☽ ▬▬ ika'y mamahalin, kahit di mo na
iibig ang  aking damdamin ▪ i'll still love
you, even if you don't return my feelings. 

Runa woke in a cold room, with a needle stuck into the back of her palm and her head pounding. it was way too cold for her comfort. What had happened again?

Oh God. They were on their way to the airport, and then an accident happened on the road. Runa couldn't remember anything else.

There was a trash can at the foot of her bed. Runa's head spun at the amount of red she saw, soaking the tissues. And then she remembered how she never got rid of her nosebleeds and relaxed. But still, that looked like more than she had ever bled before.

Out of the bathroom came Lina, her older sister. She almost jumped at the sight of her. The ends of her blouse sleeves were wet from her washing her hands. A few cuts had settled onto Lina's cheek from the crash, but otherwise she was fine.

"V, you're awake." She breathed a sigh of relief.

Runa could only nod.

Lina went on about the crash and how their dad was in another room being taken care of, since he had the worst injuries. Lina was the least damaged and Runa had gotten somewhere in the middle, apparently. The cold bit at her skin as Lina's words droned on.

Eventually Runa closed her eyes and let her head rest against the soft pillow under her neck. Lina stopped, but Runa said she was fine.

"You have a visitor, by the way." Lina placed a bottle of water on her sibling's bedside table and put a hand on her shoulder. "Are you sure you'll be alright? I know how excited you were for today."

It was like a jolt of electricity ran through their body. "Maria came? Right after her flight?"

Lina nodded. "She got a phone call and rushed over here with her parents and brother. She seems impatient too, so I was wondering if you'd like me to stay with you two here? I think she's just outside. Waiting for you to wake up."

"Oh. Um...I think I'd like it more if we were alone."

"You sure?"

Runa stared at her. It had been a long time since she had seen genuine concern like that, aside from all the time she had spent with Bailey. But as they connected the dots, the more nervous they got. Did Maria really look that serious? She already communicated rarely, what if she had nothing to say in person?

"Yeah, we'll be okay."

The sun was on its way down. In the short moments of silence in which Lina switched on the lights and took her bag, Runa tried to put their breathing under control. Or more like, tried to breathe at all. They told themself that whatever Maria had to say, it would all end up fine.

As soon as Maria's fingers peeked past the door, Runa sat up straight and was suddenly more self-conscious than she had ever been in her life. Maria looked a little tired, in wrinkled pants and a sweater that had faded words on it, but she was still beautiful. What was Runa in a hospital gown compared to her, with a smile like the morning sun and a presence like your favorite warm drink?

"Hi." Maria's breath shook. "...I see you're doing okay."

Runa nodded, trying not to stare too hard. "I can get up, too." She started to move, but Maria held up her hand.

"No, don't. You need your rest."

"If there's anything you have to say, you should say it now, because I want to tell you things, too."

"You go first."

Runa's heart sank. That didn't sound so good.

"...Are you moving back into your old apartment?"

It was the wrong question, at the wrong time. But that didn't matter; Maria would answer either way.

"No. I'm moving again, actually."

"But you just got here. Why didn't you say anything?"

"I didn't...have time. And I probably never will, so I'm trying to make this quick." Maria shuffled her feet.

"I wanted to say goodbye. It was really sweet that you went to greet me at the airport, it really was. Is, was. But I'll probably never see you or Bailey again, so I just want to say thank you for whatever we had when we were kids."

"What? We can always talk, you know that, it's the 21st century—M, I haven't seen you in person in so long!"

"Okay, but what is there to talk about?"

"I've been trying to communicate with you. The letters, the texts, look, even now I'm talking to you! Right?"

"So?"

That hit Runa like a pile of bricks. So? The word echoed in her head. "What do you mean, so? I'm trying to put back...put...fix..."

"For way too long! Just let it go, Aruna, there's no point anymore."

A beat passed between them. It was as if even Maria herself had to take in what she said. She nervously swept her hair behind her ear, ready to say everything she had to. "There's no point in trying. We've grown too far from each other, okay? You're like a stranger to me."

It was that feeling of acid bubbling up in Runa's throat again. With every word that left Maria's mouth, it was like another spoonful of poison was being fed to her. They just kept coming, and Runa didn't have the courage to stop her.

"So maybe it's better if we say goodbye now and go our separate ways."

"But I like you," Runa said softly. She had no other argument to present. "I really do. Since we were kids. I didn't know it yet, but I do now."

"No, you don't."

"Why are you saying that?"

"Because you don't like me."

Runa didn't like where this was going. First, Maria greeting her by saying goodbye, now she was trying to tell them how to feel? "Yes, I do."

"Well, you shouldn't, because it's wrong. It's not normal."

"It's still emotions. Emotions are normal. I like you and—"

"Stop saying that! You're tricking yourself, Aruna, you just didn't know what to do when I was away so you told yourself that you liked me and I would feel the same. I don't, so stop saying that."

Runa clenched her fists to stop herself from covering her face in shame. God, what was she thinking?

"Bye, V." 

She couldn't see anything with her tears clouding her vision. She could only hear the door close and the sound of Maria's shoes squeaking against the hospital's polished floor. 

Stupid Runa. Very stupid. Maybe Maria was right, maybe they were never close. All that effort for when she'd come back, just for it to be snuffed out like a candle. All the doubts Runa had been pushing away finally got to them, and they were left with regret and nothing else. Maybe a headache that was yet to come, but at the moment it was just Runa and herself. 

Why did she even try? Was she that desperate? Did she cling on too much? No—she set her expectations too high. Too high and too fragile, so when things went horribly wrong there was no more turning back and no way to fix it. 

And Maria was so different—that realization weighed down on Runa like a sack of flour. She didn't want to think about Maria, that would hurt more than what she was already feeling. It was better to forget how she said all of that and just...left.

Tears ran down her face as she cried for who knows how long. Probably not hours, but she cried hard enough for her to feel her own pulse in the needle in her hand once she had calmed down. The sensation of a tiny metal stick in her didn't improve much when the door was pushed open by Bailey, but it was Bailey, so it was okay. 

He was glaring at someone Runa couldn't see, holding an ice pack to his cheek. Upon seeing her, he immediately shoved the ice pack into the front pocket of his hoodie, kicked the door shut and stood at her side, patting her back.

"V. You're still in one piece. Good." 

It was only the sound of Runa's ragged breathing for a while as Bailey hugged her. "I know what happened. I'm sorry she said those things. We can forget about that, she doesn't deserve to have us as friends, right, V?" He asked, placing a hand on her shoulder, putting on a half-smile.

It took a few seconds, but Runa slowly nodded. "Yeah. W-what happened to y-you?" 

Bailey handed her a bottle of water. "Maria went out and said everything you said, her dad called you a slur and I..." he made a whoosh sound and waved his fist in the air. "Bad idea. But it's okay. I'm okay, and you will be, too."

The sunlight was dying now, just the top of it peeking out from the horizon. The city lights were starting to blink awake, and it was almost enough to make Runa forget. Almost.

Letting out a sob, Runa wiped her tears and said to Bailey, "Thanks for putting up with me."

"Anytime. It was nice supporting you through all of this and even nicer to see Maria go. She was hurting you, you know. Lying a few times."

"Yeah, I can see that. Sorry."

"Don't be. You'll be alright without her. Take your time."

★ kee speaks we love being half asleep while publishing. i'll clean this up in the morning ok goodight