HafsaWaseemShahKhan

Another one for the day...kind...a~ told people I would do their reviews today keke...hahaha !

Anway~~~! Moving on~.

TITLE: PRETTY AMY

BY: HAFSAWASEEMSHAHKHAN

....yes, that is her name...

SUMMARY: Made it to what's hot list :D proud mama *cries tears of joy*

William Pretty Amy Delton, Earl of Cambridge was cursed with the palest blond hair that every woman in ton wants and looks that even the Greek goddess Hera would kill for but it doesn't mean that everyone has to like him. To counter his awfully good looks, the Earl wears a constant frown and speaks in short clipped sentences and that endeared him to no one.

Lady George (short for Georgina) stands out like a sore thumb in her family with her unfashionable brown hair and hoyden like ways. When her father is killed, she recruits her most trusted friend to help her solve the mystery that the police won't touch. Join us as two unlikely companions join forces towards a common goal

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"You don't have to rescue me from my destructive self every time", She said with a smile.

"It's a pleasure, always. I have decided that I want to save damsels in distress for a living anyways, have you forgotten already," William's smile was so big that it was a miracle that his jaw didn't hurt.

^^^^FIXED IT, THE QUOTES FROM COPYING AND PASTING, ADDED COMMAS AND THE QUOTATIEN THINGYS AT THE TOP, CORRECTED HOYDEN AND ...CONTINUING ON...

Chapter One

...He knew his wife well after___"fill in number"years of marriage. (EX)

....(Ex) Emboldened by her husband's confidence, and rather impressive speech ...Lady "Name" Lifted her chin and straightened.

Okay....Okay... *Waving Arms* all stop!

This scene should have been longer, with the mother bemoaning her daughters probable ruin and her father determinedly trying not to allow his wife's wild musings to discourage their mother.

Georgiana could have said something sarcastic and funny.... this is the first scene and you ran through it too fast.

This! Is where we get a glimpse of a character's personality...but you ended everything easily.

(Not at the end yet) but the beginning should have been stretched out.

EX: Crawford ball would be declared the following day a success. The crush of guest, would be bragged about all season. And the whispered gossip would be muttered about for days. As anyone, and every one of the intimate clas of Haut ton had shown themselves this night for Lady's.... ball.

^^^See...the difference, when you switch remember the voice of jane austens story telling, K?

NO! " She's a woman herself?!

You cannot force your opinion into your stories...you character can share your ideals, but you cannot barge into your story verbage with your own thoughts....be lighter with them.

Okay, so....For both chapter two and One...I'll need you to do some research on HOW to tell the story. There are words that disturb the tense of the sentence...EX>>>> Lady Georgiana cursed her bad luck, this night seemed determined to be a bad one. What with the mother and son duo looking for her, she'd taken drastic measures and climbed into some shrubbery, but sadly her dress or more so the pink be-ribbon'ed monstrosity had gotten caught in the branches, Tired, irritated and frustrated she jerked on it, hard...only for it to release a loud tearing sound...

Author Opinion...So, I'm thinking what's happening here is that the writer is trying to write in that British, regency flow, but her loose grasp of it, is making the story telling awkward due to the thrown in modern verbage, and misplace words. 

So my suggestions are A; Re-read at some point, your chapters.... definitely, and out loud.

B; Lisa Kleypas and Elizabeth Boyle...Those two will bring your lit voice up, and out. Their voice is very well done ...Stephan Laurens is good to but...lol her books can be long and weighty.

So I really, really want this writer to look into those stories and gain some understanding of what I'm seeing...

ANYWAY...WE'VE COME TO THE END...THIS STORY DOES HAVE THE POSSIBILITY OF BEING VERY AMUSING, AND I CAN'T WAIT TO READ IT ONCE THE VOICE, AND STORY TELLING HAve BEEN WORKED ON.

Love it...HATE IT...COMENT!

SYWAR OUT!