Chapter 4

Mango Bingsu

Tahimik na pinanood ni Rigo si Fatima na simutin ang bowl niya ng mango bingsu. It was her favorite even before and she would often finish a medium sized bowl of it by herself. Minsan nag-aaway pa sila ni Mila dahil pareho nilang gusto, but they didn't want to spend their money on another bowl.

Rigo propped his arm to rest his chin on his palm as he waited for Fatima to finish eating. Mabagal kasi itong kumain at kadalasan hinihintay talaga nilang matapos. Siguro kahit magugunaw na ang mundo, hindi pa rin ngunguya ito nang mabilis.

Fatima lifted her eyes from the bowl just as she was done scooping the last remnants of ice and milk, at sinalubong ang tingin niya. "Ano? Ba't ka nakatingin?"

"Wala na bang ibabagal 'yan?" pang-aasar ni Rigo sa dalaga.

Fatima narrowed her round eyes at him bago kinuha ang tissue para dampian ang labi niya. Rigo followed the movement even though he knew it was a bad idea. It was always that split-second decision that takes him back to that night. And that irrational part of his mind always won against his better judgment.

It's like with Fatima, he's a lost cause. A car wreck waiting and burning at the end of the bridge.

"Ang bilis mo kasing kumain para kang bibitayin," Fatima countered with a slight roll of her eyes. Leave it to her to defend her honor and come up with a retort. Kapag nagbabangayan sila ay lagi itong may sagot kahit alam niya mismo na mali naman talaga siya. Sometimes it pisses off Rigo so much, but most of the time he was happy to let her win.

Itinago ni Rigo ang ngiti sa paghikab niya. "E gutom na ako anong magagawa ko? Mahigit isang oras kaya akong naghihintay sa 'yo."

Her forehead creased, but continued to wipe down the table. Fatima reached out her hand for Rigo to put his used plate so that she could stack it together with hers. "Wala naman akong sinabing maghintay ka. Pwede ka namang umuwi na."

"Ako nga driver mo, ma'am. May driver bang iniiwan kung saan saan lang pasahero nila?"

"Oh, kaya 'wag kang magreklamo kung mabagal akong kumain. Ninanamnam ko kasi." Fatima responded and started stacking her utensils neatly on her plate. Naglahad ito ng kamay para sa plato ni Rigo.

Natawa si Rigo at ibinigay na ang plato niya habang inimis naman niya ang pinag-inuman nila. "Alam mo naman palagi kitang hihintayin kahit abutin ka pa ng ilang oras d'yan."

Nagkasalubong muli ang mga mata nila.

It was too late for Rigo to retract his words, and the moment it flew out of his mouth, he regretted saying it. But the strong impulse, the utter recklessness of it shook his resolve.

The resolve to keep things between them as platonic as possible.

Rigo cleared his throat to divert both of their attention from each other. "So, uh, anong plano mo?"

Inalis ni Fatima ang tingin nito sa kanya at inilipat ito sa mga taong katabi nila. "Kailangan ko ulit maghanap ng work. 'Di naman mura 'yong mga vitamins na kailangan ko. Pati 'yong mga check-up. I need to somehow maintain it."

"Bakit ka nga ba umalis sa dati mong nakuha na trabaho? Sabi mo maayos naman do'n."

Fatima pursed her lips and Rigo knew that what she was about to say would either make him sad or piss him off. Either way, he wouldn't like it. But because it was her, he wanted to hear it nonetheless.

"Ayaw ni Jacob," Fatima swallowed hard, as if what she was going to say next was painfully difficult to pull out of her lips. "Sabi niya masyado raw nauubos ang oras ko sa trabaho. Wala na raw akong oras para sa kanya."

Underneath the table, Rigo's hands balled into tight fists. All he felt for the once good man he thought of was nothing but pure rage. But because Fatima was sitting adjacent to him, he kept his face neutral. Baka magalit na naman ito dahil galit siya. Madalas talaga na sinasabayan nito ang inis niya.

"Pero maghahanap ako ng bago. May offer sa 'kin noon 'yong pinsan ko na magtrabaho sa small business niya. I might settle for that."

Tumango si Rigo. "Basta hindi ka mapapagod."

