Chapter 27

Right Choice

The time between Fatima and Clementine flew by painfully quick. One moment, she was sleeping in her arms, and then the next ay pauwi na sila. They were both cleared of any complications, but were asked to return in a couple of days for further check up.

Lahat ng parte ng katawan ni Fatima ay masakit pa rin. She felt sore all over, but most importantly, the bleeding was still present. Ang sabi ng doctor ay magpapatuloy pa ito ng ilang linggo. It was bothersome to also clean her wound, but she had to make sure it wouldn't become infected dahil mas malaking problema pa ito.

"Fatima?" She heard Rigo's voice on the other side of the comfort room's door and then followed by two knocks. "Kailangan mo ng tulong?"

She almost rolled her eyes. "Gusto mo ba ako makitang nakahubad?"

There was brief silence on the other side before she heard a faint chuckle. "Medyo." Rinig sa tawa nito ang ngiti sa mga labi kaya mas lalong siyang nainis. She looked like a hot mess with her hospital gown almost slipping from her chest area and her hair sticking on her forehead dahil hindi siya makahanap ng tiyempo para maligo and he still wanted to see her naked?

Clementine needed to be fed and changed almost every hour, and when she's not preoccupied with her baby, itong dalawang lalaki naman ang binabantayan niya dahil parang kaunti na lang ay magsusuntukan na naman.

Hinampas ni Fatima ang pinto. "Bwisit."

"May padala si mama na pagkain," Rigo mentioned, still on the other side of the door. "Pero para sa 'tin lang kaya sabihan mo 'yong isa na humanap ng makakainan niya. 'Di siya kasama sa head count."

Mabilis na pinihit ni Fatima ang doorknob at binuksan ang pinto. Nakasandal si Rigo sa hamba at nang makita siya nito at bahagyang umismid. "Done?"

"Alam mo, tigilan n'yo akong dalawa," Fatima pulled the hem of her hospital gown before quickly getting up on the bed. "Pwede bang umuwi muna kayo?"

The space between Rigo's brows creased in question. "Bakit? Gusto ko sa tabi mo." Hinila nito ang maliit na stool na inuupuan papalapit pa lalo sa kama niya.

Fatima scratched her forehead harshly. "Sumasakit ang ulo ko sa inyo ni Jacob. Kapag pareho kayong nandito sa kwarto, nagtititigan lang kayo. Hindi ko alam kung gusto ninyo magsuntukan o ano. And I'm tired."

As if on cue, Clementine, who was just sleeping on her bassinet beside her mother's bed started to fuss. Ilang segundo lang ay ngumangawa na ito.

"See, even Clemie is tired."

Just as Fatima scooted to the other side to get Clemie, nauna na si Rigo at mabilis na kinuha ito mula sa bassinet. "Ba't damay ako? Bati nga kami ng budiday ko, e." He gently rocked her against his chest and tried to put her back to sleep again. Ilang minuto pa lang kasi itong natutulog and her nap should be at least an hour.

"Kumain ka muna," nginuso ni Rigo ang tupperware na nakapatong sa maliit na lamesa sa gilid ng kama. "Nag-adobo si mama tapos may steamed vegetables daw diyan para healthy at makatulong sa recovery mo."

Fatima gently opened the tupperware and shoved a spoonful of rice and meat. Hindi niya alam kung bakit mas gutom pa siya ngayon kumpara nung buntis pa siya. Must be because of breastfeeding. Palagi siyang gutom at nauuhaw dahil sa lakas kumain ng anak niya, but she was so grateful that she was producing enough milk for her.

"May cleft chin ang diday," Rigo absentmindedly muttered as he stared down at Clemie's sleepy figure in his arms. "Tapos kuhang kuha ang tangos ng ilong mo."

Lumambot ang puso ni Fatima nang makita niya ang pagkinang ng mata ni Rigo habang nakatingin sa anak niya. "You really love her, don't you?"

Clementine yawned at ngumiti si Rigo nang bumaling ang tingin nito sa kanya. She doesn't have a clear vision just yet, but she knows that Clemie could feel everything that's happening around her.

"You bet I do."

Hindi pa man siya nakaka-ilang minuto sa pagkain ay narinig na niya ulit ang iyak ng anak, and even with Rigo's comfort, she didn't budge kaya marahan itong ibinaba ni Rigo sa mga braso niya para mapakain.

Binaba niya ang hospital gown niya and Clemie immediately latched and sucked, hungry and impatient.

Fatima relished in the soft sounds she made while feeding, her bright eyes that stared at her with wonder, and her small fingers laying on her chest.

She swallowed a lump on throat in an attempt to stop herself from crying, pero walang siyang nagawa nang kusang nangilid ang luha niya, happiness and relief overwhelming her. Ilang buwan siyang parang nakakapit sa tali para hindi mahulog sa kawalan, and now, it feels like her feet were back in the ground.

