~Chris' POV~

I didn't cry when Jonny left for Wales on the 23rd. Despite how much I wanted to, I knew that he wanted to see his family before he gave birth. Besides, I had a few things planned.

Firstly, I wanted to furnish our flat before Jonny got back. He had gifted me the flat, a place to stay, and even though I wasn't staying there yet, I wanted to move in as soon as possible. I knew that he wanted to furnish it as soon as he got back from Wales, but I didn't know if I wanted to wait that long to move in. By going ahead and furnish it, I was not only doing myself a solid, but Jonny as well.

Secondly, I wanted to throw him a baby shower. I knew that he said he didn't want one, but I thought it would be fun and besides, we got free presents.

I had asked Phil if he'd help me organize it, and he said that he would as soon as he got back from Devon for the holidays.

I was spending my Christmas at my dad's. I had only ever had a couple Christmases with him before, and I was both curious and afraid to find out how it would go.

As I sat in my room, I wondered what Jonny was doing. Was he telling his parents about the babies? Did he have future plans already? Did he tell them what names we decided on?

I couldn't wait for the babies to be born. I already knew that being a dad would be the best experience of my life. I wanted to prove to myself and Jonny that I could do it. I would be a better dad than my father was, and certainly moreso than my step-father was.

"Chris? Are you coming? Dinner is ready!" My little sister called to me. I had three sisters and a brother, and my brother was almost ready to graduate, which was strange, since I remembered him as just a tot. It was strange to see any of my half-siblings as grown up as they were now. The youngest was 13, and I could remember Dad really stressing about taking care of her.

"Yeah, just give me a minute," I replied, not as interested in dinner as I usually was. It had turned out that Dad made very delicious meals. Roast beef, bacon, steak, all made by the delicate hand of my aging father. Just the thought of his food usually made my mouth water, but today, my mind was elsewhere.

I was still planning out my Christmas gift to Jonny. Yes, I knew what I wanted to give him, but I had no idea how to actually plan it. Where would I get furniture from? Surely the band couldn't afford it. Where would the baby shower be held? Who would we allow to attend? How could all of my planning be completed before Jonny's return on January 2nd? These were the questions that were haunting my mind, distracting me from being hungry.

I walked downstairs nonetheless, however I was planning on asking more questions than eating. Maybe my dad would help me with my planning. Maybe he had furniture in storage or something like that.

"Chris, you're not eating. What's wrong?" He asked me, briefly shaking me out of my thoughts.

I looked up at him. "I'm fine. I'm just thinking is all."

He looked at me, genuine concern etched on his face. "What about?"

I smiled. "My Christmas gift to Jonny."

His face didn't quite fall; it relaxed slightly before turning into a small frown. I knew he wasn't totally against gay marriage, but the idea of me being gay definitely didn't appeal to him. However, I thought that he might still be willing to help. "You know how he bought us a flat, right?" I asked, and my father nodded. My half-siblings were all looking at us curiously.

"Well, I wanted to surprise him by furnishing it before he got back from Wales." I looked at my father, who looked genuinely interested. "Unfortunately, I can't afford new furniture. Is there any way you could help?"

He nodded. "Yeah, I actually have a bunch of stuff in storage that you can use. It's old and a bit worn, but it'll work." He smiled.

I grinned. So far so good.

I noticed my youngest sister staring at me. "Yes?" I said, addressing her.

She blinked. "You're dating a bloke?" She asked with genuine surprise.

I chuckled. "Yes, I am. Why?"

She shook her head. "I'm sorry if it sounded offensive... I'm just curious. I didn't know you were gay." I was actually surprised that she hadn't suspected earlier, especially with how much I talk about Jonny. "Why are you dating a bloke?" She asked, truly curious.

I took my first bite of food and suddenly realized how hungry I was. "Because I love him," I said in between mouthfuls, making everybody chuckle.

"I didn't know that," my sister said with a blush.

I chuckled. "When you fall in love with someone, it doesn't matter who it is. They could be a man, a woman, black, white, purple, Islamic, Australian, alien, whatever. What really matters is who they are as a person, how they treat you and the people around them, and whether or not you love them. Someday you might find that you're in love with a girl. It doesn't change you as a person, it just changes how you feel towards a certain gender. I love Jonny very much, and him being a bloke doesn't change that."

Her blush deepened. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..."

I waved away her apology and shoved another forkful into my mouth. My dad looked a bit awkward, and I felt sorry for him that he had to listen to me explain to his daughter about homosexuality.

After dinner, my dad asked me to see him in the living room, and I thought that he was going scold me for putting gay thoughts into my sister's head, but he instead smiled at me. "Do you want to go to the storage garage to take out some furniture tomorrow night?" He asked.

"But isn't tomorrow Christmas Eve?"

He shrugged. "Perfect time to play Santa then, isn't it?"

