Zander

I told myself not to go there. And what do I do? The exact opposite.

Quietly, I put away the paperwork that still isn't finished. For a few moments, I hang my head between my hands and think about what I've just done. This is a small town. Smaller than most. There is no way I can avoid her. I'm not looking for anything serious, and she is a serious kind of girl. What was I thinking?

That's the problem. I wasn't.

I finish my drink and push open the office door. Swinging my eyes around, I wait a moment to see if Brea will walk out, but she doesn't.

As I make my way back out to the main area, Cassie stares at me.

"All good here?" I ask, barely able to look her in the eye.

"Yep," she replies, looking at me up and down.

"I'll be off, then."

"You do that, Boss."

Ignoring her snide remark, I exit without a word. Falling into the driver seat, I slam the door shut and rest my hands on the steering wheel, blowing out a breath.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. Why did I do that?

She isn't the girl for me. She can't be. She is from the city, I'm from the country. It will never work. Of course, then there is Nathan. I don't want anything tying us two together, it's hard enough being in proximity of him on a normal day.

I don't date. I've never felt the urge. Never wanted to. Why is it different with her? Why does she consume my entire mind? I can barely think when I'm around her.

A part of me is wondering whether she would be interested in a casual arrangement. Considering she isn't meant to be here for long, it could work. As long as neither of us get attached. I've never been attached before, that doesn't come easily to me, but the risk with her is higher than I like.

The way she is, the way she dresses... as beautiful and kind as she may seem, she seems like someone who may be high maintenance. Someone who would never settle for a casual fling with someone like me.

But she returns my flirty remarks. Her gaze is as heated as mine. And she kissed me back. Harder and rougher than I thought a girl like her would. Maybe my assumption about her is totally wrong.

Maybe this is all happening because of how long it has been since I have gotten laid. I just need to get my fix of her. One night, that's all I need. Then she will go back to where she came from, and we will both move on.

This is all it is. Sexual frustration. It's making my head cloudy.

When I get back home, I drink another two beers before heading to the shower. Breathing heavily, I press my palm against the cold tiles, watching the clear water turn dark as the dirt washes off me.

Closing my eyes, my mind wanders to a tall blonde, smirking up at me. The heat of her breath on my skin when we kissed.

Circling my hand around myself, I stroke my length, groaning as the memory of her body pressed against mine flashes through my mind. I've barely touched myself before my release hits me like a truck. Groaning, I spill into my hand, cursing, and cherishing her name on my tongue. My chest heaves as I turn, leaning on the wall, water running down my face.

This has never happened to me. Sure, I've fantasied. Everyone does. But never this hard, this severe. Someone like her isn't even my type. Hell, I don't have a type. I never experience what I just did. Not that quickly, not that intensely.

Ten minutes later, I'm roaming around in only my towel, considering potentially to go back into the shower for round two. I can't fucking get her off my mind.

"Ew, put some clothes on!"

I startle, my foot slipping on the wooden floorboard. I steady myself and glare up at my sister who has let herself into my house.

"Ever heard of knocking?" I ask her. "I could have been naked."

"I did knock," she argues. "You take very long showers."

Heat burns a trail up my neck as I stomp back to my room, slamming the door shut. I pull a black t-shirt over my head and black shorts. I glance down at myself, knowing Maya will give me shit. She says I have a bland wardrobe. When I'm not in my farm clothes, I'm only ever in black or white shirts. She makes a point to buy me outrageous coloured shirts for Christmas. They sit and collect dust with the other coloured clothes I've accumulated over the years.

When I'm back in the living room, she has Mila in her arms. She calls out to me, opening her arms. Collecting her into my own, I hug her to my chest.

"Hey gorgeous girl," I smile at her.

"Hi Uncle Z," she beams up at me.

"You lost another tooth?" I ask her.

Nodding, she gives me a big grin. "Sure did. I got $2 from the tooth fairy."

"Only $2? The tooth fairy is stingy."

Maya kicks my legs and I shoot her a wicked grin over the top of Mila's head. She sticks her finger up at me behind her daughter's back.

"You look like crap, Zander." Maya says abruptly. "Are you not sleeping again?"

"Thanks. I love how everyone tells me that."

"You look tired all the time, Z. And you drink too much."

Placing Mila down, I pin her with a narrowed stare. "If you've come to talk shit to me, then piss off."

Mila gasps. "Naughty word!"

"Watch it," Maya warns.

"I'm serious. Not in the right headspace for you to belittle me right now."

"I'm sorry."

Ignoring her, I go to the kitchen. I'm itching for a beer but decide not to prove her point.

"I worry about you."

"Everyone worries about me apparently," I mutter.

"When can we go to the markets?" Mila chirps.

"Soon, Missy Moo," I say with a smile. "They aren't on for a few weeks."

Pouting, she moves toward the basket of toys and tips it over. Diesel trots happily over to where she is, plonking himself beside her as she starts building blocks on top of each other.

"I made some meals for you," Maya says, pointing to the bag by her feet. "A casserole, lasagne, and a few spag-bowls."

"You didn't need to do that."

"You're not looking after yourself."

"I am," I grunt. "I'm perfectly fine."

Maya exhales. "How's the farm doing?"

"Average."

"What about the bar?"

"Average, but not as bad as the farm."

"You're stressed," she points out. "How can I help?"

"You can't."

"You don't need to do all of this on your own, Z."

Sitting down, I lean back against the cushions, feeling weary. As if the weight of the world has nestled onto my shoulders. But it's been there for a while. I'm used to the weight.

"I don't want it to get too much for you," she whispers. "Like last time."

Slamming my hand down on the coffee table, everybody in the room jumps.

"I'm fine, Maya."

"So you say," Maya whispers, lower lip trembling. Her eyes dart to Mila, who has gone back to playing with the blocks. "And then you almost jumped off a cliff."

Closing my eyes, I force myself to inhale and exhale. I don't like thinking about what happened two years ago. It was a very difficult time for me. They admitted me to hospital. Stuck tubes in me. Tried to fill me up with medication. Icy cold dread fills me at the thought of it.

Depression, they called it. Something I have always had but never attached a label to.

"I appreciate it," I say in a low voice through gritted teeth. "But stop, Maya. Please."

Standing, she hastily wipes away her tears. "I can't handle the thought of losing you, Zander. We have lost so much. We need each other."

"I know," I say.

"Don't ever do that again," she whispers, gathering Mila in her arms, hoisting her up so that she sits on her hip.

"I won't." My voice is barely audible as I stare ahead, feeling her eyes on the side of my face.

She walks past me and to the door.

"Bye, Zander."

"Bye, Uncle Z!" Mila sings. "We love you!"

My heart feels heavy in my chest. Smiling through blurry eyes, I wave at her as they disappear through the door.