(contains spoilers for Jane Austen's Sense and Sensibility, skim those parts if you wish to avoid <3)

The resident iguana's UV light clicked on at nine o'clock on the dot (at least, according to the analog clock on the microwave). Too-bright woke me up and from there it was all downhill, with the scorching hot light raising the temperature of the room by fifteen degrees within minutes and the scratching of reptile feet on foliage rattling my unwilling eardrums. I wasn't going to be getting any more sleep. I checked my phone.

Dead. Of course.

I hadn't heard Sam leave the apartment for work that morning, but she must've. Her car-keys were gone from their designated spot: the goldfish bowl on a shelf by the door, filled with tiny, plastic babies. Their little eyes and mouths were smudged.

I settled into the idea of spending most of the day entertaining myself. Ungluing my body from the faux leather futon and stretching into an impressive 'yawn', I padded my bare feet into the potted-plant-filled kitchen, where I found a note written in Sharpie on strawberry-scented paper. It was a blast to the olfactory senses and I teared up.

Thanks for clearing my sinuses, Sam.

It said:

Good Morning!

    I tried to wake you before I left but you begged me to let you go back to sleep.

I did?

Anyways, I'm off to work and should be back shortly after five. Help yourself to anything that you find to eat or entertain yourself. Just no barking.

My apartment doesn't allow dogs,

Sam

    P.S. I won't make you ask. You can stay longer if you want. <3 We'll go pick up more of your stuff when I get home.

Lowering the letter back to the table, I grinned.

Without a charged phone to stress me out with the inevitable text messages from Pearl, Dean, and who knows, maybe even Perry, I was having an incredibly peaceful morning. There was certainly a charger in Sam's bedroom, but I didn't use it. I was back in my thrifted hoodie and a pair of white biker's shorts, cuddled up on the futon with a book that I'd dusted off the shelf: Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen.

I'd chosen it, curious after Benji had mentioned her name in reference to me and Nate. 'Jane Austen' I'd heard of, but gun-to-my head I couldn't've told you a single novel of hers before that day. The title 'Sense and Sensibility' sounded lame, and when I picked it up, I expected to quickly set it back down, but that wasn't what happened.

I didn't stop reading for the next seven hours. With the exception of the hour I took for a quick piss/shit/shower and a snack break, it completely consumed my day.

When was the last time that I read a whole book in virtually one sitting?

Despite the writing being a little dated and confusing, by my limited tastes, the story of Elinor (sense) and Marianne Dashwood (sensibility) was gripping. Elinor was reasonable, rational in her thinking and decisions, despite how she felt.  

Marianne was the opposite. 

I think that they both live inside of me. My heart and my head. 

Marianne and I both fell hopelessly in love with John Willoughby, the handsome eligible bachelor, at first sight just like-

    I don't love Nate.

-but when Willoughby found out that he knocked up another girl, he ended his relationship with her, sending us both into a gaping pit of despair. Her immune system failed from it all and she almost died.

    No, thank you!

    In the end, when Marianne married the older and wealthier Colonel Brandon (it was similar to my mom's style, she practically invented grave robbing), twenty years her senior but kind, I was happy for her. And I understood her. 

    If I don't stay away from Nate, I'll die.

    Okay maybe that's a bit much...

    Sam got home a little later than I'd expected her to, but I chalked it up to traffic.

    "Sam, I read a whole, entire book today!" I cheered from my futon when I heard the front door open.

    "Oh, yeah?" She replied, a touch of her regular enthusiasm gone. I heard her keys fall back into the baby bowl.

    I don't think I want to know what a bad day at a vet's office is like...

    Wait, what the fuck is wrong with me?

    "Everything okay?" I asked, shooing the guilt in my stomach.

    "Yeah, just a long day," she replied, sighing and remaining where she stood, just inside the door.

    "Wanna talk about it?" I asked and Sam began to fidget. My eyes were watching as she crossed into the living room, picking at a fiber on her teal scrubs. I eyed her carefully and it hurt, but I wanted for it to be nothing.  

    "That's alright," she replied. And I wanted to let it go.

    "Okay, well uh..." I wasn't sure what to say. The fun whimsical attitude that I had grown used to had faded and I felt uncomfortable, realizing that maybe I didn't know this girl as well as I thought that I did. After all, I'd only known her for a few days, despite it feeling like much longer. Something just felt... off.

    "I'm sorry. It's... uh, Monday. Lots of Euthanasias on Mondays." Her sad eyes met mine.

    Well, now I feel like an asshole.

    "Anything I can do?" And Sam broke into a laugh.

    "Honestly, I want to smoke, but I need to drive us to go get more of your stuff- not that I mind, because I don't. I promise," she insisted, waving her hands loosely in front of her. Her laugh didn't sound humorous, but she seemed to be feeling a little better after.

