With a couple of air mattresses blown up and Benji's baby blue hammock strung between the broad trunk of two Spanish-moss covered trees in the front yard, the eight of us were settling in for the greatest drunken slumber party of our lives. 

I was relieved that I, for one, would not be participating in the intimate sleeping arrangement in the living room. My freshly washed sheets were calling my name. A safe recluse from Nate.

"Gather 'round! Gather 'round!" Perry's voice hollered from the breakfast nook, a small off-shoot from the kitchen with a round glass table and chairs. In order to accommodate the eight people there that night, we had pulled out three folding beach chairs earlier in the evening. 

Rounding the end of the couch, I saw the only seat left: a folding chair in the back right corner. I stiffened when I realized that I'd be sitting next to Nate, Sam was a sight for sore eyes on the other side. 

The night began.

During Never Have I Ever we learned that Sam had a pregnancy scare with a B-list rock star whose identity she couldn't disclose for 'legal reasons.' And that Nate had never watched lesbian porn, while everyone else had at least once. Fascinating, intellectual stuff. 

When we had to waterfall, not ending our chug until the person who drew the card ended theirs, Johnny kept us all drinking for an unreasonable amount of time. We were drunk. Giggly. 

It felt like having Friends.

Or it would've, if I hadn't been a little distracted.,

My heart was thumping in my ears, drowning out the chatter and waves of psychedelic rock mixing around me. I was consumed by my own thoughts of the practiced way that Nate's hand slid across the table, tucking a downturned card into his thick palm. 

I remembered how my skin had tingled earlier, vibrating in the roots of my bones, when a single finger of his grazed against my arm.

When Nate's voice struck my muted eardrums, my eyes snapped to his face, grateful for an excuse to look.

"Two," he slurred, spinning the card to show everyone. He looked around, unsure of the card's meaning and waiting for clarification.

"You," Sam rhymed giddily. "It means you have to choose someone to drink."

"June," his gruff voice said nonchalantly. 

I forgot how to breathe. 

Why does it feel so good to hear my name fall from his lips?

Sam tapped me on the shoulder and I jumped, releasing my held breath. 

"You gotta drink, hon."

With a less-than steady hand, I took a large swig of jungle juice, licking myself after to avoid leaving a sticky residue on my cracked lips. I was vaguely aware that I was acting strange, but quite frankly everyone was at this point. 'King's Cup' is a fast track to blacking out if you play it with the right crowd.

And I was playing it with the right crowd.

By ten, we were too trashed to remember that we'd even been playing a game in the first place. Our gaggle of eight duck-walked down the back staircase with clunky flip-flops, following the sound of the water. Cheerful conversation erupted from the clusters of drunken friends walking the beach, using their phones as flashlights. I hung back to talk to Benji.

"I wanted to uh... apologize. I know Nate and I put you in an awkward position last night ... fighting like that and involving you... I'm sorry," I reached out awkwardly, patting the side of Benji's arm. 

"And uh... thank you."

Benji laughed.

"Don't sweat it. I'm a bartender; I'm used to it," he slurred. "Plus, if I have to be collateral damage in whatever Jane Austen ass shit the two of you have goin' on, then... so be it."

I smacked his chest firmly, shushing him. He grinned back, holding his hands up innocently.

With the rest of the group finally out of earshot, the two of us began to slowly stroll along the shoreline, stopping occasionally to dip our toes in. It was far from my first drunken night at the beach, but it was the darkest.

Without the typical rows of hotels and motels, casting a neon haze that drowns out the dark of night, I could see a vast peppering of distant suns. 

When was the last time that I looked at the stars?

Moonlight crested the muted peaks of distant waves. I took a mental screenshot of every detail of the dark blue-jean sky and the grey-scale sanded beach, hoping to still remember this moment in the morning. It was a good one.  

Eventually Benji and I settled on a mossy log, not yet dragged off into the treeline. I was enjoying the bartender's company.

Why do I like everyone here?

I Noticed Benji's stretched lobes, pink metallic rings outlining the inside of the quarter-of-an-inch holes and I grimaced.

How could someone so attractive do that to themselves?

As soon as the thought crossed my mind, I felt a twinge of guilt. I shock my head.

"Is it that obvious that I'm into him?" I peeped.

I was expecting him to laugh at me, because that seemed to be the common reaction to everything around here, but he didn't. Instead, he sat thinking.

"Well, is it obvious that I'm into Jack?" he replied, scanning my face.

"Jack?" I hummed, confused.

"What? It's Jack right? Your tall friend... the one who got here today?"

I had completely forgotten that we'd used a fake name for Dean.

He's staring at me. I have to say something...

"Oh! Ha, um. I'm just... a little high. But, um. Honestly, I had no idea that you had a crush on De- on de Jack," I recovered relatively smoothly.

"The problem is," Benji paused, taking a few deep breaths. I stared down at his lap, where he was now peeling a chunk of bark like an onion, layer by cracking layer. His fingers moved with nervous intention.

"The problem is that Sam and I have been... hooking up for a while. I thought maybe... I thought maybe it would be more, but it isn't," his voice was beginning to break and I reached out, pulling a hand from the bark and into mine. It was a surprisingly warm gesture, and with the kinda-stranger's hand in mine, I felt a sense of platonic intimacy. We saw each other.

"Things with her are... not going to be progressing. I want to move on. I know she already has," Benji put on a brave face as he spoke, but he trembled in my grip. I rubbed the back of his hand with my thumb.

