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                           Chapter Twenty Subtracted By Fourteen                                        

                                        "Multiple Choice"

Smalle

This has been one of the fucking weirdest weeks of my life.  

And I am counting that one week with that dream about Bob Barker neutering me.

Any suspicions I’ve had about Rory and Price being pseudo-married in fake matrimony has dissolved into a big liquid mess.

Either they are incredibly good actors, or they are really enjoying each other’s company. 

“I think you’re cute,” Rory said, nuzzling Price’s neck with his mouth and blowing on it. That makes Price chuckle and push his head back. Did I mention Price is sitting in his lap? Price is sitting in his lap.

That’s a feet not even I have accomplished. A mountain I have not climbed. A battle I have not won.

We are in my living room watching some old movie that Price loves all of a sudden, since Rory said it was one of his old favorites. It stars Marlon Brando and some broad and they are doing something. I can’t tell because they are literally blocking the TV screen with their gross snuggling. And they have blocked out all sound by their repetition of sweet nothings that feel as if they are statutory raping my ears.

It’s almost like they are trying to annoy the living fucks out of me. It’s gah.

“I think you’re the cutest thing that may have ever lived,” Price answered him.

It was so un-Price-like behavior. It was starting to irritate me. Price shouldn’t have to change who he is to find love. It’s pathetic. It’s uncalled for. It’s just wrong. Damn Rory for even making him feel he has to. Damn Rory and his slender, tall figure. This has got to be upsetting the natural order of things.

Price being cutesy risks knocking the universe off of its axis, opening up a rip in the very fabric of time that tears a gaping hole into the space time continuum, consequently hurling us all into a parallel universe where everything is made of knotty pine. Was that over exaggeration or foreshadowing? Answers may vary, depending on which professional you speak to.

They don’t even look like they belong together. Who’s the ass who thought that this this was a good idea anyway?

Oh. Yeah. Right.

Well, when did anybody start listening to my plans anyway?

The movie ended, and I secretly sighed in relief. Price stood up and said he’d be coming right back. He probably had to go and pee. His bladder’s the size of a pea.

Rory slid backwards until he was sitting next to me at the feet of my green couch. My mom was out cold on it, snoring away. She never could stay up to watch an entire movie with us. Add that to the fact that she was a school teacher and you could tell why she’d be exhausted after work.

“Why don’t you pick something else?” Rory asked.

I just stared at him. Just blinked and just stared and just how dare he? He’s trying to be nice after he spent literally two hours cuddling with my best friend in front of me? Does he not know the mental scars that I am now bearing? That will never be erased? Does he have no soul?

“What?” he asked, eyes wider than I remembered.

I folded my arms in front of my chest. “Are you seriously asking ‘what’, man?” I scoffed. “Don’t you think you two have been in this cutesy phase a bit too long already?”

He shrugged. “We’ve only been dating a week, Jeremy.”

“It’s only been a week?” I asked, sighing. “It feels like it’s been years.”

Rory rolled his eyes. “Just pick another movie and stop bitching about something that you played a major hand in.”

I stuck my tongue out at him and crawled over to the pile of DVDs that he brought with him so we could watch.

Usually this would be the day that he, Mario and I watched gory horror movies together. Joy would be practicing and Price would have fallen into the Maths black hole he created by this time of the week to come and watch with us.

Now, Mario was a lovesick moron and Price was suddenly free of dropping into a number induced space phenomena.

I picked a few movies and threw them to Rory, who had to duck so he wouldn’t eat one of the cases.

My mom was snoring pretty loudly now, and I had to cover her with the blanket that Price wasn’t using, since he was sharing one with Rory. To say she was slightly surprised that Rory and Price were together may be an understatement.

“Uh, Jer?”

I fell back down besides Rory. “Yeah?” I had been pulling off my socks. My feet were probably going to stink up the room, but Jesus, they needed some fresh air.

He was going through the DVDs with curious. Then his glance crept to me, although his head stayed bent down. “Do you have something to maybe say to me?”

“Uuuuh, did you know that insects outnumber us by 100,000,000 million?”

He rubbed his chin. “Interesting.” He waited. “Anything else?”

“Um,” I hummed. “No, not really.” We were still eying each other. “Why?”

“The movies you chose…are interesting.”

I raised a brow. “How so?”

“Well.” He cleared his throat and started going shuffling through, reading the titles. “Betrayed, Stabbed By My Best Friend, Stolen Goods, How I Was Overthrown By A Trusted Comrade: A Documentary, and Toy Story 3.”

“Are you implying something?” I asked.

“Dude, this one just says Die Traitor Scum.”

“Man, they are just movies,” I said, waving him off.

“With incredibly specific themes.”

I growled. “Maybe I just fucking love Toy Story Rory! Jesus! Maybe I fucking love Woody and Buzz so much that I want to watch that movie again? Maybe just maybe that movie was so awesome that I would want to watch it with my two besties!” I flailed. “Can you stop being such an English nerd for five seconds and stop overanalyzing every fucking thing?”

Rory blinked. “Yeah, man.” He nodded. “Sorry for upsetting you.”

“You didn’t upset me,” I snapped. “You’re just a little irritating today is all.”

“Or…maybe you’re a little irritable today instead?” he said. I threw him a look and he chuckled. “I’m just saying. But, yeah. Okay.”

Price came back, finally from taking the longest pee break in the history of documented pee breaks. I noticed that he and Rory weren’t as cutesy as before while we watched Toy Story. I guess I should have apologized for that. But, I strangely didn’t feel sorry. In fact, I felt kind of proud.

Rory left after the movie.