    Impending smoke sessions will do that to you.

    At the thought, I felt a tightness in my chest, sinking in and calling me out to the porch, but I pushed it away for my friend's sake. It felt... strange.

    "If you want, I can drive. I haven't had anything yet today," I offered. It was not lost on me that this was the first time in at least a year that I wasn't high by six o'clock, but it hadn't been intentional. I just wanted to know how the story ended. 

    "June, that would honestly be amazing. I'll still come along, though! We can pick up a pizza? On me?"

    The eyelinered girl in stinky-animal scrubs had her smile back as she scurried off to smoke and change into pajamas. The ceramic beads in her hair bounced. 

    I didn't let her pay for the pizza, but we did get it, and we sat in the parking lot, gorging ourselves as I dreaded what awaited me at the rental. 

    What if Pearl wants to talk to me? Or yell at me?

    What if she doesn't?

    I spilled some garlic-butter sauce onto my thigh as I attempted to pry it open with my teeth.

    "Ugh!" I groaned, and when my body jumped with speech, the puddle of butter zipped up my thigh and into my crotch. My biker shorts were white.

Not many people can say that they've wiped garlic butter out of their vagina in a Papa John's parking lot, but I can. I used those crunchy brown napkins that aren't even gentle on your mouth.

    I will win every game of 'two truths and a lie' for the rest of my life...

    Sam was having a blast, and even at the time I had to admit that it was kind of funny. I was about to go potentially confront my life-long best friend and I looked like I'd pissed myself before I even got there! Every caricature of me for the next hundred years will have a pee stain. 

Kinda iconic.

    The barrage of insults from Sam, 'pissbaby', 'pissgirl', 'little diaper baby', just to name a few, somehow had kept me from crying rather than making me cry. Instead of being gentler on me, she was tougher. It was counterintuitive.

    "Real mature. Real mature," I said slowly, but I was smiling as I tossed my butter-soaked napkins into a loose plastic bag to throw away later.

    After a few moments of quiet eating, Sam spoke with her mouth full of mushroom pizza. I cringed.

    "Could I play some music?"

    "Oh! Uh, sure. Um, " I stuttered, disconnecting my finally charging phone from the aux. I hadn't looked at it and I didn't as I tucked it into my sports bra. 

    "You like some classic rock, so you're already half-way there," Sam said cryptically as she scrolled through Spotify on her phone, setting her paper-plated pizza slice on her lap for the time being. I leaned my head back as I chewed, waiting for the heavy metal to begin. For Sam, I'd tolerate it. 

    In its place, the bass-heavy speaker system of Sam's car played a staticky folk song. She turned the knob all the way to the right.

    It began with a single chord on guitar. And then an inhale, close to the mic.

        I live in a city where the sun 'always shines'

    That is one sexy-ass voice...

        And I wake in the morning but I don't go outside,

        There's rain in my shoes and my teeth and my toes,

        So I wake in the morning but nobody knows.

    I was listening intently now and when I looked over at Sam, my mouth gasping even though we were eating, she was smiling ear-to-ear and nodding. Knowing. 

        It's June in September and August and Fall,

        And I'm locked behind walls for each of them all,

        If it's sunny all year is it ever at all?

        Wake me up when we head into Fall.

        Sun or...or no fuckin' sun, doll. 

    After that bit, I'd had enough and I reached over, turning it down with a trembling hand. I felt like I was eight years old again. My first boy band. 

    He said my name...

    "Sam, who is that? I didn't know you were into stuff like this!" I could feel the smile in my stiffening cheeks, pulled tight. 

    "You had to pass the cool-enough probationary period before I could show you the local music," she giggled and I reached over, nudging her shoulder. Sam's eyes sparkled, joking.

    "It's Cervix Destruction. Most of their stuff is heavier than this. They're Midwest Emo; think Folk meet Punk... or something... It's hard to explain, but you know it when you hear it." She looked into my eyes for understanding and I nodded, confused.

"Benji's roommate sings that song, actually. They're really nice guys," she chirped before taking another bite of pizza.

Huh, so this is the infamous Cervix Destruction. 

I recognized the name from a death-scrawled bumper sticker on her back windshield.

I assumed it was a metal group...

    "Can you show me some of their other music? Or, uh. His Instagram?" I asked before taking a sip of my bottled Coke, washing down the lodged pizza dough in my throat.

    Sam giggled.

    "It'll be better if you wait. I was showing you them because they have a show at eight on Sunday night, and I want you to join me and Benji. We'll all crash at his place after the trip, anyways. The local sex shop is hosting them."

Oh my gosh! Sex on the Beach! 

I remembered passing the neon-lighted shop on our way into town.

Was that really only three days ago?

