Chapter 14

Painful Truths

Rigo leaned backwards on his seat to take a look at Fatima who was still standing outside. Nakalagay pa rin ang telepono nito sa tainga niya at mukhang may kausap pa. He didn’t want to look concerned but when he felt Jachin kick his shin under the table, he knew that he was being obvious.

He turned back to glare at him and quietly mouthed “what?” as if he didn’t know what warranted his reaction.

“Kumain ka na. Para makauwi na rin tayo,” Jachin said and then pointed to his half-full plate. Napatingin din si Amara na halos kalahati na ang nauubos sa pagkain niya. She ordered a plate of pancit and a diet coke.

“Natapos kayo sa errands n’yo?” Amara asked, directing her question mainly to Rigo.

Tumango si Rigo. “Yeah. Nakapili naman si Fatima kahit ilan lang pinuntahan namin. Ayaw niya rin kasing lumayo dahil malapit dito trabaho niya.”

She nodded and said, “And you won’t see her baby!”

“Oo nga pala, mag-iisip na akong pang-regalo,” Jachin muttered and clicked his fingers. “Ano bang magandang iregalo ‘pag binyag?”

Amara slowed down her chewing and tilted her head a little. “Hmmm. Maybe clothes? And other necessities? You know, like diapers and formulas. Those are expensive kaya kailangan ni Fatima.”

Rigo picked up his spoon. “Nakabili na ako.”

Lumingon ang dalawa sa kanya, not anticipating his answer. And after a few seconds, Rigo lifted his eyes from his plate. “Bakit?”

Napailing si Jachin at sandaling lumingon kay Fatima na nasa labas pa rin. “Wala naman. Nagulat lang ako kasi akala ko sabay tayong bibili.”

Bahagyang ngumiti si Rigo at inabot ang baso niya para uninom. Of course, he thought of that. But he wanted to buy them as many gifts as he could kaya inuunti unti niya para hindi biglaan ang gastos. He had already brought them toys for infants like a play mat and a crib mobile that they can use as early as possible.

Fatima went back to their table in a rush. “I’m sorry, kailangan ko nang bumalik sa dorm ko. Thank you sa pagsama sa ‘kin.” She picked up her bag and shoved her phone inside.

“Ha? Teka, ihahatid na kita,” Rigo said and stood up before anyone could react. “May emergency ba?”

Fatima’s hand froze from putting her things inside her bag. Nagpalipat-lipat ang tingin niya kay Rigo at Amara, with the latter just sitting quietly and waiting for her to answer. “Yeah. Dumating si Ate Fie.”

Nanlaki ang mata ni Rigo. “Shit.”

“I know,” Fatima forced herself to remain calm despite the quiver in her lips. She was scared. Her mind was racing and barreling towards dangerous thoughts that weren’t good for her or her baby, but she knew she had no choice but to face her. Kapag nagtago siya ay mas lalo lang siyang hahanapin nito. “Kaya uuwi na ako. Thank you for today and I’ll see you.”

It only took her a few strides before she felt a hand wrap around her wrist, stopping her from walking away. “Wait. Ipapagmaneho na kita. Kailangan ko rin silang ihatid pauwi, pero mauna na tayo sa dorm mo.” Rigo stared at her, waiting for her permission. She could turn him down and it would be the end of it, or she could let him. . . like she always did before.

Jachin and Amara stood behind them, also waiting for her. Kaya wala na siyang nagawa kung ‘di tumango.

Rigo drove to her dorm like it was his second nature. Pumarada ito sa harap ng building niya at agad na natanaw ni Fatima ang kapatid niya na naghihintay sa loob ng lobby. May dala itong maleta at mas maliit na bag na mukhang carrier para sa alaga nitong pusa.

Fatima rubbed her belly before taking a deep breath, drawing courage from her unborn child. Whatever happens, alam niyang tanggap niya ang anak niya. Not a single person could tell her that she shouldn’t accept these circumstances.

When Fatima turned her eyes on the rearview mirror, nakatingin na sa kanya si Rigo sa pwesto nito sa harap. She gave him a slight smile that she could only hope would bring him assurance that she was going to be fine.

“Samahan ka namin gusto mo?” Jachin asked beside her in the backseat, habang bumaling naman sa kanya si Amara na nasa harap at katabi ni Rigo.

Umiling si Fatima at inabot na ang kanyang bag. “Okay lang ako. It’s just my sister.”

“Sure?” Jachin asked again, his eyebrows in a deep frown.

Ngumiti si Fatima sa kaibigan niya at inabot ang kamay nito para pisilin. “Yes. Okay lang ako.”

She had to be, because there was no way she was going to survive this night—this conversation with her sister—if she didn’t force herself to stand on her ground. And she knew it would be much difficult to say this to their mother anyway. So she shouldn’t be afraid to tell her sister the truth.