Hindi na siya natatakot.

Fatima gently unlatched Clemie's lips dahil nakatulog na ito, and she chuckled when she saw how milk drunk her little darling was. Her lips were parted in a very small O and Fatima could clearly see the traces of milk on her lips. Agad niya ito pinunasan gamit ang daliri niya bago yumuko para bigyan ng masuyong halik ang pisngi ng anak.

"Lasing na sa gatas." She turned her gaze towards Rigo who was now sitting on the small couch with a notebook on top of his lap. Malamang may binabasa ito dahil nahuhuli na sa review niya para sa boards. "Rigo, gusto mo bang umuwi para makapag-review ka nang maayos?"

Umangat ang tingin nito sa kanya at umiling, hawak pa rin ang notebook niya. A pen was in between his lips. "No, okay lang ako. Aalis na rin naman tayo mamayang hapon."

Their bags were already packed at hinihintay na lang ni Fatima ang doktor niya, but seeing the bags under his eyes made her want to send him home so he could rest before reviewing again. Sa dalawang araw nila sa hospital, halos wala rin itong tulog kasabay niya at madalas tinutulungan pa siya sa pag-aalaga kay Clemie.

Something Jacob had never done willingly. Madalas ay umaalis ito para umuwi o pumunta sa kung saan. Honestly, Fatima no longer cared. Whether he was here because he genuinely wanted to be present or because he had other intentions–Fatima was so tired to care.

But every time he was so gentle with their child, every time he would hum a song as he changed her diaper, and every time he'd lean down to give her nose a small kiss, lahat 'yon ay nakikita ni Fatima.

"I paid for everything," Jacob smiled as soon as he was inside the room. Sandaling lumabas si Rigo para bumili ng inumin habang siya naman ay inaayos ang gamit ni Clementine. "No need to worry about it."

"Kaya ko namang bayaran."

Matipid itong ngumiti at humakbang palapit sa kanya, his chinky eyes on her–the one thing that Clementine seemed to have inherited. "It's my apology too. Para sa. . . para sa pag-alis ko." He bit his lower lip and bent his head down, and then slowly reached for both her hands, holding both her wrist. "It's just a small amount. A small amount in exchange for giving me her." Lumipat ang tingin nito sa natutulog na anak nila, her pink bonnet sat on her head and her swaddle made her look like a burrito.

Iniwas ni Fatima ang tingin niya sa magkahawak nilang kamay at dahan-dahang kinalas ang kamay niya mula rito. "Kung gusto mong bumawi sa 'kin, siya ang paglaanan mo ng pera."

"But I want to include you," Jacob's voice was thick with emotion. Nangungusap nitong sinalubong ang mga mata niya. "Gusto ko kasama ka namin ni Clemie. Gusto ko kasama kita. The two of us."

Before Fatima could answer, bumukas na ulit ang pinto. Rigo came in with a can of soft drink in his hand and when his eyes landed on them, his lips pressed in a thin line. Hindi ito nagsalita pero bakas na may gustong sabihin.

"Mag-usap na lang tayo mamaya." Fatima stepped back from Jacob and slung her small bag over her shoulder before she bent down to take Clemie from her cot.

☂

The timing is never right, Fatima mused. Dahil pagkababa niya ng sasakyan ni Rigo, sinalubong siya ng nanay niya. Nakakunot ang noo nito at nakawak sa baywang niya.

"Hindi mo man lang sinabi sa 'kin na nanganak ka na?" bungad sa kanya ng ina nang makalapit siya. "Kung 'di pa tumawag sa 'kin ang ate mo, 'di ko pa malalaman."

Bumaling ito kay Rigo na pinapayungan siya at si Clemie hanggang sa makapasok sila sa lobby ng apartment nila. "Nasa'n tatay ng anak mo? Dapat siya ang kasama mo."

"Ma, please," She could no longer hide the exhaustion and disappointment in her voice. She didn't tell her because she doesn't care enough to show up. Bakit pa niya sasabihin gayong hindi naman ito mukhang interesado sa kalagayan niya kahit nung buntis pa siya? "Kauuwi lang namin. Pwede bang sa ibang araw mo na ako pagalitan?"

Tumaas ang kilay ng nanay niya. "At sino sa tingin mo ang tutulong sa 'yo para mag-alaga? Mabuti nga at pumunta pa ako. Ang mahal mahal ng pamasahe."

No one asked you, Fatima gritted her teeth in an effort not to say that outloud.

"Mag-isip isip ka, Fatima. At ayusin mo 'yang mga desisyon mo sa buhay."

"Tita, pwede pong umakyat sa taas para makapag-usap kayo nang maayos ni Fatima," Rigo's voice cuts through the tension between them. Fatima bit her lip and didn't wait for her mother's response. Lumakad na siya papunta sa elevator at bahala na kung susunod ito sa kanila ni Rigo.

