"What do you think?" Rick asked.

I looked up as he walked down the stairs. He was dirty and looked exhausted. I guess we all are at this point.

The cell block isn't exactly a five star hotel, but it was more secure than any other place we've been at so far.

"Home, sweet home." Glenn commented.

Abby walked in with two bags in her arms. I walked up to her and took one from her. She gave me a relieved smile. Those bags are heavy even for me, let alone her.

Ryan came along with Hershel. There was a rifle hanging around his shoulder. Guess guard duty went well.

"For the time being." Rick confirmed.

Abby chose a cell for us and we entered it. It has seen better days. There was blood over the walls and ground.

But it had a bunk bed which was exactly what we needed. I put one of the bags on the lower bed.

"Upper bed is mine." Abby declared.

A smile formed on my face at the excitement in her voice. I helped her up on the bed and she started unpacking the essentials.

I shifted uncomfortably not wanting to crush her hopes about this place. For all we know, it'll only last for a short while.

"It's secure?" Lori asked.

I exited the cell to see Ryan picking the cell next to ours. My eyes softened at his actions. He wants to stay close to us in case something happens. It's the same move I would've made. We're safer in numbers.

My mind drifted to Dakota. If she were here, she would be in that room with him or with Abby. Instead Ryan has to be alone because his usual roommate has a girlfriend now. Glenn and Maggie were stronger than ever.

"This cell block is." Rick stated.

I snapped out of my thoughts and glanced at the rag that was still in my hand. It hurt less and it stopped bleeding. I'll talk to Hershel about it later.

Everyone needs to get settled first. The sooner we do that, the sooner we can search the rest of the prison.

"What about the rest of the prison?" Hershel asked.

He read my mind. As I looked at him, I noticed he looked even older than before. Though the long white hair and beard suited him. It made him look more sophisticated and wiser. Now he looked like a proper man of faith.

"In the morning, we'll find the cafeteria and the infirmary." Rick explained.

Yay, more action and more walkers to kill. The best feeling in the world is when you kill a walker. It makes me feel like there's one less walker that could hurt my siblings. That's all that ever mattered to me.

"We sleep in the cells?" Beth asked.

I rolled my eyes at the disturbed tone in her voice. We've been out in the wilderness for the last seven months.

I don't see how a cell could make her more uncomfortable than sleeping outside. At least she's safe here.

"It's not like this is the worst place we've ever slept in. Besides, Rick and Daryl have sets of keys to the cells. We're safe here." I said.

The last sentence sounded wrong. Feeling safe wasn't a luxury we could afford yet. We haven't been safe since the farm and even then there was constant danger. I guess we just didn't know how much danger until it ran us out.

I leaned against a wall as everyone started searching for a cell to sleep in. It was about time we found some beds. It was way better than the storage units we were in a couple of months ago though.

"I ain't sleeping in no cage. I'll take the perch." Daryl replied.

A scoff left my lips as I went to mine and Abby's cell. My mood instantly changed as I noticed she was fast asleep on her bed. A ghost of a smile went over my face at the sight. I pulled out a blanket and put it over her.

Some movement caught my eyes and I turned around. Rick slid down a wall and just sat there. Our eyes locked and I hesitated. A part of me wanted to go there and sit next to him, but I knew not to.

It would only make things worse. There's already enough tension between us. I don't need to add more. Even while thinking that, I still wanted to join him on that floor. Maybe I wasn't ready to accept safety either.

I turned back to the cell as a sigh left my lips. My back touched the bed and I relaxed at the comfort of it.

Last time that I had a bed like this, I got shot and was basically dying. My eyes closed as I let myself fall asleep with those thoughts.

-----

"My hand feels fine. It's no big deal. There's no reason to make me stay here." I whined.

Hershel looked at me with an amused smile. He and the rest of the group were gearing up to go and explore the rest of the prison. I wanted to go, but apparently it'll only worsen my cut if I put pressure on it all the time.

"If Hershel says it's not safe for you to go, then you're staying. End of discussion." Rick stated.

A huff escaped my lips as I glanced at my bandaged hand. It wasn't even that deep. A little alcohol and a bandage is all that my hand needs. I hate not doing anything productive.

Even at the farm, I was bored out of my mind while recovering from my gunshot wound. I still remember Dale's trashy novels. Huh, I haven't thought about him in a while. His death feels like ages ago.

