Chapter 5

Favorite Smile

Fatima woke up feeling like she was run over by a 10 wheeler truck. Her joints and muscles ache so much that she couldn't even lift her arm to grab her phone and check the time. And her head was like expanding from the pressure even though she got a decent sleep last night compared to the previous evenings.

Bumalikwas siya nang makita na ilang minuto na lang ay magsisimula na ang pang-umagang klase niya. She couldn't afford to be late!

She flung around her clothes at dali-daling binasa ang mukha niya at naghilamos para umabot pa sa grace period. Her head was spinning but she ignored it and willed herself not to pass out. Humawak siya sa gilid ng lababo para hindi siya matumba hanggang sa matapos siyang magtuyo ng mukha.

Mabilis niyang sinuklay ang buhok niya at pinahiran ng liptint ang labi niya para magkaroon naman ng kulay bago umalis nang makarinig siya ng mahinang katok sa pintuan niya.

Her forehead scrunched at the noise because no one usually visits her at this hour. Madalas ay hapon bumibista ang mga kaibigan niya dahil alam nilang tapos na ang klase niya. And even then, they would notify her in advance because they knew she didn't like it when they barge.

"Fatima? Gising ka na?" narinig niyang pagtawag ng pamilyar na boses sa kabilang side. Why he was here at this hour, banging on her door like she owed him rent was beyond her.

Fatima angrily stomped towards the door and pulled it back with such force that Rigo took a step back in surprise. "Gulat ko naman, puta."

"Bakit ka nandito?" Fatima demanded. She knew she was being rude, but Rigo knew that she didn't like it when people just swing by her dorm without notice. Ayaw niyang nakikita ng mga ito na makalat ang kwarto niya at marumi siya siyang tignan.

Rigo responded but Fatima could barely hear what he was saying because something vile rose from her throat. Agad siyang tumakbo papunta sa bathroom niya at hinayaan si Rigo sa hallway. He would welcome himself anyway.

She heaved her empty stomach on the toilet and tried to ignore Rigo when she heard his footsteps approaching her. She held her palm up to stop him from going inside the bathroom and seeing her dishevelled and heaving. But it was no use.

Inabot ni Rigo ang kamay niya at dahan dahan siyang itinayo mula sa pagkakaupo sa malamig na tiles. "Kaya mong tumayo? Ikawit mo braso mo sa 'kin."

Fatima did as she was told and wrapped her arm around Rigo's stable ones. Rigo stood stiff beside her and allowed her to lean on him for a little bit until the dizziness wore off. She felt cold to the touch so he also wrapped his hand around her smaller ones to warm them up.

After a few seconds, the world finally stopped spinning. "Okay na," Fatima whispered, clearly still feeling unwell, but better now that she let out the contents of her stomach. "I'm okay."

Rigo let go of her for a few seconds to slowly lean forward and safely place his bag and materials down on her couch, before his arms came up to touch her again. Hawak nito ang siko niya habang nakakapit naman si Fatima sa mga braso nito.

Rigo wasn't bulky, he was more on the lean side. His slim waist still accentuated his broad shoulders even though he didn't religiously go to the gym. He probably owed it to the physical work he sometimes did with his father at their automobile workshop.

The top of Fatima's head just went above his Cupid's bow, and yet she felt like he was this towering and strong pillar that she could hold on to and never fear that it would break.

Rinig ang malalim na paghinga nilang dalawa. The space between their breaths feels smaller now that they are aware of each other's touch. Rigo was breathing hard from his worry that something was terribly wrong, while Fatima struggled to make sense of how her body was changing.

Nang mag-angat ng tingin ni Fatima ay nakatitig na sa kanya si Rigo. Nakakunot pa rin ang kilay nito at halatang nag-aalala na naman kaya inangat ni Fatima ang braso niya para hawiin ang ilang buhok nitong nakatabing sa mata at marahang hinaplos ang noo nito.

"You're frowning again. Hindi bagay."

Rigo ignored her effort to redirect his worries and instead guided her to sit down next to his stuff before quickly reaching to the side table for her box of tissues. Iniabot nito sa kanya ang tissue at itinuro ang bibig niya. Fatima quickly wiped her mouth from any disgusting liquid while her lips quivered.

