But who could have thought I was also among them- the one who is the reason of your bleeding?

"Zhan, it's time for dinner!" My sister called for my name from downstairs. I was about to get up from bed, but Zen was faster than me as she shot back a 'stop' which was enough for me to not move. Dejected, I sat there on the bed while she was trying to end the call but couldn't.

"Yeah, okay we will have a meeting next week then. Yes, have a good night." Finally she cut the call with the following sigh. I snickered but then cut off by another foul profanity she had said today.

"Don't you dare move from there unless I tell you to. Your sister doesn't know obviously I'm not stupid to say everything to her only to get her another anxiety attack but yeah, that doesn't mean you will cut any loophole. You ARE not going anywhere. I will be bringing the food and everything here, doctor said you need full rest at least for one week."

"You know one week is terrible! How am I supposed to spend a whole freaking week on bed? And you know I hate pausing. " I said, but instantly regretted as again my head felt dizzy. Probably that was visible, as I felt Zen hurriedly come beside me and helped me to calm down.

"Okay, okay, I get it. Shh, now please rest. Zhan I'm worried and no more talking, okay? I'm here."

I hummed; the head felt like hammer drumming for no reason. She carefully half laid me down and probably went to bring our food.

It happened after we got in the car, I was feeling tired and dizzy for long but didn't know it would go that far. As soon as we left the academy, I felt nauseous and my head started spinning. Thanks to Zen, she was used to any kind of emergency situation so it wasn't hard for her to handle when I... vomited. I was instantly sent to the hospital and doctor said it wasn't something serious just some usual sickness. Still, I was given to do some tests but he assured that it wasn't something to be worried about. I wasn't worried about that; I was worried about Nabi. To scare her and her parents about my health was the last thing I would be wanting; nonetheless, she was smart enough to handle the situation with her little head. As Zen was about to convince her to not tell her mother about it, she, like the best girl ever existed (obviously my sister is the best too), didn't make any fuss about it. She silently listened every instruction and caressed my hand. Times like these always made me feel alone, so helpless. How much I urge to hug her, to assure her I am okay but... I can't. Something deep down in my heart stops me from doing so... reminds me how pitifully helpless I am. Obviously I am a human, I face few times too when I feel I am not confident, I am dependable and all- but that is not the whole story. I know how gorgeously I handle my work, my field like no other can and stupid eyesight thinks it will be able to stop me? Not today.

"Uncle Zhan?" a sweet whisper called my name. Thinking of an angel and here she is. I hummed and heard how little footsteps slowly came near me and then put her head on my hand. Smiling, I caressed her hairs that was tied into a ponytail I suppose, when little warm droplets hit my skin.

"Angel? Are you crying?" I anxiously whispered. But it only caused the sniffles to turn more voluminous.

"You are okay right? I- know doctors said that you are okay... but you always lie to mom about your health. Only papa and Zen and you know what is going on with you but you scarcely tell us; my and mom about any of it. We only know when we happened to listen to it or something else. But I am equally concerned about you, right?' she said, trying so hard from bursting out in tears as I could sense that from her voice. It ached my heart that while I was thinking hiding my health issues would be some sort help, a picture of kindness- they were hurting all along.

"Oh dear, no..." I whispered; pain stained my voice that I had no control over.

"Promise me, you won't lie from now on? Promise me you will take care of yourself?"

"I promise sweetheart. And you have to promise me too. That you will not cry over my health and will not worry for me like this again. You have a long way to go dearest, why strain your little eyes with tears and pain?"

I said the words to comfort her but it only caused her to sob more. Hurriedly, I pulled her in my embrace and could feel how her little shoulders were trembling as her sobs let out muffled sounds. Controlling herself a bit, she whispered in my hug,

"How can I not worry when I love you so much?"

Love. Love... love... love. That one stupid thing people always fall for, that one element that causes thousands of people cry, that gives them pain that makes them suffer even though it was not their pain. Why would one cry for another when it was actually the other person's sufferings? Why they have to share their pains to another? Trust me, it's so foolish, so unworthy for mortals. Love is nothing but a mirage among the hills of sands, among the ocean of desert. It entices you to the point of no returning. It makes you fall.

