Chapter 16

Familiar Face

Fatima tossed and turned the whole night and couldn’t get a wink of sleep. She tried to listen to her baby’s heart with the doppler she bought, and it was normal. Fast and loud. Her baby girl didn’t seem to be in distress or moving around much inside her.

She was just uncomfortable with the heat and her belly getting in the way of a good night’s sleep.

Alam niyang parusa sa sarili na hindi siya makatulog dahil maaga ang alis nila bukas papunta sa Batangas. Napagdesisyunan ng buong barkada na sa rest house na lang ni Abe magbakasyon para makatipid sila. Abe had no problem with letting them stay because he rarely visits that house anyway.

Kaya nang sumakay siya sa sasakyan ni Jachin kinabukasan, they all stared at her like she was emanating exhaustion and gloom—which she truly was. Dahil late siyang nagising, late rin siyang gumalaw kaya siya ang nahuli sa kanilang lahat.

“Mag-almusal muna tayo, mukhang kailangan natin lahat,” Jachin announced and glanced at the rearview mirror as soon as they hit the road.

Evie reached from the shotgun seat to the small cooler in between Rigo and Fatima on the back seat. “You guys, may mga drinks here! They’re cold so kuha na lang kayo. We also have snacks sa paper bag.”

Rigo nodded sleepily and grabbed the paper bag between him and Fatima to place it on the ground, and then he scooted closer to Fatima. “You want to sleep?”

Fatima nodded as her gaze landed on Rigo’s shoulder. “Mm-hmm.” She fought hard not to release a yawn, but failed miserably. She hated being lethargic because she didn’t want to make it a habit to always lie down. Sabi rin ng doctor niya na mas maganda ang may exercise para makatulong sa pagbubuntis niya.

Rigo reached for her head and gently pushed it towards his shoulder. Fatima adjusted herself on the seat, holding on to her belly, so she could lean on his shoulder properly. He smelled like clean fabric with a little bit of spice from his perfume, and Fatima couldn’t help but snuggle a little closer to him, wrapping her arms around his bicep. “Thank you.”

Naramdaman niya kalaunan ang paghilig ni Rigo sa ulo niya. His breathing evened the longer they stayed like that, and despite being in a sleepy haze, Fatima wished the drive was a little longer.

When she opened her eyes a little over an hour later, nagpapark na si Jachin sa malapit na gasoline station na may kainan para makapag-almusal sila.

“Bub, what do you want?” Fatima heard Evie asked Jachin habang naglalakad sila papasok sa nahanap nilang fast food place na bukas na at nagse-serve na ng almusal.

“Ikaw? Anong order mo? Umupo ka na lang muna, ako na kukuha,” Rigo handed her her sweater that he insisted on holding on to.

Fatima went to look for a seat and when she found one, she immediately sat down. She was much too tired.  “Sausage and egg sandwich na lang. Light para makatulog ulit ako sa sasakyan.”

Tumango ito at iniwan ang gamit sa kanya, pocketing only his wallet. “Okay, kami na o-order.”

Nang maka-order sila ay agad silang umupo para kumain. The two boys immediately dug on their plate of full breakfast, while Fatima could only take a few nibbles of her sandwich because she didn’t have much appetite.

There were days like this, where she couldn’t eat even a spoonful because she was tired and nauseous, and there were also good days where she craved more than she could eat. Hindi niya alam kung ano ang mas gusto niya sa dalawa.

Napatingin sa kanya si Evie na nakaupo sa harap niya, worry evident on her round eyes. “You want me to get you something sweet?”

Fatima smiled and shook her head. “I’m okay. Wala lang gana. Itatabi ko na lang ‘to para mamaya may makain ako sa byahe.”

“May orange juice sa cooler,” Jachin quickly suggested. “Kuhanin ko? Para matamis iniinom mo.”

Muling umiling si Fatima. “Mamaya na lang ako kukuha.” Her friend gave a simple nod before he went on to eat again.

