Terminus. A pointless destination, in my opinion. Rick and Michonne disagreed. Majority rules and all that. If there was a chance of a safe place, we should take it. That's what they said.

As if though they didn't learn their lesson last time we thought a place was safe.

Rick walked alongside me. His eyes flickering to me every so often. My anger had diminished. For now, at least. I could tell he was still concerned about my wellbeing. It was almost sweet. Almost.

"I think we got about a day's worth of water left. We're lucky it's cooled off a bit, but..." Rick trailed of when he noticed my gaze behind him.

A ghost of a smile crossed my face as I saw Michonne and Carl competing on who can walk on the rails longest. Any other day, I would've joined them. It would've been fun to beat them.

"What are you doing?" Rick asked.

I crossed my hands over my chest as I stopped walking completely. They've been at this for a while now. If someone doesn't give up, any it's unlikely they will, this could continue on for a long while.

"Winning a bet."

"In your dreams."

Rick and I shared an amused look. Despite its childish nature, the game brought out the best in the two. But as always, seeing them enjoy themselves only made me more agitated because of my loss.

"Wrap it up, ladies. We haven't got all day."

At my words, Michonne glanced at Carl with a smirk. "You're right. We shouldn't be fooling around."

I knew the look in her eyes. It's one I've worn many, many times. She's up to something. At this point, I don't care if she cheats. I just want this game to be over with.

"We should probably - Carl!"

I rolled my eyes at her attempt to scare Carl and make him lose his balance. In the end, it was her that lost. Carl's victorious grin was enough for it to be worth it. My heart ached as I thought of Abby.

"I win. Pay up." Carl replied.

With a defeated sigh, Michonne reached into her bag and pulled out chocolate bars. My interest was peaked at the sight of sweets. Always had a sweet tooth. The apocalypse really didn't help with that.

"Is that really the last Big Cat?"

The frustrated look on Michonne's face confirmed that it was. Sounds of protest left her mouth as he specifically picked that one.

"Hey, but you said winner's choice" Carl argued.

Michonne gave in. "Go ahead, take it. It's yours. You won it fair and square."

As he opened the chocolate bar, he split it into two pieces and handed one to Michonne. That's when I couldn't help but smile. Rick raised that boy right.

"Come on, we always share." Carl insisted.

Michonne took it from him with a grateful smile. She reached into her bag for the other one before tossing at Rick and me. He was able to grab it and I looked at it in confusion.

"It's only fair you two get one, too." she explained.

As she and Carl went ahead, Rick handed the entire thing to me. I stared at it in confusion before taking it. It wasn't much but it's been ages since I've eaten anything with chocolate.

He smiled at my surprise. "You can keep it. Last time I tried to get between you and sweets, it didn't end well."

As he walked past me, I let out a groan of protest.

"That was one time!"

------

I warmed my hands over the fire. The sun was almost down and the cold was starting to sink in. No food and barely any water. That was our reality.

Michonne and Carl were looking for more firewood. A desperate attempt at getting warmer. Nonetheless, I enjoyed the solitude it brought. Even if Rick was right there.

He sat down next to me and I shivered. I tried to pretend I didn't but he had already noticed. He grabbed a poncho and wrapped it around my shoulders.

My breath hitched as his fingers accidentally brushed the back of my neck. It's been so long since I was touched with such gentle care. Our eyes locked and I noticed the hesitation crossing his face.

I bit my lip. "I'm not mad at you."

His eyes narrowed before looking at the fire. I smiled as he mirrored my action and put his hands next to mine to get warmed up. He didn't question the random statement I made.

"What do you feel, then?"

The wording was careful and calculated. I looked at him before sighing. The truth was always difficult for me. Especially when it came to emotions.

"Alone. In a way I haven't felt in years," I swallowed a lump in my throat, "and it terrifies me."

Losing Ryan was a reminder of how easy it is to lose people. Whether in death or something less permanent. And I hate it. To have someone pulled out of my life in such a harsh manner.

"You're not alone. We'll always be there for you." Rick reassured me.

His words did little to console me. They were family but they weren't my family. If I don't have them, life is meaningless. Or at least that's what I thought until I heard his next words.

"I'll always be there for you."

I don't know why those words made me feel what I felt. My eyes softened at his unsure voice. He always treaded lightly when it came to expressing any kind of affection that wasn't platonic towards me.

