We arrived at Coachella and we sat on the grass and talked since the performers take like forever to start.

"How've you been Hails?" Anthony asked me in all seriousness.

"I've been better. The nightmare still occurs every night, but I'm getting better. I just constantly have the feeling that someone's watching me when I'm alone in the apartment."

"That's so creepy. Do you maybe wanna stay with me at my apartment for awhile?" Andrew asked. I sighed.

"No it's okay. I have Luke and Chris and I know they'd make a big deal over it if they found out these strange things have been happening."

"What other strange things have been happening?" Jenn asked.

"I've been having nightmares, well one actually. I have the same one every night. Sometimes it changes slightly but it's always the same thing. I'm drowning for what feels like eternity and I can't breathe. I can see people above me walk by as if they're on top of the water and they can't see me. I wake up and I'm gasping for air as if I'd actually drowned. Chris came in my room one night and found me dead. He was grabbing his phone to call 911 and I just woke up gasping for air." I felt tears come to my eyes. "I just don't wanna talk about it, okay? We're here to have fun." I forced a smile.

"That's terrible Hails" Anthony hugged me. "We're always here for you, remember that."

"I know. I'm always here for you guys too" I smiled.

-

Coachella day 1 was a total success and we arrived at the hotel room late at night, totally beat and exhausted. But I was too scared of that dream that I didn't go to bed just yet.

Anthony said he'd stay up with me and watch movies, so of course I picked my favorites. Lost Boys, Stand By Me, License To Drive, Lucas, Girl Interrupted, and the Outsiders.

We passed out around 4am in the middle of License To Drive.

-

I felt myself being pushed into a body of water. I couldn't move, it was like I was paralyzed.

There were many forms trying to grab me in the water. Black forms that all had a different emotion to them. Happiness, sadness, anger, excitement, etc.

But the saddest ones always grabbed me and pulled me down further and further.

I could see people walking over top of me, not seeing anything happening below the surface.

The black forms began to turn into human life forms. As they became clearly visible I woke up.

-

I gasped for air very loudly, looking around and seeing Andrew and Anthony staring at me.

"Hailey are you okay? We checked your pulse. There wasn't one for a good 3 minutes" Anthony said sounding concerned.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine" I forced a smile. "Who's ready for Coachella day 2? I know I am. I can't wait to try more of the foods there."

I changed the conversation as I got up and headed to the bathroom. I felt dizzy and extremely nauseous, and I threw up everything in my stomach, though there wasn't much to begin with. Once I knew I was done, I flushed the toilet and brushed my teeth.

I showered, did my hair and make up, and got dressed.

"Do you think Hailey's like... okay?" I heard Jenn ask.

"I don't know. There's something going on that she's not telling us. Maybe she needs therapy or something." Lauren said.

They were right, there was something I wasn't telling them. I couldn't tell anyone or I'd be locked up in a mental asylum.

But I guess it's time to admit it to myself that what I'm doing is wrong. I tried to convince myself that I was normal and normal people did this, but deep down I knew that wasn't the truth.

Normal people don't have drug problems. Normal people don't take a few pills every few nights just for the fun of it. Normal people don't go without sleep or food for days at a time. Normal people don't light things on fire randomly for the fun of it. Normal people don't cut themselves on their arms and their legs and their stomachs. Normal people don't have multiple mental illnesses that they refuse to have treated. Normal people don't imagine killing others, especially their family or friends, just because.

I am not normal.