“Sa’n si Amara? Akala ko sasama siya?” narinig niyang tanong ni Jachin kay Rigo. Rigo did ask for their permission a few weeks back kung okay lang na sumama si Amara sa post-graduation getaway ng barkada, and Jachin didn’t think it was a big deal because Evie was also coming with them. At okay naman sa kanila ni Abe.

Lumingon siya kay Rigo at naghintay ng sagot nito. Rigo swallowed his food first before answering. “Ah, hindi na. ‘Di na kami nag-uusap.”

Nanlaki ang mata ni Jachin, and Evie, who was focused on her meal earlier, whipped her head in Rigo's direction. “‘Di na kayo nag-uusap? Bakit?” kunot-noo na tanong ni Jachin sa kaibigan.

Pumalatak si Rigo bago inabot ang baso ng inumin niya, because he had a feeling that he was going to need a drink before this was all over. Bahagya siyang lumingon kay Fatima na nakayuko at diretso ang tingin sa pagkain niya. “Wala. Nag-usap kami nung nakaraan. . . and decided it was for the best kung hindi na kami mag-uusap.”

Jachin tilted his head and nodded a little. Pero alam ni Rigo na hindi pa ito tapos sa mga tanong nito. He was that nosy. “So. . . naghiwalay na kayo?”

Rigo’s shoulders straightened at the question, and he turned his gaze towards Fatima before letting out a heavy sigh; burdened by the truth. “Hindi naman kami.” That was the truth anyway. Wala naman siyang dapat ikatakot na sabihin iyon dahil naging malinaw naman sa kanila ni Amara kung anong mayroon sila.

It can’t be anything more than that.

And yet, Rigo was scared that he was disappointing Fatima all over again. His thoughts were brought back to the conversation they had a few weeks ago. Don’t waste her time, Rigo. Don’t do it again, Fatima told him, her eyes glazing over his like it was telling him the past without the words spilling from her lips.

Sensing his eyes on her, Fatima slowly gave in to the feeling. . . the feeling of wanting to look at him without hesitation, without her guilt eating her from the inside. And before she knew it, she was looking straight into Rigo’s eyes.

She saw the indecision and hesitation and an even more deeper emotion swirling in his dark eyes, and that was Fatima’s cue to avert her gaze from him.

“Well shit,” Jachin commented after a while of silence sitting between them four at the table. “Akala ko okay naman kayo. Akala ko. . . seryoso ka.”

“It’s just better that way,” Rigo kept his mouth moving despite not wanting to talk about the subject anymore.

After eating, they headed straight back to Jachin’s vehicle to continue their drive to Batangas. Jachin and Evie filled the car with their stories and Rigo would occasionally throw in one of his own, but his mind was focused more on the fact that Fatima never moved closer to him again during the entire ride.

She kept to herself closer to the other side of the door and didn’t speak to him for the rest of the ride.

☂

Abe’s rest house in Batangas was a luxurious three-storey modern style pod just a few meters away from the ocean. Pamana raw ito ng mga magulang niya sa kanya bago siya mag college, and Rigo couldn’t help but pick his jaw up from the floor when they entered the house. May ilang tao ang sumalubong sa kanila na caretaker daw ng bahay at madalas doon na rin natutulog as Abe instructed. Pero ngayon na may mga bisita ito ay sila lang ang maiiwan sa rest house for the whole three days that they were gonna be in there.

Inilapag nilang dalawa ni Jachin ang mabibigat na dala nila gaya ng cooler at grocery na binili nila dahil kailangan nilang magluto, while the girls brought in the lighter stuff. At kahit anong sabi ni Rigo na siya na ang magpapasok ng gamit ni Fatima ay nagpumilit itong siya na. Granted, she didn’t bring much anyway.

Nang mailagay nila sa freezer ang mga binili nila ay narinig nila ang mga yabag mula sa second floor ng bahay. They all assumed it was Abe dahil sabi nito ay mauuna na siya sa kanila dahil may aayusin pa raw sa bahay at tutulong na rin para mas mabilis malinis ang mga kwarto na gagamitin nila.

But what they didn’t expect was a familiar face peeking from the stairs. Kumaway ito sa kanila and everyone just froze when they saw her. It didn’t register to Rigo until he saw Abe trailing behind Mila, with his hands inside the pockets of his cargo shorts.

