Chapter 1

Pregnancy Tests

Fatima didn't think her heart could break once more.

But it did.

It did when she held up three pregnancy tests, all with the same positive results, and all saying one thing-that she was indeed pregnant as she had suspected.

Napahawak siya sa gilid ng sink, desperately clinging on the last shred of her sanity. Fatima could feel her laboured breathing inside the stuffy, unkempt restroom she decided to seek privacy in because it had no line outside.

She knew she was right when she felt like an alien in her own body. Her moods fluctuate frequently and she became more irritable even to Rigo, one of her close friends, who she rarely argues with these days. Dumating na sa point na nag-away sila dahil sa simpleng hindi nito pagpili ng makakainan nila and she left him to catch a jeep and go home. She was that angry at him that time.

And again, when she confronted her boyfriend, Jacob, to tell him about her pregnancy and he simply said: I don't want it.

She felt her stomach drop sixty floors below and engraved itself on the ground, creating a hollow crater that she didn't want to even look at. Fatima wanted to argue that she, too, didn't want it. She wanted to scream at him that it wasn't just her fault and that he had a hand on it too. She wanted to shake him using the lapels of his pristine and well-pressed polo shirt and tell him that this wasn't in her plans, this wasn't in neither of their plans!

She waited for the anger to come, balling her fist to the point of pain, until her nails created half-moon dents on her skin.

But the anger didn't come.

Naramdaman na lang ni Fatima ang pagtulo ng luha niya, and out of fear, her hand immediately went to her stomach. She knew it wasn't good for either of them to be in distress.

"Bakit?" she asked, holding on to whatever courage that was still inside her. She almost didn't want to hear his reason.

Jacob shrugged and kept his eyes away from Fatima who was standing in front of him, feet aching from the heels that she was wearing, and her body almost trembling from fear and anxiety.

"'Di papayag si Mom, alam mo naman 'yon 'diba? Kasi 'di magandang tignan. At ayoko na, Fatima." Jacob reached out to grab her hand but Fatima turned her body away from his touch just in time. He heaved a deep sigh and ran a hand through his short, clean cut hair. "You know we've been having problems 'di ba? And you knew sooner or later that we're bound to end this. Ayoko nang patagalin."

Well, then maybe you should've told me sooner! Fatima wanted to scream at him. She wanted so badly to punch his chest or kick his shin, just to ease the feeling of resentment growing inside her.

"Napakagago mo," she gritted her teeth and pushed him out of the way so she could walk out. Fatima would not let him be the one to walk away, her pride had been beaten down so many times, and this was her final straw. "'Wag mo na akong lapitan kahit kailan!"

"Fatima, wait-" Jacob tried to grab her hand but Fatima was faster than him. She took off to the opposite direction and left him there standing.

The moment she was out of his sight, Fatima bent down a little to grab her godforsaken heels and quickly removed it. She had to dress up a little bit earlier for her mock presentation and she couldn't even talk in front of her adviser without feeling like she was about to throw up.

It was also one of the early signs that had her suspecting that she was pregnant. Bukod sa ilang araw na siyang late sa dalaw niya, nag-iiba rin ang reaksyon niya sa mga bagay at partikular na pagkain. And she always felt tired kahit ilang hakbang lang naman ang nilalakad niya mula sa building niya hanggang sa dorm na inuupahan niya.

Fatima threw her bag on the bench just outside the Business Administration building at umupo dahil pakiramdam niya ay tutumba na siya sa hilo at inis. On top of her upcoming final defense and exams, she had to deal with this. The universe must really hate her.

Just when she was about to silently scream in frustration, she was reminded that she wasn't the only one she was carrying right now. Hindi na lang sarili niya ang dapat niyang alalahanin. Inside her, a little human being's life was at stake. And Fatima didn't know how to keep them safe from all her unresolved baggage that weighed on her.

Despite willing her tears to stop from falling, a soft sob racked through her chest. Tinakpan niya ang bibig niya para pigilan ang sariling makagawa ng ingay dahil may mga dumadaan sa hallway. She didn't want them to think there was something wrong with her. She had no energy left to explain.

Humihikbi niyang inabot ang bag niyang itinapon kanina at inilabas ang notebook niya. She still had an exam for her 4-6 PM class and she can't afford to fail unless she wants to fall off the honors list.

Fatima watched as her tears fell and stained the paper of her notebook and tried to stop it by wiping her tears with the heel of her palm, all the while reciting the words written on her notebook like a broken record, trying to cram her brain with as much information as she needed before the exam.

She knew she wasn't naturally smart like Mila and Abe, or gifted like Rigo and Jachin. She was just an average person with so many dreams for herself. And now it feels like it was being taken away from her because of a single mistake that she could only blame herself for.

☂

Rigo wanted to faint from the amount of instructions being thrown at them by his professor. Putangina, patapos na lang klase, magdadagdag pa ng gagawin. Gusto nang tumayo ni Rigo at magpaalam para mag restroom kunwari tapos tumakbo na palabas ng building. But he knew he couldn't.