Hell, I was worse. I pretended it wasn't there. As if though his touch didn't awaken something in me that I haven't felt since Daryl.

"Why?" I whispered.

His hand went to my face, slowly and hesitantly. Once he saw I wasn't flinching away, he gently stroked my cheek. The warmth from his hand made my heart skip a beat.

I leaned into his touch as he replied. "You know why."

And I did.

When we kissed that night after the farm, neither of us knew why. It was an instinct to hold someone close. Someone that wasn't the people we already cared about.

I thought it meant nothing. Yet it only grew more and more. Into something I've only felt once before. I didn't want to act on it because doing so would change everything. Back then I still clung on to the idea of Daryl and I.

That dream crashed the moment I lost him in that fight. He was gone and I never got to do anything about it. The only person that was left was staring back at me with a devotion I didn't deserve.

"I'm in love with you, Josephine. I tried to stop, for both of our sakes, but I just can't." he admitted.

His confession made my heart ache. All this time, he cared for me. Even when I was with another. Even when he was with another. It made tears form in my eyes and for the first time in a while, grief wasn't the cause of them.

He leaned down so our foreheads touched. "I can't stop loving you."

The desperation in his voice made me reach out to touch him. I put my hand at the back of his neck as I closed my eyes.

"Then don't. Please don't stop loving me."

My silent plea was the final straw. He connected our lips and I melted under his touch. I had almost forgotten how much I craved this intimacy with another human being.

But to know he loved me? It made me want to hold him close to me and never let go. That's all I ever wanted, to be loved despite all my flaws. The last time someone offered it to me, I ran from it. I wasn't going to make the same mistake twice.

The poncho slipped from my shoulders as Rick pulled me closer to him. I ended up straddling him but the thought of sex didn't even cross my mind. I just wanted to be as close to him as humanly possible.

His hands wandered up and down my back. It warmed me up more than the fire ever could. My own hand went into his hair and pulled at it. His grip on me tightened at the motion.

That's when we heard voices and I tossed myself off of his lap onto the ground. I made sure there was space between us while Rick observed me with an amused look on his face.

"Status update. No food, but definitely more firewood." Michonne replied.

She lowered it to the ground as I cleared my throat. "G-good, that's good."

Carl sat down next to Rick while Michonne placed herself next to me. Rick's eyes met my own. He was fighting back a smile at our predicament. My clumsiness might've helped with that, too.

"We should probably turn in for the night. I'll keep watch." He said.

I nodded at his words as I held out my hands towards the fire. Despite the fact that we were no longer touching, I could still his hands all over me. An imprint I can't shake off.

"Aren't you tired?" Carl asked.

Rick glanced at me. "Never felt more awake."

I gave him a stern look but couldn't help the smile that graced my face. Michonne noticed it and raised her eyebrows at me.

"Well, I'm knackered. Good night, everyone." I mumbled.

I placed the poncho properly on the ground and turned on my side so I wouldn't have to face any of them. My skin was still buzzing from the brief yet enchanting kiss I shared with Ranger Rick.

----

The next day, same thing happened as the day before. We checked traps, walked towards Terminus and settled for the night next to a fire. Usually I stayed up with Michonne and Rick but this time I decided to turn in for the night with Carl.

A decision I was quick to regret when I awoken by something tapping on the car window. My eyes opened and noticed the man waving a knife at me. I sat up quickly but the door behind me opened and I was dragged out.

"Shit, and I was thinking of turning in for the night on New Year's Eve."

As a man held his gun to my head, I saw the situation we were in. The men that invaded the house had found us and apparently held a grudge. The leader was holding a gun to Rick's head while another held Michonne in the same position.

The man that I saw first was next to the car that contained a very alarmed Carl. Well, shit.

"Now who's gonna count down the ball dropper with me, huh?" he asked.

I tried to shift under the man's hold but he pushed the gun into my skin as a warning. This is why sleeping is for fucking losers.

"Ten Mississippi."

My eyes locked with Rick's as the panic started settling in. We were outnumbered and trapped. There wasn't a way out of this one. Not when we didn't see it coming.

"Nine Mississippi."

I could feel my heart start to race. Just when I got a glimpse of hope with Rick, it all went to shit. A taste of his lips was all I got. There was not a single moment during which we could speak to each other privately due to having Michonne and Carl around.