"It's up to him obviously, but I think it's worth a shot if you wanna ask... Jack on a date or for a hook-up. W-Whatever the vibe is. Worst case scenario, he says n-no," I assured him. Nearby, a train passed through town, putting a momentary pause on our conversation.

My eyes were drawn once again to the sky and I drank the chilly night air, stars and all. I breathed in the moment and the beach and my final months before 'the rest of my life.' I was beginning to feel relieved that I would spend those months here.

Maybe Dolphin Coast isn't so bad, after all.

"I think I'll take your advice, and I think that you should at least consider mine," Benji started once the rush of tracks faded back into the ocean. I leaned in to listen.

"I want you to consider doing shrooms," he nodded his head confidently. He stared at me with clear-ish eyes. Serious. I giggled as him, waving a dismissive hand. 

"Before you say no, it wouldn't be my first rodeo trip-sitting. No one has had a bad trip in my care. And we'll start you on a beginner's dose: one gram. It shouldn't be... too intense. Just do your own research and get back to me. I'm getting a small group together. Next Saturday at my place. Ten dollars a gram." Benji eyed my face carefully as he rambled from his mental script. I smiled back.

Jackpot! Found the local drug dealer.

I sat there for a moment contemplating. Weed was one thing; psychedelics were another, but I wasn't sure that I was opposed to being reckless with myself anymore. The thought was unsettling, an impending pit of despair, and I pushed it to the back of my mind.  My smile barely wavered. 

"Fuck yeah! What's y-your venmo?" I agreed cheerfully, pulling my phone from my back pocket. 

Before the end of the night, Benji and 'Jack' had found comfort in each other's embrace, leaving Sam to return to the lap of Perry. The couples had gone off to their respective locations for the night. Like a finely tuned machine, it fell into place perfectly for almost everyone.

Perry and Sam had run to his bedroom, cheering hand-in-hand in front of the entire group. 

As the door was shutting to his room, Sam had called out, "We should do the gift exchange in the morning!" I whooped in agreement but Pearl didn't say anything. 

Dean ubered himself and Benji to Dean's hotel room.

And Pearl and Johnny were in my bed... again.

When the night was wrapping up and the slumber party ceased to exist, Pearl had pulled me into my bedroom, tears welling up in her dark brown eyes. Her skin was porcelain and her eyes were molten glass. Bubbling.

"I know I haven't... been the best friend... this trip. And I know I'm in no position to ask this of you," Pearl's voice was strained, desperate. Her eyelashes threatened to drip.

"Pearl, what's going on with you?" I asked, crossing my arms against my chest. It seemed a little too convenient that she decided to apologize when she needed something from me.

"I can't tell you!" Pearl blurted out as hot tears began to roll down her inflamed cheeks. "I just need you to trust me when I tell you that I need this!"

"And by this you mean you need to fuck Johnny in my bed?" I asked. Confusion, concern and frustration took turns at the center of my emotional experience. I blinked at her rapidly. The flutter of the eyelid. 

"I know it doesn't make sense. I just can't tell you now... I will tell you... I just... Please, June. I'll make it up to you," she continued to beg, following me around and not giving me space as I attempted to walk away from her. It was suffocating. 

I wasn't comfortable with the idea of spending the night out in the living room with the asshole who had done nothing but lead me on and speak in riddles. Nate seemed to enjoy causing me confusion and discomfort. It wasn't healthy for me. 

I tried to ignore the way I was set aglow by the idea of sleeping in the same room as him and I rubbed my chest with a firm hand, stifling it. 

How I feel doesn't matter. I need to stop giving him the opportunity to toy with me. 

On the other hand, Pearl and I were always supportive of each other, and I'd never seen her so bent out of shape over a guy. Historically, crushes were few and far between for her. And always short-lived. Maybe Johnny was different. 

"He must be very special to you. Fine," I agreed defeatedly and Pearl pulled me in for a bone-wringing hug. I didn't hug her back.

She didn't seem to notice.

"Thank you! I'll make it up to you," Pearl chirped after she released me, consoled in an instant and dabbing the corners of her eyes in her compact mirror.

For the first time in our lives, I eyed her skeptically.

"Alright, well. Goodnight," I said drearily as I headed for the door, hoping for some remorse from my best friend. Maybe an apology. An explanation. My fucking bed back.

"Night," she replied, throwing herself onto my bed with the distinct scrunch of springs which I had yet to experience. I managed to hold my tongue as I exited my bedroom, but my tolerance for bullshit was depleted. Critically low levels.

Nate eyed me blankly, rudely from the far corner of the sectional and I was bone-dry. I snapped.

"I think I'm over this whole dark, brooding, mysterious..." I paused, pointing a drunken finger at him vaguely, gesturing it from head to toe before finishing with a spiteful, "thing."

In his intoxicated state, I had successfully made him feel vulnerable. Or at least, I'd thrown him off. He was looking around, uncertain and uneased. 

"I'm done letting you toy with me and my emotions. So either go to sleep and never see me again, or come walk the beach with me." I began pacing back and forth in front of him, occasionally shooting pointed looks his direction.  

 "Smoke a fucking joint. Relax! " I continued and he rolled his eyes at me. In response, I got louder. 

"Tell me what the fuck is up, because I think whatever the fuck was going on before was unfair!" I waved my hands around as I spoke, clumsy and uneven in my drunken stupor. Johnny, who I had forgotten about, made a panicked dash from the kitchen to my bedroom.

"Sorry!" He peeped, quietly closing the door behind him. 

The wicker fan overhead's air on my raw eyes made them water. I wiped a stray tear.

Nate remained silent for a moment, contemplating with a clenched jaw before speaking.

"Fine. Let's go."