From the corner of his eye, he saw Jachin already half-asleep beside him, natutumba na ang ulo nito sa sobrang antok. May hawak pa itong t-square na parang may aawayin sa panaginip niya. His jaw was still bruised from his encounter with his father and Rigo wanted him to go home before this class, pero makulit ito at gustong tumambay sa school.

Malamang hinihintay ang dismissal ni Evie para sabay silang makauwi. Mga kabataan nga naman, oh.

Tinabig niya ang braso nito nang magtawag ang propesor nila kung may tanong pa ang klase. Jachin jumped a little when Rigo's elbow collided with his and was awakened rudely from his nap. "Ano?" Iritable itong lumingon sa kanya and Rigo could only snicker.

Rigo clicked his tongue and pointed at their professor with his thumb. "May tanong ka raw ba? Dali, uwing uwi na 'ko."

"Wala," Jachin closed his eyes again. "Alam ko namang nakinig ka kaya sabihin mo na lang sa 'kin gagawin mamaya."

Panic rose at the pit of Rigo's stomach dahil alam niyang hindi na siya halos nakikinig kanina. Pasok sa isang tainga, labas sa isa. Paano ba naman, wala na siyang tulog kagabi tapos tuloy-tuloy pa na klase mula alas-siete ng umaga hanggang ngayong madilim na. Tinabig niya ulit ang kaibigan. "Huy, hindi ako nakinig! Akala ko ikaw ang nakikinig kaya-"

"Mr. Riorson, may tanong ba kayo d'yan?" malakas na sigaw ng propesor nila kaya agad na napalingon si Rigo sa harap.

Rigo's skin crawled at the feel of everyone's eyes on him, kaya halos mautal na siya nang sumagot. "Ah, w-wala po."

It was now Jachin's turn to silently laugh at him, his shoulders shaking in the process. "Buti nga."

Matapos ang klase nila ay agad silang bumaba, with Jachin bolting immediately to go to Evie's building. Si Rigo naman ay hinintay na makaalis si Abe sa sasakyan nito dahil may dinaan muna kay Jachin, bago napag-isipan na puntahan si Fatima. Malamang ay tapos na rin ang panggabing klase nito.

Kanina pa siya nangangating magtext dito para itanong kung kumusta ang naging mock defense nito dahil kabado itong pumasok kanina. She didn't look well so Rigo hoped that she was able to present and speak well.

He ran a hand through his hair to fix it in place dahil kanina pa ito magulo gawa ng sobrang hirap ng activity na ginawa nila. Gusto na niyang hilahin buong anit niya sa inis, sabayan mo pa ng mga blockmates na tamad. Talagang gugustuhin mo na lang mag-dismissal na.

Fatima's building was a good two-minute walk from theirs and Rigo made sure to take the long way because he knew Fatima would still want to go to the restroom after class. Kung ano man ang ginagawa nito sa loob, ayaw nang alamin ni Rigo. It's a girls thing, she once said.

It was past 6 PM already, so the path was a little dark. Buti na lang at may mga ilaw galing sa building kaya maliwanag naman kahit kaunti para sa mga dumadaan dito. Fatima hates having to go home at this hour dahil madilim at kadalasan mahirap nang makasakay dahil kasagsagan ng rush hour. Kaya madalas sinasabayan niya, o nilang dalawang ni Jachin ito ng uwi para hindi siya nag-iisa.

Pagkarating ni Rigo sa building ni Fatima ay narinig na niya ang mga boses ng mga blockmates nito at mga yabag ng mga bumababa sa hagdan.

Fatima might still be up, so he waited for a while. But when her other blockmates had already emptied the hallway, kumunot ang noo ni Rigo nang mapansin na hindi pa ito bumababa. Did she go home early?

Rigo pulled out his phone from his back pocket to text her, and then left one miss call in case she hadn't heard the text come in. Kung na sa restroom ito ay malamang hindi nito maririnig ang text.

Makalipas ang ilang minuto ay narinig niyang may bumababa, and he was ready to greet her but froze when he found her tear-stained eyes looking at him. Her shoulders were hunched and Rigo could see the exhaustion painted underneath her eyes.

Fatima always prided herself that she can put a decent face on despite what she was feeling, and it used to piss Rigo off so much because why can't she just tell them how she feels? It drove him crazy. But now that they've been friends for a long time, and more than that for a short while almost a year ago, he can easily tell when she's upset just by the slightest tremor of her hand.

"Bakit?" he immediately asked and stepped closer to her to meet her at the foot of the stairs.

Sandali itong tumitig sa kanya, allowing him to search for what was wrong in her dark brown eyes, and what Rigo found was just pure hurt and exhaustion. "Sorry, I-" Fatima stammered, choking on her words. "I'm-I'm not feeling well."

Rigo reached for her face and placed the back of his palm on her forehead to check her body temp. "Mainit ka nga. Nahihilo ka ba?"

Fatima nodded and grabbed onto Rigo's arm for support as she took the last step. "Rigo, may sasabihin ako."

