ooblivioon

I'm sure everyone is eager to be in my line up of SYWAR stories. Today's Review's will be back to back don't get whip lash...OOKAY

LET BEGIN!!

First and foremost, this author is a rookie. I say this for anyone who thinks I'm just swinging my sledge hammer of judgment about with no care for Authors feelings.

Okay~~~good. *swipes brow*

So this author clearly needs a beta, which isn't something to be ashamed of. A lot of people need that extra person who looks over their work and tells them; No, put a comma. Hey, don't write that word. I heavily, heavily recommend this writer get a beta. (Clearly this is the first time, I emphasized this, which means I mean it.)

No pouty faces people!! The fanfiction review, needed the same work -ing here, and -ed there, and a paragraph that needs rewriting. (Which this story needs, but that's for the author when they wish to do so) SO...if you are a GN or have nero like obsession with the mechanics of writing, either; A: volunteer your services, or B: stay away! (save your contempt for someone else, and your flames for hell)

Now, enough about the obvious!!

I can only bore myself  to death in a paragraph ½ with my own monologue.

The first chapter gives view to two girls playing hide and seek in the woods. Now, the use of bad language would put them in the 'TEEN' Bracket, but the author fails to make that clear.

I NEED MORE INFO!!

Then again, there are plenty of stories that start off with little info which trick us readers into continuing, the only point is it worth it past this first chapter... Well YES!! I was interested. "Why are they in the woods?" "Where are they?" "Ooh, taking of blood, why?" (Yes, Yes I know my taste are dark *sticks tongue out* At least I write romance)

Side note: I like the characters' communication. I really wish the author could be more formal in telling ((EX: Describing the scenes, and details of people in general, not the man ((UGH Paragraph description again)) the story, while a maintaining the same uniqueness in speech of her characters.

"OOH Ra~~~res, wats zhat?" *blink blink*

Nice back and Forth!! THUMBS UP!! The author is actually pretty good with conversation. I can clearly tell where she just wrote, and wasn't' trying to write.

Side note (YEAS ANOTHER ONE!!): I believe the flaw is that this author is "Trying" to write, instead of just writing and letting it flow. Sometimes we try to write like the people we read, for instance the Author from Review 4 is the type that has a steady hand at language use, and can use it with an accuracy of magician, but that's her capability.

It's her voice.

I don't have that voice, and if I tried to do it, it would be horrible, HORRIBLE.!! Just imagining writing Wolfs bride like that makes me shudder. *Brr* I suggest this author free write, about something, anything then compare it to when she is "Trying" to write she'll instinctively know the difference.

Anyway, this story has humor and I'm sucker for humor (despite my dark tendencies) she has a grasp her characters that will grow more and more as she writes.

Damn, Rey you trying to get you and your friend killed. Nope, bitch better jump on her own. I would sit in my chair, stare straight ahead my answers would be a sharp. "Yes, sir." "No, sir." Nothing more or less.

Okay, the whole scene between the girl and guys is funny but----um, don't please for the gods, don't not edit where the guys tell her, they'll be made emotionless and live there forever. I think there should be mystery to why they are there, and more—more—darkness, thriller.

Give me unanswered questions, and hefty amounts of humor balanced with Angst. And This Author is so good with Characters, she could do it, I believe with more experience this story could be re-edited into something wonderful.

Sooo.... I'm at the chapter, #3 where I stop, that's as far as I got. But does my yammerings mean you should not go and read it for yourself~~~NOPE!

Go and check it out, it's the book a writer reads to get back to their roots. Something that sends a more experienced writer on a path of nostalgia. LAND OF THE MESSIAHS (Points for the name!!)

NO~W, SYWAR THAT HONESTY!!