~Chris' POV~

I never left Jonny's side that week. I refused to leave, even when visiting hours were over. I left only when the doctors ran tests on his brain or when they were checking for the babies' heartbeats (which they still couldn't confirm was going to be alright). I couldn't believe that our babies may not even survive.

We had talked a lot about almost everything. I didn't tell him about the baby shower, because now we didn't even know if those babies would survive. One night, before Jonny fell asleep, he asked me about the babies. "Chris, what are we gonna do if the twins die?" He had asked groggily.

I sighed and kissed his head. "Then we'll try again," I said.

"Will you be ok?" He asked, his green eyes staring up at me.

I had nodded, but in truth, I wasn't sure. I wanted to have children with Jonny, and we were going to. Two little miracles were forming in his stomach, and the thought of losing them was almost too much to bear.

"I love you," he said, grabbing my hand.

I kissed him again and watched quietly as he fell asleep.

I barely slept that week, thinking about things. Should we still prepare for twins? What if they died and everything we had prepared for was lost?

Everything's not lost, I thought. The deaths haven't been confirmed yet. There's still hope.

I told myself that, but I didn't know that for sure. I could hardly believe that everything would be fine. I would be grateful if even one of them survived at this point. Jonny had survived with no life-changing damage done to him (although the doctor told us that he would probably get bad migraines a lot more often than a normal person would), but now we had to worry about our kids. I had already fallen in love with them as much as I loved Jonny, and the thought of losing them hurt me almost as much as it would if Jonny died.

"You know I love you?" I asked Jonny every time he woke up.

He always smiled at me and kissed my lips gently. "Yes I do. Do you know that I love you?"

He was slowly starting to get better. One of his legs had been crushed and broken in the crash, but after a couple days, the doctors thought it would be alright for him to get up and walk around some. It hurt him, according to him, but at the same time, it also felt good to get out of bed every once and awhile.

"Are you sure that you want to get up and hurt yourself like that?" I asked him once.

He just smiled and nodded. "No pain, no gain. Besides, you know me. I wanna get back on my feet as soon as possible."

Aw, my determined little doughnut.

Did I just call him a doughnut?

When he wanted to walk, I grabbed his crutches and helped him out of his bed, before grabbing his hand and helping him walk. I kissed his sweet face and as he got used to walking with his crutches, it made me happy.

"I love how determined you are, J," I complimented.

He smiled. "Why?"

"Because determined people don't give up. They get what they wanted done, and they make up the successful people in the world."

His smile grew larger. "Aw... you're too sweet. I don't deserve you." He kissed me, nearly catching himself off guard and falling. I caught him, and made sure that his pregnant body fell safely into my body.

I giggled. "Be careful, love! You don't wanna hurt yourself even more." My smile fell as I thought about the babies. Or the babies.

He saw this and grabbed my shoulder. "It'll be ok, love. We'll figure things out."

The pain returned and I imagined myself mourning the loss of the children that could've been. "But I want them, Jonny. I want them badly."

He sighed and nodded, not letting go of my shoulder and keeping his other hand on his crutch. "We can always try again," he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

I really hadn't considered trying to have another baby with Jonny if the twins died, since him being a bloke made things somewhat weird. However, it wasn't as if his reproductive organs had changed within five and a half months, so trying to have another kid was actually possible.

"I hadn't thought about that," I admitted. "That makes me feel much better."

He smiled, and took an awkward step towards the door. "I'm glad."

We went up to the roof, Jonny's favorite place to go and watch as the sun set over London. "I don't think they'll die, honestly," Jonny said, his feet dangling over the edge of the building. I thought about what would have happened if I had found this place only a few months earlier, when I thought that my relationship with Jonny could never be mended. Who knows what kinds of horrible stunt I might've pulled.

"Don't get your hopes up, Jonny Boy," I said, not meaning to get him down, but rather to remind him that the chances of them surviving were getting slimmer with each day that went by without improvement.

"I know. I just want to think positively."

I sighed and wrapped my arms around his chest, showering him in kisses.

"If both of our miracles die, I will still be lucky enough to have you," I whispered into his neck. He wrapped his arms around me and sighed.

"I feel the same about you, beautiful."

We stayed there until well after the sun had set. We only headed back when Jonny told me that he was tired and needed to go to sleep. I helped him back to his feet and took the lift back downstairs to his hospital room.

We ran into the doctor on our way back, who looked pleased to see us. "Jonathan! If you don't mind, I'd like to take one last ultrasound, and then you'll hopefully be eligible to return home tomorrow."

My boyfriend and I exchanged a worried look, but agreed, both of us excited that Jonny would be able to leave the hospital so quickly.