"Eight Mississippi."

History was repeating itself again. The people I cared about were going to die in front of me and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it.

The mere thought of it made me nauseous. I can't lose anyone else. Not again. Ryan's face flashed in my mind and my breath hitched. It was getting harder to breathe.

"Joe!"

The sound of his voice made time stop. At first, I thought I imagined it. It couldn't be what my mind was telling me. He was gone, dead along with everyone else.

Then Daryl emerged from the darkness of the night and my heart stopped. His eyes connected with mine almost instantly. All thought of Rick vanished as I looked at the one I thought I had lost forever.

"Hold up." he said with a shaky breath.

Tears welled up in my eyes as a pained smile formed on my face. All the other people faded away as all I could focus on was the feeling in my chest. Seeing his face again was a blessing from above.

It didn't matter that we were all in danger of dying. I would've happily died if it meant his face was the last one I ever saw. All this time I thought he was gone from my life forever.

I thought I was never going to see him again, never hear his voice again.

Joe sighed. "You're stopping me on eight, Daryl."

Just like that, I was brought back to reality. An ugly one, too. Rick still had a gun held to his head, as did the rest of us.

"This is the guy that killed Lou so we got nothing to talk about." The man holding me snapped at Joe.

My hunch was correct. They were from the house we were staying in. While I was sneaking out, Rick must've encountered one of them and killed him so he could get out quietly.

"The thing about nowadays is that we got nothing but time. Say your piece, Daryl." Joe said.

A flicker of hope lighted inside me. If Daryl's good with them then he could get us out of this. Or at least come up with some kind of deal. Not all was lost. I hoped it wasn't.

"These people, you're gonna let 'em go. These are good people."

A part of me immediately wanted to argue with him on that. I don't think I classify as that. And the rest of them have done things, too. Unfavorable, perceived as evil, things.

"Now, I think Lou would disagree with you on that. I'll, of course, have to speak for him and all because your friend here strangled him in a bathroom."

I rolled my eyes at his argument. We watched as his men killed each other that same day. None of them were saints. Especially not this Joe who's threatening a child for the crimes of its father.

"You want blood, I get it," Daryl lowered his crossbow to the ground, "take it from me, man. Come on."

I frowned at his actions as I felt my panic rise all over again. If this is his way of fixing things, then we're screwed. I'd rather die than be forced to watch him get murdered by these psychos.

"This man killed our friend. You say he's good people. See, now that right there is a lie. It's a lie!"

One of the men kicked Daryl in the stomach with his gun. Mine and Rick's reaction was instant. "No!"

I tried to go towards him but the man held me back. Anger rose inside my chest as I pushed my head back with full force breaking the man's nose. He tried to aim his gun at me but I pushed it out of his hand before he could.

In my desperate attempt to get free and help Daryl, I forgot I was still surrounded by other men. One of which came up behind me and slammed my head against the car door.

"Teach him, fellas. Teach him all the way." Joe said.

My head was throbbing as I laid on the ground. I could vaguely hear Rick saying something. More specifically demanding. As I tried to stand on my hands and knees, a gun was used to kick my back forcing my body back to the ground.

"First we're gonna beat Daryl to death. Then we'll have the girls. Then the boy. Then I'm gonna shoot you and then we'll be square."

Those were the last words I heard before the sound of a gunshot. Through my hazy vision, the sight of Daryl getting beat to a pulp was the only clear image I had.

Carl's cries and Rick's grunts of pain filled the air but all I could focus on was the sight in front of me.

It filled me with unwavering rage, spreading from my head to my toes. The pain got pushed down as I used the men's distraction with the fight between Rick and Joe to reach for the knife in my belt.

The moment Rick's teeth made contact with Joe's throat, I knew it was time to strike. I swung my legs back as they made contact with the ankles of one of the men. He fell down and I pushed my knife into his chest multiples times.

The man standing next to him went to shoot me but Michonne beat him to it. Killing both him and the men who tried to contain her. I rose to my feet feeling the ground sway as I leaned against the car for balance.

Daryl killed his tormentors as Michonne and Rick faced off the man that was trying to rape Carl. With blood covering the lower half of his face, Rick didn't hesitate to go after him.

