( obsidian! )

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BUCKY ONCE FELT LIKE HE WAS DROWING, AN ENDLESS DARKNESS ECLIPSING HIM, SINKING FURTHER AND FURTHER IN THE ICY WATERS EACH DAY. Until a light cut through the darkness, illuminating a hand that reached in and pulled him out. Air rushed his lungs and he could finally breathe again, and it was all because of her.

The first time he met her he was lost. Rain hammered down heavily and cold gripped at him as he carelessly navigated quiet streets. His mind was too scattered to notice her, hurrying to get out of the storm, completely unprepared for it. He remembered offering her his jacket after he crashed into her. It was too big for her, and hung loosely on her shoulders.

She stood there before him with her hair messily clinging to her face, her bright yellow dress soaked, and smiled. Bucky didn't feel lost anymore.

The second time he met her was when she knocked on his apartment door, a tray of cookies in her hand. He let out a sigh of relief, and she raised an eyebrow. Bucky smiled. He didn't think he'd see her again, which was foolish since she was his neighbor after all. But Bucky couldn't keep the doubt out.

Which is why when he did open his door, and there she stood, eyes bright and warm, he found his smile again.

His first date with her made him feel like the boy he left in Brooklyn. At first he was nervous, unsure if she'd meet him.

He had stood there, under the dim streetlight and tried to compose himself. Anxiously he twirled the gift he had got her. He had chosen to wrap the simple necklace which was nestled in a pale white box in the brightest yellow wrapping paper he could find, not only because it was the color of her dress he could never forget upon first meeting her, but because she seemed to light up everything around her.

So when she did appear beside him, the streetlight seemed to pale in comparison to her. As he took her hand and led her inside the movie theater, Bucky felt all the confidence he lost rush back, and it was a because of her.

When she agreed to move in with him, Bucky had found his home. She had surveyed his apartment and frowned with hands on her hips. Afterwards, she grabbed his hand and ushered him from shop to shop, buying all sorts of home decor.

Bucky didn't care about the items, he was too focused on the way her face lit up when she found something that she knew he'd like, or the way the corner of her eyes creased as she smiled at him.

They had returned just as the sun began to set with arms full of shopping bags. She didn't hesitate on sprucing up his sparse apartment, while he set out on packing up most of her things and carrying the boxes into his place. Once they were done, with her bringing color to his once drab apartment, and him having moved in most of her stuff, they collapsed to the floor, too worn out to move.

As he cradled her sleeping form next to him he decided then that no matter where he went, as long as she was with him, he was home.

Everything was perfect. But Bucky knew it couldn't last forever. At the edge of his mind taunts rang out, and his sleep was marred with nightmares. Every morning, when he woke up and saw her peacefully asleep next to him, he buried the guilt, remorse and fear that kept lingering around him.

He decided that every day he spent with her would be a memory he would never be able to forget, a memory that could never be taken from him. She meant everything to him, and Bucky dreaded the day his happy life with her had to end.

When that day approached, it was much like any other day of his days with her. She was stretched out beside him, quietly reading a book, with her head resting on his lap. After a while she abandoned her book and snuggled closer to him. He ran a hand through her hair, knowing that helped her drift off to sleep.

When the phone rang, she was quietly snoring beside him. He slowly got up, careful not to wake her and answered. Perhaps it was one of their neighbors that they had grown close to, asking if they'd like to come to one of their numerous dinner parties.

But the voice on the other side dictated otherwise. He tried to fight it, but he couldn't. His mission took priority. His mission that led him to her, that gave him the life he loved so much had cruelly taken it all from him.

Bucky wondered what he could have done that might have changed things. If only he had kept her at bay. If only he had never let her into his world. If only he had followed his mission orders and never made her part of his cover. He knew that no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't stay away from her, and now because of him, he was going to break his vows of never letting her get hurt.

When he had ripped open the wooden flooring to retrieve his gun, she had awoken and sleepily made her way to him. Her eyes were wide and full of fear when she saw him. Bucky didn't want her to look him that way.

He fought, fought until it physically pained him, and told her to run, leave and don't turn back. She refused; she didn't want to leave him. He screamed, shouted, and finally begged her to go.

Her eyes were full of tears as she hastily packed her bags. She had stopped at the door, pleading for him to come with her. She didn't care about his past. As much as he wanted to go with her, he knew he couldn't. Just breaking his conditioning enough to spare her was taking a toll on him. He cupped her cheek and kissed her for one last time, promising that he'd find her again one day.

Once she was gone, he waited. Every part of him told him to go after her but he knew if he did, it wouldn't be to run away with her. When he was certain she was long gone, and that he would never be able to find her, he gave in.

Bucky was drowning again, plunged back down into darkness as the Winter Soldier took his place.

note

would you like a second part to this?