Chapter 22

Home Stretch

Fatima was pissed. Ang aga aga ay parang sasabog na siya sa init ng mukha niya. Her washing machine wouldn't work, and there was a huge pile of dirty clothes already waiting to be washed. Wala na siyang grocery at gutom na gutom na siya pero pinipigilan niya mag-order ng fast food (dahil bubungangaan na naman siya ni Abe). And to top it all off, her back, legs, and feet hurt kaya hindi siya halos makakilos mula sa pagkakaupo sa sala.

"Aaaaaargh!" Fatima half-yelled in frustration. At 35 weeks, she was in her home stretch. Hirap na hirap na siyang kumilos at kahit nagsasalita lang ay hingal na hingal na siya. Rigo also didn't allow her to do much dahil ayaw nitong nahahapo siya kaya madalas siya ang kumikilos—nagluluto, naglalaba, bumibili ng grocery para sa kanila. On top of that, he had a job to tend to dahil natanggap ito sa isang government agency.

But he was busy today. Katatapos lang nito mag-file ng applications for his board exam at nagsisimula pa lang ang review period nito. Fatima wasn't even sure how he would make it work as he juggled a full time job, reviewing, and his personal life. Kaya gusto niya na kahit paano ay makatulong dito.

Her phone rang just in time as she was about to stand up from the couch. Pangalan ni Rigo ang bumungad sa kanya. Narinig siguro nito ang sigaw niya.

Fatima slid the button to answer. "Hello?"

"Kumain ka na?" Rigo's voice cut through the line. Medyo maingay sa background nito at naririnig niya ang mga katrabaho nito.

"Uh, 'di pa." Fatima bit her thumb. "But I will. Nagluto ako ng fried chicken." She felt bad for lying, because there wasn't a fried chicken in existence, but she didn't want him to worry.

"Okay. Ako bumili lang ng ulam dito, parang scam nga eh. Ang mahal tapos tatlong subo ko lang yata 'yong laman."

"Sabi ko naman sa 'yo magbaon ka na lang. Bumili na lang tayo ng madaling lutuin."

Pumalatak ito sa kabilang linya. "Puro processed food 'yon. Tapos wala naman na akong oras para magluto sa umaga." It was true. He barely had enough time to sleep dahil sa gabi ay nagrereview pa ito.

Bumaling ang tingin ni Fatima sa gilid ng sala. May make-shift working table ito na binili para sa kanila, in case Fatima wanted to work from home after her maternity leave. Pero siya muna ang gumagamit gawa ng pagrereview niya.

"Ako na lang magluluto. Gisingin mo ako mga 30 minutes bago ka umalis."

"Ang aga no'n. Maiistorbo tulog mo." She could almost see the frown between the spaces of his brows.

Fatima wanted to roll her eyes at him. "Just wake me up, okay? Done deal. 'Wag ka nang magreklamo."

Sandali itong natahimik sa kabilang linya kaya inilayo ni Fatima sa kanya ang phone para tignan kung ibinaba na ba nito ang tawag. The call was still on-going.

"Rigo?" Fatima called. "Nand'yan ka pa?"

"Yeah, I'm here. May naisip lang."

Fatima carefully leaned on the make-shift table he made for them, and ran a hand over her belly. Her pajama dress stretched over her bump and it remained a wonder to her how her baby girl fit inside her. She was relevantly a small framed woman, but somehow, she managed to carry a whole human being inside her.

"Hmm? Ano 'yon?" she asked Rigo.

"Na ang sarap mong uwian. Ang sarap mong pagsilbihan. Ang sarap mong kasama." Rigo's voice went down a notch, almost like he was whispering near her ear, and Fatima fought the urge to smile, and failed. Her lips stretched in a wide grin and she was thankful that Rigo can't see it because he'd tease her for it.

"Dahil sabi ko ipagluluto kita?"

"More than that. But partly dahil do'n. Alam ko naman 'di ka madalas magluto, pero gagawin mo kasi gusto mo. Gagawin mo kasi kailangan ko."

"Well, you help me out a lot. Sinasamahan mo 'ko sa doctor's appointments ko, naglilinis ng unit ko, hinahatid ako sa trabaho bago pa ako mag leave. I think fair lang naman? Kahit na nakakainis ka minsan."

Laughter bubbled out of Rigo's chest. "Bakit ako nakakainis? Paki-explain nga, madam."

Fatima snorted. "Well, for one, napaka-dotting mo. Lahat na lang ng ginagawa ko tinitignan mo. Masama kay budiday. Hindi maganda para kay budiday. Budiday that, budiday this. Hindi ko pa ipinapanganak anak ko, kaagaw ko na sa 'yo."

