do you know what it's like to care about or to love someone so much that you'd do anything to make them smile?

that's how I feel about my crush.

who is also my best friend.

i just want her to be happy and comfortable, with or without me around. i know i can get into her personal bubble, taking up her desk space when she's coloring (since it's testing week and we dont have PACE) and stuff. i know I do things she doesnt like (playing with her hair and fingers, it's so tempting. her hands are so smol and idk what it is about her hair but oMg) and hang around people she doesn't like. I know I have lots of problems (depression, anxiety, i dont eat a lot, i'm a bit suicidal...).

i don't understand how one voice can make me immediately take a deep breath and calm down.

i don't understand how looking over simple conversations makes me smile and feel warm and fuzzy inside.

i don't understand how seeing her makes me excited and nervous at the same time.

i don't understand how my eyes travel to her sometimes during class (she caught me staring today, oof).

sorry for talking about her so much....

i think she likes me back, but I'm unsure...my friend expects me to ask her out (bish this is sixth grade .-.) and said friend said she was gonna do it for me (I had to bribe her not to with four of the peanut butter cups my crush/best friend gave me [she hates peanut butter cups]).

but if i do, I want it to be perfect.

i'm new to all of this so I have no idea how to do this