She wanted to cry because she hated being this vulnerable. She was weak, and disgusting to look at, and her body felt like it was disconnected from her brain.

Rigo knelt in front of her and placed the back of his palm on her forehead. "Nahihilo ka pa?"

Iniwas ni Fatima ang tingin niya sa mga mata nito. Rigo's eyes have always been these beautiful, dark coffee-colored orbs that were always glazed with brightness and warmth in the way that it would pull you in; in the way that you'd look for it in the crowded room.

Ever since she locked eyes with him on her first day as a high school freshman, when all she had was her courage to make new friends and Mila by her side, she knew she was going to be a sucker for him. It was why he was one of the popular kids in her year, always being asked to represent their section, and always joining competitions he knew nothing about. At kaya rin naging lapitin ito ng mga babae. Meanwhile, she stood on the sidelines, harboring a huge crush on her best friend's friend.

"Hindi na masyado," she murmured lowly, barely even audible. And yet he heard her. "Kaya ko na pumasok. Can you get my bag?"

Umiling at ito umahon sa pagkakaluhod sa harap niya. "'Wag ka na muna kayang pumasok? Baka matumba ka lang."

"No, I need to. May recit. Hindi pa nga ako nag-aaral."

If she misses this recitation, it would make a dent in her record. She knew she wasn't that smart, but she made it up by attending all her classes without miss and any tardiness.

"You don't look well, Fatima."

"I can. . . I can go to the clinic kung hindi ako maging okay."

"Tsk," Rigo flicked her forehead. "Makinig ka sa 'kin, please. Kahit ngayon lang. Hindi pa sanay katawan mo sa nararamdaman mo, okay? Nag-a-adjust ka pa. Pakinggan mo katawan mo."

Fatima could feel her eyes closing from exhaustion even though she barely even moved since she woke up. "Rigo. . . I'm sleepy."

Bahagyang natawa ito. He wanted to say that he was right, but this was Fatima he was speaking to. She probably knew he was right but just didn't want to admit it. "Papikit na nga mga mata mo. Matulog ka muna."

Fatima's head bobbed and he quickly caught her head and gently guided her body to lean back on her couch. Dumilat ito saglit, but she quickly closed her eyes when she saw Rigo around.

In a split-second decision, Rigo placed an arm underneath her legs and one on her back to lift her from the couch and carry her bridal style to her bed. Bahagyang gumalaw si Fatima but she was so out of it that she immediately curled on his arms, like a safety net cradling her for comfort.

Rigo stood there for a minute, and looked down on Fatima's sleeping figure on his arms. There was a moment in time when they weren't fighting the pull, when he could carry her like this and not worry about the boundaries they've set, when he could look her in the eye and search for her pain without wanting to kiss her tears away.

But they weren't in that time anymore.

☂

By the time it was almost afternoon, Rigo had to quietly leave Fatima's dorm because he still had an afternoon meeting he needed to attend to. Dapat ay dadaan lang siya para iabot ang almusal na niluto niya. Sumobra kasi para sa kanilang tatlo sa bahay kaya naisip niya na pagdalahan si Fatima. Hindi kasi ugali nito ang magluto ng almusal kaya madalas hindi na ito kumakain bago umalis.

He left the packed food on her dining table with a small note for when she wakes up.

Before leaving, Rigo apologized to the security guard for staying longer than he anticipated. Kinuha rin niya ang ID niya na iniwan sa lobby bago umalis na para tumakbo papunta sa school.

Nang makarating siya sa university ay agad siyang tumakbo papunta sa building nila dahil doon nila napag-usapan na magkita-kita.

"Nagsimula na kayo?" habol hininga niyang tanong kay Jachin at Amara na kagrupo niya para sa upcoming project nila sa isang subject. "Sorry, may dinaanan pa ako."

Amara tucked her hair behind her ear as she took a seat next to Rigo. She smiled at him warmly before handing him a bottle of water. "Uh, no, not yet. Sakto lang naman dating mo."

Sandali ito tinignan ni Rigo bago lumipat ang mata kay Jachin na nag-aayos ng materyales nila, and as if he felt his stare, he looked up and mouthed 'what?' at him. Umiling si Rigo at tinanggap ang tubig na iniabot ni Amara. "Thank you. Sakto ang init."