Rigo didn't need to look at her to figure out that it might be bad news. But he wasn't a stranger to it. He couldn't count how many times one of them in the group had to break a bad news. Si Mila nang magkasakit ang nanay nito, si Jachin no'ng makulong ang tatay nito, at si Abe nung mawala ang nakababatang kapatid nito sa aksidente.

He held Fatima's hand to guide her to sit on the bench just outside her building. Considering how she looked, it was best to talk to her while sitting down. "Anong meron?"

Bumaba ang tingin ni Rigo sa mga kamay nito, and Fatima's hands were shaking, no matter how much she held onto it to stop it from moving. It was what scared Rigo the most. Huminga ito nang malalim bago nagsalita ulit. "I'm. . . I'm pregnant."

Parang napaliguan si Rigo ng nagyeyelong tubig sa narinig. He felt like his pulse stopped for a moment when those words left Fatima's lips. Rigo knew that Fatima was planning a lot of things with her boyfriend despite only being in a relationship for a few months. Nagpa-plano itong magpakasal, magkapamilya, at magkaroon ng magandang trabaho. And Rigo never questioned that simply because he felt he didn't have the right to.

Just because they had something before doesn't mean his words meant something to Fatima enough for her to reconsider her plans in life.

What they had was history and nothing more. And it will stay that way.

Nilingon siya ni Fatima, and what she saw must not have been what she wanted because she squeezed her eyes shut and heaved a deep breath. "Rigo. . . say something." Fatima pleaded, the sheer desperation in her voice ringing through the empty hallway. "I don't like your silence."

"'Di ko alam kung anong gusto mong sabihin ko." Rigo honestly responded. Because the truth was, he really didn't know what to feel. Was he happy? Yes. Did he have questions? Marami. Nag-uunahan sa mga labi niya.

Fatima stood up and threw her hands in the air. "Say you're happy! Or kung galit ka, sabihin mo sa'kin."

Kumunot ang noo ni Rigo sa narinig. "Hindi ako galit. Bakit ako magagalit sa 'yo?" He swallowed hard and forced himself not to get carried away and keep his emotions in check. This was Fatima he was talking to. "Alam na ni Jacob?"

Tumango ito at kinuha mula sa bulsa niya ang panyo para pahirin ang luha niya. She was crying again. She didn't know what to feel anymore. Everything was too overwhelming and she could feel her mind on the brink of another breakdown. "He-He said he didn't want it."

That's what made Rigo stand up.

Nanginginig ang mga kamay niya sa galit. When he met Jacob, he had nothing to say to him. Mabait ito kay Fatima, inaalagaan ito, at alam niyang may kaya ang pamilya. But hearing his reaction to her girlfriend being pregnant felt like opening a sealed door in him. Whether he was waiting for him to fuck up or not, Rigo knew that he was angry for Fatima. And that fueled him to move his feet.

"Rigo?" Fatima's voice rose in panic. The look that crossed Rigo's face was one that told Fatima that he was very angry. Madilim ang mukha nito nang lumingon sa kanya. "Rigo, sa'n ka pupunta?"

"Pupuntahan ko 'yong putanginang 'yon." Rigo spat out his words in anger.

Fatima tried to reach for his arm but Rigo was already walking ahead. "What? Rigo, inuuna mo na naman init ng ulo mo!"

As if the universe took Rigo's side, nakakailang hakbang pa lamang siya nang makita niyang papunta si Jacob sa direksyon nila. May kasama itong isang kaibigan, but Rigo didn't care.

The moment he saw Jacob's face, he felt all his blood rise to his face in anger and his fist was itching to punch him. Masira man lang kahit kaunti sa lahat ng pinapaayos nito sa mukha. Because if there's anything he knows about the guy, and one that he knew only after he met him, it's that he's a narcissistic son of a bitch.

Jacob had it coming, however. Alam nitong susugurin siya ni Rigo dahil agad itong nakaiwas nang habulin ng kamao ni Rigo ang mukha niya. He then grabbed Rigo's collar and pushed him on his back on the hallway's wall. Hindi naman nagpatinag si Rigo at hinawakan ang braso ni Jacob na ipinang-iipit sa dibdib at pader sa likod niya at inikot ito para makawala. Jacob yelped in pain when Rigo twisted his arm.

"Rigo!" He could barely hear Fatima's voice through the chaos inside his head and in front of him.

When Rigo managed to free himself, tumama na ang suntok niya sa mukha nito. And it felt like a satisfying crunch, his fist against bone and muscle. But then, he felt someone pull him from behind to tie his arms behind his back. Iyong kaibigan ni Jacob ang humawak sa mga braso niya para hindi siya makagalaw at makaahon si Jacob mula sa sapak niya.

From the corner of his eye, he saw Fatima gripped the other guy's arm in an effort to release him. Pero inilag nito ang balikat nito para hindi siya mahawakan ni Fatima. "Vin! Vin, bitawan mo si Rigo!"

Rigo lost his focus momentarily because Vin almost shoved Fatima. Kaya naman nang maramdaman niya ang suntok ni Jacob sa mukha at tiyan niya, agad siyang nahilo sa pwersa. He felt the earth shift beneath him and the next thing he felt was his cheek connecting to the ground.

#smdysnwp