( agate )

...

LOKI FELT AT PEACE. It was an uncommon feeling, perhaps the first time feeling it. He was so used to jealousy, to anger, to despair, that peace, of all things, was completely foreign to him. Even as a boy, he was constantly striving to prove himself, to earn his father's love, that he was never really at peace.

Now, however, as he stood in the small kitchen, cutting fruits, preparing the dessert, stirring the pots and checking on the bake, he found it peaceful. The acts he was performing were quite stressful --- he couldn't let the roast burn, or put too much salt in the sauce, nor let the soup overboil --- but he enjoyed it, keeping track of everything in perfect precision.

On Asgard, meals were prepared for him, everything he could possibly want. On Earth, with you, meals were had to be cooked. He never imagined he'd like it so much, but considering how good he was at it, he wasn't surprised. It was almost therapeutic.

"Hey, Y/N said you could use some help?" The boy, Peter was his name, wandered into the kitchen, the oak floorboards creaking beneath his weight. He pulled up his sleeves and placed his hands onto the counter, grinning. "Seems like you're overworked. My aunt, May, says I'm really good at slicing things, I can takeover."

Loki's hand stilled slicing ruby red apples, his disinterested gaze meeting Peter's. "If you wish. Wash your hands first, and be careful."

Peter's hand shot up, giving Loki a quick salute before setting off to his task. It had surprised Loki at how quickly the boy had forgiven him. The others were, for good reason, reluctant and weary to accept Thor's homicidal brother back on Earth. Then came this kid, only a handful of years---or maybe more than that, he didn't really care to understand human ages--- calling him "Mr. Loki" or Sir, being helpful and cracking jokes.

It was the boy and you that broke the team's guard. Coaxing them to accepting him, until soon enough, they were coming over for dinners and lunches at yours and his cottage. Just as they were on this day.

"You've done a great job, everything looks so good!" Peter said, excitement coating his voice as he stared at the already cooked meals, each set out on the counter, artfully presented. "Everyone's been dying to eat, you have no idea how much the aroma is getting to us."

"I can only imagine." And imagine he could, because the last time your team bombarded the home, Clint had snuck into the kitchen on multiple occasions to steal bites, sharing with your dog and cat as he did. "They'll have to wait. Such things can't be rushed."

Loki stretched his neck to the side, peering out the large windows onto the deck that overlooked the lake he loved so much. You were sat with Bruce, talking and laughing as Steve and Sam told a story to Clint, Bucky leaning back and listening quietly, nudging Natasha each time he was told of doing something grand, and her rolling her eyes, a small smirk on her painted lips. The sun was setting, casting everyone in a warm glow, and for a brief second, it looked as if the image in front of his eyes was a painting from a story with only the happiest ending possible.

It shocked him that the people who once hated him, and he vice versa, had become almost like a second family to him.

He was so caught up in his thoughts, that he had not heard the strident knocks resounding through the cozy cottage.

"I'll get it!" Peter said, putting down the knife and turning to walk towards the front door. But Tony was already standing, wine glass in hand. He took a sip, hand halting Peter, before striding towards the door. "Thanks, Mr. Stark!"

The large hound that had been sleeping on the kitchen floor, big brown eyes lusting after the food, stood up and trotted after. Loki heard a bark, and a deep voice cooing at the mutt.

"Do not give him attention! He is on a time out for stealing a whole roasted chicken!" Loki called over his shoulder, still seething at the loss.

Thor walked in, holding the dog as one would a fragile baby, carefully supporting it, grinning. "He's so cute. Aren't you? Yes! Did you miss uncle Thor?"

"Get him out of here, his fur will fly into the food!"

"Aw c'mon, give the baby a break," Tony called as he sat back down onto the couch, rolling his eyes at Rhodey and smirking. "I can only imagine what he goes through, living with you."

