***

ILANG beses akong napalunok habang nakaupo sa harap ng laptop ni David. I had put a bit of makeup on to hide my swollen eyes. I just hoped that it wouldn't be seen from the video call.

"Hey." Nag-angat ako ng tingin at kasabay naman niyon ang pag-upo ni David sa aking tabi. Nilapag niya ang dalawang tasa ng tsaa sa mesa katabi ang laptop na naghihintay komonekta sa tawag.

"Are you okay?"

Hindi ko na alam kung ilang beses niya ako tinanong kung ayos lang ba 'ko. If it weren't for David, I might still be sobbing like a toddler.

Sa halip na sumagot, sumandal ako sa balikat ni David at pinikit ang aking mga mata. Hinayaan niya lang ako. I felt so tired.

Hindi ko na nasagot pa ang emails ni Rome kagabi dahil sa sobrang pagod ko. Kanina ko na siya nasagot nang magising ako at abala pa si David sa pag-aayos ng laptop niya para sa video call. Mukhang abala rin si Rome dahil hindi niya rin ako nasagot kaagad.

Parang walang saysay ang pagtulog ko. Crying sucked the life off me.

"Mi hija . . . "

Halos mapatalon ako sa aking pagkauupo nang marinig ang pamilyar na boses na iyon. Masyado akong nilamon ng aking sariling isipan na hindi ko na namalayan pa na komonekta na pala ang tawag.

"Papá." My voice cracked as I saw my father in bed.

I wasn't sure if it was me or my imagination that thought there was a spark of relief from my father's eyes. May katagalan na rin magmula noong huli ko siyang makausap at makita. But at the same time, he looked older and weaker. It was worse than what they announced to the public.

It was expected. They couldn't tell the media that the country's king was very ill. If they did, that would indeed cause a commotion.

"Did you meet your mother?"

Of course, he would ask that as if he wasn't monitoring my every move. Hindi na nakapagtataka. At dahil hindi naman kami ganoon kalapit ni Papá, mas madalas ay Ingles niya ako kinakausap sa halip na Espanyol. It was the same for Eugenio. But his reason for the Crown Prince was so he would be fluent and confident in English just like how he speaks Spanish.

Tumango ako. "Sí, Papá,"

"Como es ella?" tanong ni Papá tungkol kay Mamá.

"She's fine, Papá . . . She's better than fine. She's married and successful."

Nakita kung paano lumambot ang mga mata ni Papá sa sinabi kong iyon. Base sa kuwento ni Mamá, there was once a time that they were madly in love with each other. It almost reached to a point that Papá was willing to abdicate his role to stop his own engagement.

Pero dahil mahal na mahal ni Mamá si Papá, at alam niya na wala rin kapantay ang pagmamahal ni Papá sa kaniyang bansa, siya na ang nagdesisyon para sa kanilang dalawa . . . kapalit ang pagtanggap sa akin bilang anak.

Iyon nga lang, hindi ako tinanggap ng yumaong reyna dahil hindi niya raw ako iniluwal. Naintindihan ko rin naman ang pinunto niya. She wanted to secure the throne for her son—whom she was alrrady pregnant with when I had started walking.

Thus, I was banished from existing in the main estate and grew up in secrecy. At ang dumadalaw lang sa akin ay sina Papá at Eugenio kahit na tutol ang reyna noon, ang aking tagapangalaga, at isang guro.

"That's good to hear," tipid niyang usal.

"How about you? Looks like you lost a lot of weight."

"I'm on diet, mi hija," usal niya na may kaunting tono ng pagbibiro. Hindi na ko nagsalita pa dahil alam kong hindi naman ako sasagutin ni Papá nang maayos. "Mi hija . . . We need to talk."

"What is it, Papá?" It was weird seeing him on the screen like this. He was close to being skin and bones like what was on the news. Even David said he lost more weight.

"I'd like for you to return home . . . and get married," hirap niyang usal.

