Chapter 28

Slow Dancing

Her mom stayed for a total of 45 minutes. And then, hindi na ito bumalik makalipas ang ilang linggo. She claimed that she had business to attend to habang nandito siya sa Manila, but Fatima knew she'd been going to casinos. Ito ang dahilan kung bakit palagi ring nag-aaway ito at ang ate niya.

It was the same habit that put them in a mountain of debt na ang tagal bago nabayaran lahat ng nakakatandang kapatid niya. It was also the same habit that her father did before he passed.

Paano niya nasasabi na pumili ng tamang desisyon kung siya mismo, hindi maasahang pumili nang tama.

Fatima laid still on the couch, her feet propped on the armrest, while Clementine was laying on her chest. Ngayon lang ito nakatulog simula nang magising kaninang alas-tres nang umaga. Since then, hindi na siya nito pinatulog, and it was 6 in the morning.

She's so small on my chest, Fatima smiled at how tiny her little darling was. Parang wala pa itong isang ruler habang nakahiga sa dibdib niya. She was curled in tight ball, but her head was angled up and towards her face, kaya nakikita niya ang mukha ng anak.

She hummed a familiar song some more when she saw her eyes open. But even with her soothing voice, dilat itong tumingin sa kanya at bahagyang ngumiti. "Ayaw mo talagang matulog 'no?"

Clemie blinked her doe eyes at her repeatedly. She narrowed her eyes at her daughter. "Alam mo talagang gumagana 'yan sa 'kin, anak."

And then she heard a loud fart, followed by the smell of poop.

"Kapapalit ko lang sa 'yo!" Fatima half-yelled in frustration. Para silang nagwawaldas ng diaper and it was so expensive!

Her little darling just smiled and babbled adorably. Pasalamat talaga siya at cute siya!

Fatima groaned before picking her up and gently laying her down to their changing mat. Nakangiti ito habang siya ay nagpupunas and it took her so much not to squeeze her cheeks so hard, both in adoration and frustration. "Last na nappy na 'to, anak, ha. Magagalit na talaga ako 'pag umulit ka pa. Ilabas mo na 'yan lahat!"

She still had things to do dahil napabayaan na niya ang bahay habang sinusubukang patulugin ang anak niya. She had to wash the dishes, mop the floor, cook for herself, and then wash her clothes dahil sa daming soiled clothes ni Clemie ay halos araw araw na siyang naglalaba.

Rigo was still at work and was barely at home because after his work, he had to run to his review center to get something done dahil ilang linggo na lang ay sasabak na siya sa board exam.

But still, like usual, Rigo called her during lunch. "Kumain ka na?" bungad nito sa kanya. Nagtatago pa siya sa tumatalsik na mantika ng pini-prito niya nang marinig ang tawa ni Rigo sa kabilang linya.

"Gamitin mong shield 'yong glass na takip para makikita mo pa rin niluluto mo."

Fatima hissed when hot oil splattered a bit on her arm. "Ang ingay mo!" Inilayo niya ang sarili mula sa kawali habang hawak pa rin ang phone.

"'Musta diday ko?" She heard him ask, his voice laced with quiet longing. Malamang namimiss na rin nito si Clemie dahil minsan ay pagod na 'pag umuuwi at hindi na ito naaabutang gising.

Fatima grunted. "Nagwawaldas na naman ng diaper niya." Iniharap niya ang phone kay Clemie na nasa maliit na crib niya sa sala.

"Diday, abot dito amoy!" pang-aasar ni Rigo habang tumatawa. "'Wag mo naman sayangin diaper mo. 'Pag utot, utot lang, walang kasamang laman, diday."

As if she sensed that Rigo was making fun of her, agad na nangilid ang luha nito and the next thing they knew, umiiyak na ito. "This drama queen." Fatima clicked her tongue and bent her head down to kiss her cheek. Agad naman itong tumahimik nang paulit-ulit niyang halikan ang pisngi at leeg.

"Ang bilis magpatulo ng luha, ah," halos maubos ang hininga ni Rigo sa katatawa. And when he sobered up, there was a brief silence on the other line. "Miss ko na si diday."

"Kahit na inaasar mo palagi?"

"Oo naman, pero alam niyang mahal ko siya. 'Di katulad ni Jachin." Rigo chuckled as he referred to the one time that Jachin and Evie were around visiting. Nagtama pa lang ang tingin nila ni Clemie ay umiyak na agad ang anak niya. Ayaw nito kay Jachin kahit anong suyo ang gawin nito.

Fatima turned off the stove and picked up her utensil para makakain na siya when Rigo cleared his throat. Inilayo sandali ni Fatima ang phone mula sa tainga niya. "Natahimik ka. May ginagawa ka na?"

"Ha? Ah, w-wala." Rigo stuttered, kaya kumunot ang noo niya.