Nang makaakyat sila ay agad na pumasok si Fatima sa kwarto para pakainin ang anak. She was already fussing on their way home, pero gusto niyang naka-timing din ang kain nito para hindi mabusog. An overfed baby is never a good thing.

Naririnig niyang nag-uusap ang nanay niya at si Rigo sa labas ng kwarto. She crossed her fingers that she wasn't asking him offensive questions dahil ayaw niyang maliitin nito si Rigo.

"Opo, naghahanda na po ako para magtake ng board exam. Hopefully, pumasa po."

"Don't hope, hijo. Pagbutihin mo. Nakasalalay d'yan ang future mo."

As soon as Clemie was done feeding, she made sure to help her release any gas before she moved her to her small crib. Mahimbing na ang tulog nito ng lumangitngit ang pintuan. She turned and found Rigo who had his head half-in.

"Okay lang bang bantayan mo siya?"

"Yeah, of course," sagot ni Rigo at dahan-dahang isinarado ang pinto. "Baka magising ang diday ko."

Fatima leaned on Rigo as soon as he stepped into her personal space. Being with him felt like breathing and she'd been starving of her own breath for a while now. Sandali silang natahimik, with only the hum of the air condition and Clemie's soft movement against her mattress present in the room. "May—may sinabi bang 'di maganda si Mama?"

Rigo turned his head to her, so Fatima raised her gaze from Clemie to Rigo. The corner of his lips curved upward. "Nothing I can't handle."

"Rigo—" Rigo cuts off her protest and bent his head down to catch her lips in a kiss. Inabot nito ang pisngi niya para mahalikan siya nang maayos, with his lips putting just the right amount of pressure.

Her fingers gripped his shirt when he deepened the kiss and closed his mouth over her lower lip.

When he finally lets her breathe, ngumiti ito habang nakatitig sa kanya. "I promise, it's okay. Kausapin mo na si Tita."

Fatima heaved a sigh and dragged her feet towards the living area. Prenteng nakaupo ang ina niya sa sofa at humihigop ng kape. "Ma."

"Tulog na ba anak mo?"

"Yeah," Fatima took a seat next to her. The unsaid words sat between them like a heavy rock and Fatima wanted nothing more but to throw it out. "Si Rigo muna nagbabantay."

When her mother didn't speak again, Fatima took that as a sign to continue. "Ano bang pinunta mo rito, ma?" She clenched her fist and tucked her frustration to somewhere she couldn't feel. "Hindi mo naman ako kinumusta man lang o ang anak ko."

"Gusto kong makita ka," her mother sniffed and turned away from her. Ibinaba nito ang mug ng kape bago bumaling sa kanya. "Alam ko nagkasagutan tayo nung huli tayong nag-usap."

"And?"

"And. . . gusto kong mag sorry." Her mother almost choked on those words. She didn't like apologising. She didn't like being wrong. "Pero gusto ko lang naman na maging maayos ka katulad ng Ate Fi mo."

Fatima breathed out a heavy sigh. "I'm fine, ma. Kaya ko naman." She was tired of this conversation already. Why was everyone treating like she couldn't do things herself just because she was pregnant? That somehow, her autonomy felt like a discarded doll on the floor.

She was going to do this alone whether or not she had Rigo or Jacob.

"No, you can't. Kapag tumagal, kakailanganin mo ng tulong lalong lalo na ng ama ng anak mo."

She narrowed her eyes at her mother, her patience already at the tipping point. "Hindi ko siya kailangan, ma. Hindi ko siya kailangan nung buntis ako, at hindi ko rin siya kailangan ngayon."

"For once, lunukin mo 'yang pride mo. . . para sa anak mo," her mother insisted on her point. "Matutulungan ka ni Jacob sa pangangailangan ni Clementine. You know that." Of course, she does. Matagal din naman silang magkasama. She'd seen how capable he was to provide for her, na kahit iwan niya si Clemie rito ay kaya nitong buhayin ang anak nila.

But that's not what she wants.

He's not who she wants.

"I'm with Rigo." Fatima swallowed the lump in her throat, and everything she hadn't told Rigo yet. "And mahal ko siya, ma."

That made her mother stop. Mataman itong tumingin sa kanya, a trace of disappointment evident in her eyes. But that look had never changed when it came to her. She would always be a disappointment to her mother no matter what she did.

Kahit na may natatanggap siyang mataas na marka, kahit na kinaya niyang magtrabaho habang nag-aaral, at kahit ngayon na nanganak siya. She would always look and find the one thing she didn't do right at iyon ang ibabato nito sa kanya.

"Hindi na oras para unahin mo ang sarili mo–at kung anong mayro'n kayo ni Rigo. It's time for you to make the right choice, Fatima."

#smdysnwp