"Para namang porcelain doll ako," Fatima's lips twitched in amusement. "I can do work, Rigo. I did it before, kaya kaya ko rin ngayon."

"Pero hindi ka buntis noon." Rigo tried to get his point across, pero ngumiti lamang ito at tumayo na. It was an indication that she was done with the conversation.

"Ako na bahala sa bill." Fatima pulled her wallet out, but Rigo reached on the other side of the table to place his hand on top of hers.

Fatima's eyes landed on their hands. It was warm and comforting, but also dangerous and unrelenting.

"Ako na," Rigo pulled his hand off and opened his wallet. "Marami ka pang binili kanina na kailangan mo. Gastusin mo na lang 'yan para sa sarili mo."

Napaamang si Fatima at akmang pipilitin si Rigo pero nauna na ito sa paglagay ng bill at pagsara ng booklet. It wasn't unusual for him to offer payment, pero tuwing magkakasama silang magkakaibigan ay madalas kanya kanyang bayad sila dahil pare-pareho lang silang estudyante.

"Maliit lang 'yong bill, Fatima. 'Wag ka nang mainis sa 'kin." Hindi alam ni Rigo kung bakit tunog nagmamakaawa siya pero parang gano'n ang dating sa pandinig niya. He supposed it's not that surprising kasi ayaw naman talaga niyang nagagalit sa kanya si Fatima.

"'Di ako naiinis," Fatima shoved her wallet back into her bag and walked briskly out of the place with Rigo tailing behind her. "Nagulat lang ako."

"Pambawi lang din kasi ginamot mo naman sugat ko no'ng nakaraan."

"Which was entirely your fault, by the way."

Laughter bubbled out of Rigo as he caught up to her to walk side by side. "Oo na. Ako na. Mali ulit si Rigo."

"Talaga."

Rigo couldn't help but smile as he saw a glimpse of the friend he once had, coming back to life after a rough couple of days. He did miss the glint in her eyes that would often look at him with annoyance painted on it.

☂

Nasa gate pa lang ng bahay nila si Rigo pero naririnig na niya ang nanay at tatay niyang nag-uusap sa loob habang nanonood ng paborito nila primetime show. Nang makapasok siya at mahubad ang sapatos niya, dumiretso agad siya sa sala nila.

"Oh, nakakagulat ka naman," bati ng ina niya. "Ang tahimik mong pumasok."

Umupo si Rigo sa gitna ng magulang niya sa sofa bago inabot ang kamay nila para magmano. "'Di mo narinig sasakyan, Ma?"

"Narinig pero malay kong ikaw. Tumawag ka bago ka pumasok ng bahay sa susunod."

Rigo nodded absentmindedly as he stared at the TV. Pagod siya dahil sa maghapon na klase, pero alam niyang may mga kailangan pa siyang tapusin na design.

Kinalabit siya ng tatay niya. "Tignan mo na nga 'yan sa talyer. Ang ingay na ng makina pag bukas mo kaninang umaga."

"Iyong sasakyan ko?" kunot noo na sagot ni Rigo. He didn't think anything was wrong kasi luma naman na talaga 'yong sasakyan niya. It was a beat up old Honda sedan that he got for a really cheap price from someone who visited their car workshop. Matinding pag-aayos lang ang ginawa niya at ng tatay niya, but it worked just fine for him.

"Oo," His father clicked his tongue. "May ano na sa makina. Basta tignan mo. Baka maano ka pa sa kalsada."

"Maano ba, Pa?" pang-aasar niya.

Pinitik nito ang tenga niya kaya agad na napa-aray si Rigo. "Basta ayusin mo do'n. May gamit naman. Ipakondisyon mo para magamit mo pa."

"Oks manoks. Pero speaking of talyer, Pa." Umahon si Rigo mula sa pagkakasandal at hinarap ang tatay niya. "Pwede na ba akong mag duty ulit?"

"Bakit? 'Di ba ang usapan kapag may klase ka at busy, hindi ka gagawa do'n?"

"Oo nga, pero-"

"Wala ka ngang oras para sa sarili mo. Tumitilaok na mga manok, patulog ka pa lang."

Bahagyang natawa si Rigo sa paratang ng ama niya. Minsan kasi papasok na ito sa trabaho pero siya may ginagawa pa. Especially bigger projects that required him to use their living or dining area. Mga scaled down model na kailangan niyang gawin.

