monday, november 24th

At least the weather today was a bit more appropriate for the occasion. Gray skies indecisive of rain, moody and hanging low over the earth, turning everything cold and windy and dismal. It was absolutely freezing, too; one of those days where your breath lingers in the air and your nose and cheeks turn rosy if you're outside for too long. Winter seemed to be slowly creeping up on us, teasing us with frigorific air and skies spewing wind, but there wasn't the promise of any snow, which kind of sucked. The snow was pretty much the only thing people liked about winter.

There will be no crying today, I told myself firmly, shifting uncomfortably in the same itchy dress as yesterday, the same seat as yesterday in the same church. Only it was a different body in the coffin. And there were people added to the crowd of mourners who had come to say goodbye, minus some others. Devan was on the school's basketball team, and I could see his jersey sitting sadly on a chair near the casket. The whole basketball team was there to grieve. It occurred to me that we were all skipping school. I figured it was probably okay, given the circumstances. I looked over at the group of boys, all gathered in one pew. Many had their heads bowed. Some were even crying.

I knew I should be crying too. But I'd done enough crying over the past few weeks. I felt abysmally weak during that time, a flimsy tower that would collapse at the slightest breeze, kept having to be rebuilt, only to be knocked over again. I was done. My eyes were dry. My expression was stone.

I felt guilty, though. I'd cried at Faye's funeral. Her death hit me hard. I felt like a mean person by saying that I guess the pain from Devan's death was less than Faye's. That sounded horribly twisted and heartless, I know. But Faye was my best friend; we'd known each other for a lot longer, and it's not like Devan and I were anything special, really. He was my first boyfriend. We weren't soulmates. But we were good friends.

So instead of crying, I tried to focus on the priest's words, how Devan was a kind soul and would be missed greatly by his family, friends, teammates... I couldn't help it. I zoned out again, back to the day we first started dating. Compared to the love stories you see on TV or read about in a book, the start of our relationship was particularly unremarkable. It was near the end of freshman year and I was still a bashful ninth-grader, still holding on to middle school residue.

He'd been in my World History class, and he sat in front of me for most of the year. I didn't really know him all that well, but I learned a lot about him by the way he tapped his pencil on the desk, how he ran his fingers through his disheveled auburn hair. He'd said hi to me once or twice, given me smiles of acknowledgment in the halls, nothing special. He and Faye were friends, though, and she'd thought he liked me. I obviously dismissed this; he was a popular basketball player and I was just the sarcastic irrelevant kid who sat in the back of the class. It wouldn't work, not even in a movie. That's why Devan caught me by surprise at the end of class, asking me if I wanted to go for lunch after school. He was cute and seemed nice, that was all. I said yes.

Now it was months later, and I was sitting here, miserable, while his parents and close friends were giving eulogies, sharing funny moments with him that I'd never even heard of. Maybe if we'd met earlier, we would've had more time to know each other better. Our time together was so short.

And then people were rising out of their seats again. The same thing happened like yesterday. I'm sorry for your loss. He was such a great kid. Muffled sobs drowned out by the comforting words of the people around them.

"London?" I swiveled around to meet the gaze of Kyle, Devan's brother. I'd known him, but only barely, from times when I was at Devan's house and he would give me a quick wave then proceed out the door to the mall or something. His appearance mirrored Devan's in the way that they were both tall but kept their heads low as if they didn't want to be noticed, gazes wary and cautious. His hair was a lighter ginger shade than Devan's, though, and his eyes were green instead of brown. But the resemblance was there. I could see Devan through the way Kyle walked, the way he bit his upper lip, how his eyes darted to each side before landing on me.

"Hey," he began, with a despondent look in his eyes. "I just wanted to say that Devan's death was hard on all of us. He was great. He really was. He talked about you all the time, you know. He really liked you." At this, I could see his eyes squinting a bit, tears at the corners of his eyes. My heart sank down to my toes, seeing Kyle close to tears at his brother's death. It encouraged a sob to travel up my throat, but then I reminded myself No Crying, and it lodged itself there. I would not succumb to the grief. I would not. I bit my tongue.

After a few seconds of painful silence, Kyle wiped at his eyes and ran his fingers through his hair, composing himself. Devan. "Also," he said after this was done, leaned in a bit and set his gaze on something beyond my shoulder, "there's someone...waiting...outside. I think he mentioned your name."