I laughed. "Alright, you've got a point. I'll come."

We left early the next morning so that I could look at the furniture in storage and decide what I wanted us to have, and what we didn't really need.

It was like going shopping when your mum bought everything. Dad promised that he would pay the storage fees as an early Christmas gift to me, and he even paid for the moving truck that was going to take everything I picked back to my flat in Camden.

"See anything you like?" Dad asked as I searched through the garage.

I chuckled. "It's all so hideous! No wonder you got rid of it!"

He laughed. "It's ugly, but it definitely serves its purpose."

I nodded. The sofa was not very pretty, but it wasn't torn up and it still felt comfortable. The end table, dining room table, and love seat were all the same way. The only good looking pieces of furniture in the entire garage were four dining chairs, a wardrobe armoire, and a bookshelf. I made sure that those were put on the truck more carefully than the rest, though I made sure that neither Dad nor myself broke anything while we were moving pieces of furniture.

"I'd offer you a baby crib or something, but I'm pretty sure I sold all of the ones I owned. Besides, I don't think they'd be safe nowadays." He chuckled.

"You mean to tell me that you put me in an unsafe bed as a child?" I teased.

He laughed. "Probably, yes."

We loaded about half the things I had wanted into the truck and decided that we would do the rest later tonight. Dad helped me move the furniture into the flat (along with some of the other residents of the complex) and when I was happy with where we had placed everything, we went out shopping for groceries.

"How did you and Jonny survive at all in there? There's absolutely nothing in the fridge!" My dad teased.

I laughed and put two loaves of bread in the basket. "I try not to eat that much, and Jonny Boy is hard to feed, since he's vegetarian."

My dad laughed. "Would you go vegetarian if it made him happy?"

"Hmm... that's a tough one. I love Jonny, but I also love your steak." My dad laughed. "I think I love Jonny more though."

"Aw man, looks like I'll have to woo you over to the dark side with better-tasting steak."

I laughed. "No! Please! I wouldn't last a day as a vegetarian!"

He put raw meat in the basket and I groaned. "What? That's for me," my dad said with a chuckle.

When we got back to the flat, it was starting to feel more like a home, I realized. There was furniture, food in the fridge, and all it really needed was Jonny and my touch of decoration.

"Do you want to just hang here for a bit? I can come get you in a couple hours to get the rest of the stuff you wanted from the garage."

I shrugged. "Yeah, that's fine. Go hang out with your kids."

He put his hands on his hips, slightly annoyed. "You know, they're your family, too."

I just shrugged. "They're only half related to me. Besides, I really hadn't seen any of them in years up until I moved in, and I doubt that any of them missed me anyway."

Dad sighed. "Al missed you," he said. "You two were like best friends, then custody of you was taken away from me and he didn't have any other boys to play with except for the troublemakers down the street." He groaned.

"I was sorry to leave Al, too, but he's grown now. He doesn't need me now and the other ones simply don't give a shit." He looked at me disapprovingly and I groaned. "Crap, I mean."

"Listen, son. I know your childhood wasn't the best, and I know I could have been a better dad, and that's why I want to make it up to you now. Please let me spend time with you."

I groaned. "Why do you only just now want to make up for my sh... crappy childhood? Did you ever consider how I felt when you let them take me away? When I was being beaten every day that I wasn't being loved on by mum? When I was alone in my room, with scars on my back? Did you ever care about how I felt before this point?"

I really didn't know where all of my anger had come from, but it felt good to release it finally.

"Chris, you know I couldn't help that. You know that once the court ruled that your mother got custody, there was nothing I could do."

"You could've done something before that," I spat.

He hung his head and I suddenly felt a bit bad. "I know I screwed up, Chris. I know I was a bad dad. Please let me make it up to you."

I sighed. "I'm sorry, Dad. It's just... so much is happening in my life right now and I don't.... I don't know that bringing up our history is the best idea."

He nodded. "I'm sorry. Will you still come over for Christmas tomorrow?"

I took a deep breath. "Of course I will, after all, it's Christmas! I just... need a bit."

He nodded and gave me a small smile. "It's alright, son. Take all the time you need." He was just about to head out the door, he looked back at me with a sad look in his eyes. "Do you still want to finish furnishing the apartment later?"

I smiled slightly as I thought of Jonny. I wondered what he was doing at the moment. I hoped that he was having a good time with his family, and not falling apart inside like I was. "Of course. After all, this is about Jonny, not you."

My dad nodded, seeming slightly hurt, but I didn't really care. He closed the door and left, leaving me alone with my thoughts and my guitar. I was feeling low recently, though I wasn't sure if I was just missing Jonny or if it was something more. Still, I was reminded vaguely of my teenage years, when I was around 16, and had cut myself every day. A little pinch like this will only better prepare you for Chad will bring, I had told myself. In reality, I knew that cutting would do nothing to help my depression, nor would it lessen the pain of the whip on my bare torso. Still, I did it, if only to lessen the emotional pain I had felt from being abandoned by my father and ignored by my mother.

