"No matter how hard I try, I can never forget my past, for it has left a deep scar on my mind, body and soul."

Severe headache. Muscle pain. Tiredness. That was an understatement to what Atharva was feeling right now. Grunting words that sounded gibberish to his ears, he opened his eyes and shut them instantly when the bright light of the sun blinded him.

Wasn't everything enough for him already that the sun also decided to be a botheration?

He glanced at the table clock beside his bed which read 7:30 A.M. He slowly got up and made his way to the kitchen, his body swaying back and forth. 

Pouring a glass of water, he gulped it down in one go. The drunkenness washed away, and he felt much better. That's when it dawned upon him he was alone in the house.

Aahana should have been in the kitchen by now, making breakfast for them. But she wasn't home, and there was no way she went to the office this early. Then, there it was again, the hollowness, not only in the house but also inside him. The inexplicable feeling gnawed him like never before.

No, he did not miss Aahana. 

But he would admit, the silence felt strange.

Where did she go? 

Frowning, Atharva shook his head. Why did he care? He shouldn't. At least, not after what she asked him yesterday. His jaw ticked, and his hold around the glass tightened when her exact words echoed in his mind. 

"Are you gay?"

He didn't get why people mistook him for gay. First media, then his father and now, his wife.

A rush of irritation burst through him. He tried to block her voice, but all his efforts were in vain. He could see her. The way her eyes bore into him as her mouth moved to ask him the question he despised, to the extent he had to get drunk to take his mind off it. 

Yesterday had been one of those days. 

After his exhausting trip and meeting, he had driven back home from the airport, wanting to sleep before going to work. But his darling wife had some other plan. It was midnight, and he had just stepped out of the washroom when there was a knock on his bedroom door. He had pulled it open to reveal his wife who had bluntly asked, "Are you gay?"

He had stood frozen in stunned silence, simply staring at her chin with an empty expression before slamming the door shut on her face.

Rude much? Yes. 

Did he care? No.

With an exasperated sigh, he ran his fingers through his hair and walked back to his room for a much-needed shower. He changed into his usual black suit and then drove to Saxena Enterprises. On the way, he couldn't help but think if Aahana felt ashamed of her ridiculousness and decided to hide.

That would be nice. Not seeing her.

He strode through the door and paused, noticing Aahana and Maria conversing in the lobby.

So much for not seeing her, huh?

Their body language looked tensed and alert, which made him shuffle towards them cautiously. He could tell they were hiding something from him.

His eyes narrowed. "What's going on?" 

They jumped and whirled around to face him.

"Well?"

Maria opened and closed her mouth like a fish, but no words came out. Thankfully, Aahana came to her rescue. "Good morning!" she said in a way too chirpy voice. 

"Yes, right! Good morning, Atharva." Maria gave a nervous laugh and immediately turned away, busying herself with her work.

"Are you okay, Maria?" he asked. 

"Why would you—Oh! I have to answer this, excuse me." She was grateful for the call. She didn't know if she would be able to forgive herself if she lied to Atharva. 

Atharva shrugged off and walked to the private elevator, ignoring Aahana who trailed behind him. She pressed the button and smiled at him once it started to move. His hands balled into fists, and he took a deep breath. "What?" 

"I find it funny when you look at my chin and not into my eyes. Afraid you'll fall in love?" She appeared totally unabashed despite her outlandish question. His irritation flared again, overshadowing his discomfort her presence brought.

The ping went off and he stepped out, freezing on the spot. Pranav wasn't alone anymore. Beside him, there was another desk and chair where a female sat, her face buried in some file.

His heart pounded at an erratic rate.

"Good morning, sir and ma'am," They both greeted in unison. He ignored them and hurried to his cabin. 

"What the hell are you trying to do?" Atharva hissed, glaring coldly at the wall behind Aahana once they were inside, alone.

"What do you mean?" She blinked at him. Her face screamed pure innocence, but Atharva wasn't going to be fooled. 

His temper rose. "Do not play with me. Fire her right now."

"Actually, we have signed a contract. If I fire her, she can take legal action against our company and sue us. That won't be good for our reputation, you know?" He didn't have to look at her to know she was smirking triumphantly.

Atharva was tongue-tied. The company mattered a lot to him, so heaving a resigned sigh, he slumped on the chair and powered on his laptop. 

"Oh!" Aahana grinned as if remembering something. "She is not the only one I hired. I'll have all of them meet you in 10 minutes." She felt satisfied when his eyebrows shot up and a livid expression crossed his features. She wanted him to react, and so far, her plan was working. Now she would be able to discover his truth. 

"Some other time. I'm busy today," he dismissed but Aahana wasn't going to give up so easily, after all, it had taken her three days to select the eligible candidates. 

