Chapter 17

Free Falling

The night started with them cooking their dinner. Si Rigo at Abe ang in charge sa pagluluto ng grilled chicken sa labas ng bahay, while Jachin was left inside with Evie, baking an apple pie for the group. Evie decided that she was going to bake a dessert for all of them, so she pulled Jachin to (reluctantly) help her kahit na natapon nito ang garapon ng harina bago pa sila magsimula.

Mila reached for a paper bag as she sat on the couch with Fatima. Sinamahan niya itong magpahinga na lang muna dahil medyo natagtag sa biyahe kanina. "Here! Open it. First gift ko sa 'yo."

Fatima leaned her head on Mila's shoulder. Inabot niya ang bag na binigay nito at sinilip. "Ano 'to? Ang dami mo nang regalo sa anak ko, ah."

"Just open it! I bought you and Evie something," Mila giggled a bit and Fatima smiled at the sound. She missed her best friend laughing so carefree like she used to back in high school, before her mother was diagnosed with cancer.

Fatima dipped her hand inside the paper bag and pulled the first thing her hand caught. Inilabas niya ito, and it was a green two piece swimsuit. "Para sa'n? Ngayon?"

Mabilis na tumango ang kaibigan niya. "I bought a stretchy one so it can fit your bump."

Nagpabalik-balik ang tingin ni Fatima sa damit at sa kaibigan niya. "But it's. . . a two piece bikini. Kita tiyan ko. Ang laki laki na." Hinagod niya ang tiyan niya na halos kasing bilog na ng bola. It was getting hard to see her feet whenever she'd put on shoes.

"So?" Mila grabbed the bikini and held it in front of her. "Sexy ka pa rin naman kahit may bump ka! Just look at your legs. Ang kinis at ang ganda ng balat mo-morena! And so what kung may bump ka? Of course, you'd have one. Buntis ka, e. Sa'n ka nakakita ng buntis na walang bump?"

Fatima let out a sigh and pulled the clothing from Mila and stuffed it inside the bag again. "Ayokong suotin ngayon. Pangit lang tignan sa 'kin. 'Pag nanganak na lang ako."

She hated how pathetic she sounded, and she was even more embarrassed that she couldn't use the bikini that her friend bought for her. Her heart squeezed at the thought of her body never going back to the way it used to be.

"Oh, come on! You're just going to wear it in front of us. 'Di ka naman kilala ng iba sa labas."

"Oo, pero titignan pa rin nila ako, Mila. Ayokong tignan nila ako."

"Do it for me, please? Terno tayong tatlo. Mine's white, yours is green, and I got Evie the blue version."

Sinalubong ni Fatima ang tingin ng kaibigan niya, and her smile made her resolve melt. If this is something that can cheer her up, then she's willing to do it even when she knows people will look at her. Just this once. For Mila.

"Fine, pero dadalhin ko cover up ko." Fatima narrowed her eyes on her friend, and Mila burst out laughing. She waved her hand.

"Sure, you can cover up after a few minutes."

In the end, Fatima changed into the bikini which hugged her chest just right, and the cut off of the bottoms just covered half of her ass cheeks. She consciously pulled on it as she tried to hide half of her skin. "Mila! Bakit naman ganito 'to? Kita pwet ko!"

Mila, who was outside the bathroom, laughed. "It's a bikini! It's supposed to be like that, Fats. Tignan mo sa 'min ni Evie, sakto lang."

"Kasi 'di kayo buntis," Fatima muttered lowly, still pulling at the cloth. She tugged it until she was satisfied that it covered her skin. "Lahat malaki sa 'kin."

Everything from her arms, down to her feet doubled in size, and even more so when it came to her chest and thighs. When she looks at herself in the mirror, she doesn't recognize the old her. She looked like an entirely different woman, which she had already made peace with when she got pregnant. Pero mahirap pala kapag nakikita mo na iyong mga pagbabago.

"Tara na, Fats! Naliligo na sila. Quick dip before we eat dinner."