Rigo burst out laughing that she heard some of his workmates telling him to be quiet. "Iba naman 'yon. Nag-aalala lang ako kasi minsan ikaw 'di mo tinitignan mga pagkain na kinakain mo."

"Fine. Sorry. Pero bukod pa ro'n, you annoy me so much with your teasing. Kinikiliti mo ako 'pag magkatabi tayo. Kung saan saan mo ako hinahawakan!" She listed all of the things that made her frown whenever he was around.

Fatima heard a creak on the other line. "Really? Sa'n banda kita hinahawakan?" Rigo's voice lowered down a notch, and everything around them quieted down.

"Uh," Fatima squeezed her legs together as flashbacks of their nights together came to the forefront of her mind. "Hindi ko alam." Maybe if she played dumb, he wouldn't push it.

"I think you know," Rigo drawled and sucked in a breath between his teeth. "Paalala ko ba sa 'yo?"

They haven't slept together. But Fatima would be lying if she hadn't let Rigo kiss her, if she hadn't let him run his fingers between her legs, if she hadn't been swallowing his moans as she pleasured him.

"Magtrabaho ka na nga," Fatima gritted her teeth and lifted her gaze to the clock on the wall. "Tapos na break time. Agahan mo uwi mo."

"Bakit?"

Fatima clicked her tongue. Ang daming tanong. "Magluluto akong menudo. Your favorite, right?"

"Mm-hmm. Thank you, and yeah, maaga ako mag-o-out. Masyado na nila akong pinahihirapan dito, 'di naman tinataasan sweldo ko."

Fatima smiled because for the last few months, this has been their routine. Papasok si Rigo, tatawagan siya kapag break time o kaya 'pag nagkakape ito sa pantry tuwing hapon, uuwi tapos manonood sila ng movie o series habang naghahapunan. Minsan takeout ang pagkain nila, pero mas madalas ay nagluluto pa ito pagdating.

Even on slow, quiet days he would get up and cook for them, make her a glass of milk, clean the unit when she's asleep, place stuff within reach so she doesn't have to bend down or reach high up. He made her life bearable since moving in, and even if she was hesitant at first because of his family, Rigo made sure that he was an adult who can decide on his own.

She just wished he didn't regret his decision.

When they ended the call, Fatima's eyes moved around the unit. Every space had his trail on it. Mga binabasa niyang libro at review materials. His thin sweater lying on the couch na minsan ginagamit na ni Fatima kapag nilalamig siya. The random notes he'd been leaving behind.

Note 1 (left on the counter): Mabubulok na saging sa mesa kaya kainin mo na after breakfast.

Note 2 (stuck on the fridge door): Bibili ako grocery mamaya pag-uwi. Nakalimutan sorry :(

Note 3 (stuck on the range hood): Ako na maglilinis nitong hood. Wag mo nang galawin.

Kaya kahit na nagtataka ang Ate niya sa set up nila, she couldn't just turn him away. She couldn't just ask him to move out. Because it was getting lonely. It was getting so, so lonely when it's just her trying to make sense of what to do first. Should she clean? Should she wash the clothes? Everything was so hard to do that she often ended up with piles of clothes and a dirty unit.

On top of that, inaasikaso niya pa ang mga kailangan niya sa pangangak. She needed to get her room ready, set up her crib, alamin kung anong mga essential ang kailangan niyang dalhin sa hospital. And it was so exhausting.

Even more so now that her mother isn't talking to her. Matapos malaman nito na buntis siya at hindi niya sinabi, mas lalong nagalit ang ina niya. Their relationship was already turbulent, and now, it seemed irreparable.

Just like every relationship she has.

☂

Rigo waved a hand in front of Fatima as they sat beside each other. Ang lakas ng barilan sa pinapanood nila sa TV pero tulala itong nakatingin sa bowl niya. He made a quick chicken pesto pasta dahil late na rin siya nakauwi gawa ng dumaan pa siya sa grocery.

"Fats? Kulang ba sa cheese? 'Di masarap?" tanong niya habang nakatingin dito. Since he arrived home, wala na ito sa mood. Kahit nang ipakita niya ang isang balot ng kiat kiat na binili niya.

"Mm? No, it's okay. Busog lang ako."

Kumunot ang noo ni Rigo. "Busog? Sabi mo kaunti lang kinain mo kaninang tanghali dahil wala nang pagkain sa ref."