"C'mon! You're the CEO, Atharva. You can't avoid your employees. They would want to meet you. Sooner the better, right?"

He didn't respond.

There was a knock ten minutes later. Pranav came in to inform about the employees waiting for him outside. He nodded and glanced at Aahana from the corner of his eyes. From the teasing smile on her face, he could tell she was enjoying this a lot.

His hatred for women intensified tenfold. 

Fear nothing. Be strong.

He straightened his tie and walked out, Aahana following behind him closely. His eyes widened the moment he saw the number of female candidates standing in front of him. 

"Good morning, sir!" They all smiled in his direction, excitement and nervousness seeping out of their words. His demeanour tensed, and his throat went dry as his gaze swept all over them. 

So much chaos.

He gulped and stiffly nodded. "Back to work!"

Before anyone could utter a word, he turned around and waltzed back inside.

"That was rude," Aahana remarked with a scowl.

"Leave me alone." 

"Huh?"

"Please."

Aahana stared at him. Her lips parted but no sound came out. She felt guilty and awful seeing the impact it had on him, and she was sure he was gay.

"Tell me, please. Ar-Are you gay?" The previous time she'd asked, he'd shut the door on her face. This time he was going to throw her out of his cabin, she just knew it.

His face hardened. 

"Sorry—" Aahana took a step back.

"No." 

"What?"

"I'm not gay," he answered indignantly, his voice sharp. "Now get out of my sight."

Nodding, she left.

Atharva's phone buzzed, and he glanced down at it to see a reminder he'd set long ago.

Meet Dr. PK Gupta at 4:00 PM.

He grimaced. His mood couldn't get any sourer than it already was.

Grabbing his car keys, he took off to the place he'd started visiting since he turned nineteen. It had become impossible to handle himself. He wasn't able to manage anything, which left him no choice but to find a good doctor to stabilize him. He wouldn't say everything turned out to be perfectly fine after that, but he learnt enough to deal with life on his own. And with every passing year, he was doing much better. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that he wasn't seeing her anymore or whatever, but he was glad he was making progress in his life. 

Stopping the car in the parking lot, he locked it and looked around to see if the paparazzi had followed him. Only once he'd been caught entering the building which was years before. He had heard the repeated 'click' of the camera and threatened the journalist to delete the pictures right there. He didn't know what he would do if the world got to know about his problem. His picture-perfect profile would be shattered. 

He strode down the narrow path, slowing when his eyes fell on the one storey building. The plaster had chipped off from the walls, revealing smudges of grey. He took a deep breath and slid the glass door open.

Nothing had changed. The walls were the same blue it had been, several frames of strangers smiling still hung on the wall. The idea was to uplift the mood by seeing others smile but it didn't help. It was a constant reminder of how pathetic his life was. In the centre, there was an old oak desk and a chair where the person he wasn't looking forward to meeting sat.

Dr. Gupta was already studying Atharva from underneath his round specs that were perched on his nose. He was in his late 40s, and the stress of his work was clearly visible on his face; wrinkles and dark bags around his eyes.

He gave a small smile and gestured for Atharva to sit. "Hello, Atharva. How have you been?" 

"Good."

"Any more nightmares after your last session?" 

"No."

"Again with one-word answers, I see. Don't tell me you didn't miss coming here." 

Atharva threw him a bored look, trying his best to hide the sense of gratitude he felt for the wonderful doctor. "Can I leave?"

"At least let me congratulate you on your wedding."

"How'd you know?"

"News spreads like fire when the hot bachelor ties the knot." He chuckled, recalling the news headline. "Tell me about your wife."

"What do you want to hear?" Atharva asked reluctantly.

"Anything." His smile widened, and Atharva shifted uncomfortably in his chair.

"She stays at my house. Goes to my office. Works in my cabin."

Dr. Gupta took off his specs and placed it on the table. "You speak like she is a temporary part of your life."

"She is. She won't have to tolerate me for very long."

"How do you feel when she is near you?" 

"I don't know." Atharva thought for a while. "I am able to handle myself without losing control." 

"Good thing. Panic attacks?" 

"A few times." 

"Hmm...Have you tried anything which can distract you?" 

"Work." 

He sighed. "What else? How about meditation?"

"I don't have time." Atharva scoffed.

"Ok. Anything you want to share?" 

"Uh...It's just...once I woke up, and she was standing very close to me. We made eye contact, but I didn't get a panic attack." 

His lips twitched, mirth dancing in his eyes before he pulled on a mask of sheer calmness and asked, "Have you thought of confiding in her?" 

Atharva went pale, his posture turning rigid as a statue. "N-No." 

"Never?" 

"No," he said, his voice coming out harsher than he intended. He pushed himself up from the chair, and without a second glance, he walked out into the fresh air, away from the suffocating session.

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