***

"ARE you nervous?" tanong ni David habang naghihintay kami sa opisina ni Mamá.

We were served coffee while she finished her meeting, which went overtime. But I wasn't in the mood to take even the smallest sip of the coffee. How could I? My nerves were already killing me, and one sip of caffeine did not sound like a great idea at all.

"Do you want me to lie? Or do you want an honest answer?" I awkwardly asked him, even though I knew what he would say.

"Of course I want you to be honest with me, Letizia . . . always." He opened his hand and placed it on top of my knee, calmly waiting for my hand. Pinatong ko roon ang aking kamay at agad niyang pinagsiklop ang aming mga kamay.

Again, my best friend's warmth kept me afloat.

Kung may makakikita sa amin na hindi kami kilala, paniguradong may mga mag-aakala na magkasintahan kami ni David. Ngunit matalik lang kami na magkaibigan at magkababata. Walang makaaagaw o makapapalit doon.

Kaya kung sino man ang magiging girlfriend niya, kikilatisin ko talaga dahil nag-iisa lang si David sa buong mundo. Although he might get engaged and married for business and politics purposes, sana matali siya sa babae na mamahalin at aalagaan din siya sa parehong paraan.

Hindi naman siya mahirap mahalin. He had that charisma that would get anyone's attention. Kung hindi ko siya bestfriend, baka nagkagusto ako sa kaniya. But he was my bestfriend so that would be it.

Kung ako man ang matali sa tao na hindi ko kilala o gusto, alam kong mananatili kaming matalik na magkaibigan ni David. He would always be my safe haven.

"Then, I am nervous," pag-amin ko.

"You know I'm here, right?" Tumango ako. Laking pasasalamat ko na kasama ko siya ngayon sa pagharap sa nanay ko. "Do you want me to stay while you two talk in private?"

Tumango-tango ako. "Yes, please. I . . . I don't think I can deal with all of this."

"Of course. I will follow your wishes," pabulong niyang usal.

Sa totoo lang, hindi ko alam kung tama ba ang desisyon na 'to. Tama ba na pumunta kami ni David sa opisina niya? Pero matagal ko naman na siya na hinahanap, and I deserve to complete the pieces of my life, right?

Nagbukas ang pinto at napalingon kami agad ni David.

"I'm sorry for making you wait. There are so much—" Natigilan siya nang magtagpo ang aming mga mata.

I felt my surroundings slowed down. Even the sand inside the hourglass decided to fall slowly, grain by grain.

"You—" She sounded surprised when she saw me and cleared her throat. "Didn't we bump into each other the other day? Are you following me, miss?"

Medyo may kirot akong naramdaman sa sinabi niyang iyon. She remembered me for another reason . . . not the one I was hoping for. Hindi ba niya talaga ako nakilala? Hindi ba 'to katulad ng mga palabas sa sine at mga telenovela na nakikilala agad ng mga magulang ang mga anak nila kapag tinitigan nila nang matagal at maayos?

Nakapanghihina. Movies were just movies, after all.

Nauna nang tumayo si David at nilahad ang kamay. "Good morning, Mrs Kiyami. I'm David Juan Carlos," pagpakikilala ni David at dahilan upang pansamantala na mawala ang atensiyon ni Mamá sa akin.

"Ah, are you perhaps the grandson of Chairman Carlos?" tanong niya nang tanggapin ang kamay ni David.

"Sí, señora," magalang naman na sagot ni David.

"Again, I'm sorry to make you wait. My secretary said you just needed to a quck time to speak with me. I apologize that I can't offer you more time today. It has just been really busy . . . But to what do I owe the pleasure of your visit, Mr. Carlos?"

"David, señora," aniya upang tawagin sa kaniyang pangalan sa halip na apelyido.

"David . . . " pag-uulit niya.

"My best friend wanted to speak with you, señora."

Sunod na lumingon si David sa akin upang alalayan akong tumayo. Tinanggap ko ang kaniyang kamay at tumayo. David was such a gentleman.

I took heavy steps towards her and stood beside David. I lifted my hand towards her direction.

"G-good morning. I'm . . . " Napalunok ako at bumaling kay David. Nanlalamig ang buong pagkatao ko. David gave me an assuring nod and smiled as if telling me I  could do it. I took another deep breath.

"My name is Letizia Catalina la Cerda."

Malinaw sa aking mga mata kung paano siya natigilan dahil sa gulat. Ni hindi niya tinanggap ang kamay ko na nakadirekta pa rin sa kaniya.

"Y-you're not supposed to be here . . . "

I saw how her face turned pale and white as a sheet. Siya naman ngayon ang parang nahihirapan sa paghinga at sa pagproseso sa nangyayari sa kaniyang paligid.

Her response gave me some affirmation that she knew about my existence. She knew I was alive. She knew about me. But that broke my heart simultaneously—she broke it into hundreds of pieces with her own hands.

Akala ko masisiyahan siya na makita ako pero mali ako. Sa halip na maging masaya, nakalulungkot.

"Why?" kabado kong tanong.

Nang-iwas siya ng tingin at ilang beses napalunok. "Y-you should leave," she blurted, not even giving me a look.

Akamang lalayo siya mula sa amin ni David ngunit agad kong hinawakan ang braso niya.

"Stop! No!" pahiyaw kong usal.

"You need to go back to Spain!" aniya.

Her words kept throwing daggers in my direction. She knew about my existence, name, and where I was. And to push me away instantly . . . I was taken aback.

"No!" I retorted. "I've had enough of this search. I had enough of you running away from me!" Dama ko ang pag-init ng aking mga mata dahil sa nagbabadyang mga luha.

"Letizia . . .  " pabulong na pagtawag ni David nang hawakan niya ang braso ko upang bitiwan ang pagkahahawak ko kay Mamá.