The song that flowed through my fingers today was a cross between hope and sadness. I felt so much regret about my childhood, even though I knew I had done everything I could to be the best person I could be. Still, I should've helped out around Dad's house more or tried harder to become the person that Chad wanted me to be. However, I still had Jonny. And Jonny and our little twins gave me hope that we'd be able to face whatever challenge met us, giving me the strength to let go of my past and embrace my future.

When I stopped, I took a deep breath. I couldn't wait for the twins to be born. Even though we weren't prepared for them yet, as they didn't have anywhere to sleep or any toys to play with, I would take care of them. I would let them rest in my arms, I would play with them, I would hold them and love them and never let them go. How could I be so lucky? I thought. My boyfriend is pregnant with our twins.

I recalled back when I was younger and thought it was a sin to have sex before marriage. I thought that being gay was wrong, and that if I didn't fall in love with a woman, I would go to Hell. Of course, I didn't think that now, but I really wasn't sure what I believed quite yet. I believed in love, that was all I knew.

Oh Jonny Boy, if only you knew how much you meant to me, I thought. If only you knew.

My dad picked me up not much later, and though he was clearly feeling more cheerful, he still took caution when talking to me. "And you're sure that you want to go still?" He'd asked.

I nodded. "My two children are the two most important people in my life, even though they've yet to be born." I allowed myself to smile. "They're my little miracles and Jonny is an absolute blessing."

My dad smiled. "Being a dad is the best experience in the world," he said, and neither of us mentioned how poor of a dad he had been or how he let me down.

We busied ourselves in the truck with other conversation, like how the band was doing and what direction of music we were thinking of going. The heavy pieces of furniture that we brought back to the flat also kept us busy, our minds on things other than my outburst earlier. I thought of Jonny and how much he would love all the hard work I had put in while he was in Wales. I hope he's proud of me, I thought to myself with a smile.

When we were finished, Dad and I sat on the new couch (new to the flat, of course) with an exasperated sigh of relief. "Well, now we have the rest of Christmas Eve to relax," he said.

I smiled. "Want to stay over for awhile? We can sing Christmas carols," I offered.

He laughed. "Alright. I have to wait until the kids fall asleep anyway."

So, my dad and I got some great father-and-son bonding time, for the first time since I was probably five or six. I played the songs on my guitar, and he sang along. Some of them I didn't play very well, and I had to start the singalong and wait for him to catch on.

"What on Earth was that one supposed to be?" He asked at one point with a laugh.

"Blue Christmas by Elvis Presley of course!" I replied with a giggle.

"No, no, no! You've got it all wrong!"

He took my guitar from me and I instinctively flinched, reminding me of when Chad would do the same right before I was beaten. "I just want to show you how to play the song," he promised, seeing the panic cross my face.

"I didn't know you could play guitar," I said, slowly handing it over to him.

"I taught myself after the business failed and I started missing your mother," he said, not liking to mention his divorce with my mum, since it hurt him almost as much as it had hurt me.

He put his fingers on the strings nervously, as if he was about to give a recital at Madison Square Garden in New York. His fingers gently strummed the strings, and the tune immediately registered. He sang the blues tune softly, but with soul, and I could detect the hint of longing in his voice, making me wonder who he was craving. Did he miss my mother's soothing touch? Her gentle voice? Her delicious food? I certainly missed it, and I wished suddenly that I could go visit her without fear of being taken away from everything that I had fallen in love with.

When he set down my guitar, he smiled, but I could see the gleam of sadness in his gaze. "That's how you play it," he said playfully, but I could tell his heart wasn't into his own joke.

"Dad, what's wrong?" I asked, hoping his need to make things up to me would allow him to open up to me.

He sighed, looking like he was going to speak, then shook his head. "Christmas blues, I guess," he said simply, and I knew better than to push.

"I'm going back to the house. What time will you be at the house tomorrow?"

I shrugged. "Perhaps around ten?" I suggested.

He nodded and smiled at me before being on his way.

I made sure to call Jonny before settling in for the night, and I nearly spoiled his surprise as soon as he answered the phone. "Hey you," his voice said from Wales.

"Good evening, Jonny Boy. Merry Christmas!"

He giggled. "Merry Christmas, beautiful!" I smiled at the nickname as I sat on the couch. "How are you today?"

I leaned back quietly so that he wouldn't hear the wood creak. "I'm alright. I got into an argument with my dad."

"Oh no! What happened?"

I grunted. "I don't even really remember what started it, just that I accused him of being a horrible dad." I realized then that I still hadn't told Jonny about what happened with me and my dad. I didn't want to tell him now and spoil his Christmas, but I didn't want to wait forever either.