It was still bright enough to go for a little walk. That was me and Price’s thing. He wasn’t into gory movies like I was and I wasn’t into solving complicated equations so we settled on walks in our semi-dangerous neighborhood.

The pavement was still wet from the rain earlier in the evening and I was jumping over puddles. “How many feet is that one?” I asked, pointing down to the badly drawn circle of water.

Price looked at it, hand on chin. “Two. Wait – no – two and three inches.”

I snorted. “You’re such a fucking nerd.”

He smiled up at me. It looked different from his normal smiles. That was troubling, but I pushed it to the back of my mind. “Dude, I found this new K-Pop group called AKMU. They’re incredible.”

“I know them,” he said, going around the puddle. “This must be l-o-v-e,” he sang but his voice cracked when trying to hit the same high pitch. I thought that maybe his voice was starting to change.

“Un-in-telli-gible- Kor-ean words,” I sang back.

He tried (but failed) kicked me in the shin. “You know how I feel when you screw up Korean words.”

I shrugged. “I’m sorry that I’m not some perfect Korean guy.”

He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, maybe that way I’d enjoy your lousy company more.”

I stuck out my tongue at him and he followed suit. Then, we came across from the Mooners. I stopped. “Mrs. Mooner is washing the car at night.” I looked at Price. “That is alien behavior.”

Price just stared before starting to walk again. I had to jog to catch up to him. “You don’t think that’s slightly strange, man?”

“I think you’re strange, and I don’t think you’re an alien.”

“Touché.”

We walked in silence for the next four minutes. The problem with silence is, when it’s uncomfortable, it’s louder than thunder storms. I could feel something gnawing at the back of my throat. Price and I would never run out f things to talk about. That made this all scarier.

I had to talk or I’d go insane.

“Okay,” I said, jumping in front of him and walking backwards, “You’re stranded in the desert; you can take either (a) your phone (b) a water canteen or (c) batteries, which one do you take?”

“Easy, (a) the phone,” he answered.

I raised a brow. Price stretched out his hands and guided me left so I wouldn’t fall into The Lannisters’ hedges. “Why the phone?”

“Because you said water canteen and not canteen of water. That implies that it’s empty. Batteries are useless. That leaves the phone.” Price jumped over a small rock/boulder/mountain that was randomly in the middle of the pavement.

“Okay, but you’re out of range.”

“Of course I am,” he huffed. “Then I’ll just listen to music while I slowly die of dehydration.”

“K-Pop?” I asked.

“You know it.” He answered. Then we both laughed.

I looked up. The sky was a few different hues of blue. Dark blue and a lighter shade just took over the sky. The moon was big tonight, and a creamy white, almost yellow. It was almost like a painting. Just swishes of color here, and then another dab on the other side of it. There were dark clouds starting to huddle together.

We finally came to the end of our street. Price took a seat on the bus stop’s bench.

I sat next to him, but left a small amount of space between us. He had placed his phone there.

“What am I missing, man? Did I miss a special day?” I asked. I just couldn’t hold it in anymore. Something was up.  When he didn’t answer, I took that as an excuse to go on.  “Happy Birthday! Merry Christmas! Happy Leif Erikson Day!” I was on the verge of pulling my hair out. “Did I upset you?” I held out my cheek. “Punch me and let’s get it over with.”

“I’m not punching you, idiot.”

“Then tell me what’s wrong!” I thrashed. “Just tell me. In any way you want to. Use maths–”

“Math.”

“Whatever!” I swungmyself to face him, huddling my feet up onto the bench and folding them. “You’re killing me here, Peanut Butter. Like, really, really killing me.”

He looked at me. He looked at me for a long time. “I could (a) be straight up with you, Jelly and tell you exactly what is going on, but that lead to either (b) the destruction of our near decade friendship or (c) this leading to something that I am not prepared for. So, I”ll just (d) let you guess what’s going on because I’ve been (e) guessing myself. So either you (f) figure it out on your own or (g) get over it.”

I huffed at him. “Well, I don’t think that’s very (h) very fair of you. I’m also convinced that either (i) forgot something important or I’m not (j) picking up on something. That’s makes me feel (k) stupid, (l) oblivious and (m) clueless. I’d like it if you would either (n) fill me in or (o) at least give me a fucking hint.”

He shook his head. “I’d give you a hint but that would either (p) make this all incredibly easy and this (q) all in vane or (r) it will make all of this really too difficult and as you said before you’re (s) not very smart.”

I crept closer. He kept his phone there, so I placed it in my lap. He went to take it out, but I stopped him and gripped his hand, keeping it sandwiched between my fingers. “Maybe if you tell me what the (t) fucking fuck is going on with us, then I’d be able to solve (u).”

He didn’t budge. “My answer to your request and all further requests of the same nature will remain (v) denied.”

“As your best friend I demand you tell me what’s going (w) on.”

“(x) No.”

“(y) Yes.”

“(z) Not happening.”

“Price just tell me.” He didn’t speak anymore. My grip softened, but he didn’t take his hand away. “Why aren’t you saying anything?”

“We’re out of letters,” he noted.

I almost strangled him. “Make some up, then.”

He gave me a look. Then he shook his head.

“You’re like a headache I can’t get rid of,” I said, lazily slouching in the wooden seat.

It was about to rain, I could tell. I could smell it.

He responded about four minutes later. “Ditto.”

We were about to leave the bnech when the first drop of rain fell from the sky, when we saw it. 

Joshua, a kiod that goes to our school, a total ladies man, came from the car. But it was who he was with that made this the weirdest week of my life.

"Oh no." I heard Price mumbled. He was sitting up straght now. 

I groaned when he kissed her on the lips. 

Tina.