Sa halip na umalis, inaya kami ni David na maupo. Nanatili sa tabi ko si Davi at sa tapat naman namin si Mamá. She sat as if she was in a formal meeting. But her eyes were exhibiting that she was uncomfortable and didn't want to be there.

"Iniwan mo 'ko tapos ngayon ipagtatabuyan ko rin ako? Have you ever wondered how I was doing? Did you truly not care for me?" Hindi ko napigilan ang mga luha ko. My chest felt so heavy that I was having difficulties breating. It was suffocating.

"I . . . " Nanatili pa rin na malayo ang tingin ni Mamá sa akin. "I had to give you up for your sake—our sake. Kung hindi kita iniwan noon sa Papá mo, baka pareho na tayong wala sa mundo ngayon."

Natigilan ako sa sinabi niya. "W-what?"

"Think about it . . . Your father is a king, and I am a nobody. Did you think it would be a fairy tale and we'd have our happiness ever after just because of a small infatuation and momentary bliss?" Her voice was unwavering. "Reality doesn't work that way, Letizia . . . " Her voice sounded dry as she uttered my name.

"But . . . "

"Did he ever tell you that because he was blinded with the temporary infatuation he had of me, he was planning to abdicate his role as the Crown Prince? Tatalikuran niya ang bansa niya at ang babae na tinakda sa kaniya dahil nabulag siya sa pagmamahal niya sa akin. And in the end . . . it was no longer love—it was selfishness and greed,"

"M-ma—"

"I'm sorry, but I have another meeting after this," agad niyang usal.

I was struck again by how my presence was not welcomed. There was no excitement nor spark in her eyes as she spoke with me. On the other hand, David remained silent behind me.

"But . . . you're married now, aren't you?"

Nangunot ang noo niya. "How—?" She stopped before taking a deep breath and nodded a little. "When we bumped into each other . . . I see." Then she stopped her small nods. "Yes, I have been happily married for twelve years."

I gulped. "I see . . . May I know if you ever wanted to get me back from them?"

Umiling si Mamá. "You were in good hands already. It would be pointless for me to interfere with your life anymore."

Her comment made me scoff. "I . . .  was in good hands?" Nang-iwas ako ng tingin nang ilang segundo bago muling binalik ang pagtitig kay Mamá. "So . . . you never had any intention in this lifetime to meet me?"

Mamá crossed her legs, and I could see her clenched jaw.  "I . . . "

Bago pa man siya makasagot, may kumatok sa pinto at na napatingin kaming tatlo sa direksiyon niyon.

"Yes?"

Nagbukas ang pinto at sumilip ang sekretarya ni Mamá. "Sorry to disturb you, Ma'am, but the Board is waiting for you . . . "

Napahilot si Mamá ng sentido. Mukhang mali ang timing namin ni David kahit naka-schedule ang meeting ni David sa kaniya.

"I'll be there in a sec," agad na sagot ni Mamá sa babae na tumango naman at sinara ang pinto. "I believe it's time we wrap things up . . . for good," makahulugan niyang ani.

I chuckled as I stood up. "It does seem like we're not welcome here at all. It'd be wise for us to leave now as you insist, Mrs. Kiyami," I blankly replied.

I turned to David, who held my hand. "It was nice to meet you, señora. We will take our leave now."

"It was nice to meet you both," pormal niyang usal.

Lumabas kami ng opisina niya at batid ko na nakasunod pa rin si Mamá—si Mrs. Kiyami sa amin. HIndi kami tumitingin pabalik sa kaniya. Tumuloy na kami ni David sa elevator at mabigat pa rin ang dibdib ko.

Was my showing up here all turned out to be in vain? Walang saysay ang pagpunta ko rito sa Pilipinas? Sa halip na mabuo, tuluyan kong nakilala ang aking ina na buong buhay ay hingi ko nakilala at nakasama. There was no connection between us except that she gavebirth to me.

"One more thing . . . " I blurted.

"Did you ever love . . . my father?" My throat felt dry as I asked that question. I was impressed that I could hold off my tears, maybe because David held my hand tightly.

"You wouldn't be here if I didn't," walang hesitasyon niyang sagot.

"And me?" Napalunok ako.

"You cannot compare a mother's love to anything in this life, Letizia," she uttered. "So for your safety and mine, please leave . . . " The escalator doors started to close, and my view of her was changing as she spoke, " . . . then live your life and be happy."

I saw her eyes becoming watery, and before I could say another word, the elevator doors closed in front of my face. Doon ko lang din napansin na nakaangat ang isang kamay ko na parang aabutin kung ano man ang nasa harapan ko.

Tinitigan ko ang malabong repleksiyon ko sa loob ng elevator. Batid ko ang nagbabadyang mga luha at mas paglalim ng aking paghinga.

Did my mother kick me out of her life for my own good? Was did my father do then? Was hiding my existence necessary? What should I be doing now?

"You know you can cry, mi princesa," biglang usal ni David na hindi gumalaw mula sa kaniyang kinatatayuan. Nanatili rin ang kamay niya na nakalingkis sa aking kaliwang kama.

Sobra ang pasasalamat ko na kasama ko si David nang mga sandaling iyon. If it weren'y for him, I would have been on my knees and bawling my eyes out. Tama ang desisyon ko na samahan niya ako kahit parang estatwa lang siya sa buong oras na nag-uusap kami ni Mamá.

I took a step back and faced David properly. I gave him a subtle smile as my eyes heated up and started getting watery. I didn't know what to do next. It was suffocating.

***

I'm not very satisfied with this chapter, but as promised, I'm posting it today. Babalikan ko siya in the future :)

Don't forget to read Sole Mate: Rome by Imcrazyyouknow for Rome's POV!

JO ELLE

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