GraceNightingale

Sometimes there are Authors who are amazingly capable of writing, they have an amazing grasp on the human language and can really build a scene with a slight of hand that I ENVY!!! But--But their story, won't have a really high volume of reads. 

This  Author in the first chapter, uses captivating language that I truly enjoy, I am mesmerized then,THEEEEN I slowly but surely became weary. 

The first chapter is pretty much an intro, that takes you into a dream world....and then I'm bored... I know~~~how could I find myself drifting off, well here is the problem even if it was a dream state I believe the scene would have served to be more exciting if it had started with the argument with the boys that led the main character to getting chase. 

WHY?!! Because humans have a short attention span, we need excitement to jolt us awake and make us pay attention.

I can't bash the authors writing, it's legit and the idea is awesomely original (maybe sorta relates to Percy Jackson) but for once it isn't "Girl meets ALpha/ Girl is Bad Ass" The situation the characters is living in is awesome (not the homelessness, the uniqueness is what I love.)

Yet, the "Humor" isn't there, nothing that makes me burst into laughter, or snarl in anger. I'll put it this way, when you send in a manuscript you've only fifty pages to capture the Agent or Publishers attention, this I don't think would. Then again, it isn't a romance its a real story. So the requirements differ but writers must remember their audience, Wattpad Audience are like puppies you have to keep throwing surprises, and balls for them to jump up and down for it. 

Sure edit it to be more methodical, and thoughtful for the masses but for wattpad you need action, and raw satire humor that's obvious and not a code like sarcasm that only you're family would understand, (guilty of this lol, my friends don't  get half my jokes.)

Now by Chapter 3 we get the glory of ACTION an exciting chase, that makes you wonder all sort of things and has you on the edge of your seat, yet, yet maybe its the constant chatter of character whose telling us everything. I think I would enjoy alot more scenes involving conversation, and that I think would give spice if there was  saucy characters to add their spiel. 

Anyway..ANYWAYSSS this story I can not say is bad...and judgment wise this writer in solid, I would suggest she get rid of all the tags and simply put Teen fiction and Adventure...those two would at-least get her more views as well as her numbered. (#blah blah)

Should also, say (BM) I wanted a start a movement outside of BWWM ...BM means Black main character,  not romance, but that the main character is black...Sorta think that bwwm is slowly but surely going to have to realize those are not the only stories to read involving , black characters. 

This story is GREAT!!! for serious readers, I'm talking you want an actual story, and your not trying to have something cheep. This is perfect when your at work but have nothing else to do and you want to improve your I.Q.

Again no more spoilers, I got to chapter three, because action whirled me and I enjoyed it...So Don't only believe me go CHECK IT OUT, RACK CITY : Return of Titans YOOT