Tumigil sa pagsasandok si Fatima at ibinaba ang bowl na hawak. "Rigo, what is it? Sabihin mo na."

A long stretch of silence sat between them, with only the sound of Rigo's coworkers at the background at ang ingay ng TV na nakabukas sa sala ng unit niya ang naririnig.

"I miss you. Kayo ni diday." Rigo whispered on the other line, his voice thick with longing. Fatima bit her lower lip and tilted her head.

She leaned her hips on the counter before her lips curve into a small smile. Hindi niya mapigilan ang galak sa puso sa tatlong salita na binitawan nito. "I miss you, too."

"Tsk. Ang lambing lambing na boses mo. Nakakaakit umuwi."

"Then come home to me. To us." She nibbled on her lower lip, afraid that she stepped too far. Was she wrong for saying that?

Fatima heard a shuffle on the other line, the wheels of his chair scraping on the floor. "Boss, pwede na bang umuwi? Hinahanap na ako ng isa pang bossing ko, e," he paused, and then laughed. "Ay, dalawa pala."

Hindi narinig ni Fatima ang sagot ng kausap niya dahil sa kantyawan ng mga katrabaho, pero nang bumalik ito ay parang nanlulumo ang boses. "'Di pa raw pwede, mahal—uh, Fatima." His fake cough couldn't hide the clear slip of tongue, and Fatima let the word sit on her chest.

Mahal.

Nangilid ang luha niya. Her stomach was caving in on itself, both in delight and the fear that tugged at the corners of her mind. Mahal? Did he mean it?

"Ah, ano, kailangan ko muna ibaba tawag. I'll see you later, okay?"

She could only hum in response before she heard the call disconnected. Bumaling siya anak na kanina pa pala nakatulog kahit na maingay siyang nagluluto ng tanghalian. It's time for you to make the right choice, Fatima. Her mother's voice echoed inside her head like a bell tolling, haunting her to make the decision. But what Felicia Riarte didn't know was that she already made hers a long time ago.

☂

Pumipintig na ang ulo ni Rigo sa sobrang lala ng migraine niya habang nag-aayos ng gamit. He shoved his laptop and his binder inside his bag and lifted it to his shoulders. Hinintay niyang matapos si Jachin na kausapin ang iba nilang kasama sa review.

"Mr. Popular ka talaga," pang-aasar niya sa kaibigan nang lumapit na ito sa upuan nila. "Buti 'di nagseselos si Evie kapag may lumalapit sa 'yo para magtanong kahit alam naman talaga nila sagot."

Mahina itong natawa. "Si Evie lang talaga. Period. Padlock, susi." Jachin slung his arm around him as they both headed out of the room.

As they reach the tail-end of their review period, mas lalo nang kinakabahan si Rigo. He was confident during his college days na madadalian lang siya sa licensure exam nila kasi gusto niya ang ginagawa niya at masipag siyang mag-aral. Pero hindi lang pala 'yon ang kailangan. Hindi sinabi sa kanila na kailangan mo ng malaking kumpiyansa sa sarili mo, which he did not have right at this very moment.

His mind swam with the fear of failing, of showing his face to his parents, friends, colleagues, and most of all, to Fatima, should he fail the exam. Hindi niya alam kung may mukha pa siyang maihaharap sa kanila. And then, there was the matter of him and Fatima. At home in her apartment, he felt like they were tiptoeing around the fact that Jacob was visiting, and that the more frequent he comes, patagal nang patagal ito.

Hindi niya ito matanggihan dahil may karapatan naman itong makita ang anak nila, at hindi niya rin magawang sabihin kay Fatima na. . . na ano? Na natatakot siyang may naiwan pang pagmamahal ito para kay Jacob? Na natatakot siyang baka isang araw kuhanin nito si Fatima at Clementine sa buhay niya?

Na takot siyang magbago ang isip nito.

Yes, they were happy now, pero sapat ba 'to para hindi magbago ang isip niya? Sapat ba para sundin ni Fatima kung anong gusto niya?

Rigo swallowed the thick vile of fear as he drove home. Home. The place where both Fatima and Clementine were. Doon napapanatag ang loob niya lalo na kapag sinasalubong siya ng dalawa galing sa trabaho o review niya. Doon niya nagagawang huminga kapag hirap na hirap na siya sa inaaral at kapag nararamdaman niyang kinakain na siya ng takot.

That's also one of the things they didn't tell them. Na kailangan mo rin ng matibay na support system kung gusto mong tumatag ang loob mo.

A different picture welcomed him home however. Nasa hallway pa lang siya ay naririnig na niya ang palahaw ni Clemie sa loob ng unit and her cry of distress alarmed him and forced him to move his feet quicker than his mind could catch up on. Nagmamadali niyang sinaksak ang susi at binuksan ang pinto.

"Shh, shh. What's wrong, anak? What do you want?" Fatima's voice shook and when she turned around and met his worried gaze, her face morphed into helplessness.