"What if I stay in the back while you guys search the levels?" I suggested.

Ryan stood in front me and I helped him put on a guard vest. It isn't fair to let him go and leave me here. I don't want him in danger.

Abby picked up a helmet and went to put it on her head. Ryan took the helmet from her and gave her a scolding look.

"Josephine, it won't be that bad. You can protect the group from here." Glenn said.

I glared at him as they picked up their equipment preparing to go. This wasn't what I wanted. I needed to feel useful and to do something.

This felt like giving up. They all went through the door as Ryan bent down and planted a kiss on my cheek.

"Well, what if I-"

"No." A chorus of voices filled the air.

A scowl tugged at my lips as I kicked away a pile of rubbish. I heard footsteps approach me and I looked up to see Carol approaching me.

She smiled upon seeing my scowl. I leaned against the wall as she stood in front of me.

"Put the scowl away, this is for your own good. Even if you hate it." Carol explained.

She sounded like she was a mother and I a child that needed to learn a lesson. My mother wasn't the greatest, but she did teach me basics of human socialization.

Or perhaps it was my dad that taught me that. It's difficult to recall his face anymore. All the good in me was his doing and all the bad was my mother's.

"Of course I hate it. Not doing anything makes me antsy. And when I get antsy, I get grumpy. We all know that's not what you want in a confined space." I pointed out.

My temper, although improved, was still unpredictable. The fact that the group had less annoying members helped. Shane, Andrea, Merle were only a few. Though I've lost Dakota because of Merle. I hate to think about her and whether she's alive.

The answer always comes back negative. On her own for this long? I don't like her chances. We've lost so many people even in large groups. I still think she was stupid to leave her siblings for a man though I'm starting to see why.

Daryl is rough around the edges, but he keeps me safe and cares for me. I care for him, too, I just don't think I'd be able to leave my siblings for him. That's why I'm having such a hard time understanding Dakota.

"The more you act like a bomb, the more people will think you are one. Josephine, I know you haven't had the greatest childhood but that doesn't mean you have to be this angry and to lash out all the time. Now, I know that isn't you, but you let everyone else think that it is." Carol explained.

I shifted uncomfortably as I looked away from her prying eyes. This is the only way I know how to act. Like a bomb, she called it. That's me now. Not always, but it's what makes me me.

Anger and hate is all I have. Hell, I'm trying to find something else to focus on. Daryl seems to help my attitude, but there's still so much in me that wants to break free. No amount of talk is going to fix what's wrong with me.

"I know I'm an annoying bitch, Carol. But being one is a lot better than what I used to be. Because that other version of me got her ass handed to her, over and over again. I used to be unable to stand up for myself and that's what nearly got me killed. I'm not making that mistake again." I said.

If I was stronger, maybe I would've earned less scars. So I don't care if everyone here hates me. At least I'm not begging for mercy like I used to. In my eyes, that's progress.

"You're not being abused anymore, Josephine. It's time you stopped orientating your whole identity around it and to stop acting like it's you against the world." Carol replied.

My hand clenched into fists as I looked at her in disbelief. I remember my mother hitting me with her leather belt on the back, I remember the stinging pain of blood trickling down my spine, I remember feeling utterly worthless because I was failing her.

"Did it ever occur to you that maybe it was me against the world? None of my siblings were ever abused, thank God. Only me. I spent two years in therapy, Carol. That's how long it took for my brain to realize that I didn't deserve to get beat up by my mother. I had to go through that alone." I stated.

Carol's eyes softened as she realized to what I was referring to. I had my siblings for support, I had people who cared about me but none of them could help me with the war inside my head.

I was completely and utterly alone there.

"It's always been and it always will be... me against the world."

She swallowed a lump in her throat and looked down as I passed her. My nails dug into my hands as I tried not to cry. I didn't want anyone to know how difficult it actually was for me to keep my shit together.

I've been struggling with mental health issues ever since I started getting abused. Not that I knew it back then. Nobody knows about them. I don't even think my family knows. Carol is the first person that I've told.

I winced at a sudden pain and looked down at my injured hand. Blood trickled down my fingers as my wound stung. A sigh left my lips as I leaned against a wall.

Just what I needed. Another problem to fix. And I haven't even begun fixing the most important one.