He sensed that I wasn't ready to talk and changed the subject. "Well, my mum was kind enough to lend us a crib, but we're still one short."

I couldn't help but grin. The house was starting to come together. We were only one crib away from being able to house two babies. The thought made me giddy. "We'll go pick one out this weekend," I said. "Prices will be lowered for everything."

He laughed, and my heart skipped a beat at the sound, even though he was over a hundred kilometers away.

"Well I've got to go, love. Long day tomorrow," he said. I didn't want him to hang up, but Christmas was definitely a busy day for him, and he needed to sleep.

"Okay, Jonny Boy. I love you," I said sweetly.

He giggled. "I love you, too, Chrissy. Goodnight."

The next morning was crammed. I slept in until about seven (after going to sleep at four) and spent two hours just writing music and planning out the baby shower. I wanted everything to be perfect for Jonny and our twins. They all deserved the sweet love of a dedicated family member, and I never wanted to let any of them down.

At around nine I took a shower and packed the gift I had gotten Dad at the last minute, my guitar, and headed over to his house.

"Hey, Chris!" He said when he opened the door. I grinned and pulled him in for a hug, all animosity that I had felt towards him yesterday gone. "Merry Christmas!"

"Merry Christmas, Dad!"

He invited me inside and I chuckled at the sight of new toys scattered all over the floor, three very happy children, and a grinning teenager, who was "too old for toys".

"Hi, Chris!" My youngest sister greeted. "Are you gonna play music for us?" She asked, eyeing my guitar case.

I smiled and looked from her to Dad. "Actually, someone else is going to play for us today."

I looked to dad, who looked back at me confused. I handed him the guitar case and said, "Merry Christmas!"

He looked from me to the guitar, which I had polished and tuned for him, his mouth agape. "Chris... this is your guitar... I can't accept this."

I smiled. "Please, consider it both a Christmas gift and an apology for how I acted yesterday. I hadn't known you played guitar and realized that you probably didn't have one to play, so I'm giving you mine."

"But Chris, then what will you play?"

"Don't worry, I'll buy another one," I reassured.

He eventually accepted the gift with reluctance, and asked me to sit down so that everyone could bring me gifts. "Oh, you guys didn't have to do that!" I exclaimed, surprised at many gifts I had next to me.

"Open mine first, Chris!" My 16-year-old sister requested.

I did as she asked and when I opened the box, there was a beautiful, white woolly blanket. "It's for you and the twins. If you wanna like cuddle or something."

"Thank you, Sarah. It's wonderful," I said, truly meaning it. I imagined myself falling asleep on the couch next to my two babies, the blanket wrapped around us.

I also received a notebook for song writing, two baby pillows, and, from Al, who showed up to Dad's later that morning, a scrapbook to keep all of our favorite memories in. "I hadn't even thought of something like this! Thank you, Al!" I said, pulling him into a hug.

"Glad you like it, Chris. Dad told me about you and Jonny. I'm really happy for you," he said with a smile.

"Thanks, man. The prospect of being a parent scares me, I must admit."

He patted my back. "You'll do great. You've been so much when it comes to family, I honestly don't see how you could be a bad dad if you truly love Jonny as much as you say you do."

I nodded. "Of course I do. He's the love of my life," I finished with a smile.

My dad handed me my last gift, which happened to be a guitar. I giggled. "Great minds think alike, I suppose."

When we were all settled into the craziness, we heard the door open, and we all turned our heads towards it, curious.

I stood up then. "Mum?"

As soon as she saw me, she burst into tears. "Chris!" She cried out, walking towards me. "I thought I'd never see you again," she whispered as soon as I was in her arms.

"Allison?" My father called from the other side of the room. I turned to face him and noticed the spark in his eyes, and wondered if it was my mother that he had been longing for.

"Anthony..." she whispered. They stood there for awhile, just looking at each other, almost longingly, making my siblings and I feel very awkward.

"Allison... I'm sorry," was all my father could say. She ran over to him then, kissing his lips passionately, as if she had waited years to do so.

When she pulled away, she quickly apologized. "I'm so sorry. I heard Chris was going to be here, so I came and saw you and... I'm sorry." She then began to cry into my father's shoulders, and still, us kids stood by awkwardly. "I broke up with Chad," she said quietly, her tears finally coming to an end. "As soon as you told me why Chris ran away... I always knew but I had never thought that it would hurt you. Chad always told me that it was in your best interest," she said, facing me now.

I realized then that my mother was my mother again, my father was my father again, and deep within their despair, they still loved each other.

Jonny, you really do work miracles, I thought, and the rest of that day was spent as the most hopeful day I could have possibly imagined.

~Author's Note~
Sorry for the late update and pathetic chapter. School sucks and so does not having inspiration to write.
But hey! Coldplay concert in two days!