Lumipat ang tingin sa kanya ni Fatima at nanatili ng ilang segundo. He kept his eyes on her too, and tried to read what was going on inside her head. The bags under eyes were more prominent and the usual glint in her eyes was dim.

Ibinaba ni Rigo ang sariling bowl bago dahan dahang kinuha mula kay Fatima ang kanya. And then, he reached for her hand and squeezed it. Hinabol ng mga mata niya ang pag-iwas nito nang tingin sa magkahawak nilang kamay. "What's wrong? May masakit ba sa 'yo?"

Fatima slowly shook her head and took a deep breath. Her free hand enveloped Rigo's in a tight hold before she lifted their hands to kiss the back of Rigo's palm. "No, I'm okay. It's just. . ." Fatima slowly lost her train of thought as soon as doubt creeped in. "I just feel. . . na lahat na lang iniiwan ako."

Fatima clenched her fist. Pakiramdam niya kasalanan niya lahat. Was this her penance for choosing Jacob? Was this her penance for not taking her pill religiously. . . for trusting the wrong person?

"Galit sa 'kin si Mama. Si Jacob hindi ko alam kung nasa'n. And you. . . I don't know. And I'm scared of giving birth alone. Natatakot ako para sa anak ko. Paano kung may mangyari? Sinong magdedesisyon para sa 'min?" Hindi na mapigilan ni Fatima ang mga luhang kumawala. A tight fist was wrapped around her heart, rendering her unable to breathe. Parang sakal siya ng panahon, pagkakataon, at mga tao sa buhay niya.

Bago pa siya makapagsalita ay hinila na siya ni Rigo para yakapin. He held her head against his chest as she sobbed, as she let her sadness overpower her sense. Hindi nagsalita si Rigo hangga't umiiyak si Fatima dahil alam niyang kailangan nitong umiyak. She didn't cry even when her pregnancy made it difficult for her, even when her work stressed her out.

Kaya ngayon na umiiyak ito, he knew she needed this.

Rigo didn't know what to tell her. Hindi niya magawang mangako dahil hindi naman siya ang ama ng anak ni Fatima. He didn't have the right to decide for them. Who was he to even decide?

After Fatima stopped crying, she remained leaning on his chest, their food forgotten and the show they were watching only acted as background noise. Hinahagod ni Rigo ang braso nito habang nakikinig sa mahinang hikbi ni Fatima.

"'Di ka ba nagugutom? 'Di mo pa nauubos 'tong pagkain mo." Rigo turned his head slightly to her direction. Umiling naman ito at hindi nagsalita.

Then, they both hear her stomach grumble.

"O, gutom daw si budiday." Natawa silang pareho nang kumulo ulit ang tiyan ni Fatima. "Nag-aamok na ng away anak mo."

Fatima ran a hand over her bump. "Sige na nga, kakain na ako."

Nang matapos silang kumain at pinatay na ni Rigo ang TV habang nagtitimpla ng gatas si Fatima. He watched her move around the kitchen, washing the dirty dishes while also drinking her milk. Nakasandal siya sa pader habang nakatingin dito at pinanood ito kumilos na parang hindi siya umiyak kanina.

Fatima narrowed her eyes at him when she noticed. "Kung naliligo ka na, mas mabilis na tayong makakahiga at makakatulog."

"E gusto ko pang panoorin ka."

"Ang bagal ko kaya kumilos. Laki laki ng tiyan ko." Fatima muttered, her lips protruding a little, and Rigo immediately clenched his fists which were tucked inside his pockets to resist the urge to walk towards her, grab her face, and kiss her. The subtle redness of her cheeks against her naturally golden brown skin made her effortlessly beautiful and even when she hadn't even brushed her hair, her brown locks fell around her face like a curtain.

Rigo sighed and took a few steps to close the gap between him and Fatima, bago inilagay ang mga daliri sa ilalim ng baba nito at bahagyang inangat. He looked directly in her and switched from her eyes to her lips and then her eyes again.

Sinalubong nito ang tingin niya, her hands crept to his waist to told on to the hem of his white long sleeves polo. "Kung hahalikan mo ako, gawin mo na."

"Bossy mo."

"So?"

Ngumiti si Rigo. "Ganda mo."

"Mm-hmm. 'Di ko maramdaman na nagagandahan ka sa 'kin."

Rigo's lips twitched. She was teasing him. Hinihintay nitong pumatol siya and she didn't have to give him a look for him to know what he had to do. He bent down a little to pick her legs up and anchored it on each side of his hips, as Fatima leaned in to kiss him, the dishes forgotten.

#smdysnwp