Fatima unlocked the bathroom door and slowly walked out. Mila and Evie stared at her for a few seconds before they both smiled. Parang nag-ningning ang mata ni Evie. "Oh, you look so pretty! Ang cute din ng bump! Makiki-swimming ang little girl sa 'tin."

"Binobola mo lang ako," Fatima grumbled and threw her shirt inside her bag that was sitting on the floor. "Ang laki ng binti ko."

Mila took a few steps towards her and slowly hooked her arm around hers. "It's normal. You're carrying a human being inside you. Normal lang na may changes."

Evie reached for her hand and gripped it tight with assurance. "And it's just us." Her smile made her breathe a little easier, a little lighter.

Lumabas sila sa beach after setting their towels on the nearest lounge chair. Kinuhanan na rin nila 'yong mga lalaki ng towel dahil for sure ay hindi nagdala ang mga iyon at makikipunas pa sa towel nila. She did not want their sweat and grime on her towel.

Jachin and Rigo were playing beach volleyball when they arrived, both without their shirts on and painted with sand on their lower bodies. Si Abe naman ay nakaupo lang sa buhangin at pinanonood ang dalawa. He was still wearing a tank top, which was already wet, serving little purpose to hide his body.

Lumipat ang tingin ni Rigo sa kanya ng makita siya, missing the ball headed towards him. Narinig niya ang angal ni Jachin sa kabilang side ng net but his eyes stayed on her. Bumaba ang tingin ni Rigo sa katawan niya and she saw it turn a shade darker, more intense, his eyebrows stitched together.

He stared and stared, until she couldn't take it anymore. She mouthed an irritated "what?" in his direction. Nilalamig na siya sa ihip ng hangin at mas lalo pa siyang naiilang dahil sa titig nito.

Rigo bit his lip to stifle a smile threatening to present itself. Binato ni Rigo ang bola pabalik kay Jachin at tumakbo papunta sa kanya. His board shorts was wet, but Fatima's eyes were snatched by his toned stomach. He didn't have abs, but they were flat, and everytime he moved, the muscles on his stomach flexed.

By the time his feet stopped in front of her, he was catching his breath, but he still kept his eyes on her, loving the way it followed his every movement unconsciously.

"Why the cover up?" Rigo asked, his eyes running down on her body again, stopping only to look back at her face. His Adam's apple moved when it stopped on her chest.

Fatima wrapped her hands around her arms, slightly covering her chest, which was exposed. Her cover up only hid her bottom half. "Ayokong. . . ayokong makita katawan ko."

Nilingon niya si Rigo nang hindi ito magsalita, and the moment that her gaze met his, Fatima felt the tingles all over her body, subtle and simmering beneath all of their messy history and complicated relationship. She could almost feel his fingers running on top of her collarbones, the valley of her breasts, and down to the planes of her stomach.

She bit her lip and Rigo's eyes followed the movement. And as if that wasn't enough, he took a step forward and reached for the cover up's tight knot on the side of her hips, and gently tugged it loose.

Rigo took pleasure in hearing Fatima's soft gasp as soon as the cover up fell to the sand, and then took away by the wind. "No need. You look good."

With wide eyes, Fatima stared at her cover up and then back to Rigo's hand that he kept on her hips. "Why. . . I can't. Ang laki kong tignan, Rigo."

She bent down in an attempt to pick up the cloth, but Rigo was faster and he crumpled the piece of sheer cloth and threw it near the lounge chair. "Nope. That bikini. . . tangina." Rigo lifted his head to the sky and closed his eyes.

Magsasalita pa sana si Fatima nang lumakad ito palayo sa kanya. So rude! And after saying all that biglang hindi na niya itutuloy? He had a bad habit of leaving her on the edge.

Fatima ignored his presence the whole duration of their quick dip even when he tried to approach her to talk to her. She wanted to know what he was about to say.

Was he going to compliment her?

☂

"'Wag mo nang hatiin, Rigo! Kunyari ka pa, babalikan mo rin naman," Mila glared at him nang hatiin niya pa ang buong chicken leg dahil hindi niya mauubos ang isang buo.

Napatingin si Fatima sa kanya nang hindi siya makasagot sa sinabi ni Mila. It felt like a sudden jab, despite the simplicity of her words.

