5/11/2021

It's still morning right now and I'm already having a terrible day. My friend and I were supposed to hang out at 10 AM, and I wanted to see her new puppy and she wanted to see a ginger and white tabby cat I found in my neighborhood. However, when we were just about to go out and meet, my mom called me and told me I had to cancel it because the AIR WAS BAD. I was sad, but we can always hang out later, right? So I apologized to her and told her I'm so disappointed and sad. And she was, too, of course. But she kept saying irritatedly to me why I had to tell her this late, telling me she's got her mask on and kept saying frustrating things. What? I didn't know till then, too! How am I getting all the anger and frustration? AND SHE WAS LIKE THAT FOR A WHOLE 20 MINUTES. And I know she was watching youtube because she said all her things and and didn't reply when I asked her somethings and blah blah blah. Oh sugar honey iced tea. 

So sorry for letting me let out all my feelings. I'm just...so confused. Am I the bad person? Am I just being sensitive because I'm in puberty? Or am I supposed to end my friendship with her because she's being rude? I've been confused for a too-long time. And I just don't know what to do, and I can't keep it inside me. I'm worried if I pour it out to her, our friendship will end, and...she's the closest friend I've got from just a few of my irl friends. I just don't know what to do. And I need help.

Sorry. I wanted the next entry to be a better one, and when I wanted to write one, it just had to be the worst one ever.