We returned to his room, and I helped him back into bed, even though he insisted he could do it himself.

The doctor showed up a few minutes later with the ultrasound machine, and I grabbed Jonny's hand anxiously. What would he say? Would he tell us that our babies had died? Would everything we had worked so hard to maintain go to waste?

He rubbed the gel over Jonny's belly like normal, and I closed my eyes. I didn't know if I want to see the screen.

"...Well, I've got good news and bad news," the doctor said, and I held back tears. Bad news.

"What is it?" Jonny asked, squeezing my hand tightly, his voice on the verge of cracking.

I opened my eyes and saw the doctor looking at me sympathetically. "There's only one heartbeat."

In that moment, I could feel my entire world crashing down around. We lost one. We lost a child. I couldn't help but feel guilty, and I heard a sob coming from somewhere, and it took a moment to register that it was my own.

"The good news is that the other twin survived the crash and is perfectly healthy."

I looked to Jonny, who was staring into space, and looked absolutely heartbroken. I had never seen him in such a state, where he wanted absolutely nothing to do with anyone or anything besides his thoughts. But we still have one more, Jonny Boy, I wanted to tell him, but I knew that he was just as distraught as I was. We lost one. We had been demoted from a family with two little miracles on the way, to a heartbroken family with only half of what we had created.

"What was the gender of the lost twin?" I asked quietly, not wanting my voice to crack.

The doctor nodded sympathetically. "It was a boy."

Joseph Anthony, I thought. He's gone.

"Did you have a name picked out?" The doctor asked.

Jonny nodded, his first interaction with either of us since the news. "His name was Joseph Anthony."

He didn't look at us, and I kissed his hand, making him at least look back at me.

"I'm sorry, you guys. I truly am. There's a midwife here that you can talk to if you need help coping with your loss."

Jonny sat up and put down his shirt, releasing his grip from my hand. "I think we'll be ok right now," he said.

I shook my head. Leave it to Jonny to refuse asking for help.

The doctor nodded. "Don't hesitate to ask later if you ever need her." He stood up, and usually, I would to, and see him way, but I really wasn't feeling up to it today. "We may have to remove your living twin early to avoid any complications that the lost one may cause," he said, but I wasn't really listening, and Jonny probably wasn't either.

He left, and Jonny and I sat in silence for awhile. "We lost him," Jonny said finally. "We lost one of our miracles."

Crying still, I wrapped my arms around him, my face on his chest. "It's my fault," I said as another sob was released from my throat. "It was my fault."

I felt Jonny's hand rubbing through my hair lovingly. "No it's not, Chris. You had nothing to do with that crash. It was my fault. I should've been paying attention." His voice cracked and though he wasn't crying, even his emotions, which were usually kept inside, were overwhelming him.

"Jonny, it wasn't your fault that we lost a twin. You did all you could."

"And it wasn't enough. I killed one of our twins because I wasn't paying attention, then couldn't do enough to save it. I'm sorry, Chris. I ruined you. I don't deserve to be here."

That scared me, because I had never heard Jonny talk like that before. Was he considering killing himself? If so, I was not going to let that happen. "Jonny, don't talk like that." I lifted my head up and put his face in between my hands. "You do deserve to be here. You deserve the world. I know this is hard, it's hard on me, too. But we're going to get through this together. I'm going to do my best to make you feel better. I'm going to do my best to make sure that you're happy again. I'm going to fix you, and you're going to like it."

I gave him a smile and kissed his lips softly. He kissed back, with less passion than usual, and it hurt slightly, but I knew how horrible he felt and I didn't want to push.

"Should we register the birth?" He asked suddenly. "You know, like when the surviving twin is born, should we register the lost one as a stillbirth or a miscarriage?"

"Which would make you feel more comfortable?" I asked him, grabbing his hands.

He sighed. "If we register it as a stillbirth, then the baby's name and records will be put on file. If we register it as a miscarriage, then it will be as if the baby never existed. I prefer the former."

I nodded. "Then we'll register it as a stillbirth and have a proper funeral for him." It was strange using a pronoun to describe our lost twin, but the doctor had told us that it was a boy, and little Joseph deserved to be called a "him" rather than an "it".

Jonny nodded. "I still can't believe he's gone," he said, his voice cracking again. I pulled him for another hug and we fell asleep like that, hurting and doing our best to comfort each other.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~Jonny's POV~

I was tired of these strange dreams. All they did was hurt my heart more than it was already. The night after Chris and I received news of our lost twin, I dreamt that we had lost the other twin and Joseph had grown up into pleasant young man. He graduated college, got a job as a graphic designer, and got married to beautiful young woman who gave him two adorable children.