I could feel my gaze darken. "Oh," I said simply, fearing who it was. "Thanks for letting me know, Kyle. I'll go...see...who it is, I guess..." I spun around, the uncomfortable kitten heels I was forced to wear clacking on the polished stone floor.

"Okay." I could hear his voice from behind me. "You don't want me to come with you in case he's a creep or something?"

"I'm fine, but thanks," I replied brusquely, halfway out the door.

The artificial lawn at the front of the church was littered with a sea of bodies wrapped in black, piling into cars or giving hugs, Devan's mom receiving several platters of lasagna. However, as I swept the area with my glance a second time, I noticed a familiar-looking head of brown curls sitting atop the stone wall lining the perimeter of the church. Yeah, it was him. Without hesitation, I stalked over to where Arrow Fischer sat, legs dangling over the edge of the wall.

He looked annoyingly comfortable, as always. It was below freezing, but he didn't even look cold in loose-fitting jeans and a short-sleeved polo shirt that exposed his muscular arms and wrapped tightly around his middle. Something stirred in the depths of my stomach. I pushed it away.

"What are you doing here?" I hissed. It probably came out harsher than intended, but maybe it was good to try to make him feel intimidated.

Head turned, he gazed down at me with a blank look. A bag of birdseed lay in his lap. "I'm just feeding the sparrows...why?"

Was he serious right now? Was he really going to pretend that he wasn't here for a particular reason?

"By a church?" I said, my voice tipped with disbelief.

"Why not?"

"Where a funeral was obviously taking place?" I was struggling to hold onto my temper, but my voice rose in spite of it.

"I didn't know that," he commented with utter nonchalance. A few small, brown-winged birds hobbled over to him and he tossed birdseed on the ground, avoiding my gaze.

"You knew I was here, though." A bird hopped over next to where he was sitting on the stone, and he held out his arm for it to step onto. It complied.

"Maybe," he said, his voice incredibly monotone, hinting no emotion whatsoever. He wasn't even going to hide it?

"Arrow, let's stop playing games," I said, grinding my teeth. "What is your true intention of being here?"

His gaze flickered upon me for a moment before resting back onto the sparrow perched on his forearm. "I told you. I'm feeding the birds. Winter is approaching steadily, you know, which means it's become more difficult for them to find sources of food. I would never want these little sparrows to starve—"

"Kyle said he heard you say my name. He thought you were looking for me."

"Okay." More bird seed fell. Arrow didn't meet my gaze.

"'Okay'?" My voice rose now. "Okay? Are you serious? Cut the crap, Arrow Fischer," I sneered, pacing around his spot on the cobblestone wall, "You don't respond 'okay' to that kind of question. And you also don't sit outside a funeral just 'feeding the birds', saying my name, being low-key stalkerish. Okay?" I mocked.

His brow furrowed, his lips falling into a frown. "You're startling the birds."

I groaned outwardly, biting my lip to keep from full-out screaming. Oh my god, what was with this guy? What was his game? Was he trying to taunt me or something?

I sucked in a breath and faced him square on. "Okay," I started, smiling to compose myself. "I don't know who the hell you are, but I know you're not who you say you are. You're creepy, okay? I don't want anything to do with you, Arrow Fischer. Just...please stay out of my life." I folded my arms over my chest and exhaled a puff of visible breath, waiting for his response.

He shrugged. He just shrugged. Didn't say anything. Not even "okay". Just shrugged and went back to sprinkling birdseed on the sidewalk for the birds, the tiny brown sparrow still perched on his arm.

He didn't even so much glance at me as I turned away from him and walked back to my parents' car, each of my steps pounding at the ground, frustrated at his antics.

I'd told him to stay out of my life. But I wasn't done with him. He wasn't who he claimed to be, I was sure of that. There was definitely something he was hiding. I was going to figure out who he really was, what he was up to, why he was seeking me out.

I was on the other side of the street now, the air calm with not even the slightest flutter of wind. I snuck a glance at him, only to find him still perched atop the cobblestone wall, birdseed raining down onto the sidewalk where a crowd of sparrows had gathered. His gaze was focused on the birds.

I narrowed my eyes. He looked up at me, and a cold, wet snowflake landed on my nose as the storm began. 

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Hey guys! I know I haven't updated in a while; I was writing this chapter plus the next two, and published all 3 at once.

Did you like this chapter? Was Arrow really there to 'feed the birds'? Is something starting???

Remember to vote on this chapter if you liked it!

XOXO ~brooklynrose~