A dark chuckle escaped Loki's lips. If only Stark knew of his suffering. The tortured sleep when the mutt asked to be let out at 4 am, the slobber and fur on his clothes, the shredding of cushions, and worst of all, the seizing of bed space. You encouraged it, calling the mongrel over to sleep beside you, petting its black fur that made it look like a giant storm cloud with four legs.

Although, no one knew it besides you, but as much as Loki pretended to resent the Newfoundland, he would kill for it. Sometimes you had to go away, those days waiting for you and hoping for your safety were haunting. But then came the gentle beast, resting its head on Loki's legs in reassurance, being a protector and a companion. He loved the dog with all his heart.

"Hey, Mr. Thor!" Peter waved his hand, brown eyes lighting up. Loki shot him a glare, the knife was still in the boy's hand, slicing the air; he could get hurt. Peter lowered his hand sheepishly. "Glad you could make it!"

Thor clicked his tongue and shook his head. "Loki, you're making the boy work away while you do nothing? This is child labour."

"Yeah, get back in the kitchen, Loki!" Tony yelled. It seemed the wine was getting to him.

"I am in the kitchen, Stark!"

Thor set the dog down, patted Peter's shoulder and peered at the sliced fruits. "Would have gotten here sooner, but Loki lives in the middle of nowhere. Got lost."

"Wash your hands, please," Loki said, growing agitated, despite being happy to see his brother. He would not risk the sullying of his meals. "And then help, maybe?"

Thor's face contorted upward. "Yeaaaah --- no. Where's my sister-in-law? I've brought her a gift."

Loki cocked his head towards the sliding doors. "Outside."

Thor nodded, gave Peter a thumbs up, and ruffled Tony's hair as he walked towards the doors. A cacophony of voices rose an octave as everyone greeted him, then muted down as he closed the doors behind him once outside.

"Hey, you've seen Wanda and Vision?" Rhodey asked Loki, reclining on the velvet couch.

Peter nodded, his brown locks falling into his eyes. "They went down to the lake."

"Alright." Rhodey stood, and hoisted Tony up with him. "Dinner is basically done, right? I'll go get em. C'mon Tony, let's get you some fresh air."

"Er, careful the drunkard doesn't fall into the lake. I would hate to have him haunt it," Loki snarked, locking eyes with Tony who narrowed his own. Their gazes challenged each other's until Rhodey pulled the smaller man away.

"Hey uh, Mr. Loki, I just want to say thanks, for hosting these dinners." Peter's voice was soft, genuine, and happy. "It really brings us all together, you know?"

Loki did know, that's why he didn't mind the hassle of cleaning up and preparing. "Hmph. Hey, once you're done there, set them up into that tray?"

"Aye, aye, Captain!"

Soon the meals were ready. It would have taken a much shorter time to prepare had it not been for Thor's ravenous appetite, able to consume whole pasta dishes, pies, chickens, and still have room for cheese cake.

Loki called Steve and Bruce over, trusting them the most to help him carry out the meals. Once outside, Clint and Bucky clapped, and Loki scoffed in disgust at how barbaric they were acting for the food, howling and shouting.

You held out a hand towards Loki, calling him over to you. He obliged, the smile slipping onto his face at the sight of you infectious to those around him.

"My love," you murmured, a hand slinking up to his collar, pulling him down for a kiss. "I missed you."

"As have I," he said against your lips. Some of the team groaned in utter nausea, while others, mainly Scott, cooed, deeming you and Loki cute. "They're most annoying, aren't they?"

You chuckled, eyes full of appreciation. "Yeah, they really are."

"Hey, can we eat now?"

"You're doing this? In front of my chicken?"

"Disgusting."

With a flourish, Loki extended his hand to the grand table, the plethora of foods on it dazzling and enticing. "Dig in."

Your cat jumped off your lap and with a content pur, rubbed its side to Loki's legs, before ducking under the table to sit at Thor's legs, ready to swipe at fallen food.

Loki took a seat beside you and let out a sigh of relief. Mission accomplished.