That stunned me. Ilang beses pa akong kumurap-kurap upang maproseso ang kaniyang mga salita.

"¿Qué?"

"Te vas a casar."

"W-what are you saying?" kabado kong tanong habang nakatitig kay Papá. "Marriage?"

I felt David's hand on top of mine.

"Letizia . . . " His voice was trying to calm me down. But how could I? It had almost been a month since I last spoke to my father, and then he would throw the bomb at me to inform me about my engagement.

This is absurd!

"No, Papá. No me voy a casar. I am not getting married!"

Parang gusto kong maiyak na lang ulit. I felt like I was sold off. I had lived in secrecy of their walls. At kahit na akala ko ay nakatakas na ako ay hindi pa rin pala. Bantay-sarado pa rin ako sa bawat kilos ko.

Alam ko naman na darating ang araw na ito. Ngunit hindi ko lang inaasahan na ngayon mangyayari. Kakikilala ko pa lang kay Mamá na pinutol ko na ang koneksiyon ko, tapos ganito?

Hindi man alam ng mundo ang tungkol sa pagkatao ko ngunit may responsibilidad ako bilang kadugo ng hari ng bansa.

"So . . . who's the unlucky groom?" I sarcastically asked, wiping the tear that almost fell. Hindi ko na rin inisip pa na kakalat ang makeup sa mukha ko.

Nasabi ko na unlucky ang groom kasi kung sino man 'yon, wala naman siyang mapapala sa pagpapakasal sa akin. I was just . . me. No power and no influence. I would not even dare to interfere if there would be any power struggle as I leave it all to the Crown Prince's shoulder.

Ayoko ng gulo. Gusto ko lang ng tahimik na buhay na magagawa ko ang gusto ko.

Simula pa lang naman noong mga bata kami, maigi na pinag-aaralan ni Eugenio ang lahat. Mula sa kasaysayan hanggang sa aritmetika, mahusay at matalino si Eugenio.

Papa's eyes moved from me then David, then back to me again. Kinakabahan ako sa pagkilos ng mga mata ni Papa hanggang sa tumikhim siya. Maging si David ay umayos nang upo mula sa pagkasasandal niya sa couch.

"Me," David simply replied, making me stare at him. "I'm your fiancé."

Agad akong bumitiw sa kay David at napatayo. I couldn't see my father's face from where I was standing anymore. I could feel my heart palpitating. Hinahabol ko ang aking pahinga na parang kasali ako sa isang mahabang karera ng mga kabayo.

"Y-you knew?"

Tumayo si David at kita ko ang pag-aalala sa kaniyang mga mata. "Mi prin—"

"Don't," pagputol ko. "Don't even say that, David." Napahilot ako ng sentido at iniisip kumg totoo ba o nananaginip lang ako.

"Mi hija, por favor." My father cut me out of my thoughts again.

"No, Papá! T-this doesn't make sense! David is my best friend and—"

"It's not your father who insisted on this engagement . . . " Kunot-noo akong lumingon kay David, giving him a questioning look.

"W-what?"

"I did."

Nabigla ako nang lumuhod si David sa aking harapan. He knelt on one knee as he held my hand tightly, resting my hand on his forehead like how a knight gives honour to someone from the royal family.

"David, what are you—?"

"I don't have the ring with me right now, but I'd like you to be my wife, mi princesa . . . "

"Por qué yo? Why me?"

"Why can't it be you?" he asked.

"I . . . I don't understand any of this, David! Soy tu mejor amigo. No soy tu amante."

"I have always been in love with you, Letizia . . . " His words stunned me in place. "You just didn't see me in the same light."

"Mi hija . . . " My father called once again.

Nanginginig akong lumapit sa laptop ni David at nakita ko muli ang nanghihinang mukha ng aking ama. He was pleading—begging almost.

"Per favore, pensaci."

***

JO ELLE

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