And its warm like a soft kiss

Well you're someone that I'm gonna miss,

Cause reckless is fun when your not the one that gets hurt

Reckless - San Cisco

. . .

At dinner the silence had washed over me like a stormy tide. It was the only way to get through the evening and the only way I could hold all my raging feelings together.

Loose lips sink ships, and mine was barely surviving the wave of emotions, ones that felt like a whirlpool in my mind, pulling every thought and feeling deeper down.

So I drowned myself in zucchini's and bean sprouts, rosemary potatoes and other foods I couldn't stand but forced into my mouth anyway.

Anything to restrain me from shouting but we're just friends! at Noah when he nudged against my knee or gazed at me with charming eyes. So far the zucchini lasagne had done the job but I knew the longer I stayed, and the longer I was made to sit opposite him, my friend, the more likely I was to say something I'd regret.

Silence kept me anchored.

Thankfully no one seemed to notice all that much, as Noah told astounding facts about space and time much to his audience's delight, mostly Grace who fawned over his every word. Mrs Allen was too preoccupied with cleaning up the mess of mashed vegetables around Jacob's mouth and Lily was busy questioning why her father couldn't make it for dinner, again for the second night running.

"He's away for a conference darling but he will be back next week." Mrs Allen had explained, before turning to me to tell me that Gabe had been helping out an old school friend promote a line of self-help books and how proud of him she was.

I replied with a polite smile and a gentle nod of my head, still silent, still pretending to be too enamoured with my plate of greens to speak.

The silence I'd maintained was flawless, until she excitedly asked Noah if he'd sent his college application forms off yet.

Then it crashed and sunk faster than I could have ever been ready for.

"What college?" I all but shouted, tiny splodges of lasagne spraying out from my mouth. "What do you mean applications, for what, for where?"

I tried to mop the food away from my face but I needed to say more, I had to let them all spill free.

"You're going to college? When? Why?"

Mrs Allen slowly lowered her fork back to her plate, and rested an elbow on the table and sighed at Noah. "I thought you had told her?"

I felt another nudge against my leg but this time it wasn't from Noah being sweet or affectionate, it was because he was flustered and squirming in his seat.

I already knew what he was going to say, and so I answered for him.

"No, he hasn't. Obviously."

"I was going to." Noah said, so quiet I could barely hear. Nervously he pushed back his hair, as beads of sweat trickled down his cheeks.

Sensing just how awkward and slightly confrontational it had become between us, Mrs Allen smiled and told me that Gabe thought it would be a great idea for Noah to scope out teaching courses and that college would be good for him, seeing as he'd never been before. Apparently there was a really great 'Applied Sciences' teaching program in Boston they'd encouraged him to apply for that started in the fall.

Boston.

As she explained how her and Gabe had been so impressed with his tutoring, that they even got the applications for him, I zoned out and felt my dinner creep back up.

"Excuse me." I interrupted; recklessly pushing my chair back so hard it toppled over, hitting the porch. The fork in my hand landed along side it and my sandal strap caught onto a small screw in the table.

Getting away really wasn't my speciality, because Noah reached over and grabbed my arm; worried I was going to crumple into a heap like the chair and cutlery before me.

"Are you okay Scar?" he asked, with his hand still locked onto me.

"Just need the bathroom. Don't feel well."

"Oh."

"Excuse me." I repeated, pulling away from him and finally making my exit.

The suffocating heat hit me once again as I made my way up the stairs and into the bathroom, bolting the door shut before tipping my head over the sink.

My tears of frustration didn't stand a chance against the splashes of cold water on my face. It was the pause I so desperately needed.

.

A knock on the door followed, as I dried off and took a deep, shallow breath. Again I heard knuckles hit and a muffled voice, and knew I had to push away the dramatics and face up to whoever was outside, calling for me and those left sat round the table, no doubt not buying my quick, hasty excuse for leaving.

"Scarlett, can we talk?"

