Chapter 11

Sincere Apologies

Fatima didn't know how long they've been avoiding each other, but it was long enough that people had begun to notice. All their close friends would ask if there was something going on because every time the other was around, hindi pumupunta ang isa.

"So, nag-away nga kayo?" Abe asked her. Nakaupo silang dalawa ngayon sa med library dahil gusto ni Abe na tahimik. She didn't really have much of a choice since the main library was near the project area where Rigo and Jachin, and probably Amara would be around.

After that night, she didn't have the face to show to Rigo. At alam niya ring iniiwasan siya nito dahil hindi ito dumadalaw sa dorm niya o nagtetext man lang. There was even an instance that Fatima ran out of fruits because she was too busy with work and school that she didn't have the time to buy, and without Rigo bringing her some, wala nang natira sa fridge niya by the time it was Friday.

She sat on the floor in front of her opened fridge and cried for almost half an hour.

"I think. . ." she answered hesitantly. "Okay, fine. Oo, nag-away kami."

"Dahil?" Abe pushed, looking at her like she was some bacteria under a microscope. "You can't tell me a story without the details, Fats."

"Ikaw kaya mapilit na nagpapakwento!"

A few students shushed them kaya agad na tumahimik si Fatima at ibinaba ang ulo. "'Di ba dapat nag-aaral ka na?"

Abe's eyes fleeted from her to the thick, unopened book in front of him. He was supposed to be studying. But then again, mas gusto niyang makinig sa hinaing ni Fatima. Pwede naman siyang mag-speed read mamaya bago ang klase niya.

"Pwede namang mamaya," he shrugged. "Now, go. What happened?"

None of them knew what happened to Rigo and Fatima early last year. None of them knew how the both of them willingly crossed the boundary of being just friends to something more.

And no one knows why it ended.

She's not about to tell Abe right now dahil wala naman 'yong kinalaman sa naging reaksyon ni Rigo kagabi. "Nagalit lang siya kasi hindi ko sinabi na pumunta ako sa ospital."

Kumunot ang noo ni Abe. "Bakit? Akala ko for your check up 'yon?"

Fatima scratched the side of her neck. "Uh, kasi, natakot ako since I bled."

"You what?" Abe couldn't help but raise his voice. And even when they were shushed again, hindi ito bumaba. "And wala kang pinagsabihan?" Minasahe nito ang sentido nito bago bumaling ulit kay Fatima.

"Ayoko naman kasing mag-alala rin kayo. You were busy kasi may evening class ka. Si Jachin naman at Rigo may project na ginagawa and I don't want-I don't want to bother anyone else."

"Still, emergency 'yon, Fatima. Something could have happened. Okay ka na at ang baby mo?"

Tumango si Fatima at ngumiti. She patted her bump. "Yeah. We're okay. My little dumpling is a fighter."

"Next time magsabi ka. Hindi ka man namin masamahan, at least we know why and where you are."

Fatima couldn't argue with that, but mostly because it was Abe and his tone said that it wasn't up for argument.

Alam naman niyang mali siya at dapat sinabi niya kahit man lang kay Abe no'ng tinext niya ito. Kaya hindi rin naman siya nagulat sa reaksyon ni Rigo. It was justified. But she just couldn't help but feel like she was getting in the way of him and Amara. Ayaw niyang maisip nito na priority siya ni Rigo.

Because if it was Fatima in her shoes, she would have felt bad.

☂

Pinagmasdan ni Fatima ang baby bump niya sa harap ng salamin. She ran her hand a couple of times over her bump, loving the way it felt beneath her fingers, and knowing her little dumpling was growing inside. It was already noticeable so she tried to wear more dresses on campus.

Ilang linggo na lang naman ay graduation na kaya hindi na rin niya kailangang itago. Ayaw niya lang naman pag-usapan pa siya. She had enough when the rumors broke out.

Her phone pinged and she immediately picked it up to see who it was. Si Jachin ang nagtext para sabihin na kakain sila ng hapunan somewhere. Abe was free and so was Fatima, so they had no excuse.

Jachin:
Pumunta kayong lahat. Magplano rin tayo ng gagawin after grad.

Rigo reacted with a thumbs up, but did not confirm his attendance and it was what made Fatima hesitate. They've been avoiding each other, but it's quite impossible when you move in the same circle; when you have the same friends.

Huminga siya nang malalim bago nagsimulang magbihis para pumunta. She also felt like she needed her friend's company since she'd been too busy during the weekdays. Fatima flipped the hangers to look for a comfortable outfit and settled for a black leggings, a thin white strappy top, and a denim jacket on top.

Hinawakan niya ulit ang baby bump niya. "Kakain tayo ng marami, anak. Magpapakabusog tayo."

After locking her doors, Fatima headed to the resto that Jachin picked. Siya na ang nagdesisyon dahil walang sumagot sa kanya sa chat. And frankly, hindi rin alam ni Fatima kung anong kine-crave nilang lahat. So Jachin settled with choosing a Mexican restaurant kasi gusto raw ni Evie ng quesadillas.

Just before Fatima pushed past the glass doors towards the restaurant, nakita niya na kadarating lang din ni Abe. Napatingin ito sa kanya at mabilis na pinindot ang susi para i-lock ang SUV niya.

"'Di ka nagpasundo?" bungad nito sa kanya.

Fatima rolled her eyes and pushed the door, with Abe trailing behind her. "Ang lapit lapit ko lang. Pwede ngang lakarin. Galing kang duty?"

Tumango ito. "Pagod nga, e. But it's all worth it."

