's an easiness about their conversations that flow effortlessly. I crave that kind of closeness with someone. Mum and I were once close, before life got in the way.

A blaring ringtone bursts through the room and Nathan answers his phone. It's clear there is some sort of emergency that needs him to return to the farm. In a way, I'm relieved. I need to get out of here.

"Is everything okay?" I ask.

"Fine, but I gotta' go." He says. "See you, Dad. I'll be back tomorrow."

When I stand, my back is ramrod straight. Mick beckons me over. With stiff legs, I walk to the bed. He warm, calloused hand wraps softly around mine.

"You'll come back, won't you?" he whispers.

Mutely, I nod.

"Tomorrow?"

Again, I nod, not trusting myself to speak.

Squeezing my hand, he releases me, and I hastily rush out of the room. Nathan falls in step with me, and I feel his piercing gaze on the side of my head.

"Back to the hotel?" he asks. He's not a man of many words, my brother. But it appears I'm much the same.

"Yeah."

My eyes burn and my heart squeezes inside my chest the entire drive home. I manage to hold it together. There are a million thoughts running through my head and yet, I can't form a single sentence.

"I'll call you," he says. "Tomorrow."

"Okay," I whisper.

When I slide out of the car, we both turn, looking as if we are about to say more, but neither of us do.

When I'm back inside the hotel room, I let myself cry. I release every bit of emotion that is whirling inside of me. I scream loud and hard into my pillow. Then, I shower and pretend nothing ever happened, because I have a date to get to. I'm good at forcing my feelings into a file in the back of mind labelled 'do not open'. I've had years of practise.

I'm a few minutes early when I get to the pub. My eyes scan the area, not seeing the handsome farmer anywhere. I pull up a stool to the bar and drop into it. The pub is larger than I expected, but still small in comparison to the places I'm used to. It has a cute, rustic vibe to it.

There're a few people milling around. An old duke box plays 80s music somewhere off in the corner. I feel more relaxed here than I have since I arrived. I lean onto the bar top and survey the assortment of alcohol they have on display.

A tall girl with dark hair that bailages into a faded-blonde wanders toward me. She has cute rosy cheeks and a heart-shaped face. She's dressed in a singlet tucked into high-waist jeans with a badge that says 'Cassandra' on it. The outfit looks somehow old and new at the same time.

"Hey," she greets, placing the used glasses beside me into the dish rack. "What can I get you?"

"Bourbon, neat," I say with a sigh of deflation. The minutes are ticking by and still no sign of the farmer.

"That kind of day, huh?" she smiles softly.

"Yep."

"What brings you to town?" she asks. She throws an overused rag across her shoulder. I hand her cash at the same time she slides the glass over the sticky counter.

"Visiting family."

"How lovely," she smiles and it's nice that she doesn't ask who I am or which family I am referring to. Maybe she already knows. "You staying for long?"

"I'm really not sure," I answer honestly.

"Sometimes that's the best part of a trip. Not having concrete plans."

"You might be right about that," I agree. "My life back home sort of exploded. I'm not sure what I'm even going back to."

"Oh," she says, offering me a sympathetic look. "I'm sorry to hear that. This is the perfect place to hibernate for a while, if that's what you need."

"That sounds pretty good right now."

She glances over her shoulder before pouring herself the same drink as me. She throws it back and shoots me a grin.

"I've never seen a bartender do that in real life," I laugh.

"Well, I'm not supposed to. But the boss here is a nice guy. I wouldn't get in too much trouble."

"Did you grow up here?"

"Yeah. I left for a couple of years but then came back. They do always say you come back," she smiles.

"Might be some truth to that."

She attends to a man down the end of the bar, and I use this as my chance to catch up on my socials. I click on messenger first, confirming that not one of my 'friends' have reached out to me. This has been one of the worst weeks of my life and not one of them have messaged me. The group chat has been dead which has lead me to believe there have created a new one without me in it. The only thing that has changed is the fact that I'm no longer dating Mitch. I know they appreciated having him around because he has a lot of good-looking, single friends, but there's still no reason to drop me without a word.

Exiting out of the app, I open Instagram and immediately, it shows me they have stories up. Clicking on them, I see that they are out for drinks. Gritting my molars, I tap through the videos and photos. Goosebumps scatter across my skin when I see one of my closest friends—Olivia—sitting on Mitch's lap, his hands resting on her waist.

Well. That didn't take long.

Locking my phone, I drop it onto the bench top and make a gesture with my hand, indicating to make me another one. The alcohol burns my throat as I swallow it down.

What a fucking day this has been.

After ordering my third, I glance around another time. It's now fifteen minutes past the agreed time of the date. My stomach cramps at the thought of being stood up, especially after everything that has happened lately.

After my third drink, the time now being half-past seven, I bid farewell to the kind bartender and walk back, feeling warm and buzzed from the drinks.

Ugh. Men.

The door of my room bangs loudly against the wall, and I throw my handbag across the room. Angry at the handsome farmer who stood me up. Angry at my asshole friends. Angry at my father for his past ways. Angry at myself for everything in between.

Sagging to the ground, I bury my face into my legs.

I have never felt so lost.

-----------------

I hope you are all having an amazing weekend!

If you love:

→ New adult books

→ Enemies to lovers

→ Second chance romance

→ Forced proximity

→ Morally grey characters

→ Spice

Be sure to check out my novel 'Meant to Be' available on Book Depository, Amazon, FREE on Kindle Unlimited. It is also available to purchase on Pothi (for India readers). It has a discreet cover for the paperback and an alternate, 'steamy' cover for the ebook.

You can read the first couple of chapters for free as a sample here on Wattpad to see if it is something you might enjoy!