I only hummed and kissed her forehead since all these reasonings would seem so complicated for her. And she needed to realise it herself, I am in no place to teach her that.

"Okay hush now angel. Have you eaten your dinner yet?" I asked.

"No and that's why I brought all of our dinners to your room." Zen responded, how long has sneaked into our conversation.

"You unforgivable woman, how dare you intrude in our meeting?" I mocked, and obviously it didn't fail to made Nabi giggle.

"Seriously now? Just eat you all people, it's already 9 now." Zen deadpanned and sit beside me and asked Nabi to sit for dinner as well. I sat up and started eating with all of them.

"Shijie didn't say anything?" I asked curiously also a bit nervous.

"Lulu was sceptic at first, since this little brat Nabi was feeling down from our returning and wasn't eating mindfully and then I told her that all of us will dinner upstairs so yeah... but don't forget I am Zen, the great-"

"Stupid!" I and Nabi squealed cutting her sentence and then all of us broke into a wholesome loud laughter with happy meals.

(^///^)

Ever since I met Xiao Zhan that day, he remained an unforgettable in my heart that I didn't think was actually possible. I could dream his lips, his nose, his touch- his whispers. His scent was so smooth and smelled like petrichor that I felt drunk-dazed.

"Yibo focus." My instructor told me for the third time today as I was a bit absent minded in my regular ballet classes. I had decided to start it again on the day I met Rimona, as I haven't practiced those few months of gap due to that accident.

I started dancing at the age of five but started playing violin at the age of three and half. Crazy, isn't it? It was my grandmother's violin which I first touched. Nonetheless, I instantly drowned in it. The teachers were astonished to see how fast I was learning so did my mom. She is a famous writer who unlike me couldn't fulfil her mother's wish by becoming a perfect violinist daughter. Though I became the successful successor of my grandmother, too foolish that she was not alive then to see me playing.

My first grand prize was when I was twelve and it was a record breaker. I could still remember the piece, it was Tzigane by Ravel. The news of such prodigy spread like fire in the woods not only in Asia but also in foreign countries. Though I wasn't fond of such competitions but I liked to hear people's pieces the most. Many violinists, all around the world comes to one destination and play such beautiful music; the music they love, adore, worship. And when I played I could see how lights used to follow my path, my orders.

And people could see too. They said, my play can guide the light. They said, that whenever I put my bow on the strings everything stopped and the light became my servant. Like a drunk magician, I spellbound light as it danced with my rhythm.

So they started calling me with a very nice name. Ray Cicerone. The person the guides the light away.

But it all crumbled like a house of cards when I was returning from a press conference. It was raining hard and unfortunately my car had a serious accident. I was in coma for one week and when I woke up, I was alone. It was slumber... deep slumber.

Then it hit me, I had gone deaf. And to remind me of such ominous day, there left a deep scar from my right ear to half cheek. How scary isn't it?

Still, it was not the scariest part. It was then, as the doctors declared I have reached the dead end of my violin career. Playing violin would be fatal for me.

Everything seemed so useless after that. I ate, combed my hair, dressed my wounds, wore clean clothes- but I never cried, like they were all gone. I haven't seen any violin after that so it didn't trigger me either. Not even once a day, I just felt so tired as I slept more than ten hours in a day. Doctors checked out too, and said it was the aftermath of trauma. While I knew, it wasn't true. It isn't true. They didn't just take my love away.

After few weeks, I was discharged from the hospital without any fatal injuries. They said, I had no open wounds now. And exactly that is why I despise and mock scientists. They don't delve deep. Else why would it be unnoticed to them that my heart was bleeding to death?

"Yibo!" Rimona called breaking the rhythm of my ballet. It was already dusk but I was practicing overtime alone in the room. For disturbing me unnecessarily, I wanted to glare at her, but as soon as my eyes fell on another person behind her, it basically lit my world.

"I came to see you, hope you didn't mind?" Zhan hummed, smile never leaving his face.