Arms wrapped around me to help me stand and I looked up to meet Daryl's eyes. The concern and emotion on his face made the rest of this horrific night fade as all I felt was the warmth of his embrace after so long.

In a last attempt to save his life, the man pushed Carl away and held his knife threateningly at Rick who didn't give a fuck. He pushed the knife into the man before he could even blink.

Then he did it again. And again. And again. Until all of him was covered in his blood. And even then, it was clear he was trying to pull himself back. He knew he wasn't in control of himself.

I tore my eyes from that sight and focused back on Daryl. His gaze was set on the same scene. I leaned into his chest and wrapped one arm around his waist. Shifting our position from support in standing to an embrace between former lovers.

If he minded my actions, he didn't show it. Instead he allowed me to stay in his arms as long as I needed to.

-----

"How's the head?" Rick asked.

We were walking ahead of Daryl, Michonne and Carl who were engaged in their own conversation. After the night we had, we rested for a couple of hours before deciding to continue our journey to Terminus.

I touched my forehead before wincing. "No more screwed up than before, I guess."

A ghost of a smile passed his lips before he got serious again. He glanced behind himself and I followed his line of view. It was set on Daryl.

"It's alright if this changes things for you. Having him back with us."

I swallowed a lump in my throat at his insinuation. Rick was basically telling me that he wouldn't be upset with me if I decided it wasn't him I wanted anymore.

This wasn't a decision I thought I was going to have to make. I didn't want to give either of them up. A selfish thought that didn't want to quiet itself. I didn't have to give one of them up.

"Sorry to break it to you, Ranger Rick, but you can't take back your confession of undying love for me." I argued.

Rick Grimes loved me. All of me. I wasn't going to let that slide through my fingertips. Not when I was finally getting important people from my life back. I ran away from love before and it brought me nothing but pain.

I'm not going back to that. Whatever it takes to keep myself from experiencing that again.

I shrugged. "You're stuck with me."

He smiled at me before coming closer to me with the intent of kissing me. My eyes widened at the action and pulled back before he could. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"As much as I'd love to kiss you right now, maybe we should hold off from letting people know. Until we reach somewhere safe." I explained.

He frowned but nodded nonetheless. I didn't feel comfortable with the prospect of others seeing us together. It was all new and I'd prefer to have those firsts just between us. Until we figure it all out.

A few hours later, we reached the gates of Terminus. The ones in the woods instead of the front gate. After burying our guns, we hopped the fence and made our way inside the buildings.

After a quick introduction to a man named Gareth, he sent one of his buddies Alex to show us around. I couldn't shake the feeling that there was something wrong. There were... too little of them for a place so big.

My gut reaction only made sense once my eyes noticed a familiar jacket on another woman's back. A jacket that belonged to Dakota. I knew that because I found it while on a run and nearly got my face chopped off trying to get it.

I shared a look Rick who motioned at Alex's pocket. The watch given to Glenn by Hershel was with him. I bit my lip before nodding, letting him know I noticed our group's things scattered around as well.

He grabbed Alex and asked him about the watch. It wasn't long until Gareth showed up and the whole thing turned into another gun fight.

While I'd like to say we won and found out what happened to our people, that wasn't quite what went down.

Firstly, we were cornered. It didn't take long to figure out that they didn't want us dead. No, they needed us for something. They led us into their trap where we were forced one by one to enter their train cars.

Judgey Eyes, they called me. Not very original, in my opinion. The others got much cooler nicknames. But it's not a competition, I guess.

Once we entered the container, the door was shut behind us and darkness engulfed us. I blinked until I could get somewhat adjusted to the dark.

"Rick?"

Glenn's voice filled the air and I froze before turning to look in his direction. Slowly he, Maggie and Sasha appeared in sight. Bob was also there, as well.

Before I could even process that, a body ran straight for me. As familiar arms wrapped around me, I could hear her cries of joy. It took me a moment before I could move.

Dakota hugged me with all her might and my hands shook before resting on her lower back. She was alive. My sister was alive.

The urge to weep nearly overwhelmed me. If we weren't in the situation that we were in, I might've. However, all I could think of in that moment was the relief spreading through me. I lost Ryan but she was here.

Not all was lost.

Rick's words aimed at the rest of our group didn't reach me. All but his last ones. Now those ones awoke something in me.

"They're fucking with the wrong people."

End of season 4