If there's one thing Fatima appreciates about Abe more than his constant concern for her is that he's truly passionate about going to medical school. His parents didn't force him dahil iba naman ang field ng mga ito. And even at an early age, pangarap na nitong maging doktor. They all watched him pursue this path with fervor and passion that you can only see in the eyes of those who truly want what they do.

Nang mahanap nila ang table kung saan naghihintay na sina Jachin ay agad nilang nakita na kasama nito si Evie. She waved at them, smiling like the person she is. Fatima adored her dimples and sometimes thought of poking it.

On the other side of the table sat Rigo and Amara beside each other. Amara smiled at her and gestured to sit next to her in the six people booth, so Abe ended up taking a seat beside Evie.

Fatima avoided Rigo's eyes even though she could feel it on her skin. She still didn't know what to say to him after what she said, after throwing their past on his face-and hers. Hindi niya alam kung pareho sila ng nararamdaman at mas lalong hindi niya alam kung gusto pa ba nitong pag-usapan iyon.

"So, 'yon, bago kayo dumating, nag-iisip na kami kung saan tayo pupunta after graduation. Bawal bago graduation, may pamahiin tayo." Jachin placed his arm behind Evie's seat, and Fatima saw the slight movement in the latter's body, quietly leaning on Jachin.

"Outing? Pwede sa Batangas. May alam na tayong resort do'n nung pumunta tayo last last year para sa birthday ni Abe."

Fatima almost flinched at the sound of Rigo's voice. She didn't think na hindi niya ito maririnig for weeks at a time, and she felt a painful squeeze in her heart at the thought that this may go on forever. That she may have just broken their friendship more than their recklessness did.

In between eating, their group planned their next trip. Batangas. Swimming. Barbecue. Jack Daniels. Coke. Those were the words that floated around the table, distracting Fatima from her thoughts.

Nang matapos sila ay agad na nagpunta si Fatima sa restroom to relieve herself. The more her little dumpling grew inside her, the harder it was to hold her pee in. Kaya mas madalas na siyang mag restroom ngayon.

Fatima pulled the door open and stopped on her tracks when she saw Rigo waiting a few feet outside. She noticed that he had cut his hair a little. Not enough to change his appearance completely, but it was shorter than it had been before they completely went radio silent on each other.

Napansin nitong nakatingin siya sa buhok nito at pinasadahan ito gamit ang kamay. "Ginupitan ako ni Amara. Nalaman ko na may talent pala siya sa gano'n."

Fatima forced out a smile. She smiled like she didn't feel her stomach drop at the mention of her name. She smiled like she didn't remember that before, Rigo would ask her opinion before cutting his hair. "That's nice. Humahaba na rin buhok mo and hindi na malinis tignan."

A deep, unending silence sits between them. Neither wants to talk about the past, and neither wants to move forward to the present.

"Kumusta ka? Tahimik ka kanina," Rigo crossed his arms on his chest and took a step closer to her. "Hindi ka na ulit nagpunta sa ospital?"

"No," Fatima sighed and leaned on the wall next to them. "Hindi naman na naulit. And sabi ng OB ko, normal lang naman daw 'yon. Kausap ko siya halos araw araw to monitor kung mangyayari pa ulit."

"That's good." Saglit na natahimik si Rigo habang nakatingin sa kanya. Fatima didn't break the stare until his eyes broke it off and fleeted somewhere else. Huminga ito nang malamin bago bumalik ang tingin sa kanya. "I'm sorry. Sa nangyari no'ng nakaraan. 'Di kita dapat sinigawan."

Hindi inasahan ni Fatima na magso-sorry ito, mainly because she didn't think it was his fault anyway. But when those words left his mouth, Fatima's heart loosened its tight grip on her. "Rigo. . ."

"No, no. Alam ko namang mali. May dinadamdam ka na tapos. . . tapos pagtataasan pa kita ng boses." Rigo swallows the guilt so that he can properly apologize to Fatima. Because he just can't take not talking to her.

"Sorry din," Fatima looked down briefly, casting her eyes anywhere but Rigo's form. She didn't think she'd be able to say the next words if she was looking at him. "For saying what I said. Sobrang unfair para sa 'yo. . . at sa 'kin."

Rigo pressed the heel of his palms on his eyes and sniffed. "Yeah. We were both wrong for that."

Fatima slowly nodded, realizing that it wasn't just one person's mistake. It was both of them.

A heavy sigh left Rigo's lips before he could even stop it. "Pwede bang 'wag na natin ulitin 'yon, Fats?"

"'Wag na tayong mag-away ulit," he continued. "Mag-usap na ulit tayo."

Fatima met his eyes, eyes that were almost begging, and felt a slow smile blossoming on her lips.

"Kailangan ko na rin ng supply ng kiat kiat," she teased, smiling a little when she heard Rigo's hearty laugh rumble out of his chest.

It was a sound that she'd give anything to be the one to coax it out of him. It was a sound that Fatima thinks is even better than anything in the world.

"Fine. Mamalengke ako bukas tapos idadaan ko sa 'yo."

Fatima pushed past him to go back to their table. Naramdaman niya ang pagsunod ni Rigo. "Kapag ako walang kiat kiat bukas, masasapak kita."

Rigo laughed again and placed an arm on her shoulder. "Oo na nga. Sorry, wala akong nadala."

And just like that, they fell back into their familiar routine, with banters and silly little fights. Rigo promising to bring her fruits, and Fatima giving her word that he would be the first to know if something happens.

But beneath that, Fatima wonders if this is familiarity taking its shape, or just the never ending cycle of avoiding their history.

#smdysnwp