***

The sky had turned a deep blue, brimming with countless stars that sparkled above everyone, and shining on the dark waters of the lake, that had fireflies floating across it like lanterns.

The plates from dinner had been cleared, and instead dessert had been brought out with more drinks. Mostly everyone was intoxicated, and it showed in the frequency and pitch of their laughter.

Peter was sipping freshly squeezed apple juice, smiling so much that Loki was sure the boy would hurt himself, and listening to Bruunhilde's tales of space. She had arrived late, with more alcohol, as if they didn't already have so much. Scott and Sam were taken aback by the Valkyrie, engrossed too in her tales.

Clint and Natasha were cuddling the pets. The the mutt sat by Clint's side as he stroked its head, and the cat on the Widow's lap, stomach stuffed, purring happily. The conversation between the spies was silent, but Loki was certain they were discussing the team, because every few seconds they would glance at everyone, a cherished smile on their faces.

The rest of the team were talking thunderously, slapping the table in laughter and jostling their drinks.

Music---some old love song Steve had put on--- was playing faintly. You and Loki were slowly dancing to it, your head resting on his chest, arms wrapped around him tightly. Wanda and The Vision had joined too, but quite some ways away from you and him, so it truly felt that even though friends and family were surrounding the two of you, a private and special moment was still shared.

"I love you, you know that right?" Loki asked, bending down to kiss the top of your head. "More than anything."

You sighed happily, humming in agreement against his chest. "And I love you, more than all the stars in the whole universe."

***

"Loki, it's time."

Loki looked up, scanning the deck of friends to see who spoke the words. No one was paying him and you any attention, too engrossed in whatever new topic had come up.

"I'm sorry, but you must leave."

It was a woman's voice. Older than him. He recognized it, there was a familiarity to him. It reminded him of a home long gone.

"Are you hearing that?" Loki asked you, still slowly dancing to the music with you in his arms. "Someone calling me?"

"No, I didn't hear anything but Thor's really, really, loud laughter."

For a moment Loki was tempted of silencing his brother so that he could hear better, but when the voice spoke again, it was clear, and louder than anyone's voice in his presence.

"My sweet boy, I hate to tear you away from what could have been, but I can't leave you, at risk of losing you forver."

Then, suddenly, Loki was pulled back, and the deck, the cottage, the lake, and worst of all, you, were left behind. A blur of images flew passed his eyes as his hands shot out towards you, but it was too late.

Frigga stood above her son, a golden crystal with runes carved into it in her hands. Her eyes were downcast, her lips pulled down. "I am sorry."

"What have you done?" Loki struggled to stand, and when he did, his hand shot for the rune, but his mother held it back. "You took everything away from me."

Frigga closed her eyes, a sullen sigh escaping her lips as she tried to compose her fractured heart. "These runes only show you what could have been, Loki. If I had left you in that false world, you would have went mad."

"Then madness is what I shall be, if it means a few more moments with her."

Frigga shook her head, her heavy golden robes bristling slightly. "Asgard will be reborn, and so will we. If you cling to a life that never was, you will enter the next life bitter and broken, my son." She held her hand up to his cheek and swiped at the lone tear. "You will not remember her, only feel an unbearable heartache and not understand why. I am protecting you from that."

Loki's heart was already hurting, and he knew that whatever life he would be born into, it would always yearn for you. "Can't we open the gates to her, so that when she passes on, she can come here?"

"No, my son," Frigga whispered, her voice cracking. She hated to see him so broken. As a mother, she wanted nothing more than to have her sons be happy. "The halls of Valhalla will only accept us, for we bare roles destined to be repeated."

Loki's lower lip trembled, his mouth slightly open. The whites of his eyes had turned a dull red as he fought tears. He had found peace, and he had lost it.

"But, maybe, in another life, your soul may meet hers again," Frigga reassured and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"She would not remember me, would she?"

"No, she would not."

Loki promised then, that in every life he lived, he would seek you out, and he would fall in love with you all over again.

author's note
this made me SO SAD WTF. I'M SORRY.