Two days later...

It was now the day of my initial therapy session with Dr. Thomas Boatwright. Needless to say, I was feeling all kinds of jitters given that I was going to have to bear all my insecurities in front of another therapist. Dr. Montford, the therapist I had sen during my stint under protective custody, had already known most of my scars and was known to be candid when needed be. But even she couldn't truly understand my pain, especially when I still haven't confessed what had happened with me and Gerald Booker in the past, how I still get the chills from the nightmares I had suffered.

Now that I was meeting with someone new, I could only allow myself the opportunity to finally let it all go. How it might end after today would be left in the hands of God. But if I didn't start letting it out, the past would continue to haunt me until I either let it consume me into giving up or I would end up hurting others (or myself).

So, here I was in the contemporary office of a bear of a man who could be Naomi's father if it wasn't for his eyes being hazel that contrasted his dark-chocolate skin tone. "Mr. Oglethorpe, I knew that you'd be in my office soon enough," he said as he sat in a comfortable leather chair while I reclined on the sofa. "My niece and her husband have told me about you and your younger companion. Well, I already had heard of your life story so far from almost everyone who heard it from Cameron."

I inhaled deeply, letting my face relax as I sat back in my chair. "Not all bad, I hope," I commented. "I mean, not in the way one might see me as a bad person."

The man smiled wanly. "None at all, but you've been caught up in a whirlwind of lies and false pretenses that almost consumed you if you allowed yourself to stay too long in the fairs. But at least you know where you now stand, boy."

"True. I'm just...well, all I can say right now is I'm still searching for my inner peace because of the scars from my past are lingering."

Dr. Boatwright nodded. "That I can tell," he said as his face got serious. "Before we can truly begin, I want to make it clear that I expect total transparency if you want this session and the others in the future to work out. I know that you're not a bad person, Jamal. You just made a lot of bad choices that were influenced by one bastard of a man and his family. You suffered a lot and ended up getting the raw end of the deal when you decided that enough was enough and wanted out. While I can't condone what you've done to Mr. Booker, I know that you were under duress. And while I can tell that you're finally ready to start fresh, you still need a bit of a boost to help you come out from the darkness. Coming to Solstice Hearts, being part of the community, and starting a job was only the beginning as is coming here to see me. I want to see you thriving and living in your version of truth, son. But I can only show you the door. It's up to you to decide whether or not you're willing to open it and begin the journey of healing and recovery. If you can be real with me, I can do the same. But if not..."

He gestured at the door. "Then feel free to walk out here and now so I can work with others who actually want the help. What's your choice?"

"Sir, I came way too far to walk out now," I said, keeping my tone even. "I know that your niece won't forgive me if I don't do this for myself. With my old therapist, I thought I was healing until I finished helping solve Derrick's murder. That was when the walls began to come back up since I had no clue on how to begin living again. I need to go through with this not just for Tyler's sake or anyone who believed in me. I need this for myself more than ever before. Just promise me that you're willing to call a spade for what it's worth just like Naomi and La'Shawn. Help me find the way to understand myself and to never let me be foolish."

Dr. Boatwright nodded. "Then we're agreed," he said. "Now, give me your abridged version of what happened while you were under Gerald and Melania's tutelage."

For the next thirty minutes, I did just that. I was thankful that he didn't go on the stereotypical "And how does that make you feel" spiel that could aggravate everyone else. Dr. Boatwright didn't ask too many questions or give me any accusatory stares. He took down the notes, stopping when he felt like he needed to listen and only made a few comments when needed.

"At the end, Doc, I just feel like I came here to finally break free from the pain and to finally stay in a town where I won't be judged," I finished. "Clarity is what I truly needed since staying in Atlanta would only cause more confusion and harm than good. If I can be honest, I'm not entirely sure if I can ever forgive myself for what I did to Derrick back then. In my dreams, all I can see was his body covered in bullet-and stab wounds while my hands were stained yet he still forgave me before taking his final breath."

"Let me ask you something," Dr. Boatwright said, sitting up in his chair. "If the shoe was on the other foot- if Derrick was you and vice-versa, would you have told Derrick that you forgave him and that you wished that he would be free to move on and finally be free to live life? Would you wish for him to be happy and love himself."

"In a heartbeat with no questions asked," I replied. "I would want him to be happy and able to finally let go."

"Exactly. It's easier to forgive others. It's being forgiven that will take a lot of work and time. Some people like to hold grudges to make those who wronged others feel guilty enough, but it only does more harm than good to let the pain consume you. In regarding to being able to forgive yourself...well, that's twice as hard as people forgiving you because the pain from the choices you made are still lingering in your mind. Mental and emotional self-destruction can do a lot of damage if one's not careful or doesn't channel the hatred and depression into something positive. It's even worse when you allow drugs or alcohol as well as binge-eating into the factors.

"To be able to forgive yourself is being willing to finally seek peace within yourself while confronting the demons that like to trip you up into thinking negative," the man went on. "Sometimes, changing your lifestyles or location can help, but it takes true effort to talk to someone about what you're going through. Black men these days like to keep it all in to avoid the stigma of suffering through mental health problems. We've been taught to never show emotion, to keep our collapsing lives propped up and never feel. But you know how that ends, right?"

"Do I ever," I replied.

"Exactly. Back to the matter at hand, you say that you would want to forgive Derrick if he was in your shoes and vice-versa, so it's only practical that I tell you that you need to start forgiving yourself. And you coming to see me is going to be the start of the journey. I want to know what's going on in your mind and how it relates to your past while helping you be in the now and prepare you for the future. Again, I can only show you the door. It's up to you whether you open it or not."

"I want to do that, Dr. Boatwright. And with your candid look on things, I want to be able to start healing for myself."

The man smiled thinly. "I expect nothing less," he said. "Let's stop for the day, but know that I'm not going to relent until I can see you be more in tune with yourself. And when it comes to this town, my niece and nephew-in-law in particular; you're going to have to put in the work if you want to fully thrive. We can end things now if you want, but you'll only be fooling yourself if you plan to keep it all bottled up or hide in the shadows. But if you truly want to let go, then let me and this town work with you."

I nodded as the two of us stood to our feet and stared each other down. "I look forward to talking more with you, doc," I intoned. "Just make sure to call a spade for what it's worth and make sure that I don't make a fool out of myself."

"That I will. Now, I expect to see you twice a week, and I'll be calling your supervisor to make sure that you keep your appointments when you have work. And if you don't mind, I want to talk with your live-in neighbor. If I know better, he's going to need all the support as well."

"I'll give him your number," I offered.

"I'll hold you to that."

"I'll hold myself to it."

And just like that, the initial therapy session was a hit. I only hoped that I was going to be more transparent with Dr. Boatwright in the future because I knew that I was going to need all the therapy I could get if I was ever going to heal. And if it means letting him call out the bullshit or push me into opening up all the skeletons in my closet, so much the better.

I bet it will, folks! We'll have more therapy sessions featuring Dr. Thomas Boatwright in the chapters to come, especially when it comes to the big secret from Jamal's past regarding the late Gerald Booker.

But coming up next, it's another trip down memory lane as Jamal gets an unexpected phone call from one Ariah Gannett-Monroe that's the start of a beautiful friendship. Don't go anywhere!

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