☂

Rigo couldn’t help his mind from fading away from the present. Habang nagmamaneho siya papunta sa bahay ni Amara matapos maihatid si Jachin ay wala na siya sa hulog. He was worried about Fatima who didn’t seem too well for most of the day, and now she even had to face her sister. Hindi ito handa at alam ni Rigo ‘yon.

“Rigo?” he heard Amara called from beside him. Agad siyang lumingon dito. Her chinky eyes were painted with worry and he couldn’t help but feel guilty. Here he was sitting in his car, driving her to her house, and yet all he could think of was Fatima. Putangina.

She didn’t deserve this.

“Ha? Ano ‘yon?” he responded and forced himself not to cower in guilt and embarrassment.

A soft sigh escaped her. “I was calling for your name kanina pa. Are you okay?”

Nang huminto sila sa isang stoplight ay binitawan muna saglit ni Rigo ang manibela para ihilamos ang mga palad niya sa mukha niya. “Yeah. Pagod lang.”

“Was that her sister? Iyong kanina?” Amara asked.

Tumango si Rigo at muling tinapakan ang gas nang mag green light. “Oo. Nasa States na si Ate Fie since high school pa lang si Fatima. Malayo agwat nila sa edad kaya mas naunang magtrabaho si Ate Fie.”

Lumingon ito sa kanya. “Hindi niya alam? Na buntis si Fatima?”

“‘Di ko rin alam. Pero alam kong hirap magsabi si Fatima sa pamilya niya ngayon.”

Rigo knew it wasn’t always like that. Lumaki ito na kumpleto at maintindihin ang pamilya katulad niya. But ever since the rift between her parents that was followed by her father’s passing, hindi na naging maayos ang relasyon ni Fatima sa nanay nito.

“I hope she’s okay.” Amara bit her lip, genuinely wishing Fatima well.

You and me, Amara. You and me.

Rigo parked in front of Amara’s house and turned to her. “Salamat sa pagpunta kanina. Sorry din kasi ‘di ka nakakain nang maayos dahil sa’min.”

A soft chuckle bubbled out of Amara’s lips. She looked nice in her thin white strappy top and long skirt that Rigo couldn’t help but give her a once over. “It’s okay. Hindi rin naman ako busy kanina after my errand.”

“And I’m sorry for leaving kanina.”

Amara bit her lip and glanced outside the car’s window, towards her house. “Walang tao sa bahay ngayon.”

Her words held meaning that only they could understand, but Rigo’s head was filled with another woman’s name that he felt disgusted about himself to even think about laying on Amara’s bed.

“Amara. . .” Rigo trailed off, hoping that she would understand what he felt.

“You can spend the night,” she offered, eyes flickering towards him. “And make it up to me?”

Even before Rigo heard the offer, he wasn't planning to stay the night on her bed again. Not with all the worries he had. Not when he wasn’t thinking of her right at this very moment.

When he didn’t answer, Amara tore her gaze away from him and slowly nodded. Sandali itong natahimik habang iniisip ni Rigo kung anong pwede niyang sabihin. He could make up excuses. Tell her his mother needed him at home. Tell her he was tired and wanted to hit the sack.

But they both knew that wasn’t true.

“If you could somewhere now, where would you go?” she suddenly turned to him with a small, almost sad smile.

“Ang random,” Rigo chuckled and tried to lighten up the mood. “Pero siguro sa kwarto ko para makatulog na.”

Hindi ito ngumiti and instead said, “The truth, Rigo.”

The smile slowly faded from Rigo’s lips when he realised that she wasn’t asking a random question. She was asking a question that she already knew the answer to.

Rigo let out a heavy sigh and gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white. “Alam mo naman ‘yong sagot.”

When they started this, Rigo was very forward with the truth—that he’s not looking for something serious or long term. And neither was Amara. They were both on the same page, with the same needs that only they could satisfy.

Their first date ended up with them making out on the backseat of this very car.

Their second date ended up with his hands on her hair all night long.

And their third date ended up with them on her bed.

But that was it. That was just it. Rigo didn’t plan on turning it into something more because he knew how unfair that would be to Amara.

From his peripheral view, he saw Amara nodded again, but this time, it felt like she was defeated. “Yeah, I do.”

“I’m sorry.”

Umiling si Amara at humawak sa center console para iangat ang sarili at bigyan siya ng halik sa pisngi. It was feather-like and tender, like some sort of reverence. But Rigo knew he deserved anything but. “Thank you, still, for driving me home.”

And without another word, Amara pulled the door open and left.

☂

Fatima stared at the ground, unable to meet her older sister’s eyes, and played with her fingers. Her pulse was racing at the admission and the truth that she was afraid of telling her.