Pumalatak siya bago tinusok ng tinidor ang hita ng manok. "Sige na, kukuhanin ko na."

Inilatag nila sa kitchen island ang lahat ng pagkain, including the grilled chicken, coleslaw, white rice, and Rigo's lasagna that he had already precooked before coming here. Evie's apple pie also sat in the middle, the smell of sweet pastry wafting throughout the whole first floor.

"How's Tita? Home care na siya?" Jachin asked Mila who was busy forking her coleslaw. Madalas naman silang inu-update ni Mila sa kalagayan ng ina nito, but hearing it from her in person felt different. Hindi nila nakikita ang totoong nangyayari sa nanay nito.

"Yeah, we switched na kasi magastos din sa hospital. And she wanted to be comfortable. She hates the hospital kasi raw palagi siyang iniistorbo 'pag natutulog siya."

Her mother's condition had worsened over the last couple of months, and although Mila didn't seem to be in distress, what with her constant smiles, they all knew that the elephant in the room already sat grieving in one corner. But they knew better than to forcibly pull the truth out of her. Alam nila na hindi madali ang pinagdadaanan ni Mila at ang magagawa lang nila ay manatili sa tabi nito hanggang maging maayos ang lahat.

"That's why I can only stay here for a week. Hindi ako pwedeng magtagal because she needs me," she muttered quietly. The somber moment made them all stop eating. "And I try not to waste my time. Gusto ko nasa tabi niya ako palagi. I want to go on relaxed trips with her sa States. I want to bring her sa mga relatives niya ro'n."

And I try not to waste my time.

Lumipat ang tingin ni Rigo kay Fatima na katabi ni Mila. She offered her hand to her friend, all the while rubbing her thumb on Mila's palm.

Was he wasting time? Was he wasting his chances with Fatima that the universe was graciously giving him?

Rigo knew the answer to that before the question was even asked.

Jachin distracted them by offering a cheers. A cheers to friendship and the hurdles that they were bravely facing at this moment in their life. At lahat naman sila ay inangat ang kanya kanyang baso.

When they finished up, they all teamed up to clean the kitchen and grill area until it was spotless, because that was Abe's condition. Para raw hindi mahirapan maglinis ang mga caretaker pagkatapos nilang magstay. He wanted the house to be as spotless as they first stepped inside it.

After that, Jachin brought out the alcoholic drinks and games that they'd play. Para raw hindi boring dahil mamaya pa nila plano manood ng movie.

Rigo watched Fatima excused herself after a while because she said she was already feeling nauseous at the smell of their liquor, and she felt safer for her baby if she stepped outside until they slowed down their drinking or until she no longer felt queasy.

Sa una ay nag-offer pa sila na tumigil na sa pag-inom, but Fatima told them not to do it just because of her condition. It was just her being pregnant.

Rigo didn't feel comfortable letting her roam around pool area alone dahil baka madulas ito o madapa. So he stood up and told his friends that he was just going to get something outside.

He watched her approach the pool area at dahan dahang na humawak sa gilid ng pool para alalayan ang sarili at makaupo. She dipped both of her feet in the cold water and swished it around. Napangiti si Rigo dahil ang cute nitong tignan habang naglalaro sa tubig.

Slowly, Rigo walked towards where she was, making sure she heard his footsteps para hindi na ito magulat na sumunod siya. Of course he would.

He wanted to make sure she was okay and no longer nauseous.

He wanted to talk to her and ask her how her pregnancy was.

He wanted her.

That frightening thought felt like a rolling boulder on his shoulders; and an even heavier weight on his heart.

Fatima released a shaky breath when she felt him sit beside her. "Ayaw mo na maglaro? May pera na pustahan sa loob." Rigo turned to her and allowed his eyes to linger a little longer than necessary.

The corner of Fatima's lips quirked. "Amoy alak sa loob. Nahihilo ako sa gano'n."

Fatima heard the crinkling of a wrapper before she heard Rigo chuckle. Nagbubukas ito ng lollipop. "'Di ka na talaga naninigarilyo? Kahit 'di ko nakikita?"