"Pero 'di n'yo ba kailangan ng tulong do'n? Kaya ko naman kahit ilang oras lang."

"Nando'n naman ang mga tao natin," sagot nito, tapos bumaling sa kanya. "Bakit ba? May pinag-iipunan ka ba at kailangan mo ng pera?"

Rigo hesitated. "Wala naman po." He didn't want his parents to ask dahil mahaba pang usapan at hindi niya alam kung dapat na ba nilang malaman ngayon. It might just jinx everything. But he also needed to convince his father to let him at least take a couple of hours of work.

Their family business was small compared to other businesses of the same kind, but it was their family's bread and butter. He wanted to help in any way he could, but he also knew that his course would take a lot of his time, so he just worked occasionally. But now, he wants a full time job even if he has yet to finish college.

"Sige, kung gusto mo talaga. Basta 'di mo mapabayaan ang pag-aaral mo. Lalo na patapos ka na."

Rigo saluted and then turned to his mother. "Okay lang sa 'yo, Ma?"

"May magagawa ba ako kung gusto mo?"

Rigo laughed and kissed his mother's temple. "Mahal n'yo talaga ako."

☂

Fatima felt the exhaustion from the whole day of running around and going to the doctor as soon as she shut the door to her unit. Sumandal siya sa pinto at huminga nang malalim. God, she felt so tired dealing with people that she wanted to lock herself inside this room until she gave birth.

At that, she lifted the bag full of supplements while her other hand went to her belly. It was still flat, but Fatima could already picture that in a couple of months she would show and it would be difficult to hide it any longer.

While she drank the supplements one by one, she willed herself not to heave because she hated drinking tablets and capsules even when she was sick. Minsan tinitiis na lang niya dahil sa kaayawan niyang uminom ng gamot.

"Magpalakas ka kasi tinitiis ni Mommy 'to," she whispered to her unborn child habang hinahagod ang tiyan niya. "Iinumin ko kahit ilang tablet pa at ilang baso ng gatas, basta maging okay ka lang d'yan."

Her baby was unexpected, but they can expect that in those nine months, Fatima would be more prepared.

Her phone rang on the countertop, interrupting her thoughts. Agad itong inabot ni Fatima at tinignan kung sino ang tumatawag sa kanya. It was her older sister asking her to join a group call with their mother. Sa United States ito nakatira kaya madalas ay gabi talaga tumatawag sa kanila.

Fatima unlocked her phone and joined the call.

"Ayan na. Kauuwi lang yata sa dorm niya." Her mother's voice rumbled through the speaker of her phone and Fatima felt a little nervous this time, because she knew she was hiding a very big secret from them.

"Hi, Mama. Hi, Ate!" Fatima greeted them both and went to sit on her small couch.

"Fats! Kuhanin mo kay Mama 'yong pera na padala ko."

"Hindi pa ako pwedeng umuwi, Ate. Busy pa sa school." She gave her an apologetic smile and hoped she wouldn't push the subject. Ayaw din muna niyang umuwi ngayon na buntis siya.

"Hindi ka naman umuuwi kahit hindi ka busy." May halong pagtatampo sa boses ng nanay niya pero alam niyang naiintindihan nito kung bakit umalis si Fatima ng makapasok siya sa kolehiyo sa Manila.

"Kapag break mo na lang. Or ipapawire na lang sa 'yo ni Mama."

Ngumiti si Fatima sa kapatid. Her sister was generous by nature at kahit kailan hindi ito nagdamot sa kanya at sa magulang nila kahit na may fiancé na ito at nagpa-plano na ring magpakasal at magkapamilya.

And the guilt that she was feeling worsened when she remembered how kind she was. And yet here was Fatima, hiding a big secret that would shift her priorities. It felt like disappointing her and that ugly feeling sat on her chest like a ton of bricks, making it difficult for her to breathe.

Fatima turned the camera away from her and took a couple of deep breaths to stabilize her breathing. Ayaw niyang mahalata ng mga ito na may problema siya. At least not right now.

In the background, she listened to her mother and sister talk about their own lives, while she sat there contemplating if they would ever be able to accept her after finding out that she was pregnant, or if she was always bound to disappoint people one way or another.

#smdysnwp