Ilang hakbang lang ang pagitan nila at agad na inabot ni Rigo ang kamay niya. "Bakit? Anong nangyari?"

"I–I don't know. Kanina pa siya umiiyak, Rigo. I've fed and changed her. Lahat na ginawa ko." Hindi alam ni Rigo kung sino ang unang bibigyan ng atensiyon dahil maging si Fatima ay butil butil na ang pawis at nangingilid ang luha. She was visibly overwhelmed. Mabilis ang paghinga nito nang harapin siya, and Rigo felt his heart sunk at the look of fear in her eyes.

"Okay, but look at me," Rigo gently cupped her face and looked directly in her eyes. "Hinga. I need you to breathe first." He watched as she took several deep breaths, her chest rising and falling with every intake, and despite Clementine crying in her arms, Fatima only had her eyes on him.

Rigo cupped the back of her head and brought his lips down to hers, languidly pulling her lower lip in with his mouth. Fatima snaked her arm that wasn't holding Clemie around his hips and pulled him close as she deepened the kiss. Dumiin ang mga daliri ni Rigo sa buhok nito nang halos bumagsak ang katawan ni Fatima, a breath of relief escaping their mouths.

Nang lumayo siya ay nagtama ang tingin nila, and Fatima's eyes were brimming with unshed tears, and the softness in her gaze made his heart burn for the overwhelming love he had for this woman.

He wanted to always be the one to catch her when she's about to fall.

"Thank you for coming home," Fatima managed to say amidst her nerves. Bumaling ito kay Clemie na umiiyak pa rin pero hindi na kasing lakas.

Rigo reached for her small frame and carefully placed Clemie in his arms and swayed from left to right. Bumaba ang tingin niya at marahang hinaplos ang ulo ni Clemie. "Hi, diday ko. Ba't ka naman nagagalit? Anong problema? Pag-usapan natin 'yan."

Her small lips pulled into a slight pout when she heard his voice and he would be lying if it didn't make his heart skip a beat in adoration. Then, she stopped crying all together and instead, a laughter bubbled out of her when Rigo booped her nose with his finger. "Ganda naman ng ngiti ng budiday ko na 'yan. Manang-mana sa nanay." Clemie's nose scrunched when he repeated his boops, until she no longer felt the need to cry.

Fatima leaned her head on his shoulder and sighed. "Thank you. 'Di ko alam kung may masakit sa kanya. I was worried and gusto ko na lang itakbo siya sa ospital."

Ibinaba ni Rigo si Clementine sa crib nito at ibinigay ang pacifier para malibang muna, bago bumaling ulit kay Fatima. He extended both his arms to her, and when she saw the question in her eyes, Rigo chuckled. "Just take it."

Despite the hesitation painted on her expression, Fatima placed her hands on his, and before she could protest, he pulled her close and placed her hand on his shoulder while his arms wound around her waist. He gently swayed, pulling Fatima with him to a rhythm only known to his mind.

A deep crease appeared between her brows. "Ano'ng ginagawa natin?"

"Sumasayaw."

"Walang music," anito na may halong tawa. "Maglagay ka naman ng music. Kanta ka."

He clicked his tongue. "Gusto mo bang bumagyo? Pag kumulog, malamang iiyak na naman si budiday ko. Ayaw kong umiiyak siya."

Fatima rolled her eyes at him. "E pa'no kailangan niyang bakunahan sa isang araw? 'Di na kita isasama. Baka mas umiyak ka pa kaysa sa bata."

"Sasama ako," he demanded. "Sasama ako. Kaya ko 'yon. Kaya ko." Even to his own ears, he sounded pathetic pero alam niyang kailangan siya ni Clemie kaya kahit ayaw niyang makita itong umiiyak, sasama pa rin siya.

The sound of Fatima's laugh rang in his ears. Her body was finally lax and soft around him, and it allowed him to guide her as they danced in their living room. "I can imagine your face. Tapos si Clemie nakatingin lang sa 'yo kasi bakit mas umiiyak ka pa sa kesa sa kanya."

Rigo pinched her waist. "Tigilan mo na pang-aasar sa 'kin. Kiss mo na lang ako."

Umiling si Fatima at inangat ang kamay niya para takpan ang bibig niya. And then, when Rigo leaned down, inilayo niya ang mukha niya, as far as her back would bend.

"Fatima, pa-kiss na. Sige na, please." He did his best puppy dog eyes at her, but she didn't budge and continued to keep her hand on her lips.

"Tawagin mo muna akong mahal," Fatima smiled when his eyes widened in surprise. "Just like you did earlier." It was a slip of tongue and one that he almost regretted, if it weren't for her bringing it up now. Ngayon, gusto na niyang iparinig dito.

He tightened his arms around her waist before he bent his head a little. "Mahal. Kiss me, please?"

Only then did Fatima let him kiss her.

#smdysnwp