When I woke up, Joseph was still gone and Chris and I were still mourning. I started crying again. I made sure to cry quietly so that I wouldn't wake up Chris, but he stirred and quickly pressed his lips against mine. "It's ok, Jonny. Let it all out."

I did, and I began to sob loudly as I thought of Joseph and how his life has been taken from him before it even began. "Chris," I sobbed. "He's gone."

He put his arms around my head and pulled me towards his chest. "I love you, Jonny. Don't forget that."

I nodded, but I couldn't say anything. I had never cried so hard before in my life. I hadn't realized that Joseph's death would hit me so hard, but he was my child, after all, and I had never experienced an actual loss before (unless you count the few months I went without Chris).

"I'm sorry, Jonny."

I knew he was distraught as well, but I couldn't understand how he was so calm. Usually I was the calm one, the one who was always able to keep my emotions under control. Chris was the emotional one, the one who always needed my support, not the other way around. Still, I did feel like it was all my fault. Chris had tried to convince me otherwise, but I didn't believe him. I couldn't. He didn't know that I had let myself close my eyes behind the wheel. He didn't know that I had swerved too fast. He didn't know that I had messed up, that my stupidity had killed Joseph.

"I can't believe I killed him," I whispered, and was reminded of what I had told Chris last night. I had meant it, that I didn't deserve to be here. It had been my fault and I hurt Chris and the other twin. I didn't deserve Chris. I loved him more than anything, but I didn't want to live knowing that I had hurt him like that. I wasn't exactly suicidal, but I didn't know how I was going to live either.

"You didn't, Jonny. I told you this. It was bound to happen. It was too good to be true. Something bad was bound to happen. It was just fate..."

I shook my head. "Oh Chris, it was all my fault."

Chris looked at me sternly and shook his head. "Jonny, it's not your fault. Please stop saying that. It hurts me that you think my love is at fault for the death of my other love. There was nothing you could do."

"Chris, I-"

"No, Jonny! Stop!" Tears filled his eyes. "There was nothing either of us could do."

We were both crying now, and I felt bad for making Chris cry. His beautiful face was stained with tears and his cheeks were puffy from crying. "I'm sorry," I repeated.

There was a knock on our door, and we shared a look. "Hey, mates. Can we come in?" It was Guy's voice. Chris jumped away from my bed and wiped his eyes quickly.

"Uh yeah, yeah. Come on in," Chris said, and I shifted in the hospital.

Guy opened the door, and entered with Will, who gave a small wave.

"Where's Phil and Dave?" I asked.

"Class," Will replied quickly. "I didn't have any today."

Chris and I nodded.

"So when do you get out of here, Jon?" Guy asked, sitting on the foot of the bed.

I sighed. "Today, supposedly."

Will gave me a strange look, but shook it away. Chris sniffled then, giving us away. "Hey, guys, what's wrong?" Will asked.

My eyes welled up with tears again. I killed our baby, I wanted to scream. Joseph is gone because of my ignorance.

"We... we lost a twin," Chris answered for me, his voice cracking at the last word.

Guy's eyes widened and Will covered his mouth with his hand. I unintentionally released a sob and started to cry again.

"Guys..." Guy began. "I can't believe that had to happen to you."

Will nodded, and I saw even his eyes fill with tears. "That's awful to hear. I can't imagine how you must feel right now."

I looked to Chris and I reached for his hand. "We found out last night," I said quietly.

Guy's face fell. "I'm so sorry, mate. It must feel awful. I feel awful, and it wasn't even my baby."

I nodded. "I can't help but feel like it's my fault."

Chris shot me an angry look and I felt sorry for him for having to put up with my shit for as long as he already had. Why did I exist? I was such a burden on the ones I loved. Even my baby couldn't handle it.

"Oh, Jonny. It's not your fault, mate," Will told me, wiping a tear away from his face. "It happens to the best of us. You got into a bad car wreck at a bad time. It wasn't your fault."

"Yeah, Jon. There's no way you could've controlled it."

Chris, as if he could read my thoughts, squeezed my hand tighter and said, "Jonny, I love you and I need you. Don't ever leave me. Please."

I looked at him, and a look of hurt flashed in his eyes. "But I'm such a burden to you."

"Jonny, how could you think that?" Will asked, making me turn back to him. "We all love you. You're our best mate, and we need you. You're the best guitar player I've ever met, and the band would be lost without you. You've never been a burden to me, or to Guy or Phil or Dave and especially not to Chris." Guy nodded along. "Please don't think less of yourself."

Guy sighed. "Yeah, Jon. We need you. So does Chris. You're going to have a baby to take care of soon. He'll never be able to manage alone."

I could tell he meant it as a joke, but none of us laughed.

"I love you, Jonny," Chris said, kissing my cheek.