“Putangina,” Rigo couldn’t help but curse before setting down the snacks that he was holding and planned to take for himself. “Anong ginagawa mo rito?”

“Excuse you, Rigo?” Mila glared at him before running towards Fatima, who was just as shocked to see her, to give her a hug.

Mila engulfed Fatima in a big hug, breathing through her hair. “I missed you so, so much! And your baby!” Kumalas ito sa yakap at bumaba ang tingin sa baby bump ni Fatima.

“Kailan ka pa dumating?” Fatima asked Mila before pulling her into another hug, careful not to put pressure on her belly. Malawak itong ngumiti habang mahigpit na nakayakap sa kaibigan. “Bakit hindi ko alam?”

Rigo saw Fatima’s shoulders relaxed as soon as Mila was within arm’s reach, like her tense muscles recognized the comfort that Mila provided.

“Suprise nga, e! E ‘di hindi gagana if you guys already knew,” Mila smiled at her best friend and kissed her cheek. “Si Abe lang may alam, actually.”

Nilingon ni Rigo si Abe na nagkibit-balikat lang. “Nagpasundo sa ‘kin sa airport kagabi tapos dumiretso na kami rito.”

“So ayan pala ‘yong sinabi mong kailangan mong gawin?”

Bahagya itong ngumiti kay Mila na humakbang na papalapit kay Rigo, like they had a secret arrangement that only they knew. “Secret daw. She wanted to surprise you all.”

Rigo let himself relax as soon Mila wrapped her arms around him, and he lifted her little as he hugged his friend back. “Daya mo, ah. Bakit si Abe lang? Marunong din naman ako magtago ng sikreto.”

“Uh, no,” Mila’s eyebrows furrowed. “Ikaw kaya pinakamadaldal. Jachin’s next. Kaya alam ko si Abe lang mapagkakatiwalaan ko.”

Nang banggitin ni Mila ang pangalan ni Jachin ay natahimik sila. They all knew that the two had a fallout, though they never asked the reason, this was the first time they’d be in the same room again after a while.

Binitawan ni Mila ang mga braso ni Rigo bago lumapit kay Jachin. Rigo tried to look for discomfort in both of their expressions, but all he saw was relief, and whether that was because they finally saw each other again, or because Jachin was happier now was between the two of them.

Mila also pulled Evie, who was beside Jachin, to hug them both. “So nice to see you both!”

Sinuklian naman siya ng ngiti ng dalawa. Evie’s eyes were alight with excitement as she held on to Mila’s hand. “Your hair. . it’s so nice sa ‘yo!” Mila couldn’t help but grin at Evie because of her compliment on her new hairstyle.

Rigo left them to settle and talk quietly dahil alam niyang mas kailangan nilang mag-usap. He followed Fatima upstairs to get her bag to her kahit gusto nitong siya na lang ang mag-akyat. Tigas din ng ulo minsan.

He knocked on their separate room and waited until he heard Fatima’s voice on the other side of the door. Hiwalay ang kwarto nung tatlong babae at hiwalay din ang kanila ni Jachin, while Abe occupied the master bedroom. Though Rigo thinks he’ll join them in the boys room anyway.

“Gamit mo. Sa’n ko lalagay?” he asked as soon as he entered the room.

Lumipat ang tingin niya kay Fatima na ngayo’y nakaupo sa maliit na la-z-boy. She excused herself to go to comfort room dahil kanina pa ito nagrereklamo sa saksakyan na kailangan na niyang mag-CR. She had a hand on her baby bump, while the other free hand was holding a device of some sort.

Rigo took a step towards her and tilted his head to take a peek at the device. “Ano ‘yan?”

His curious gaze made Fatima smile a little. Chismoso talaga and she didn’t think he’d leave her alone if she said it was nothing. “Doppler. Pakikinggan ko lang heartbeat niya. I miss hearing her heartbeat.”

“Her,” Rigo let out a sigh of content. Now that he knew more about her, he couldn’t help but start imagining the things that she’d like, the toys she’d want, the clothes that would fit her. His heart was soaring with excitement and adoration even if she’s not here yet. “I can’t wait to meet her.”