Filomena Riarte stood in front of her, arms tucked and mid-length hair dishevelled from the long flight from LA to Manila.

“Kaya ba hindi ka umuwi kay Mama?” Her sister’s voice shook. “Kaya ba hindi ka namin halos makausap? Because you were hiding from us.”

“Totoo naman na busy ako, Ate,” Fatima stood up from where she was sitting on her couch. “And hindi ako makauwi agad kay Mama. Alam niya ‘yon.”

“But why didn’t you tell me?” her sister asked, the deep hurt cutting through her voice. Hindi mapigilan nito ang luha na dahan-dahang kumawala sa gilid ng mga mata nito. “You know you can talk to me, ‘di ba? You used to talk to me about everything.”

Fatima couldn’t deny that. She used to be so close to her. Pero nang mawala ang ama nila at lumipad sa ibang bansa ang kapatid niya, nahirapan na si Fatima na abutin ito. She was always the more reliable sister—the smarter one, the one their parents were always proud of. While Fatima was buried with harsh thoughts about her existence, her sister flourished in all aspects of her life. And perhaps, that was what made them drift apart.

“Alam ko,” Fatima swallowed the lump on her throat. “Pero natakot ako. . . natakot ako na hindi mo matanggap.”

“You know I would never,” Fie mumbled and gently approached where Fatima was standing. Inabot niya ang dalawang kamay ng kapatid niya. “I would never turn you away. Lahat ng sakripisyo ko sa States ay para sa inyo ni Mama.”

Fatima gripped her sister’s hands. “I was just scared, Ate.”

Lumambot ang ekspresyon ng kapatid niya at agad siya nitong hinila para yakapin. The tightest hug she had received in a while, and just like that, Fatima felt like a normal person again. Not the one who was worried about her and her baby’s future. Not the one who was worried about her family’s reaction to her pregnancy.

Fatima let the stray tears fall on her cheeks as she wrapped her arms around her sister. “I missed you.”

“Me too,” Fie murmured on her shoulders.

Fatima felt like she was back to the day her sister was leaving for the first time. Matagal niyang niyakap ito sa airport. She hugged her until time ran out, until their mother had to pull her away.

Nang bumitaw ito sa yakap ay agad na bumaba ang tingin sa baby bump niya. “You’re already showing. Ilang buwan na?”

Despite her tears, Fatima let out a tender laugh. “Almost 20 weeks. Napaparami raw kasi kain ko kaya sinabi ng OB na ‘wag palakihin sa loob ng tiyan ko. Baka mahirapan daw ako.”

“They’d be correct,” her sister gave her belly a soft pat. “Tsaka na paglabas. Doon ko padadalhan ng maraming pagkain. Kahit anong imported na chocolate pa ‘yan.”

“Ate, ‘wag naman.”

Her sister frowned. “Aba, unang pamangkin ko ‘yan!”

Natawa si Fatima at muling umupo. “And last rin.”

Her sister wagged a finger at her. “Ah, ah, ‘wag kang magsalita nang tapos. Malay mo, magkaroon ng baby #2. And speaking of, who’s the father?”

“Uh,” Fatima hesitated. She didn’t want to talk about Jacob any longer, but she also couldn’t hide it from her. Alam naman ng kapatid niya na boyfriend si Jacob, though she had never met him in person.

“Si Rigo?”

Nanlaki ang mata ni Fatima at agad na tinaas ang mga kamay. “No! No, hindi si Rigo.”

“Gulat na gulat? May I remind you that I know about you and Rigo’s. . . what do they call it now?” she paused and thought about it. “Ah, situationship.”

Fatima rolled her eyes at her sister at bahagyang pinisil ang braso nito. “Hindi ko ginagamit ‘yang term na ‘yan, Ate. And no, it’s not Rigo.”

Pumalatak ang kapatid niya at umupo sa tabi niya. “Malay ko ba baka natuloy ‘yon, e.”

“No. . . it didn’t.”

“Well, that’s too bad. I like him!” Kumapit ito sa braso niya at niyugyog siya. “So it’s that douchebag of a boyfriend that you have been with since last year.”

Tumango si Fatima bago kumalas sa kapatid niya. “And he’s not. . . wala akong mapapala sa kanya.”

“God, I knew it. Walang mabuting dulot ‘yon sa ‘yo. He’s a walking narcissist kahit sa video call mo lang dine-describe!”

Despite what her sister said, Fatima thought of one good thing he did give her.

Their child.

Fatima gave her bump a soft caress as her sister ticked off her fingers of all the things she did not like about Jacob, and hummed a song to her little one, hoping that in a few weeks, they’ll be able to hear her voice.

Because she wanted to thank her child for giving her one more thing to hope for.

#smdysnwp