    I was speechless for a moment. This was also the first I was hearing of Sam joining for the psychedelic adventure on Saturday.

    Why is she so cool?

    "Honestly, I would love nothing more. Thank you," I said, meaning it.

    By now, we'd both ceased our cheese-induced carnage as we tossed our paper plates onto the one remaining pizza slice and closed the box, sliding it into the back seat.

    "You think you're ready?" Sam asked me.

    "I don't know," I answered, but I threw the car into reverse.

Folk music, but sadly not Cervix Destruction, continued to bounce around the car, but even they couldn't save me from the inevitable. The crackling and jostling of tires over the shell-driveway alerted a napping Sam, and she yawned, rubbing her eyes. She took a deep breath.

    "Alright girl, let's get our emotional damage on. Want me to lead the way?" Sam cocked her head to the side, red-rimmed eyes concerned, but a soft smile on her lips. The top half of her hair was in a bun.

    "I'll lead, thanks though," I said, terrified.

    As we walked up the white spiral staircase to the front door, we used quiet feet as we attempted to make out the indistinct yelling inside, mostly coming from Pearl's throat. I knew it was her, but I thought that it wasn't. Personality post-nose job. Botched.

When we reached the top of the stairs, Perry's voice came into earshot. 

    "... No, Pearl. It's not happening and you know it's not happening. My parents have complete control here! I'm not going to risk my future for a chance with my high school crush!"

    "Perry... This is more than that and you know it! I already lost everything!" Her voice broke into a scream and I stepped back, surprised. My shoe bumped into the guard rail, thudding. I held my breath.

    "Oh, can it. We both know you're better off without that bit-"

    Aw, they're talking about me...

        "Shh! I heard something outside," Pearl spat.

    Sam and I locked eyes. We both knew it, like Scooby and Shaggy.

Ruh-Roh!

    We're fucked!

    "Yeah, we heard! What of it!" Sam yelled out of nowhere and I jerked my head, bewildered. She lazily grinned back at me, giving me two thumbs up. In the afternoon lighting, the highlights of her maroon twists were pink in color. It made me smile. 

    "Yeah!" I shouted because I could, walking up and pounding on the stained-glass front door with the side of my clenched fist. Sam 'whooped' in excitement.

    Pearl swung the door open, already pissed.

    "And you! What the fuck is your problem? A lifetime of friendship and now you're dodging my calls? What if something happened to you?" She yelled, teeth bared and waving her arms around frantically. 

She has buck-teeth. Never noticed that before...

"Something did happen to me! You did! You wouldn't even be here if it weren't for-"

"There it is!" Pearl shrieked. "Mrs. Donna Wells, your honor. I can pick her out of a lineup!" She raised a trembling finger to my tearing up face.

    I hate that she has a point... and she can't even read my mind.

    "I'm not doing this, Pearl," I spat. "I'm getting my stuff and leaving. Dean leaves on Friday and you're going with him."

    "Yes ma'am!" Sam chimed in from behind me.

    "Actually, she's not," Perry said from the kitchen and Pearl stepped back reluctantly, letting us enter to speak with him.

    Sam plopped onto the white leather couch, ready for a show.

   She got one. 

    "I'm just as entitled as you are to have guests," Perry explained calmly. "If not more because my dad paid for it. She can be my guest now." He was leaning forward, resting his weight on all-ten-of-his-fingertips before pushing himself up, tossing his blonde hair. It would've been a 'slay' moment if it hadn't been happening to me.

    Sam stifled a laugh and Pearl shot her a venomous look, downturned black-cored eyes. Shooting to kill.

"I can't just crash on Sam's fucking couch all summer! And I won't live with both of you," I explained, crossing my arms against my chest. The movement of the oversized black t-shirt that I'd pulled from the trunk of Sam's car must've exposed my false pee spot, because Perry pointed at my crotch, making a disgusted face.

"It's garlic butter, stay focused!" Sam coached from the side-line and all three of us nodded. The air had lightened slightly and I thought that I saw Pearl smile.

    "We could make up? Talk it out?" Pearl peeped, shocking everyone. I stepped forward.

    "I'm sorry. The one thing I do know is that I'm not ready for all that. I'm just... I'm just gunna stay at Sam's for... a few days-"

    "I'll bring her home sometime next week. Sooner or later in the week. Whichever," Sam piped up, giving me more time to avoid the situation. I gave her a grateful look. She felt it. 

Pearl's nostrils flared.

    "I'll just get my stuff and get on my way. We all need some time to calm down and figure things out," I said before grabbing Sam's clammy hand and marching into my bedroom to grab my mostly-packed suitcase. I tried to ignore the unmade bed.

Toiletries and suitcase handle in hand, I took my last look at 1255 Bud Ln. for a while.

And Pearl took her last look at me for a while.