Tumingala si Fatima para salubungin ang tingin niya, and her lips quickly curved into a small smile. “Me too. Kapag naririnig o nararamdaman ko siya, gusto ko na siyang mayakap.”

“Ginagawa mo ‘to araw araw?”

Tumango ito at iniangat nang kaunti ang t-shirt niya. “Almost every hour sometimes. Gusto ko lang marinig tibok ng puso niya. Sometimes, I would lay awake and just listen until I fall asleep. Lullaby ko.”

When Rigo fell silent, Fatima bit her lip and stared at the doppler and then at her protruding belly. She gripped the device before sighing. “Gusto mong marinig?”

Mabilis na napatingin sa kanya si Rigo, his eyes holding a shine that Fatima can only look at for a short amount of time. Any longer than that would be dangerous to her heart. “Can I? Promise, wala akong gagalawin.”

“Dapat lang. ‘Di ko na paririnig sa ‘yo next time kapag may ginawa ka.”

Rigo bent down on one knee in front of her, and Fatima followed the move until his face was at her eye level and that she could clearly see the excitement swirling inside his eyes. Ipinahid pa nito ang dalawang palad sa shorts bago hinawakan ang doppler. “Sorry, baka pasmado.”

Rigo lifted his gaze to Fatima’s, meeting her eyes once again in a soft and intimate moment that sat right between their beating hearts.

Fatima nodded when she saw Rigo’s hand that was holding the doppler move towards her bump.

She held her breath long enough until she felt Rigo’s fingers on her skin, his gentle grip on her bump supporting what weight it had, as he placed the doppler on top of her belly.

Only a faint thumping sound reverberated through the device, so Fatima reached to place her hand on top of Rigo’s, holding the doppler together, and guided his hand towards the lower part of her bump. “Here. Mas malakas kapag dito.”

Her little girl had a habit of lying head down near her bladder on the southern part of her stomach, so it was where her heartbeat was stronger.

Fatima didn’t let go of his hand. She didn’t let go of it until they both heard a loud and fast thumping. Her heartbeat. Napangiti si Fatima nang marinig ang anak at mas lalo dumiin ang hawak niya sa kamay ni Rigo.

Rigo swallowed a lump on his throat as he listened to her heartbeat. His whole being ached with so much love for this little human who he hasn’t even met, and he was scared he didn’t have enough space for it.

But he had to make one.

“Ang bilis ng tibok. Excited na rin yatang makita ka,” Rigo whispered, letting his other hand caress the skin that it met. Fatima’s hand still rested above his, and he savored the moment of permanence in her hold. He might never feel it again. “Nararamdaman mo na rin ba siya?”

“Sometimes,” Fatima blinked and smiled. “Faint kicks here and there, tapos nararamdaman ko kapag malikot siya. And sobrang likot niya.”

Bumaba ang tingin ni Rigo sa tiyan niya at bahagyang yumuko. “Tignan mo, ‘di ka pa lumalabas, pinagagalitan ka na agad ng mama mo.”

Fatima pinched his hand and narrowed her eyes at him. “Totoo naman. Hindi ako makatulog minsan kasi galaw siya nang galaw.”

Rigo let out a soft chuckle, his head still bent close to her bump. “Narinig mo ‘yon, budiday? ‘Wag mo masyadong pahirapan si mama mo. Pagod pa ‘yan sa trabaho.”

Fatima took the chance to stare at Rigo. His sharp nose and expressive eyes never failed to make her stomach flutter, but now that his affections were directed towards her baby, her feelings for him unfolded to her in waves of unsaid words that her heart longed to say. The same feelings that she kept buried in the deepest and cavernous part of her being.

Alam ni Fatima na mas tama na alisin niya ang tingin niya kay Rigo, na bitawan niya ang kamay nito na masuyong hinahaplos ang balat niya.

But she couldn’t.

She selfishly wanted it to stay. She selfishly wanted him to stay.

* * *

special note: happy birthday, rigo! :)

#smdysnwp