Another deep breath gave me the confidence to unbolt the door and face him. Noah's eyes were reddened and he was fiddling with his shirt cuffs once more.

"Yeah, sure."

Closing the door behind him, Noah leaned against it and sighed. "I know you're not sick. I know you're up here because you're mad at me for not telling you. I should have mentioned it sooner, I promise I was going to it's just I still don't even know if I want to go to college, or teach or even move away. It's all happened so fast and I didn't want to tell you in case I never went through with it, you understand that right?" he finished, pleading with sincere eyes.

"I'm sorry I reacted like that, it was stupid of me." I whispered, burying my face in my hands. "God, I feel like such an idiot but... it just took me by surprise, that's all."

"I know, I'm sorry too."

"It's okay." I replied, a small smile on my lips to show him that it was, okay, even if my mind was telling me otherwise. "I'm... pleased for you, really I am. You deserve to get out of here, do something better."

"Maybe, I don't know really. It's quite a big change. Gabe seems more excited for me than I am." Noah mumbled. "He's like 'you need to focus on your future Noah and get out of this small town mentality, go make something of yourself'." he said, mimicking Gabe's low voice.

"He's right. There's nothing here, besides you'll be fine, it's a good opportunity."

"Maybe."

After a long silent exchange, with me hovering by the sink and with Noah, head hung low against the door, I took another breath and a step closer to him. Leaning forwards too, he slowly put his arms around me. My head instinctively found its place between his neck and shoulder, the warmth of his skin pressed against my cheeks and his breath tickled my ear.

Gently lifting my head, Noah's face met mine, our noses brushed together and for a quick moment I felt my lips tingle with maybes.

Maybe this was the moment we needed, and one that had the possibility to propel us over the line and onto a new path.

Really though I should have learnt that my expectations always crashed and burned because instead of feeling the softness of his lips locking onto mine or the sensation of his tongue or his hands cradling my face tenderly, all I felt was them reach up and lightly kiss the top of my forehead.

My expectation was way off the mark. No surprises.

"Jeez, I'm sorry." Noah laughed, wiping away the wetness from where he'd kissed me with the back of hand. "Literally every part of me is just a gigantic, sweaty mess."

When I looked at his face again, it was completely flushed and I knew my own was burning wildly, hot and heavy. Just not from the heat.

"Yup, shitty heat waves." I frowned. "Sweaty, shitty heat waves."

"When will it end!"

"Probably never, but you'll be leaving soon, so lucky you!" I didn't quite mean to sound so sarcastic but the combination of his friend-like kiss and the evening's revelations were still bubbling on the surface.

"Well not if I don't get accepted, the applications have only just been sent." Noah replied, still close to me but not in the way I wanted.

"Shut up, you know you'll get in, Mr Modest." I teased, pulling back slightly. "Or should I say Sir?"

"That's a long way off yet Scar, if not an impossible pipe dream."

"Sir Noah Taylor, has a nice ring to it don't you think?"

Laughing, he wound his fingers between mine and held them up, his smile wide and inviting. "Well whatever happens, you've got to put up with me for at least another month, if not forever - dun dun dun!"

"Great." I said dryly, mocking his expression. "Suppose I can deal with having you as a friend for a little longer."

I hoped he'd pick up on the irony, but of course he didn't.

"Who knows, maybe you'll never get rid of me." he joked, kick starting the pounding in my chest again. Maybe if I wished hard enough, truth would stick to his words and it would be granted.

Smiling he continued to joke. "However, if we're being realistic, the heat will probably get the both of us before then anyways."

"Probably."

Letting are interlaced fingertips drop down, I winked at him and admired his stupid, goofy expression, one that I couldn't stop from stealing my breath away. Those big brown eyes had a hold over me, like no other before them.

None had ever been like him though.

And as he playfully spun me round by my finger, my hair fanning out and my head dizzy again with negligent expectations, wants, hopes and desires, I knew that no one could ever stand a chance.

My heart had recklessly crossed the line and there was no going back.

. . .