Me: *steps out onto porch*

Mom: oh it's such a sunny day out here *breaths in air loudly*

Me: it burns like flames of hell

Mom: shhh Ava enjoy the beautiful day

Me: our dog is literally mauling a squirrel over there.

Mom: come on lets go for a walk

Me: y tho

Mom: because

Me: but we don't need to, how in hell does this benefit me or you at all???

Monster: *appears* OH MY GOD AVA YOU CANT JUST ASK PEOPLE WHY A WALK BENEFITS ANYONE

Me: wtf

Monster: *eyes cross* I can see into my brain...

Me: oh shit really lemme try--

Monster: STFU I AM HERE TO KILL U

Me: y

Monster: bc

Me: k

Me: *sprints away* mom y u no save meh????!!!

Mom: eh *leaves*

Monster: *tries to follow but trips bc they r wearing sparkly pink high-heels*

Satyr: *materializes out of thin air and hits monster on the head with a telescope* juSTICE BITCH

Me: *munches loudly on imaginary popcorn as monster dies after many seconds of agony and severe brain-damage*

Monster: *explodes into dust and confetti*

Satyr: dank u for ur cooperation

Me: who r u

Satyr: I'm Theodore

Me: k where we goin Theo

Theo: to a mystical place full of half-god children and unicorns *sparkle eyes*

Me: sounds legit

------------

Theo: k we here

Me: uhm it's a strawberry field. Do I look like I came here for berries? *is unamused*

Theo: it's magic

Me: can you magically cut the grass? It's too long to see over it you ass

Theo: JFC IDC IF UR SHORT

Me: *glARE*

Theo: *girly screech* *faints*

Me: *enters camp*

-----------

Me: hey Chiron

Chiron: yes?

Me: MY LITTLE PONY--

Chiron: OH MY GOD WHY

---------------

Camper: I dare you to climb the Lava wall

Me: unless I get to push someone into the lava I don't see how that could be fun

-----------

Will: she's even worse at archery than I am

Nico: how ur the most horrible tho

Me: *misses target completely*

Will: this is hopeless

Me: what? I hit one of those snobby Ares kids. I call that an accidental win

Nico: *whispers* accidents don't happen accidentally

Me: exactly Nico. Exactly

Will: uh *tapes picture of Octavian on target*

Me: *gets a bullseye*

Will: good job!

Me: I only wish he was really here

Nico: ...really...?

Me: so I could watch him bleed out on the ground myself

-------------

Percy: *whines* I'm hungry

Alice: hi hungry, I'm daughter

Me:

Annabeth:

World:

Percy: *open-mouthed stare*

Me: oh how the tables have turned