Matthew: *wakes to find him self tied to a tree with the figure of a person staring at him eerily from a distance*

Matthew: well.

Matthew: I didn't know you were this kinky Alex.

Serial Killer: it's always the quiet ones that get you

Matthew: wait wha—

————

Ruby: m-a

Hazel: omg she's gonna say momma

Ruby: ma..

Ruby: *demonic voice* mURDER

Frank: ...

Ares: omg my granddaughter is adorable

————

Elizabeth: Mama where do babies come from?

Nyx: ... *sweating profusely* uh...

Nyx: *throws smoke bomb* dISTRACTION—

————

Elijah: *hears loud sobbing*

Elijah: *opens the door to room*

Elijah: hello—

Lily: HE WAS TOO YOUNG TO DIE

Elijah: who again?

Lily: Chuck. N e w t .

Elijah: *tearing up* s-stop bringing this up

Lily: ITS OKAY TO CRY BRO

*loud sobbing from upstairs*

(Meanwhile Downstairs)

Jason: *slightly worried* are they okay???

Piper: *sips from coffee* this is completely normal. Stop worrying Sparky. It will pass with time

(Years later the same thing happens over different fandoms*

Jason: HOW LONG ARE WE GOING TO WAIT

————

(Teen years)

Nyx: please don't jump into the lava

Elizabeth: *gives her the finger and jumps in*

Nearby monster: no way she'll survive that

Elizabeth: *survives just to spite them*

————

Percy: so how about we go pick up some blue cupcakes—

Alice: I don't like blue

Percy:

Percy: weLL I GUESS ILL EAT THEM BY MYSELF *is hurt* *small manly tear*

Magnus: *hands her a bag of candy* I have never been so proud to call you my niece

Alice: *serious nod* pleasure doing business with you

————

(If Annabeth didn't find out her cousin was still around 'til later)

Alice: so this is Uncle Magnus's gravestone?

Annabeth: yeah

Alice: it's so wrong. It's such a boring shape. It isn't even coated in blood and glitter *teary gaze*

Annabeth: he will be missed—

Magnus: IM BACK FROM THE DEAD HI HOW IS LIFE—???

————

Calypso: *gardening with music playing*

Esper: DAD WHERE DID LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE ORIGINATE

Leo: YOU ARE FOUR WHY DO YOU CARE???

Leo: I can't  d e a l  with this—CALY HELP

Calypso: *turns up music and continues gardening*

————

Alice: *with teenage rebellion* GO TO TARTARUS

Annabeth: BEEN THERE, DONE THAT