"See?" Will said. "All of us love you, Jonny. Please don't feel so low."

"You've still got another twin to take care of," Guy pointed out. "I know losing one is hard, but you still have one left to take care of and love. It isn't the end of the world, Jon. There are still people that need you."

God, I truly am surrounded by the best people in the world, I thought.

Will walked up to me and gave me a hug. "Thank you, mate. I needed that."

The guys were in my room for about an hour before they left, leaving Chris and I alone again. We waited for the doctor to come release me from the hospital, but he didn't come for another two hours or so, leaving Chris and I alone with our thoughts. I fell asleep with Chris' hand running through my hair, and was woken up by the doctor asking me if he could run some last minute tests before releasing me.

He did, and seeing that we were both still mourning the death of Joseph Anthony, he offered his condolences and repeated his speech about going to see the midwife if we needed her. Chris and I nodded, but said nothing in return.

"Alright, Jonathan. It looks like you're eligible to leave," the doctor said, smiling at me.

I nodded. Chris smiled. "You ready to go home, Jonny Boy?" His bubbly persona had returned and it made me feel a bit better.

"Yeah. I missed our empty little flat," I replied with a small smile.

The doctor chuckled. "All righty, you just need to sign a few forms for me." He handed me a clipboard and some papers, and I made sure to read the forms before signing them, careful not to sign anything I didn't mean.

"Alright, Jonathan! You're good to go! Make sure to take painkillers for any headaches you may get, and remember not to take more than you need."

I nodded, and Chris helped me out of bed once more, only this time, we were going home instead of up to the roof. "I can't wait to cuddle with you," Chris said, his head on my shoulder.

"Me too, Chrissy."

I hobbled to my car, which had been fixed up and brought to the hospital by Phil. I brought the car to the flat and giggled at Chris, who was bouncing in his seat. "Why are you so bubbly?" I asked.

"No reason," he giggled.

I just scoffed and decided to wait until we got back to the flat to figure it out.

"Ah, home sweet home!" I said at the door. I unlocked it and as soon as it swung opened, I gasped. "Oh Chris! Did you do all of this?"

He grinned and nodded. "Merry Christmas!"

It was the second week of January, and I had already forgotten all about Chris and how he hadn't gotten me anything. I guess I had really forgotten to give him my presents, too, with me being in the hospital and all, but I had really forgotten that he had to give me a present at all.

"Oh Chris! Thank you!" I kissed him and moved him us to the couch, our lips never parting.

I took off my shirt clumsily, and he laughed. "Jonny, you just broke your leg and you're six months pregnant. Are you sure we should be having sex right now?"

I smiled and ran my hand down his back, before my hands made its way into his pants and stopped on his perfectly-shaped ass. I squeezed it and he moaned. "Answer your question?"

He laughed. "Alright, babe. I get the message."

We were mourning hard over Joseph, so we made sure that the love we made was the best that we could possibly make under the circumstances. At one point, Chris had accidentally pushed my broken leg back and I cried from the pain. "Jonny! I'm sorry! I wasn't paying attention! Are you ok, love?" I had responded immediately by repeating the action on him, listening to his cries of pain, and taking his member in my mouth.

By the end of our impromptu session, we were both exhausted and sore. "Next time I'll remember to bring enough lube for both of us," he said, laughing.

"Or either one of us," I corrected, chuckling. "And maybe next time we'll try it on the bed, eh?"

Chris had fallen off the couch twice during our session, both times making me laugh and lose my concentration. He didn't look too happy when he got up, which made me laugh even more.

"As long as I'm not falling off of that, too!" He replied, making us both laugh.

I shifted my naked body so that I was pressed against his, my head on his chest and his chin on my head. "I love you," I said. "I couldn't get through this without you."

He knew immediately that I was referring to our lost twin, and he wrapped his arms around my growing stomach, waiting for the eager kick of the surviving twin. "I love you, too, Jonny Boy. There's no one else I'd rather spend the rest of my life with."

I looked up at him, curious. Did that mean he actually wanted to be with me for the rest of our lives? I had dreamt about it, but I had never imagined it becoming reality. "Really? Not even Bono?"

He laughed and kissed my lips, gently at first, then more fiercely as the seconds ticked on. Sparks danced in his big, blue eyes as he pulled away. "Bono can't even compare to your majesty, doughnut."

I laughed. "Doughnut?"

He blushed. "Yeah... sorry, it slipped out."

I giggled. "It's cute, I like it."

He grinned. "Good. You're now my little doughnut."

"But I'm taller than you!" I argued.

"Doesn't matter."

He kissed my head again, and I hoped that everything he said was true, because otherwise, I had a feeling that my depression would only get worse from here.