"Bring an umbrella kapag buma-byahe ka. It's a lifesaver, you know?" pangaral ni Amara. Tumayo ito para tulungan na si Jachin mag-ayos.

Ngumiti si Rigo sa kanya bago inilabas sa tube ang ilang guide nila. "I will. Nakalimutan ko lang kanina kasi nagmamadali ako."

"Dumaan ka kay Fatima?" tanong ni Jachin.

"Oo, 'di nga nakapasok kasi masama pakiramdam," Rigo stopped when he felt Amara's eyes on him. He almost mentioned her pregnancy and he didn't think she'd appreciate it if he told anybody but their friend group. "Flu yata kasi may sipon nung nakaraan."

"Punta tayo mamaya? Kaso kailangan natin matapos 'to, e."

Rigo nibbled on his lower lip and thought of why he needed to choose. But he knew that Fatima would be furious if she found out they left an unfinished project to check on her. "Tapusin muna natin 'to tapos tsaka tayo dumaan do'n."

Jachin didn't expect his answer so he froze for a bit before nodding when he saw that Rigo's face was painted with determination to finish it. "Alright."

"Kami na magbubuhat nito, Ams," Rigo pointed at the heavy wood. "Iyong blueprint na lang sa 'yo."

"Okay. Sa third floor na lang tayo?" She picked up the printed papers and placed the guide back on the tube.

"May kapihan do'n, e. Kailangan natin 'yon mamaya. Tapos pwede pa mag-stay hanggang madaling araw."

They headed straight to the third floor with wide, spacious tables for architecture students. Maganda at malaki rin ang mga ilaw kaya hindi na nila kailagang yumuko para makita ang ginagawa nila. It used to bother Rigo that his school lacked a decent enough place to work on big projects that required bigger movements and heavier materials, but he was glad that they allowed the use of this area nonetheless.

Rigo placed the massive wood material down and blew a heavy breath between his lips. He needed to start working so they could finish early and he could go back to Fatima's dorm to check if she was okay.

☂

Jachin was already dozing off as he sat near the table. Pasado alas-onse na kaya hindi na tumatalab ang kape sa kanya. Amara was still working with drawing a rough sketch, but she could barely keep her eyes open too. Rigo on the other hand was hard on carving the wood by himself.

Palipat-lipat ang tingin niya sa ginagawa niya at sa nakakabit na relo sa pulsuhan niya. He doubts he'd be able to see Fatima because it was already so late, and he would rather she was asleep now too. But he wanted to finish this so he can focus on her and what she needs.

That thought stopped Rigo in his tracks, breathing hard from the effort and the need to finish this project as fast as he could.

He shouldn't be this distraught and out of focus. He knew that much. But seeing her alone and vulnerable set off a grenade inside his chest that he couldn't possibly know where the shattered pieces landed.

Perhaps one of them wanted to focus on himself and his work, and another wanted to ignore his feelings slowly crawling out from the treasure chest he had managed to lock it up in.

But most of them were selfishly wishing she'd ask for his help.

So Rigo ended up finishing his part and left the rest to the two who promised to work on it the following morning because they were just really tired and sleepy, and headed straight to Fatima's dorm.

He pulled his phone out and texted her, just to check if she was still awake. Hindi naman niya planong umakyat pa, pero gusto niya itong makita na kumaway sa kanya, even from her small balcony.

Rigo:
gising ka pa? silip ka sa balcony kahit saglit

Fatima:
Yeah.
Okay.

Napangiti si Rigo sa sagot nito. She wasn't much of a texter, and she was also quiet in person especially when she's around unfamiliar faces, and that reply was so Fatima.

Narinig niya ang pagbukas ng isang balcony sa building nito. It was otherwise quiet at madilim na rin ang ibang kwarto sa dorm, so he immediately knew it was her.

Pupungas-pungas itong sumilip at kumaway sa kanya. Her lips had a little color now and she looked better than she did this morning, so he was glad that she followed him this time around and took the whole day off to rest.

Rigo lifted his hand to wave at her and she returned it with a small smile. Just enough to let Rigo know that she was okay. And it was so disarming that he sometimes thought that it might be his favorite smile in the world. The one she rarely gives to just anyone. The one where the corner of her mouth just slightly tilts upward.

The one that made him a selfish man.

#smdysnwp