Rigo shook his head and tilted it so he could look at her again. "Tagal na. Simula nung sinabi mo sa 'kin na tumigil na."

"Buti naman may sinunod ka sa mga sinasabi ko."

She saw a smile blossoming on Rigo's lips, but it quickly disappeared before she could even enjoy looking at it. He took a deep breath and released a heavy sigh. "I regret following you that day."

Lumingon si Fatima sa kanya at kumunot ang noo. "Ha? Kailan?"

"Nung sinabi mong tigilan na natin 'to," he said. "Nung sinabi mong kalimutan na natin kung anong meron tayo. And just. . . and just go back to being just friends."

Fatima's brows furrowed in distaste. "Hindi ko kasalanan 'yon, Rigo. Don't pin it on me." What was he trying to say? That she made him choose?

"I know. I'm not-hindi ko sinisisi sa 'yo. Alam kong ako ang may kasalanan."

"Parang sinasabi mo na dahil sinunod mo 'ko kaya tayo natapos," she gritted out, her chest rising from the pent up emotions. "There was nothing to end, Rigo. You made sure that there never was. Kaya hindi ko alam kung bakit iniisip mo na naging tayo."

"Hindi naging tayo kasi ayaw mo," Fatima continued and clenched her fist tightly. She hoped that this time, she'd have the courage to say it in front of his face without feeling guilty; without wanting to take it back. "Hindi naging tayo kasi malinaw na ayaw mo."

"I know. But-"

"Don't make excuses for your decision! You made that kaya panindigan mo. You wanted me, pero ayaw mo sa atin. You only wanted to be with me when you felt like it, when it was safe for you," Fatima no longer felt that this was something she should keep to herself. She didn't allow herself to make decisions for them then, and she wasn't going to repeat it now. Either it ended here, or it was high time that they faced their feelings. "Bakit ba takot na takot ka maging akin?"

Rigo swallowed the vile rising from the pit of his stomach, threatening to spill, just like his feelings. He wanted to defend himself. He wanted to say all the right things he should have told her that night. And he wanted to take back the hurt in Fatima's eyes whenever he hesitated to kiss her; whenever he ended up turning his head away from her kiss.

Fatima squeezed her eyes shut when she was met with silence. Silence. Again. He was good at that when he wanted to. Ngayong gusto niya itong magsalita ay parang wala itong gustong sabihin.

Naramdaman ni Fatima ang pag-init ng gilid ng mata niya. She quickly reached to wipe it and stood up from the ledge. Sumunod ito sa kanya, but made no move to walk back inside the house. "We're not doing this again, Rigo. Ayoko na. Hindi ko na kayang hintayin ka. Pakiramdam ko kasi habang buhay na akong naghihintay. Sa 'yo. Kay Jacob. Sa lahat."

Her heart was caving in on itself and she knew the only desperate plea of it: na sana tumaya na sa kanya si Rigo.

Rigo took a step towards her and reached for her elbows with both his hands. Masuyo nitong hinaplos ang balat niya and just like that, she was weak for him again. His gentle hands which were always there for her to hold on to. The warm heat of his body that always gave her the security she couldn't find on anyone else.

No amount of denial would've been enough to stop her heart from holding onto him. . . and from standing on her tiptoes to kiss him, to finally give in to the long suppressed desire.

But this time, instead of avoiding it, Rigo grasped her jaw and kissed her. Mabilis nitong hinabol ang labi niya, sighing in relief when she responded with a slight tilt of her head.

Gumapang ang kamay ni Fatima sa balikat nito and gently wrapped her fingers on his shirt to pull him closer to her, and Fatima could only release a moan when Rigo licked her lower lip to ask permission to deepen the kiss. And as soon as she opened her mouth to him, he took the opportunity to plunge his tongue inside, committing to memory what he could.

Rigo only gave her seconds to catch her breath nang maghiwalay ang mga labi nila, before he bent his head down again to capture her lips between his own.

The kiss was searing and hot. Desperate and rough. Soft and slow. And for once, Fatima felt that they weren't tethering over a tightrope.

This felt like free falling.

#smdysnwp